--August 2017--

A week after enlisting Chang-wook realised that not being in a relationship was a good thing. His fellow soldiers with girlfriends, and a few with wives struggled with homesickness and not being allowed to contact loved ones as easily as before. To prevent himself from missing Ji-hyun too much he put off reading or even looking at the books.

“Ah. They were given to me by a friend who thinks I haven’t read a book ever,” he explained to he bunkmate. But when someone asked to borrow them he gave a different answer, “They are all boring books about military history that my friend thought would be funny to give me. You can but… well, I had a look and they are boring.”

With everything going on it would be hard to say that he missed her—he didn’t have time to miss anyone. But every time he opened his locker and saw the bag a little twinge of regret pinched at his heart. Had he done the right thing? She was younger and inexperienced and on reflection, he wondered if he had rushed their relationship when he should have. Should have what? Held back? Not confessed? He remembered his last dinner with Stylist-noona before he enlisted. It had been a hot, sunny afternoon on a rooftop terrace cafe. He remembered the feeling of the sun on his face, the cold bitterness of the iced americano, and smell of Hibiscus and lemons. It was his favourite spot in Seoul because only a handful of people had access to it. Occasionally there would be someone else but the rule was that you didn’t greet anyone else. Privacy was the luxury offered here. It was why he had asked for them to meet there. They had talked about a lot of things but the most important was the conversation they had about Ji-hyun.

“I can’t always read her, understand what she is thinking. I know that she is smarter than I am. You can just tell by talking to her. But she is also naive. She hasn’t had to work at acting like some other actresses. She does things her way, and people love her for it. At the same time…”

“She isn’t always promoting herself? She is like a normal girl?”

“Yes. It would be like dating a non-celebrity. An award-winning actress who acts like the girl next door.”

“Chang-wook. When was the last time you knew ‘the girl next door’?” his noona asked. “But you are right. She has managed to avoid the spotlight. She doesn’t court it. And you have to thank her mother for that. For protecting her and making sure that she lived a normal life.”

“That is the other thing. Noona. I don’t think that her mother would approve of me. I have a reputation.”

“I’m sick of hearing about your reputation. You have lived your life. You have worked hard. There is nothing wrong about a man in his twenties having a life! Seriously. Have you done anything criminal? No. Have you hurt a woman? No. Have you broken some hearts? Yes. But so have many other men.”

“I don’t want to be a burden to her. If she thinks that I am waiting for her, I don’t want her to put her life on hold for me,” He said. 

“Have you told her that?”

“Yes.”

And he had meant it. 

Nevertheless, he hoped to hear from her. 

Stylist-noona had promised to send pictures of her dog. And while those are there, included is another letter in Ji-hyun’s handwriting, which she addressed to penpal oppa. She updates him about school, the weather, how boring it is now that the show has ended. She tells him to stay healthy so that he can buy her that delicious meal he promised. She asks if he liked his special present. He wonders what she means but that night opens one of the books and sees she has left little notes and doodles for him. It is the best possible inducement to read the books carefully scanning for any hint of her.  

His favourite was a little sketch of a cat with little flies around it and a handsome looking dog with little hearts around it. Based on all of her other doodles he could tell that this one was purposefully child-like. On the back the note reads:

Orabeoni.

Me and You. Dirty and Pretty. <3

—November 2017--

Ji-hyun sat in the library with her head over a book and completely unable to focus on her studies. Yesterday Stylist-eonnie had about forgetting Chang-wook. She had smiled and laughed but inside wondered if it was true. She hadn’t forgotten about him but she did feel forgotten. Even though Stylist-eonnie had received a letter, hers had never materialised. At first, she thought that he might send her one through their stylist but he never did. There had been the flowers on her birthday but those could have been organised by anyone—and she suspected it was Stylist-eonnie who had picked them out. Now it was the beginning of November and she still hadn’t heard from him. 

“Eonnie,” She said. “Eonnie, I didn’t forget about him… he forgot about me.”

“Ji-hyun. What are you talking about?” The older woman sounded concerned.

“I just need to focus on studying. Look. I’m sorry. It just feels so different. Normally, you know, I like to go back to school but it feels like something is missing.” Ji-hyun sniffed. While another actress might cry, Ji-hyun sniffed. It was endearing and heartbreaking.

