—January 2020—

After the casting news for the leads was announced, two surprising developments increased “Mi-rae Leaves” profile. First, Yoon Se-ah was cast as the disowned aunt who sheltered Mi-rae. Then it was announced that Kim Tae-hyung had been cast as the second lead—Mi-rae’s childhood friend and first love. 

Ji-hyun and Kang-joon discussed the inclusion of the idol to the cast. 

“What do you think?” Kang-joon wondered.

“Aren’t you an idol? What was 5urprise?”

“Ji-hyun…”

“I am teasing. Why not? He is doing a really good job. I just hope that it doesn’t overshadow the rest of the drama,” she looked across the restaurant to where the rest of the cast and crew were gathered for a team-building meal. At every entrance and exit two large security agents were watching over the lively idol. 

“We’ll be fine,” he said and squeezed her hand. “Let’s get over there before all the food disappears.”

As the night wore on, everyone got drunker and they joked about Ji-hyun’s styling, and how she would look dressed up like a chaebol heiress… with pink hair, they threatened, or blue, or blonde!

"Ji-hyun, please don’t go blonde,” the PD pleaded.

“Is there anything wrong with bright hair colours?" Tae-hyung asked.

"We all say things when we are sober that we wish unsaid when we are drunk,” came the PD’s mock solemn reply.

"Isn’t it usually the other way around," Se-ah laughed.

—

At midnight, Ji-hyun flopped onto her bed. She was happy drunk and couldn’t stop giggling at the antics of her costars. Geobug jumped up next to her and gave her a headbutt asking for attention.

“Geo-geo,” Ji-hyun cooed. “Geo-geo, should we see…”

She opened Geobug’s instagram account and checked to see if “dirty_yeppeo” had sent her message.

She knew it was unhealthy to respond to messages from strange, private accounts but “dirty_yeppeo” seemed different. 

The first message had been a request to send cat toys to her via the company. She hadn’t answered. But when her manager brought up a small box of cat toys and there was a letter apologising for being presumptuous, Ji-hyun had written a quick note thanking “dirty_yeppeo” for the kind gift. 

It had started a sporadic correspondence. One where she would send pictures of Geobug and in return pictures of the countryside, delicious food, and cat videos would pop up. Ji-hyun had shown the initial conversations to her stylist. Stylist-eonnie had said that she was in control of the interaction. If “dirty_yeppeo” ever did something that crossed the line, she could always block him or her. But whoever “dirty_yeppeo” was, they never asked her for any personal information. And until that night Ji-hyun had never initiated a conversation with the mysterious fan—who only followed Geobug.

Geo-geobug: anyeong! are you awake? Geo-geo says hi! (cute picture of Geobug yawning)

dirty_yeppeo: it is late! did geo-geo like the treats?

Geo-geobug: yes. thank you. not many fans are like you.

She paused for a minute but gave in to her curiosity.

Geo-geobug: do you have a cat?

dirty_yeppeo: no. I have a dog.

Geo-geobug: oh. I thought you liked cats.

dirty_yeppeo: I like geo-geo.

Geo-geobug: keke.

dirty_yeppeo: my dog is scared of cats.

Geo-geobug: so they will never be friends. that is sad.

dirty_yeppeo: it is. but probably best. I doubt you would want to meet.

Ji-hyun paused. She was afraid that in her drunken state she had allowed this to go too far. 

dirty_yeppeo: I’m sorry. I meant that it would be unlikely. please do not think I want to force you to meet.

Geo-geobug: that isn’t it. 

dirty_yeppeo: can I tell you something? You can say no if it makes you uncomfortable.

Ji-hyun didn’t respond at first. 

Geo-geobug: …

dirty_yeppeo: I only want the best for you. I only want your happiness. Seeing you happy with geo-geo makes me happy. I am happy just knowing that you are happy.

Ji-hyun started to cry. Other people, other fans had said the same to her before. But “dirty_yeppeo” was a different kind of fan. Everything they shared, however innocent, was special to her—like they were communicating in a language only they knew.

Geo-geobug: thank you. I hope you sleep well…

dirty_yeppeo: sleep well 

Geo-geobug: eat something delicious.

dirty_yeppeo: I did for dinner. meat. 

Ji-hyun signed off. She wiped her tears away and cuddled Geobug to her. She didn’t know why she had signed off with ‘eat something delicious.’ It was what she had always said to oppa when they were first getting to know each other. 

