I'm the worst.

 

 

Park Chaeyoung, just don't-... 

 

 

"I am so ing tired of you calling me 'bestfriend', Kim Jisoo."

 

 

Too late. I ed up. 

 

 

"W-What? Chae-..." I can't even look at her in the eyes. I can't believe myself. I just-...

 

 

I ran away. I can't go and drive my car because I have to drop Jisoo off. .

 

 

I kept running towards the sidewalk. It's already late and the dimmed lamps were hovering along with my thoughts. I know for sure that Jisoo followed me. I don't want to look back, I can't face her right now. I-... 

 

 

"Just stop right there Park Chaeyoung! " I halted this time because Jisoo used her terrifying, low, serious voice that never fails to make me shiver in fear. Hell, it makes our seniors shiver even.

 

 

I didn't look back but I hear her footsteps nearing. I felt frozen on my spot. Finally, she stood right in front of me, looking at me with nothing but worried and caring eyes...and I melt with those.

 

 

"Chaeng? What's wrong?" her voice softened. 

 

 

"Jisoo... Please... Just-... Just forget what I said, and did." I pleaded, not looking at her any longer. I tried to walk out again but she stopped me. 

 

 

"Stop running. Stop and just tell me everything. I'll listen regardless. So please... I hate seeing you like this." 

 

 

Is she serious? I'm about to ruin our friendship..I already did but she... This idiot is still thinking about me.

 

 

"I... I don't see you as just... just a 'bestfriend' anymore, Jis. I'm sorry. I'm so sor-..." 

 

 

"Shh...we'll settle this. It's okay." Jisoo said as she cupped my face and held my hand. I saw her tight smile even though my vision was so blurry with tears b out.

 

 

 

~ ~ ~

 

 

 

"H-how...how long?" Jisoo asked hesitantly. I feel her tensed up at the passenger's seat as I focused on the road.

 

 

"I can't even remember. It's just... Somehow I found myself always thinking about you, worrying about you more than I should. It was always 'more' than it should be as a friend."

 

 

"Oh..." I caught a glimpse of her nodding. I understand she can't say anything. I'd be the same if I were in her place. But It's a good thing that I'm calm about it now. She made it so.

 

 

"You...don't have to be pressured, Jis. We can still be bestfriends...right?" I asked, hopeful she'd say yes.

 

 

"Chae..." she paused, seemingly finding the right words. It made me grip the steering wheel too hard. How can I just ask that when I'm the one who ruined it? For 's sake, Park...you're an absolute .

 

 

"I honestly don't know. Heck, I don't even know what I'm feeling right now. I've always thought... I've always thought you're...straight?" she said, carefully choosing her words.

 

 

"I don't know know either. I just know what I feel for you, and I haven't felt that with any other girl." I said, but suddenly, unexpectedly, a certain girl flashed in my head... A certain scenario; an unknown parking lot, elevator, unknown unit, couch, a girl on top of me...and I-...and we just-...

 

 

"Chaeng! It's a red light!"

 

 

I stepped on the breaks harshly. Good thing Jisoo said that at the right time or else I would have thought more of that night-... Wait wait, no... I mean I would've get a violation ticket. 

 

 

"Chaeng, I told you to let me drive." 

 

 

I was still breathing heavily with shock but I need to assure Jisoo I'm fine.

 

 

"I'm fine Jis. Sorry... Just a little tired." 

 

 

She sighed before answering. "Okay... I guess we both need to rest. We'll talk tomorrow, yeah?"

 

 

"Of course." 

 

 

I dropped her off and waited for her to get inside her house. I looked at the gate blankly, with the silence, just the hazzard of the car clicking. 

 

 

Soon enough, I questioned myself... Why would I do that with Jennie if I love Jisoo? N-No... It was just a mistake, it was just one night.

 

 

I've already gone mad, haven't I? To think that I'd have to check on her again on the weekdays. .

 

 

 

 

~ ~ ~

 

 

 

 

"Hey, Jis. I'm at front. You ready?" I said once she picked up the phone.

 

 

 

"Well... Yeah-... Wait, what are you doing here?" 

 

 

 

I saw her out from her front door so I hung up and waved at her. She has those confused look on her and that made me laugh.

 

 

 

"What's up with you?" She asked once she settled on the passenger seat.

 

 

 

"What do you mean? I clearly confessed my feelings and it's out in the open now so..."

 

 

 

"So?" She asked, a little flustered.

