Photo: http://i1058.photobucket.com/albums/t413/javabeansdb/drama/2014/other/other1/wseason2-00149.jpg

* The photo above is not The Gaze (it’s the base-Gaze :D) but I trust you guys know it.

”Okay, explain”, Taecyeon pushed Wooyoung against tree trunk and placed himself as a big muscular obstacle in front of him.

The next day had came as grey as the previous one. Taecyeon had dragged Wooyoung out to forest line right when he saw him first time coming from bath cottage, and blocked him against tree trunk. His gaze was fatal sharp*. His voice was threatening low.

”Why weren’t you there helping Minjun? You just hid yourself somewhere, even you were awake.”

“Look yourself talking” Wooyoung spit, “You guys just dawdled in your beds like pigs.”

”Didn’t you hear what I just asked?”

“I was on the fields.”

“And what were you doing there all by yourself, really?”

“Rooting out waste ones. Someone has to do it sometimes, as you may remember.”

“Don’t play cocky, boy” Taecyeon warned Wooyoung grabbing his shirt neck lightly, “I’m your huyng. You better remember that.”

“How I would’ve been suppose to know when Minjun-sshi wanted to start working?” Wooyoung got even more upset. He was scared, but his in-built recklessness won it by just tiny bit, to be honest.

“You could’ve waited someone to come.”

“You’re saying I should’ve sat inside doing nothing? That’s equal to throw seashell to the sea even it’d be prettier as out of the water.”

“You knew there were forest works to do. Why didn’t you start yourself? Out-rooting isn’t acute, vice versa!”

”But then I would’ve been injured instead of Minjun! You should be happy that I saved his life!”

”That was pure luck, ing great one. If you’d been fishing, Minjun would be now at the barn waiting for being buried.”

“Are you daring to say that this whole accident was mine, and only mine, fault? Why do you even want to find a guilty in every case?!” Wooyoung exclaimed starting to get angry, for real. He felt how red color raised to his face.

“Because someone is always responsible.”

Wooyoung got even more angry and swiped towards Taec, but he pushed Woo harshly back against tree. Wooyoung heard how his neck cracked. The pain stayed rippling, but he wouldn’t show it. He was now target of the beast, and it was death sentence to show weaknesses then.

“But all four of you are equal with me when it comes to being guilty! Moreover, now you guys broke the rule I was trying to explain in that night some time ago!” he shouted, “In your face, Taec!”

Taecyeon’s gaze got sharper again. “How dare you say that?!” he thundered, “I can’t believe you’re in our family anymore! What is wrong with you?! You weren’t like this before!”

“Well what’s wrong with you then?! You must be extremely queasy because you just rage around here and threat us to behave like you want to! ing besserwisser!”

Taecyeon’s fist flew, but it was Wooyoung’s luck he saw it coming and got out of the way. Fist hit the tree trunk.

“You played the king when Junho got that panic attack. And by the way, you made it even worse!” Taec said low growling in his voice.

“Junho is all the same as you! He tries to perform so human-kind but for real he is a cold, queasy piece of !” Wooyoung spit. Flashes of the conversation at the beach passed his eyes one after the another, but the film vanished when Taec pushed him harshly to the ground.

“He hides behind you!”

”SHUT YOUR MOUTH ABOUT HIM!”

“What if I shall tell some facts now?!” Wooyoung exclaimed recklessly while he stood up. He was ready for sudden attack. Boys went round each other in a circle, like in movies before the fight strikes on. His mind was covered with anger, and it was red like a iron blood.

“There has been multiple times when no one hasn’t been enough brave to set against you. You think you’re above all! And moreover, you don’t always respect even Minjun, even he is the huyng for all five of us! You take the leader’s seat in every place and every time, even those times you should’ve stayed aside at! Always. Always. Do you really think that this is kind of your dynasty or something? Ok Taecyeon, you have also done bad, bad mistakes during your life! But was there any search for guilty? No, because no one wasn’t brave enough or you sneaked out by your relationships! You lucky bastard!”

Taecyeon ripped him harshly to the ground once more, kicked and spit on him. Then he left. Wooyoung stayed alone to windy, grey silence. His right side ached, but not too much to suspect any fractures or else. Wooyoung covered his face with his both hands.

Oh good heavens..., he thought.  

“I think we should put double bandages next. This one is all bloody” Khun said observating a medical patch he had just removed from Minjun’s lower abdomen.

“Do something hurry, it burns and tickles...” Minjun asked anxious, squeezing Chansung’s big warm hand.

SLAM!

Minjun bursted to shout from pain. Startling had caused uncontrollable move, and now he felt like fire burning him all the way down from his diaphragm.

STOMP, STOMP, STOMP, STOMP ~

”WHO THE HELL IS RAGING OVER THERE?!” Chansung roared angry. Minjun didn’t startle this one anymore because he was too panic from the pain and didn’t hear or see anything else.