“Let’s have some tea.”

They went into the back office and sat next to each other on the sofa. When Ji-hyun had relaxed enough to leave, her protective fairy-godmother wrote a letter to Chang-wook that would have scared the devil. If he didn’t write to her, she would personally come to the camp and tell his commanding officer to make him… She wasn’t sure what to write but settled for running laps in all of his military kit because that is what she remembered from DOTS. She didn’t dare ask Ji-hyun if she had received a letter from Chang-wook unless he didn’t send one at all. Because, if truth be told, she had never imagined that he wasn’t writing to her. 

A week later she checked instagram to see a photograph of Ji-hyun smiling after being caught in the rain. A few minutes later she received a message: ‘He remembers me. He didn’t want to burden me with his feelings.’ On its own, it sounded heartbreaking, an uncanny mirroring of their characters’ relationship. Ji-hyun’s message continued: what they needed but had never had was time. Time spent with each other outside of the confines of the set or letters. Just the two of them, that was the only way they could build a relationship. And she didn’t know how they were going to manage that.

What Ji-hyun didn’t mention to anyone though, are the messages she received from a few of her past costars. In-guk oppa, in particular, likes to “complain” that she never kissed him like that. Kang Ha-nuel also thought it was funny. He complained that as the only person in the world who had kissed both of them, he thought it was unfair that they had more chemistry with each other than they had ever had with him. It seemed strange to her that they would even remember those kisses with her. She responded good-humouredly “Jealous?”. And all but one responded with a laugh and a no. All except one, who replied, “of course.” She assumed he was teasing her and put it out of her mind. 

--March 2018--

Ji-hyun sat down at her desk with a piece of paper in front of her.

Orabeoni! You will hear about this in the news and I hope that you will be happy for me. I am going to star in a new drama! It is a sageuk mystery and roco. D.O. from EXO plays the prince who loses his memory and becomes my husband for 100 Days. I am finally going to be a wife. I am sorry that this is so short but I must give it to eonnie so that it can arrive with her package. Oh, and I hope you like the new book. It was harder than I expected to find a copy in Korean.

She folded the page and stuck it in the book before wrapping them in a pale blue paper. She could have written something longer but didn’t know what to say. It would be complicated to explain all the ins and outs of the new drama. That it would be pre-produced so she would not know what it would look like until it started airing in the Fall. If she was honest their letters were getting less frequent and less thrilling to receive. While her life was busy it wasn’t exciting and nor was his. They had their routines and the only thing special that they talked about were the books she sent him. He would write back asking her questions that she never had time to answer. Or she would ask him what he had thought of such-and-such a book, only for him to say that he hadn’t read it yet. 

When Chang-wook received the letter and book the first thing he did was look up the idol who was cast opposite her. It was strange to think that she would be moving on when his own life felt like it was on hold. Other celebrities had said the same thing. When you enlisted it took time to relearn how to live outside of the spotlight. The men around him were significantly younger. No, they were her age but Ji-hyun was mature beyond her years. He couldn’t compare her to the rambunctious, sometimes foul-mouthed, man-boys. Would this idol be like them? Younger and more open than he was? but browsing through music videos, the idol looks quiet. Nothing is exciting about him. He isn’t someone for Ji-hyun to worry over. Chang-wook realised that being hopeless might be the best thing in the world. 

--May 2018--

The months had flown by for Ji-hyun. She was busy with school work, busy preparing for the drama. When she remembered to write Chang-wook orabeoni and when he remembered to respond, it was always short but crammed with information.

“Well this was a mistake,” Stylist-eonnie complained to Chi-gu one day.

“What? Trying to set up Chang-wook and Ji-hyun? Of course, it was.”

“But they are so good together.”

“Noona, It doesn’t matter how good they are together. If they only knew each other for six months before he enlisted,” Chi-gu said. “I think you got your hopes up. Now don’t get me wrong. I haven’t seen him like this for any girl before. And she seems nice. Really level-headed. That doesn’t make the timing right.”

“I’m going…”

“Don’t force them Noona. That is the worst thing we could do. We both want them to be happy but let’s not force things.”

