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"You should stop worrying your sister like that."

He blinks at the voice, after a while staring at the ceiling that is clearly not the one he has over his bedroom and shifts his head slightly. The figure of his father comes into his view in the dimly lit room and he stares at the elder that is standing by his bed, the sound of water being poured in fills the quiet room before a warm hand gets in touch with his forehead.

"You are still a little warm."

The warm hand moves to his back, supporting him as he gathers whatever left of his energy to lift himself up to sit, before scooching back a little until his back meets with the soft pillow. A glass of water is being handed to him and he takes it, drinking a few sips before turning to look at the elder that is sitting on the chair by the bed. The lact of light in the room still allows him to see the relief expression on his father's face as he manages to figure out where he is. "Why am I at the hospital?" He sees a small smile form on the handsome face.

"Well, who told you to play in the rain in the middle of the day?"

He smiles weakly, taking another sip of his water. It has been raining for this past week and yesterday's afternoon was the heaviest. He thought it was a perfect way to cheer Sophia up by having a water fight and that she would be back to her old self. He casts his gaze across the room where his little sister is sleeping on the sofa. "Is Sophia okay?"

"She is fine. You know how tough she is."

He nods. She has the strongest immune system in their family. Even if she did catch a cold or has a fever, she would be fine after two or three days.

"Are you hungry? I bought some porridge. I can ask the nurse to reheat it for you."

He follows his father's line of sight and sees a few plastic bags on the table near the sofa. It was supposed to be just two, three hours of nap after all they playing in the rain but apparently he was more tired than he thought. He doesn't know how long the time has passed but he is sure he had slept through the entire evening meaning his last meal was yesterday's afternoon which was more than twelve hours ago.

"Or do you want some bread instead?"

He watches as the elder that had walked to the table hodling up a bag of sweet bread, and he nods, smiling as the bread being put on his blanket-covered lap. The sound of his stomach grumbling gets him a head ruffle from his father, before the elder sits back on the chair by the bed. He takes out a slice and starts eating, eyes fix on the packaging in front of him.

"Joonmyeon."

He turns his head and faces his father, giving him his full attention.

"Are you still mad at your mother?"

He freezes, mouth stops chewing as his father is looking straight at him. He sees thick eyebrows coming together as the elder is waiting for his answer. It has been more than half a year since they were reunited again and this is the first time his father ever brought up a topic about his late mother. Aside from being told she had passed away, both his father and Sophia never mentioned anything about his mother ever since. He knows the two just don't want him to feel what he felt before again and he is sure if he asked, his father would tell him everything but he himself doesn't really want to know what really happened to his mother.

"I am not asking you to forget what she had done and forgive her. I just hope that you don't hate her anymore."

The elder is looking at him with a small smile on his face and he sighs, nodding. "I don't hate her anymore. I was angry at her when Sophia wouldn't answer my calls anymore but after a while, that feeling just went away. I missed her too but what can I do." He smiles at his father, before finishing the piece of sweet bread in his hand. Hating the Chinese male after finding out about the photo and hating on his own mother after she took his family away from him. His body and heart had never dealt with so much hatred before. It is a miracle he is still alive and breathing.

"Your mother, she didn't die because of you."

He stares down at his lap, knowing his father just saying that to comfort him when in fact he is the sole reason his late mother became ill from stress and depression that never went away and led her to her passing. He had his suspicion when both his father and Sophia never said anything about the reason behind his mother's death but the fact that they did that just confirmed everything. He saw her once, a few days after Sophia wouldn't answer his calls anymore, at a market she used to go. The pale face and the lost expression. His mother had changed so much less than a couple of weeks after she had thrown him out of the house that he could barely recognized her anymore. Two years would have taken a toll on her.

"Joonmyeon..."

He turns to face his father, looking at the elder straight in the eyes, lips pursing in a thin line as he tries not to shed the tears that are slowly pooling under his own eyes. The reason he just walked away that night was because there was nothing wrong in his mother's words. He was an ungrateful child, a disgrace to the family, liking men when he himself is one. Then a text from Sophia the next day telling him about the photo that was circulated among his mother's friends just hammering the nail nof his mother's words even deeper. He accepted his punishment without saying a word. Did she have to take away Sophia and his father too?

"I'm sorry... I really am..."

The edge of the bed dips a little as big arms circling aroung his body, sturdy chest hiding his face as he tries not to make a sound that could wake up his little sister, wetting his father's clothes with his tears. It was enough for him, being able to talk with Sophia while she assured him that she would make their mother change her mind, and those money that his father sent him every day for his living expenses because he's worry about him. His mother might not acknowledge him as her son anymore but he still go Sophia and his father to get on with his life.

"I failed you as a father... I don't have any excuse for that... I'm sorry, son..."

His hands grip tightly the clothes in front of him, muffling his sobs as he cries with all his might, the first time ever since they were reunited again. He missed the elder so much, as much as he missed his mother, but over the years, he had accepted that it would never be the same with the woman and he didn't feel any remorse when that one dark thought crossed his mind; if his mother didn't die, his father and Sophia wouldn't come back to him.