 

 

 

"I'm gonna try and win your heart."

 

 

 

"W-What?" I feel her tensed up and watch her cover her blush-tinted cheeks. I had to admit that's cute and entertaining. I just laughed at her which earned me a complaint from the latter.

 

 

 

 

~ ~ ~

 

 

 

 

"Here's your breakfast and usual coffee." When we went out from the car, I handed her the bag which contains her favorite breakfast. I ordered it beforehand along with mine.

 

 

 

"Chaeng... this is-..."

 

 

 

"What you deserve and my special way of showing affection." I finished for her with a grin on my face. Jisoo laughed heartily at my remark which destroyed my composure and laughed along with her.

 

 

 

"Aish jinjja.. this is what you get from watching too much drama with me!" She said as she took her breakfast and coffee. "Thanks Chaeng, this is really sweet but..." I stopped on my tracks with the "but" word and she followed suit. I looked at her with confused eyes but she just smiled at me sweetly.

 

 

 

"I'm still a bit overwhelmed by all of this so... I just wanna say that... I hope you're not expecting anything? I mean..."

 

 

 

"Of course, Jis. You letting me do these kind of things are enough. At the end, whatever your answer will be, I know for sure that I'll never regret anything. I'm lucky enough just by showing how much I truly care for you." I said, with my heart unconcealed and bare, with utmost sincerity.

​​

 

 

Jisoo can't help but look down to hide her shyness. She continued walking instead and I followed her with a grin plastered on my face.

 

 

 

"Thanks Chaeng," Jisoo said as we went near to her office. She still can't look at me directly and I can't describe how it made me feel but I know I'm happy just by showing her how I feel.

 

 

 

"Sure. See you later, then?"

 

 

 

"Of course. You see...someone didn't let me use my car." We laughed at the sarcasm and I signaled her to go first,

 

 

 

As I walked towards our department, I can't help but smile everytime I think about Jisoo. It's amazing how everything turned out fine, how accepting and honest Jisoo was. I sure fell in love with her for a reason... for a whole lot of reasons.

 

 

 

All those feelings were distrupted when the nurse handed me my records for today. Of course, first on the list was the name 'Jennie Ruby Jane Kim'.

 

 

 

 

~ ~ ~

 

 

 

 

The door clicked as I opened it, slowly revealing those cat-like features, especially those taunting eyes that were already piercing through my soul even though I wasn't entering the room yet. She was sitting comfortably on her bed, some fruits already prepared for her as her breakfast ration.

 

 

 

I entered like the usual; checked her latest record, her medications and condition for the past week when she had her free time. It was all good to be honest, but not quite when the said girl was watching my every movement. I could feel daggers just because of those stares.

 

 

 

Even so, I've tried  the hardest to maintain my composure... but it went all downhill when Jennie broke the silence.

 

 

 

"I really never realized how long your fingers were."

 

 

 

I dropped the untensils and small plate that I just got from her bed desk. Along with it, I dropped the record, my pen, the syringe and other things I prepared to keep my mind pre-occupied. I dropped my hard-earned composure with a single statement.

 

 

 

"W-What did you say?!"

 

 

 

"Why are your suddenly all worked-up? I just observed your hand while you were fixing my desk. Now you made a mess." Jennie said calmly. The 'calm' like she got me on the palm of her hands.

 

 

 

"Oh..." I answered dumb-founded. Maybe I got worked-up for no reason at all.

 

 

 

"But I can still feel them inside me though."

 

 

 

"W-What?!" I can feel my face heat up as that night keeps flashing on my memories. The more Jennie speaks, the more I remember all the details, especially how her moans sounded on my every touch and-... no, no, no. Don't think about that, Park Chaeyoung!

 

 

 

"I meant when you did my surgery." She said as she pointed on her chest, right through the heart. I sighed in relief. I just hope that is the last teasing I'll get from her-... As I was pleading for my sanity, this girl was half done removing her tied robe.

 

 

 

"M-Ms. Kim...w-what are you-..." Upon my stuttering, I was saved by the nurse who knocked and enetered the room.

 

 

 

"Dr. Park, I heard something. Is everything okay?"

 

 

 

"Y-Yes. I just dropped some utensils. My apologies."

 

 

 

"It's fine Dr., I should be the one fixing those." The nurse politely said and started cleaning the mess.

 

 

 

"I should leave Ms. Kim to you, then. I'll hand over the records to you later." I said, with the utmost desire to escape.