“Fine,” the older woman snapped. She knew he was correct. Forcing the issue would put both of them off. Chang-wook would feel like he was caged and Ji-hyun would question whether she liked him because she was being told to like him or because she liked him. Nevertheless, she saw an opportunity to throw them together again. Chang-wook was up for leave and had let Ji-hyun and his noona know. 

“Ji-hyun! TELL HIM THAT YOU ARE TOO BUSY TO SEE HIM!” her eonnie shouted into her phone.

“Eonnie! You don’t need to shout. Why? I am. And I would like to see him!”

“And how my little cabbage will you do that? Hmmm and not get caught?” Fairy-godmother-eonnie asked.

“I…”

“Let me take care of it. Come over for dinner. You know I’ve been meaning to have you over for AGES. I’ll make your favourites.”

“Are you saying he will be there.”

“Of course!”

“Of course! hahaha. Eonnie, you really are the worst.” Ji-hyun laughed. She had finally cornered the in-demand stylist to ask if there was any truth in what In-guk oppa had said. Was it true that eonnie was setting them up? And it was true. Ji-hyun still smiled when she thought about it. Normally she thought of herself as an average girl but now… perhaps she was going to get a magical happily-ever-after.

On the night she would be seeing Chang-wook oppa, Ji-hyun stood in front of her mirror considering her outfits. She scratched her head, messing up her hair, “Aish,” she muttered. In the end, she closed her eyes and pointed at random. Her finger landed a dress. A dress? She thought. Maybe. She was always wearing jeans these days but it was getting warmer and she had bought a couple of dresses anticipating the hot summer days. This one was pink with large polka-dots in browns and blues and yellows. There were big black buttons on the back that she struggled a little to do them up but once she could look at herself in the mirror. It was, she decided, that this was a risk. She looked feminine but worried that the colour made her look too young. Would he see her and think that… No. Let’s keep a positive mindset Hyunnie… she told herself. She waved to her eomma and appa and promised to be home on time. 

“Take a taxi home!” Her appa shouted at her as she put on a pair of comfy sneakers.

Eonnie’s apartment was a beautiful mixture of modern minimalism and then large squashy cushions. 

“Where is…?” Ji-hyun asked looking around for the little fluffy puppy she preferred to call Snow than its given name.

“Oh, he isn’t here yet!”

“Ah.” Ji-hyun was about to ask if she could do anything to help when the door buzzer broke through the calm.

“Wookie! Come Up!” 

Ji-hyun watched the door in anticipation.

“Come here. Sit. Take this.” Eonnie pushed a glass of wine into her hand and shoved her towards the kitchen. “Here.”

The doorbell interrupted them. Ji-hyun looked into her glass. She could hear the door open and Chang-wook’s laugh. She could also hear Chi-gu. It wouldn’t just be them which was a relief.

“Wookie!”

“Noona! Thank you for this. I would have been heartbroken if I hadn’t seen you.”

“Flatterer! Come in Chi-gu. Let me take that. Oh you didn’t have to bring anything.”

Not being able to see anything was starting to give Ji-hyun premature grey hair. She gulped the wine and then a big breath.

“Oppa, Chi-gu. Surprise!”

Ji-hyun wasn’t sure what she’d expected but it wasn’t silence. Chang-wook stood with one foot in a slipper, the other was stuck in his sneaker with an arm thrown out to prop himself up while he struggled.

“Hyunnie! Come here. Give me a hug!” Chi-gu pushed Chang-wook out of the way. He didn’t care if his friend was now sprawled on the floor. It had been ten months since he had last seen her. 

“Chi-gu oppa!!!” Ji-hyun laughed running up to him. Instead of giving her a hug he ruffled her hair. “If I hug you, lover boy might show us some of what he has learnt in basic training.”

By then Chang-wook had gotten himself sorted. He had both feet in slippers and his shirt was straight. His head was spinning. Ji-hyun was right in front of him. Her hair was its natural black now rather than a warm walnut. She was wearing a dress that made her look more feminine than he remembered. Her eyes were sparkling and her smile…

“Oppa, are you going to say hello to me?” She asked. He hadn’t realised how close she was until that moment. Standing right in front of him. Her hand was pulling at his sleeve. “Oppa… Orabeoni? Chang-wook-sshi?”

“I missed you,” he whispered and then pulled her into a tight hug. Chang-wook rested his cheek on her head. His vacation had been perfect without seeing her but this was too sweet a moment. Held her tighter when he felt her arms circle his waist. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” she said and he saw little tears in her eyes.