"I had prepared for the worst, that you might push us away that day, because we left you all alone for the past two years without any news, but you just smiled at me without saying anything. I was relieved but at the same time I knew just coming back to you is not enough. I have to be a better father."

He swallows hard, trying to stop crying as his father's warm hand his back up and down, sighing softly against his ear.

"Sophia had always known you better than I do. The pictures she put up around the house made you smile, and I just went along with her. Everyting she did was for you, wanting you to be happy again, that you are a part of the family once more. And I thought it was the same too, about that one friend of yours."

He holds his breath, when his father slowly pulls away, staring down at him as his fingers wiping his tear-stained cheeks dry.

"Sophia told me what that friend had done, and I didn't want my son to get hurt again after he's finally happy again. It seemed like a right decision at that time. And you... You kept smiling that smile like nothing had happened, but that didn't work, did it? Two years alone had changed you. You decided that keeping everything to yourself is better, whether it's good or bad. You decided to face everything with a smile, not knowing the bad ones were slowly eating you from the inside."

He stares at his father, the elder's words entering his ears one by one. It is true that he has changed. Baekhyun and Chanyeol never said anything but their behaviours around him after learning about his situation made him realized that they would always be by his side, that he could rely on them if he needs to, but it doesn't mean that he should. He brought the problems upon himself. Why would someone else suffer along with him? Nothing was more painful than losing his own family. Minor setback such as not being able to be with the one you love is nothing to be sad about.

"How much must you have loved him for your body to wear down like this from holding yourself back from seeing him..."

"I am not..." He sees a small smile on the elder's lips as his father's warm hand pushing back his hair from his forehead. It has been almost a month since the confrontation at the restaurant and just like his father said, he has not seen the Chinese male since then, To say he is holding himself back from meeting the other is not entirely true since he had already prepared for the consequences when he accepted that first invitation to dinner but he has to admit, he didn't know it would happen again. It was understandable the last time when he had fallen sick because it was the first time and he just starting to accept his feelings but he thought he had gotten used to it by now. Who would have thought he is this weak.

"We are here now..."

He follows his father's line of sight that has turned around. Sophia is still sleeping soundly on the sofa, her expression serene. She isn't a heavy sleeper but he can almost hear her breathing from where he is. How tired she must have been worrying about him.

"I will always by your side so you shouldn't hold back your happiness for your sister's sake."

Soft lips land on his forehead before he being engulfed by his father's warm embrace, strong arms squeezing his body gently.

"I will make everything better. Don't you worry about it. I am your father after all."

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Yifan stops by the entrance, eyes looking around inside the cafe that is busy with people getting their morning coffee when he spots a raised hand, the owner is looking right at him. He heads towards the table by the glass window, feeling amaze as he gets closer and the elder's face gets clearer. It is 'his' father alright.

"It is nice to finally meet you, Yifan."

He smiles, nodding a little as he takes the offered hand, shaking it before being gestured to sit. A cup of latte being slid towards him and he stares at the snowman art on the surface, admiring the barista's skill before looking up at the person in front of him.

"I hope you don't mind I'm ordering for you. Joonmyeon would order this just for the art. Then it would be me or Sophia that finished it after his few sips. I guess you are his victim now too?"

"He had never ordered coffee with me."

"Ah, is that so? Such an unfair son."

He watches as the older man sips his drink, the tea fragrance wafting around his nose and he breathes out. It had been a while since he got a call as early as seven in the morning and it continued to catch him off guard after the caller introduced himself over the phone, asking if they could meet a few hours later. He didn't get a clear look the last time he saw the elder and now that the male is in front of him, he can't help feeling a little longing. The father's face is what the other would look like when he is at that age.

"Have you eaten? Do you want some breakfast?"

He glances at the service counter. A few people are in line waiting to place their order and he haven't eaten since last night, didn't have an appetite just like any other night. He turns back to decline the offer but the elder has already stood up, looking down at him with a smile.

"If you're like my son, then I know you haven't been eating properly lately. Just wait for me. I will order us something."

He stares at the broad back walking towards the counter, eyes stay on the male's side profile as the line moves along. How long ago was he being treated like a small child by his own father? It is not like there is anything wrong with the way his father treats him because he is a grown man now and his father treats him like one but just now, he felt like he was a little kid again, getting scolded for not eating his meals. He turns back to his front, staring at the cup of warm drink in front fo him before finally lifting it up, sipping it a little. The caffeine hits his senses and brings him back to reality, that he is an adult now because fathers don't order coffee for their little kids.

"Do you have anywhere to go after this? They said it would take a little longer since it's a bit busy."

He shakes his head, turning it around following the elder as the male takes his seat, putting the buzzer beside his drink.

"Then we can talk freely, get to know each other while we wait."

A soft smile appears on the elder's face and he nods. After their call ended, questions quickly flooded his mind. Why would the father want to meet him. How did he get his phone number. Will Sophia come with and punch him in the face, literally this time. But now the caller himself is in front of him and he suddenly doesn't know how to speak.

