Ji yong pov:

Art washes away from the soul the dust off everyday life. As Edgar Degas said,  Art is not what you see but what you make others see. I take my pain and turn it into art. As I strike the black paint on the canvas, I see a deeply agonized man who was finally set free from his dreadful past. The art portrays a boy who was weak and had a hard time hiding his emotions. He was fighting with himself. Sadly, my past self.

There comes a time when you have to choose between turning the page or closing the book. I chose to close the book and start with a new one. My life was never easy being an unwanted child to my family. My family made sure to make me believe that I never belonged to the high society. To a family. To Anyone. The person whom I am supposed to call father made sure to ignore me and make my life a burning hell.  My grandparents always made sure to make me feel I am their unwanted grandchild while they adored my little brother. I never knew what I did to receive such cruel punishment from my own family until I was 13. As a teen I came to know about the reason behind their hatred from my mom as she explained it on her deathbed.

My mother was the princess of this high society world where my grandparents​ fit in. She was the dad’s little princess who would do anything her parents would ask her to do as a child. She grew up into a beautiful strong woman working with her father in their family business. She fell in love with a bartender named 'Teddy'. She loved him with all her heart. Everything was perfect in her life. But life had other plans for her. My grandfather came to know her love and blackmailed her into an arranged marriage with his friend's son. She tried to contact Teddy but was left all in vail. She felt terrible and betrayed even though deep down in her heart she knew that the man she loved so much would never betray her. After trying and trying she gave up.. Sometimes she thought that her peace was more important to her because she was driving crazy as to why this has happened to her. She let him go and married according to her father's will. A week after her marriage she found out that she was pregnant with Teddy's child, the man she ever loved.

This added more fuel to the problems my mom was already facing as my grandfather was against the idea of my birth. My mom, who was firm with her decision didn’t gave up on me and made me come into the cruel world. 2 years later,  she gave birth to another son, my little brother who was the precious gem in the family. My mom never discriminated my brother and me, she was happy. I was happy that at least I had one person in this world who was by my side. But this all crashed down when I was 13 and my mom got diagnosed with blood cancer. During her last days she told me about my biological father and then I finally understood why my family has always treated me that way. I was an illegitimate son and the so called unwanted child of this rich assed family in the decorated high society.

I was devastated after my mother's death. I couldn't control my emotions. I had intolerable nightmares and so many sleepless nights. I was left alone in the dark. No friends. No real family. For few years,  the only friend I always had was darkness. I always had dreams of darkness. I slowly allowed it to consume me in my dreams. But then I saw a small hint of light in that darkness. The light grew brighter and gave me hope to control myself. Through art. That's when I started painting and poured all of my emotions, one by one, into the paintings. Strangely, I always dream my paintings and then I would paint them. Art became my best friend since then. The only time I feel alive is when I am painting. So, after my high school I took up art class and decided to become an arts graduate. My step dad was always afraid that I would take over the company as I was also the legal heir in the eyes of the law, but when I told my family about my decision to take up arts and pursue my career in it they were truly relieved. When I was 20 years old I told them that I would move out of the household and they were glad. No one had any objections, of course.

It has been 2 years since I moved out from that household and started living on my own. I made my living by selling paintings and doing part time jobs as a singer/rapper. People always used to acknowledge me for my unique voice and I write my own songs.

I finished the painting of the boy and could reflect my past self in him. Afterwards, I went to the nearby restaurant and ordered my lunch. I was searching the newsfeed on my phone and was going through my mails. One mail got my attention. I applied to the University of arts London and I WAS ACCEPTED AS AN INTERN....OH YES!!...

I was soo happy that I didn't realize I was shouting and all the people in the cafe were congratulating me. I've found out that growing up means being honest. About what I want. What I nee