The next morning she was surprised by a very late night update from Chang-wook on instagram. It was a plate of meat captioned: I ate something delicious. meat.

She frowned and scrolled past it. Did he have to update about the same things as Geobug’s friend? But she was also relieved to see that he was doing well. It scared her sometimes how much she continued to worry about him. A news report had said that he had bought a large villa in Pyeongchang-dong and was living there. Stylist eonnie confirmed that he had bought the villa but that he was still living in the apartment. Only his mother had moved there permanently. 

“I didn’t need to know eonnie,” Ji-hyun had said.

“Nonsense. Deny it if you want but you don’t like it when he posts go-pro videos of him riding his bike on the roads in the  Bukhansan National Park. It can be pretty remote…”

“Enough,” Ji-hyun snapped. She had been concerned but it wasn’t going to help her state of mind if she was worried about him when she needed to focus on her work.

The stylist smiled kindly at her prickly and beloved client. Ever since she had learnt about “dirty_yeppeo”, she had done her best to promote Ji-hyun worrying and thinking about Chang-wook. The memorable line from “Flower Boy Next Door” kept humming in her head whenever she had Ji-hyun with her:

"I found myself wondering about her all the time. And that curiosity turned into worrying, and all that worrying about her made me think about her all the time. Then those thoughts of her made me miss her.” 

—Oh Jin Rak

If she could get Ji-hyun to miss Chang-wook again… There was Chi-gu’s pessimism to fight as well. He was overly protective of both them and cautious about forcing the two former lovers together again.

—February 2020—

The day that “Mi-rae Leaves” premiered, there was a large press conference for national and even international media. Outside of the conference building were over one hundred fans all eager to catch a glimpse of the two leading men. A few were devoted Ji-hyun fans and, because of their relatively small number, they were given pride of place right at the entrance. Therefore the best fan photographs of the stars leaving the presser were from her fans. 

The immediate reaction was the Ji-hyun looked mature and y with her natural black hair in a long bob while wearing an asymmetric burgundy dress. Its demure boatneck front hid the daring back which looked like the front of a man’s dinner jacket. She had her arm linked with Kang-joon, who looked deadly handsome in a dark suit. Tae-hyung in olive slacks and black button-down led out a smiling and composed Se-ah in navy.

—Back at the Press conference, two hours earlier—

Just inside the door for the press conference, Ji-hyun stood waiting to discuss her return to the small screen. Bouncing on the balls of his feet, Kim Tae-hyung stood behind her. She smiled, he might be a global superstar with more women in love with him than people who knew who she was, but he kept insisting that a news conference for a drama was different to all the other press he had done before. Kang-joon had given up trying to settle his nerves and left the task to Ji-hyun.

“My character is Lee Jung-soo. He is a loyal friend of Mi-rae and her first love. Ji-hyun, isn’t that too simple?” he asked. “What about…” 

“Aish. Be quiet. You don’t want everyone to know everything. Also, you’ve done this before so stop bouncing like that.”

“But this is different!” he whined.

Just at that moment, the doors opened and the cameras flashed in their direction. Ji-hyun walked on the stage smiling and waving to the crowd. After the introductions, they settled in for the Q&A.

“Nam Ji-hyun-ssi! It is now sixteen years since you debuted. You are also just returning from finishing your university degree. How do you like being on the small screen and doing a live shoot?”

“Oh! No. You can’t say it is sixteen years. They have flown by so quickly. It is nice. When you do a pre-produced drama you do everything at once—you have to think about everything ahead of time. But a live-shoot drama you can learn as you go. You can think, Oh! This is how she has changed and this is why. So I am enjoying doing a live-shoot drama again.”

"What made you choose this drama?" the next reporter asked.

"When I heard that Kang-joon oppa was in it I was excited because we worked so well before," Ji-hyun replied without thinking how her answer might sound. 

"I was so happy to hear Ji-hyun-i was being considered for the role. I have always wanted to work with her again. She is so talented and always brings out the best in her costars. I hope that we will make believable chemistry and that you will enjoy watching the drama," Kang-joon, however, was as eager to point out their past connection.

With that admission, all of her former costars were asked about her in interviews. The universal response was that no one could know her and not love her. Kang Ha-nuel joked that now he wished that he could do another drama with her. 

"Seo Kang-joon-ssi is lucky. You know that you will always have fun when Ji-hyun-ssi is on set. I should have agreed to take the second lead!”

“Did they ask you?”

“No, but I wish they had. Any of her co-stars would agree with me.”