“Come on! We are on the terrace! You need to eat!” Chi-gu called.

“We aren’t hungry,” Chang-wook shouted back.

“Orabeoni isn’t hungry but I am!” Ji-hyun added. “Come on. Let’s eat. I’m hungry. Baegopa, Oppa!!! Baegopa!!!”

“Aigu. Our little Hyunn-ie is hungry?”

“Oppa… Let’s go! Kaja!” And they ran laughing to the terrace.

“Aish. Slow down. What are you doing running?”

The meal was quiet. They spoke about their lives. Chi-gu made jokes about Chang-wook’s weight—“He keeps eating so much chicken and pizza… he might look like me if he isn’t careful”.

“How are you getting all that junk food anyway? Don’t they have you on a diet?”

“We don’t always eat boiled rice,” Chang-wook joked.

“I guess that means I shouldn’t bring you any when I visit,” Ji-hyun said.

“Would you like to visit?”

“Of course she would!”

“I don’t know. We are already filming. My schedule is so busy and I just don’t know… They are saying we are going to be shooting all summer. But I will have my manager let me know. And I can find some time. I promise.”

Chang-wook smiled. Yes. They would find the time to see each other. It wouldn’t be so bad. When they got up to leave, Chi-gu pushed him down into his seat. 

“No, Hyunnie. Don’t worry! Chi-gu and I will clear the table. Why don’t you two talk for a bit!” The fair-godmother said.

Ji-hyun watched them walk into the apartment. Yes, she thought, it was better this way. Better to be “some” than his girlfriend. Because the minute she saw him she realised how difficult it would have been to be in a relationship, especially a secret one, while he was in the army. So it was good, or at least good enough. She noticed that he had stopped drinking and was sipping at a large glass of water.

“Did you come with Chi-gu?” She asked.

“No, I rode my bike. It isn’t far and I wanted to have as much freedom as possible,” he paused. “I have to go back to base tomorrow.”

The silence stretched out. They had been sitting across from each other and it felt like the table was more of a barrier than her Eonnie or Chi-gu had been during the meal. She wanted to touch him but couldn’t think of an excuse.

“What do you think of Eonnie’s flowers?” She asked.

“They’re nice,” he got up and went to smell the beautiful blossoms.

“Pabu. They don’t smell,” But now she was standing next to him. The flowers might not smell beautiful but he did. Biting her lip, Ji-hyun tentatively reached out and took his hand in hers so that she could draw herself closer to him. Abruptly the lights on the terrace went out.

“I think we are being left alone,” he whispered even though no one else was close enough to hear. That was all the warning he gave her before bending down to kiss her. He meant it to be brief. Just to test the waters after so many, many months apart. But as he pulled away she followed. Standing on her tippy, tippy toes she pulled him back towards her kiss. They were precariously balanced until he wrapped his arms around her. Ji-hyun felt the kiss all the way to her toes, which caused her to tip into him. 

“We…” Chang-wook stood back. “We need to stop. This isn’t the right time, or place for that matter…”

Ji-hyun knew her inexperience meant that she was more likely to be swept up in the moment than he was. She had to trust his judgement while her senses slowly regrouped and she remembered that they were on a terrace. Eonnie or Chi-gu could return at any moment.

“Can I hug you?” She asked.

“Of course,” and he slowly her hair while planting little kisses every so often onto its silky blackness. 

“Can you take me home on your bike?”

“No. It is too dangerous,” she knew what he meant. He had told her long ago that the way he rode made him nervous about having a passenger. But he also meant that if someone saw them because his fans were out in force trying to capture even the most blurry image of him, it would spell trouble for both of them. The lights snapped on.

“I have my hand over my eyes!” Ji-hyun heard her Eonnie call out.

“We are coming!”

Another brief hug at the door, then Ji-hyun was in a taxi headed home. As it pulled away she turned around and watched two figures near their motorbikes. She didn’t stop looking until the very last moment. The summer was already hot but Ji-hyun shivered. It felt like she was being dragged away. Once again, and against her will, they were having to part. See you soon, she thought, I’ll see you soon. Sooner than we could both imagine. It was her little promise to them. And she was going to keep it.