 

 

 

 

"Yes, Dr.-..." The nurse was suddenly cut off, something I wished never to happen, atleast just for this day.

 

 

 

"What do you mean, Dr. Park? You were supposed to check my vitals, right? You made me undo my robe." Jennie said calmly with a hint of annoyance.

 

 

 

What the hell is she saying? I didn't make her do such thing!

 

 

 

To end this as soon as possible, I just smiled and do as she please...and I need my composure back because an audience just came into the picture.

 

 

 

When the stethoscope came into contact with her skin, just right above her heart, she hitched a breath because of the sudden coldness of it.

 

 

 

"S-Slowly..." Jennie muttered. It was all fine until my head had a flash of memory again. I froze when I remembered Jennie muttering the same word, in the same  way when I was...I was, violenty....doing-...

 

 

 

"Ms. Kim!" I subconsciously called for her as I removed the stethoscope away. I saw her jolted a little, garnering my actions unexpected.

 

 

 

"May we please have a talk over lunch? I see you're free on this week as well after a few tests this morning." I asked politely. If I'm going to be serious with Jisoo, I have to disclose this matter once and for all.

 

 

 

Jennie just gave me a tight smile before answering. "You know my schedule well, Dr. Park. I'd love to."

 

 

 

With that, I nodded and bowed gently to her before I stepped out of the room. I was nervous in so many ways but for Jisoo, I'll do anything... even beyond my limits.

 

 

 

 

~ ~ ~

 

 

 

 

"Ms. Kim., I-..."

 

 

 

"I thought we agreed on that name? Rosie?" Jennie cut me off and I choked on air which gave me the need to drink a little water.

 

 

 

"I know, but-...."

 

 

 

"Say my name properly first." She demanded.

 

 

 

"J-Jen..."

 

 

 

"Good."

 

 

 

"May I, now?"

 

 

 

"Hmm..." Jennie thought for a couple of seconds before continuing. "Let's have our lunch first, shalll we? I don't wanna spoil it with things you'll say. Let's eat?" She said and began eating even without my permission yet. I can't help but think about how sad her eyes went when she said those. I always know how she looks when she demand things from me but this time, it was more like a plea. 

 

 

 

But thinking about it more, who knows how Jennie Kim's mind work? She has always been hard to read and full of questionable words and actions. It was always like that and always will. Upon contemplating, I ignored the matter and just started eating too.

 

 

 

 

~ ~ ~

 

 

 

 

"You can say whatever you need to say now, Dr. Park." Jennie said authoritatively, like I'm on some interview or client meeting.

 

 

 

"What happened last time..." I tried to look at her directly but I can't... words won't come out when I do.

 

 

 

"You know what I mean... that-..."

 

 

 

"You mean when we had ?"

 

 

 

My eyes widen at that sudden truth that came out of Jennie's mouth. The truth that was hard for me to accept, the truth that both of us were willing, and inviting to those actions. I don't know what was that for her, but for me, it was a dent; a mistake I made whilst knowing I am in love with somebody else.

 

 

 

"Was that the only reason you bother taking me out to lunch?"

 

 

 

"Y-Yes, actually."

 

 

 

"That was nothing to me. It was just one night when we both needed to relieve our stress. Did you feel otherwise, Dr. Park?"

 

 

 

"N-No, not at all." I can't help but heave a unnoticable sigh of relief. I was hoping for this, and it was what I expected.

 

 

 

"W-Wasn't that your f-first?" I asked, regretfully as a matter of fact.

 

 

 

You dumb , why would you ask that?! I want to internally curse myself, and I was already doing it. I kept thinking about that because it was the first for me and it bothered me a lot, and I'm worried it does for her too. I can't believe I really asked it.

 

 

 

"Dr. Park, I believe matters like that are none of your concern." Jennie said sternly.

 

 

 

"R-Right... I'm sorry."

 

 

 

"You may excuse yourself. I'm planning to stay for a little while."

 

 

 

"I... I understand. Please take care." I said and bowed once I stood up from my seat. Jennie wasn't looking at me nor she have plans on doing so, so I left.

 

 

 

Before I enter my car, I glanced towards her once more from the glass partitions of the restaturant. She was still looking outside, expressionless but deep in thought.

 

 

 

I don't know why we ended up doing things we weren't supposed to, but this will be the last thing that I got involved with with Jennie Kim.