During a radio interview, Kim Soo-hyun echoed the same sentiments.

“When I was in the military I watched “100 Days My Prince” and it gave me many fond memories of working with Ji-hyun-ssi. If we ever had the chance to work together again, I would be very honoured.”

During his next interview, Chang-wook was asked a similar question. He had anticipated it, of course. Unlike formal interviews where his company could control the questions being asked, the more informal setting of “Life Bar” was a minefield of possible Ji-hyun related questions.

"Ah. So, Ji Chang-wook-sshi. Nam Ji-hyun is the Fairy of Chemistry. All of her costars are saying how wonderful she is. What do you think? Do you look forward to her next drama?"

"I… She is wonderful,” He began but paused. “Ji-hyun-ssi is truly wonderful. She is an amazing actress. I think... we think, her costars I mean, we can all agree that there is no one like her. She makes it easy.”

"Easy to create chemistry? You had some very steamy kisses.”

“Yes. She will always be able to create perfect chemistry because of how… how very… I guess we did. I will always be grateful that I got to act with her.” He answered but refused to give any details of their kiss scenes—directing people to watch the drama if they wanted to know.

“Ah, you are such a gentleman!”

“Well…” he blushed.

“So, you have a dog, Ggoma. Have you ever thought about getting a cat?” 

Chang-wook laughed and took a sip of his drink.

“Oh! Does that mean you have?”

“I have. I used not to like cats but I am now thinking that they aren’t so bad. But my dog is afraid so I don’t think that I will get a cat soon. But maybe one day. I met some nice cats when I shot a CF for Korean Animal Rescue.”

“Oh! Ji-hyun-ssi has a cat. I follow it on Instagram. It is called Geobug. You remember. It was the cat that she took a picture with!” Kim Hee-chul said bouncing in his seat.

Chang-wook nearly choked on his drink. 

“Urgh! I was so upset that I wasn’t asked to participate!” the Super Junior member continued.

“Aish. It is because you aren’t pretty enough,” Shin Dong-yup concluded.

Chang-wook was able to laugh and the conversation moved on.

—

Filming went well for Ji-hyun. There were lots of new things to learn for this genre and she was diligent in working on her lines and thinking her character through. She felt that her acting was turning a new corner--that she was stretching herself and it was exciting. It helped that the feeling on set was so alive and supportive. Between the steady but humorous charm of Se-ah sunbae and Tae-hyun’g antics, Ji-hyun found herself building a strong working relationship with Kang-joon. He was a good acting partner. One she felt comfortable ad-libbing with. It wasn’t Chang-wook orabeoni of course and there were times when she wished her dynamic with Kang-joon oppa was a little more… she wasn’t sure. But this was meant to be a romance and she was constantly looking for that elusive extra spark.

Ji-hyun confronted her uncertainty about the fictional romance she was participating in a few days later. She was looking at herself in the mirror when it happened. Her hair was styled naturally but her outfit was anything but. A pleated green tennis skirt and thin white sweater under a sheer turquoise camisole. Thick black tights and sparkly red mary janes completed the look.

"I look really silly," she said flicking the skirt back and forth. “And who wears clothes like this in winter?”

"No. It will work, look," the stylist said. She took a picture and showed Ji-hyun. And for some reason it did work. The feminine, quirky, y feel of the character shone through. Ji-hyun realised she quite enjoyed this look. It felt fresh, different. 

“Pretty.” She heard from behind her.

"Kang-joon-oppa! You better not be lying." 

As the romance between the two characters grew, Ji-hyun had started to feel to tap into her past girlish feelings for her costar. She remembered how she was when they first met: young and inexperienced. How he had taken care of her on set and made her feel comfortable in all their scenes together. It was hard to forget the girlhood crush she had on him at the time and how she had developed second lead syndrome even for herself!

"Not your usual look but I like it,” he said lounging against the make-up table.

"Are you saying I look bad normally?” she laughed.

"Never. You always look happy and comfortable, which is exactly what I like,” he flicked her nose with his finger. 

She started to respond but the director gathered them for the rehearsal.

—

When the next round of interviews started, she was happy to say how challenging the role was and that she would do her best to create a good performance for the viewers. 

"I want people to connect with her. Mi-rae is a very relatable character. Young people all want to rebel a little bit. I never got to rebel so I feel like I am getting to through her. It is very exciting."

"How is the chemistry on set?" The interviewer asked.

"Oh, It is great. It is like a big happy family. We are serious but we also laugh."