Taecyeon stepped to the doorway. Junho saw immedialy that he wasn’t himself. However, Minjun’s pain kept him busy. Chansung, who was looking Taecyeon serious and straight to the eyes, had noticed the same. Taecyeon was like the Death itself. A huge, soulless dark power which had only morbid coldness, anger and merciless inside. His gaze was extremely sharp. He frightened Chansung. This wasn’t Taecyeon. It was somebody else.

”Sorry I scared you guys. His pain is my fault now”, Taecyeon said with really low voice and pointed Minjun, who started to calm down again by Khunho.

Taecyeon left from doorway. Chansung couldn’t help but follow beastie with gaze, heart thumping in his chest. He scared that Taecyeon would dart back to rage like some demon. Chansung saw Taecyeon going to Khunho’s room.

“NOW I’M GOING TO SLAM AGAIN!”

“Just breath” Junho cheered Minjun, who was now laying at this right side, helped by Chanhokhun. There was pillow under right groin because of wound. It’d been better to turn his to right side than left since the left leg was the worst part now. There was another pillow also, separating huyng’s legs from each other as in lengthwise .  

“Now your back will relax”, Khun said. He kept cold rag on hematomas in huyng’s back.

“When does this pain end...” Minjun asked tired. He had difficulties to stay awake.

“You already survived from yesterday. That’s a lot. Just sleep now, we know you’re tired since we gave you lidocain just before.”

“What on earth was that with Taecyeon?” Khun asked confused and brows knotted looking Chansung. He saw maknae was still bit scared.

“That definitely wasn’t Taecyeon”, maknae said somber.

“He was really weird, wasn’t he, Junho?”

“There was something strange in him. I wasn’t able to think more, Minjun was so in pain.”

For a moment nothing more were heard than Minjun’s painful, but peaceful breath. Junho held on his lower shoulder and upper hand, Chansung had another hand and Khun still held cold rag against Minjun’s back. They had left Taec’s mattress to its place for getting more soft space to be in. Khun was racking his brain while thinking past events.

“...Should’ve gone after them.”

“What?” Junho asked turning his head to Nichkhun.

“Somebody should have gone after them when he drag Wooyoung out.”

Everybody stayed at their places in silence, also Minjun. The thing cleared for everyone at the same time. Now Minjun looked really suspicious, even more than his bros. The situation felt like the moment when fuse igniter was burning.

“I wonder what has happened to Wooyoung?!” Khun asked horrified, breaking the pressuring silence. He felt cold sweat on his back.

”I’ll go”, Chansung said and dashed out.  

Wooyoung trekked in the forest. There was only one thought inside his head: I have to get away.

Even he stumbled to rhizomes, he just continued trekking like nothing would’ve happened, even with the same speed.

In the end he sat down on the top of some forest rock. He didn’t know where he was, but he knew he was far from home. Or the thing that he used to call “home” before. He felt like he was now homeless and he had no family anymore.  A lonely hobo.

Good heavens...

Wooyoung felt nothing but emptiness inside him. He raised his hand straight in front of his eyes and looked at it, like checking if he was real and alive. Unfortunately he was.

Why are you like this to me? Why?

Why on earth are you doing this to me? Made me cry

You threw away everything we had,

Was everything we did actually not valuable,right?

The times we had together,

The times we could’ve had together

Aren’t you even sad about it? don't you care?

Now you are you ok without me?

2pm: Without you

Four brothers sat close each other an endless time, or that’s how they experienced it. Taecyeon sat alone behind the two walls: there was very narrow cleaning closet between Mintaec’s and Khunho’s room. Taecyeon was all quiet. Four others were also quiet and somber. They had found Wooyoung nowhere. Everyone had own suspicion of what had happened, but no one told them out loud. At the times Minjun fell asleep as medicine made him relaxed. 

”I’ll drop by outside”, Chansung said suddenly and stood up from mattress.

“Is everything all right?” Khun asked.

”Well, as good as it’s now possible”, maknae sighed and left.

Junho felt bad for his brothers. Somberness squeezed him but he, again, fought against it.  

Taecyeon wouldn’t have wanted to come out of room, but at the end he had to because he was too thirsty. And he wanted to smoke. That would comfort him. He tiptoed carefully past his room’s doorway, because he didn’t want others to see him. But suddenly, he stumbled upon Khun. Thai and Beast changed suspicious and wary glances, diverging quickly to opposite directions. Taecyeon’s heart thumped fast from startle and nervousness. He went to kitchen and trickled himself a glass of distilled water from canister tap. Taec sat to their cozy, small circle-shaped kitchen table to drink, but didn’t sit there more than a quick while until he stood up and went to window. He had seen some move outside. When he looked from closer, he saw Chansung on the beach.

What on earth is he doing...

Maknae walked back and forth on waterline, even going to the water until it was knee-deep. It seemed like he was scanning his surroundings. Then Taecyeon realized. That moment he felt like he would’ve been in pressure chamber.

