C16: What Was Once Forgotten [Will Come Back] (Pt. 3)

TW: Mentions of potential self-harm are in this chapter.

I felt dull, like I wasn’t even alive. Even though I had felt more pain this past month than I had ever felt in my life. I lied curled up in my bed, eyes barely opening staring at the wall of my room tonight just like I had every night this week.

My phone rested face down off on my bedside table because I was tired of it buzzing with calls and texts from Jaehyun, Taeyong, and Johnny. I just didn’t want to be around them right now. My entire situation put down the mood for everyone, I did not want them to be as miserable as me.

The door to my room creaks open, Doyoung stepping through with a tray of food for me. My stomach churns at his red swollen eyes. Why did I ever get involved with him? All I’ve done since we’ve started dating is ruin his life.

It was so unfair to him.

Truthfully I did not deserve him, but now he was all I had left. I was grateful for him.

But it was pitiful really, our relationship. He lost his child and essentially me, as I was slowly slipping into depression the longer I lied here.

Doyoung sits down beside me on the bed, sitting the tray down. His hand moves to run through my hair, “Yooyeon, sit up, let’s eat.”

I swallow, I’d force myself to survive and live on just for him.

-

“It’s really good to see you.” Taeyong smiles softly from his spot next to me.

I smile a fake smile, “You too, Tae.”

His place was my last stop today, I had already been to both Jaehyun and Johnny’s erasing each of their memories of my miscarriage. This was the conclusion I had come to, if they didn’t remember it happening they wouldn’t bring it up again causing me or Doyoung to suffer anymore.

It was wrong, to do this without their consent, but it was the only way for us all to move on.

“Are you okay?” He clears his throat.

My mouth twitches, no, I’m not. “Yeah.” I place my hand on his cheek. “I’m fine.” My eyes focus on my hand and how our skin met, letting the tension roll off my shoulders as I see each memory of the event I’ve wanted to forget disappear from Taeyong’s memory. One by one until there’s a pounding headache behind my eyes.

Once they are all gone I swallow, Taeyong’s eyes are dull as he’s disoriented from what I had just done to him, the same look on his face that Jaehyun and Johnny had had previously in the night. 

My hand falls from his cheek raising to the bridge of my nose pinching it to find some sort of release from the pain behind my eyes, “Are you okay?” I snap my fingers causing him to blink looking around confused.

I’m sorry, Taeyong, I really am!

“Ye-yeah?” He shakes his head, hand moving to scratch at the back of his neck. “What we’re we talking about again? I must’ve zoned out for a second or something?”

I quickly stand, “I was just saying I should get home is all.”

He nods slowly still seeming confused, “Oh, well let me walk you out.”

-

When I get home tears are falling down my cheeks. I’m not sure if it was from the pain in my head or the fact that I was a horrible person, I stole part’s of my friend’s memories. I fall to my knees in the hallway not even making it all the way into the apartment.

That’s how Doyoung finds me, on my knees crying into the floor. He doesn’t say anything just bends to his knees pulling me into his embrace. My arms wrap around him as I cry into his neck. I hate myself so much.

“Doyoung, can we stay at your apartment tonight? I just really can’t be in this place right now.” There was so much death surrounding this place.

“Of course we can.” He pulls me to my feet, “let me pack up some of your things.”

-

As I sit down on Doyoung’s bed and he closes the door behind him. My heart sinks into my stomach at how I avoided Johnny like the plagued when we got here.

“I erased their memories.” I murmur under my breath. My eyes scrunching together at the aching in my head.

“Hmm?” Doyoung says sitting my bag down.

My eyes raise to his, “I erased their memories of what happened, does that make me a horrible person?”

Doyoung’s eyes widen, before he sits down beside me. “You-do they know that you did it?”

I shake my head, “I didn’t ask them if I could, I just did it.”

He lets out a shaky breath, pulling me into a hug. “You only did what’s best for you, it’s okay.”

God, please just stop this pain in my head. I pull back from Doyoung, my hand moving to my head. I shouldn’t be complaining, my headache was just karma from what I had done to my friends.

“Doyoung, I think I’m just going to lie down for a bit.”

He nods moving so I can lie down, being the sweetheart he is he lies down beside me. Tears start up again, even more so than they were, I didn’t deserve him.

My chest heaves with every sob causing Doyoung to begin to cry too, “I’m sorry this all happened to you, I should’ve been more careful and none of this would’ve happened.”

I quickly shake my head, “None of this is your fault, it’s all mine.”

“No, it’s not,” Doyoung huffs. “I should’ve made sure we used protection. , I should’ve just held my urges in. If I hadn’t of gotten you pregnant everything would still be the same.”

No, it wouldn’t have been, because sooner or later it would’ve happened because of me, I am bad luck.

Doyoung’s hands move up to try and calm me down, he pulls me closer pressing his lips onto my forehead. Some of the tension lifts suddenly as something flashes before my eyes.

What was that?

Doyoung pulls back, his eyes were formed into slits and dull. They remain unmoving for too long causing me to sit up, “Doyoung?”

He doesn’t react or answer causing the pit in my stomach to dig deeper. “Kim Doyoung?” I place my hand on his shoulder.

The look on his face, it’s the same that Taeyong had earlier tonight, the same as Jaehyun and Johnny, the look of forgetting.

“Who are you?” Doyoung’s voice breaks me out of my mind. His voice is harsher than normal as he quickly sits up.

My mouth opens but I don’t speak.

What have I done?

“I said who are you?” He quickly stands up.

“Not you too, why do I have to lose you too?” I say out loud. “Why did I do that? How did it happen when I didn’t want it to?”

“What are you talking about?” His arms cross over his chest.

“.” I press my hand into my chest at how loud my heart was pounding. “, I’m so sorry, Doyoung.”

I take one deep breath, get yourself together Yooyeon. “I’m sorry I must’ve went into the wrong room.” I stand up lowering my gaze from his.

But I couldn’t leave like this. I slowly raise my gaze to his face. A tear slides down his cheek and he suddenly notices moving his hand up to wipe it away.

“Why am I cry