Chapter 21
Now that you are hereThanks for reading!, this chapter is in Jihoon's POV.
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“I guess you didn’t have time to write a song for me!” Jihoon listened to Mingyu’s angry voice as his music sheets flew all around him and his heart sank.
Mingyu had arrived a day prior than expected and against everything that Jihoon had planned, the other had found the songs he had written for Seungcheol. By now there was no doubt Mingyu knew those songs weren’t meant for him.
“Mingyu….” He started, not knowing how to explain the situation. He had been hopeful of at least eating together before talking about this. “I-.”
“I wanted to believe in you! Not in what other models told me, but-.”
“I don’t know what you have heard Mingyu, but things aren’t like that.” Jihoon had to cut him. If they were going to talk about this, he wanted for it to be the truth. He was well aware of how extreme the gossip around the models could be.
“Don’t try to lie to me, Jihoon! Because I don’t even care about what other people told me. I have read your lyrics and it’s more than clear that you have given him something more important than , you have given him your heart.” Mingyu said pointing to the sheets that now were spread in their living room floor.
And Jihoon felt like his heart stopped after listening to Mingyu’s words. The other’s expression was so raw that Jihoon could see how much it pained him to say those words, and he felt like the most horrible person in the world.
“I’m sorry…” He said softly. He hated that he was the one making Mingyu feel so hurt, so betrayed.
Jihoon had been so selfish covering up as friendship the fluttering feelings that Seungcheol made him feel and not admitting their encounter as dates. But no matter how much he tried to minimize the nature of their encounters, they did have held hands and kissed. And now Mingyu knew about it, his lyrics were never a lie.
They stood there in silence, with the lump in his throat barely letting him breath as he saw Mingyu’s tears falling.
“I deserved better…after giving you my love all these years at least I deserved honesty. I deserved respect, Jihoon! Couldn’t you at least give me that? If you didn’t love me anymore, you could have told me. How could you do this to me and let me be the laughingstock of Choi Company?”
Jihoon felt his own tears falling. How come he had been so stupid to forget how fragile Mingyu’s heart was and how much the other cared for him?
“I’m sorry…” That’s all Jihoon could say as he wiped away his tears. He had thought they had been discrete enough to avoid rumors, but he just seemed to be hurting Mingyu more and more.
Mingyu sighed and turned around walking towards the sofa.
“Jihoon….I know our relationship wasn’t in its best moment, and me being away wasn’t helping either. But I thought we had some trust. I trusted you.”
“I’m sorry, I was so confused…” Jihoon didn’t know how else to explain what had happened. How just one encounter with Choi Seungcheol had shook his future plans with Mingyu. “I didn’t know what do, I didn’t wanna hurt you like this…I’m really sorry.” It was useless now to try to defend himself when he had already betrayed the other and his feelings.
Mingyu sat on the sofa with a defeated posture. He kept talking without looking back to Jihoon.
“I’m not going to pretend it doesn’t hurt to know I wasn’t good enough for you. I want to hate you; it would be easier that way. But it’s not that simple, because I had plans for my future with you and suddenly I have to say goodbye.”
Jihoon clenched his fists as new tears started falling.
“It hurts me too….to know that no matter how much we tried all these years, it is over now. I know I did wrong, there is no one else to blame but me. And I know it would be easier to just hate me, but please Mingyu….don’t-.”
“I got an offer to work in Europe for the next three years. I was planning to reject it, because I didn’t want to pressure you into moving away when you haven’t been here even for a year. But now it doesn’t matter anymore. You don’t care enough to consider me a part of your life anymore.”
“I do care, I never meant to hurt you like this. Things went out of control…When I met Seungcheol, I-.” Jihoon stooped talking when Mingyu suddenly stood up and grabbed his still packed suitcase.
The taller one started walking towards the door, but before he could pass him, Jihoon grabbed his arm.
“Mingyu!”
“The apartment contract ends the next month. If you wish to stay, my manager can give you the details to talk to the landlord.”
Mingyu wasn’t even looking back at him. He had wiped away his tears and now he had a serious expression as he tried to free his arm.