They think I’ve killed him.

  He drank his water and hesitated if going to smoke or not. He wanted to, but if Chansung would find him...

At the end Taecyeon decided to smoke straight out from the window. He returned to his base and slammed the door shut, saving his powers because he didn’t want to do the same mistake by hurting Minjun again. When smoking, Taec was glad that cig didn’t die because it has started to dripping little. Taecyeon breathed deeply, eyes closed, enjoying every from his tobacco. He was right when he stated smoking made him comfort now, but it wasn’t enough to get the anxiety completely off. When cig was at its final, Taecyeon  extinguished it extremely carefully and threw it to the trashcan. There seemed to be some drawings Junho had rejected. Taecyeon placed himself back to window breathing now fresh air. However, after a moment anxiety pat his shoulder.  

”Aissh!” Taecyeon sizzled covering his face with both hands.  

Once again I tried to do right, but ended up to mess everything. But still, no matter what Wooyoung tries to tell, I won’t tolerate the fact he left again without announcing it for us. He would’ve leave us message in paper, like I, Khun and Minjun do! To the fields...Aissh, this kid...

Taecyeon shut the window and climbed up to Junho’s bed. He tried to sit back against the wall, but ended up to bump his head to the roof.

“ you!” he snarled to the roof. He laid down to Junho’s bed, smelling Junho’s scent in the bedclothes.  

Probably this is the reason I’ve never slept in upper bed. Or I may have, but I don’t remember it. Maybe I lost my nerves and told Minjun to go up.

...

I always lose my nerves. Just like I said Minjun, I can’t solve things in any other way than shouting and fighting, Taecyeon thought recalling the afternoon with the lambs and Minjun.

Why I’m like this? Really, have I always been like this? Taecyeon thought trying to remember the past.

Of course I fought in school like kids did in that age, but it...Now it’s even worse, and I should be grown man. Luckily I -   

”ARGH!” Taecyeon roared hitting himself couple times to his tempus with his palm

s. It was buzzing and murmuring in his head. Taecyeon felt it like equal to pain. It was unbearable. Anxiety stormed in every part of him, outside or inside, no matter what. This was the side of him he never showed to else, but there had been rare situations when it had just came across. Like when Jay-incident was storming on them. Jay...All the things and mistakes Taecyeon had made himself, not under 2PM but just himself...Like Wooyoung had said -   

No. Let’s not think this now. Stop it! I said stop it!

Once again, Taecyeon covered his face with both hands. He tried to breath really peacefully and deep. He succeeded to do it five times, but then he simply had to hit the pillow with fists as hard as he ever could. At the end he pulled Junho’s blanket over his head. Under it, Junho’s scent surrounded him. It felt so good and comforted him, but anxiety still buried him under itself.  

SLASH

“There has been multiple times when no one hasn’t been enough brave to set against you.”

SLASH

You take the leader’s seat in every place and every time, even those times you should’ve stayed aside at! Always. Always.

SLASH

“Look yourself talking! You guys just dawdled in your beds like pigs.”

SLASH

“Help me, help me, I’m dying - It hurts, it hurts...Appa...Appa...”

SLASH

 - Akh - UMPH! -

SLASH

“You must be extremely queasy because you just rage around here and threat us to behave like you want to!”

SLASH

“I can’t handle this anymore Taec, I can’t!”

SLASH

Crack.

SLASH

“What the HELL were you thinking?!”

SLASH

“You lucky bastard!”

SLASH

I’m not gonna make this...I’m not gonna make this...I have to get away...I can’t breath...

SLASH

“I can give you some beta blockers, but that doesn’t heal the condition itself.”

SLASH

“Help him! He is about to collapse, and if you don’t do something, that’s the end of his career!”

SLASH

”Come to help! He hit door glasses off!”

SLASH

“I said you’re so idiot that you can’t do anything than fight!”

SLASH

“ I’m too dominative.”

SLASH

“I’ll help you. You’ll survive.”

SLASH

“I can send you to the psychiatrics, if it’s okay for you?”

SLASH

“And what’d you do then? Drown me?”

SLASH

I’m sure he dies. I failed. Again.

SLASH

”I’ll call the ambulance.”

SLASH

How this night can be so beautiful...Just look at those city lights...Moon...Sky...This cig-smoke... Do I have to go back inside...

SLASH

“I love you.”

SLASH

“GET THE HELL OUT HERE! YOU ING HYPOCRITE PIECE OF ! HOW DARE YOU NEGLECT YOUR FAMILY LIKE THIS?!”

SLASH

My heart
My heart is still lookin’ at you

I don’t know why I’m like this
But I can’t stop
My heart won’t listen
My heart won’t listen

Why… why… I can’t stop it now
I don’t know, I don’t like this

I’m still going to you
My heart is still beating

For you

2pm: My heart