"How are you?"

He smiles a little. "I am fine."

"You are not working right now, right? Since you worked at that clothes shop across Sophia's workplace and that shop is owned by... you know..."

"Ah, yes... I... I worked there because she asked me to help her. It was just a temporary thing. I... I work with my father at his company in Canada."

"Oh. Then are you going back there soon?"

"I am planning to, yes, in these few weeks."

"Without meeting Joonmyeon first?"

He stiffens at the questions before the vibrating buzzer indicating their food is ready loosens him up again. He reaches for it before the elder could, offering himself to fetch their breakfast that the male had ordered and walks towards the counter with heavy feet. Of course that thought crossed his mind but what can he do? Sophia doesn't want him to see the other and she has every right to act that way. He thanks the staff and heads back towards their table, putting the tray of food in the middle of the table.

"Like this we can each taste some of the other's. My kids like stealing food from each other and not finishing their own after that."

He watches as the place of two different halves of sandwiches being placed in front of him after the elder divided them, taking a bite himself of one of the sandwiches. He nods when the elder gestures him to do the same and he picks up the half lobster roll, eating it silently, eyes fixed at the male in front of him. What does the father mean by asking that question? Even if he is their father, Sophia was really angry. There is no way she would let her brother meet with him.

"Sophia is just very protective of her brother. After what happened, she would do anything to make sure Joonmyeon won't be hurt again. Then I learned about who you really are, and was baffled. 'How did my son love such a person?' But watching him acting like nothing happened after that incident at the restaurant, I realized it wasn't his choice either. He knows what this person did to him but he still falls in love with him. Anyone that knew the whole story would think it doesn't make sense but love never make sense, right?"

The elder is smiling at him as if the words he had spoken were just passing comments but it makes him swallows hard the food inside his mouth, hands putting the bitten sandwich back on the plate as he lowers his head down. It took him a few days to digest everything that Sophia had said to him before he called Luhan to meet up. Every word that came out from his best friend's mouth was like blunt needles poking his being; they don't make him bled but the lingering pain was never stopped. He might not be at fault since he was a victim too and nothing actually happened but it did start with him.

"I trust my son. I don't have the right to prevent him from seeing anyone, as long as they treat him right. Sophia too. Her brother is all grown up. He can take care of himself. She..."

"I'm sorry." He stares straight at the elder in front of him, brows knit at his sudden apology before a small smile appears on his lips.

"Well, if Joonmyeon has forgiven you for what happened, then I don't have the right to still be mad at you. About Sohpia, don't you worry. She will come around eventually."

"Even if she did, I am not sure I will." He breathes in. He had thought of getting a glimpse of the other from afar before he leaves the country, just to fulfill his longing, but sitting here with the father and talking about what happened, it just doesn't feel right anymore. The father and son might have forgiven him but just like the sister, he can't forgive himself as well. "To tell you the truth, I only found out about what happened to your family recently, after Sophia's revelation. For such a big thing that happened because of me, I don't understand too how your son could love me."

"Yifan..."

"I didn't notice it before, but it seems that Joonmyeon had known since long before that we aren't supposed to be together and I..." He swallows. It was puzzling him as the other left him just like that at the restaurant without trying to explain anything and he finally understood why he didn't get any call from him afterwards when Luhan finished his story. The other seems to have made terms with himself that he can love him but don't expect to be with him. If he comes, he will welcome him with open arms. If he doesn't, he doesn't. That is why the younger didn't ask him to stay when he was forced to leave. He didn't expect him to come but he did. It was more than enough for him.

"And you are fine with that?"

He blinks once, head processing the question before he bites his lower lip, holding himself from refuting that he is not fine with that. Every time he feels like he couldn't take it anymore and just want to rush to where the other male is, Luhan's words get replayed in his ears, and he is forced to step away from the front door. He had ruined the other's life and still want to be with him. Isn't he being a bit too thick-skinned?

"Like you just said, Joonmyeon knew what you guys have won't work out but he never pushed you away, did he? Shouldn't you give him some credit for that? As a father, all I want is for my son to be happy, for him to spend his life with someone that really loves him but I guess you are not the one."

The elder's last words struck his head like a dagger and he finds himself hard to breathe, eyes watching as the elder finishes his half sandwich, sipping his tea and wiping his mouth.

"I guess I should be going. I need to bring Sophia home to change clothes and Joonmyeon needs his laptop to send an email or something. Can't he just rest while being in the hospital?"

He looks up as the elder stands, telling him to do what he wants with the rest of the sandwiches before leaving him alone and walks out of the place. He stares at the leftover food in front of him, mind blank. He has put two and two together; the reason why he being asked to mee with that one word the elder said before leaving, but what is there to do? He fishes out his phone just as the sound of incoming message dings. A row of numbers is at where the saved name supposed to be and it contains no other context except the lines of words. A place name, a floor level and a room number.

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