“Mingyu, please can you-.”
“I’ll send someone to pick up my things.”
Jihoon sighed because he realized Mingyu had decided to stop the conversation for good. There was no turning back, but he couldn’t let the other go away just like that.
“Mingyu, I’m sorry. I really am.” Jihoon said with more tears falling.
“Then let me go.” The taller said pushing his hand away and opening the door.
Without looking back Mingyu left the apartment and Jihoon fell to the floor in the same spot he had remained since the beginning of their conversation.
He knew there was no way their relationship was going to continue after this conversation, but the pain he felt in his heart was bigger than what he could have imagined. They had been together for so long and just by thinking that Mingyu had decided to hate him, he was dying inside.
There were so many ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes’ in his mind. If he had only been honest with his own feelings. If he had only been honest with Mingyu. Maybe the other wouldn’t have cried so much. Maybe the other wouldn’t hate him.
He wasn’t sure how many hours have passed, but he felt dizzy from crying, so he barely noticed when Soonyoung entered the apartment.
“Jihoon!” The other shouted with his arms suddenly around him as he pulled him towards his chest.
Jihoon felt so tired and in the comfort of his friend’s arms he finally let sleep take over him.
When he woke up he was on his bed and Soonyoung was entering the room with a cup of coffee.
“I’m glad you are awake, I was getting worried.” The other said giving him the cup.
“Thanks.” Jihoon said softly and looked at one of the pictures Mingyu had taken of their neighborhood in Japan and that they had decided to put in the wall.
“You know…Mingyu told me to come over…He knew it was better if you weren’t alone.” Soonyoung said patting his shoulder.
Jihoon felt new tears pooling in his eyes. He had hurt Mingyu so much, but the other still cared, and that made him feel like a horrible person.
“Jihoon…you really hurt him…but, I know this is hurting you too…” His friend pulled him into a hug.
They stayed like that in silence until Jihoon felt calmer.
“What should I do Soonyoung?” He said with his voice muffled by the others jacket.
“What do you mean?” The other asked confused breaking the hug.
“I came to Korea because of Mingyu, but now he is leaving to Europe…”
“Jihoon…don’t you think you have other reasons to stay?” Soonyoung said with an exasperated voice. “Haven’t you been dating or hanging out as you call it with someone you have feelings for?”
Jihoon sighed.
“You were right. I was crazy, I am crazy. I have been trying to normalize a horrible situation. I wouldn’t be feeling like this if I haven’t hurt Mingyu, and he is cheating on his fiancé too! The rumors are already out, what do you think an heir of a hotel chain would do to me if he finds out?”
He heard Soonyoung sigh as the other lay in the bed beside him.
“Then you should talk to him. You are going to regret things if you just leave.”
“I think….I’ll go to my parents’ home and think about this. I can’t work like this…Come with me to Busan?” Jihoon asked with a hopeful expression putting his cup of coffee on the nightstand.
“I wish, but I can’t. My team is preparing for a dance competition this weekend in Hong Kong. But call me if you need me, okay?”
Jihoon nodded feeling the warmth of his friend’s arms around him once again.
“Thanks….If Seungcheol or Chan ask, please don’t tell them where I am. I will contact them when I’m ready, I should have stayed away since the beginning.” Jihoon said pushing the other away and turning around in the bed.
“Jihoon-“
“It’s killing me, you know? How much I have hurt Mingyu and how much my heart is pounding for a person that is going to marry another one.” Jihoon said sighing.
Soonyoung sighed too. “You wrote him songs…are you just going to let him go?”
“What do you want me to do? He hasn’t cancelled his engagement and I’m not going to interrupt his wedding if he decides to go through with it.” Jihoon said turning around to look at his friend.
“You are right….if he was truly interested in you he would have broken up his engagement by now.” Soonyoung said with a serious tone.
Jihoon hummed in response and closed his eyes. He had a lot to think about. Just in one afternoon things had changed drastically and now he was faced with the reality of an encounter that started like a dream by the beach.
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