"I think the chemistry is very good. I can’t wait to see how the relationship between you develops. How do you feel now that you are her leading man?" a reporter asked Kang-joon.

"Ji-hyun-i is perfect for this part. She is always lovable in her characters but people don’t realise that she is like that in real life. Everyone will think that when they see the drama. She is fresh and… I don’t want to give away any spoilers.”

After the interview, Ji-hyun pulled Kang-joon aside. She told him they should tone it down a bit because there had been faint rumours that they might be dating even if filming hadn’t finished. 

“Ji-hyun, is that such a bad thing?" he asked. “I am not confessing, but I am not putting on a show for the cameras. You shouldn’t be surprised. You are beautiful. Any guy would be lucky to have a dating rumour with you. I am amazed it hasn’t happened already."

She was confused. It wasn’t a confession but it certainly felt like one. Ji-hyun smiled and joked that clearly, no one thought she was worth the dating rumour. He joined in the joke and never brought it up again.

—

‘NEW SIDE TO NAM JI-HYUN’

The article reported that Nam Ji-Hyun showed her abilities as she demonstrated different charms to the viewers. As Mi-rae, actress Nam Ji-hyun shows her more mature charms while still captivating viewers with her vivacious character and sense of humour.

She gave a short on-set interview with Tae-hyung. 

“Kim Tae-hyung-sshi, this is only your second drama. How was it working with so many veteran actors?”

“I am very honoured that I was cast and my fellow actors helped me a lot. Ji-hyun-sunbae is very good at helping me understand how to approach the character.”

The reporter turned her attention to Ji-hyun.

“Nam Ji-hyun-ssi, how is “Mi-rae Leaves” different from your previous dramas?"

"Unlike my previous dramas, I am playing someone older, someone who is jaded because everyone wants something from her. But now she is in a different world. She has to learn how to make real relationships. I am really enjoying Mi-rae. We are both having a new vacation. I also get to wear these beautiful outfits! Do you like it? I hope everyone will enjoy “Mi-rae Leaves”!”’

“Yes! Please enjoy it!” Tae-hyung begged with a boyish smile and wave to the camera. Ji-hyun rolled her eyes. They were the same age and there were times when the crew said they acted more like twins than childhood sweethearts.

“And that is why Mi-rae ends up with In-sik,” Ji-hyun replied referring to Kang-joon’s character. 

“Yes, no one would mistake you two for siblings!” 

Ji-hyun turned around trying to see who had said that. It made her uncomfortable to have so many people on set enjoy the fact that both she and Kang-joon had both expressed interest in working together again. It was a fairly rare occurrence in the industry and there was always additional scrutiny when actors were in more than one project together.

That night she watched the short interview. When the question of her previous dramas came up, she felt flash of pain in her heart. Oppa’s smiling face when he put his arm on her shoulder during his on-set interview was still fresh in her heart’s memory. 

"No. That is all in the past. No need to worry about it right now,” She turned off the television and slipped downstairs to where her mother was preparing dinner.

"Are you looking forward to tonight? Do you think that I will like it? I know you were saying…"

"Eomma. I think you will like this episode. Yoon Se-ah sunbae plays my aunt. I am going to live with her. She is fun on set. Maybe you can come by one day?”

"Oh! I like her," her mother clapped her hands together. "She was in “Melt…” No. let’s not talk about that."

“It’s alright Eomma. She has never said anything to me.”

“So long as you are ok.”

The family settled in for the episode. During the commercial break, Ji-hyun absentmindedly scrolled through her messages before stopping, almost instinctively, over a name. Her finger hovered there for a moment. She swiped and breathed in, “Done.”

"What is done?"

“Nothing," Ji-hyun forced herself to smile. It was what her therapist had suggested she do. Remove the temptation to read through the messages from a man who made her cry rather than smile. 

When she got into bed that night message notification popped up.

dirty_yeppeo: you looked too, too pretty in tonight’s episode.

Ji-hyun glanced through the conversation with “dirty_yeppeo” over the last month. She found herself smiling. She bit her lip and remembered that Chang-wook made her smile more than cry. And she could take some of the blame for what happened. If she had been honest with her feelings last June or even in Busan things would be different. But it was scary when he had been about to start a new drama. Timing had been her enemy. And deep down she knew that he loved her. Loved her then and loved her now. 

She went back into her messages and unarchived everything that he had ever sent her. No, she admitted to herself, I am not ready to let us go just yet.