+++++

"Hyung."

"Hm?"

"Are you in love?" The spoon that is in the middle of scooping the shaved ice stopped and Chanyeol waits, watching the small hand gathering the topping at one side before scooping it out an into the mouth. He keeps staring at the fair face before a small smile breaks and their gazes collide.

"I am." Joonmyeon smiles a little bit wider, enjoying the blank face the younger has at his answer before continues to dig in. So Chanyeol could tell. He wonders what gave it away.

Chanyeol leans back to his chair. This is Baekhyun all over again but unlike his small friend that he was expecting a girl to be introduced to when he finally dated, he knows Joonmyeon's person of interest is a guy and he has prepared for it since the beginning. He knows the older has friends outside the campus but he only knows Jirayu, and that dessert shop owner he being introduced to a few weeks ago. "Do I know him?"

He scoops another spoonful of shaved ice into his mouth as he works his brain. Does meeting just over an hour ago counts as 'knowing'. Joonmyeon looks up at the younger. "Well, you have met him." He watches the big eyes blinking repeatedly while looking at hiim and he pulls the bowl of dessert closer. It looks like the younger isn't in the mood of eating anymore so more for him.

Chanyeol lets out a breath, mind trying to recall every other person that he had met that knew Joonmyeon but no one really fits in. He faces the older that is scraping the empty bowl. "When did I meet him?"

Joonmyeon clean his spoon before shaking his head, smiling at the furrowed brows of the younger. "I can't tell you that."

"Why not?"

"Because it never going to work."

Chanyeol freezes, ears hearing a chair being pushed away before the person that was sitting in front of him is gone and he is left alone with a couple of shopping bags. What does the older mean by that? Does he love someone he can't be with? Is the guy in a relationship? Or because the guy isn't into men?

"Hey, let's go."

He looks up to his side where Joonmyeon is standing, one hand holding the receipt for the dessert they just had while the other is collecting the shopping bags. He stands up and being handed his own shopping bag with his new pair of shoes in it. They came to the mall for the movies but the display shoes on the show window tempted him and he lost to it.

"We need to stop at the grocer first." Joonmyeon pulls out his phone and opens the message he received from his father earlier as he steps out of the restaurant. There are a few groceries he needed and asking him to buy it. "Looks like dad is going to make marinated beef for dinner. Do you want to come?" He looks up at the younger that is walking beside him to see an expressionless face staring into nothing. "Hey."

Chanyeol blinks at the tug on his arm and turns his head to the older.

"Are you still thinking who is it that I am in love with?"

The accurate guess stabs his inside but the older is just smiling at him, acting like such thing is a daily occurence. He holds the handrail before stepping on the escalator, watching the back of the small head looking down as they descent to the lower floor. "Hyung."

"Hm?"

"You are really serious about him?"

Joonmyeon breathes out as he carefully get off the moving stairs, waiting for the younger to do the same before heading toward the direction fo the grocer inside the mall. He glances up and sees Chanyeol is still waiting for an answer. He haven't told a soul about his feeling since he can handle it but maybe talking it out with someone would be better? Although he doesn't know what good will it do. "I guess?"

"Hyung."

He chuckles before nodding repeatedly as the younger sounds desparate. "I really like him. Like, super like. Oh! You don't tell Sophia or Baekhyun. I only tell you because you found out about it. By the way, how did you find out about it?"

Chanyeol stops as he watches the older pulling out a shopping cart beside the grocer entrance before going straight in. He follows from behind, eyes glued at the small back. He thought nothing when he saw the older's solemn face that Monday but then Joonmyeon fainted while they were walking to his car and he started to look for reasons. When the older told him about his rescheduled exam, he offered himself right away.

"Eggs. We need eggs."

He turns to his side where the eggs being stacked on and helps the older picking up a carton, putting it inside the cart before they move on towards the produce section. His eyes avert down to the pair of legs in front of him. The bandage was removed after the older came back from the family vacation two weeks ago but somehow the cheerful expression Joonmyeon had since that day was bugging him but he couldn't put a word on his feeling. Until today.

"Stop thinking about it already." Joonmyeon meets the younger's eyes when he looks up at him. He never though about how would his family and friends react on him fallen in love because he ws planning to keep it as a secret forever but he must admit that Chanyeol's reaction is making him delighted because it seems like he is really worry about him being in one-sided love. "I am really fine. Don't worry about it."

"Was it because of him?"

His brows furrow at the out-of-context question.

"Being that listless one day and smiling non-stop on the next?"

Joonmyeon sighs softly, feet keep walking alongside of the variety of fruits and vegetable that being stacked nicely. He couldn't believe it either. Those things being written in novels about one fallen ill because of unrequitted love actually happend to him. It was when Sophia commented how his face looked brighter and that the vacation is just what he needed but he felt llike it's a lot more than that.

"Hyung." Chanyeol watches as the older picking up a pack of mushroom before looking back at him. A small smile appears on the fair face but he can feel it isn't a happy one. Who is this person that make his senior being helplessly in love like this? And what is the reason his love couldn't come true?

"You are coming for dinner, right? If not, I'm going to buy just half of the meat."

He stares at Joonmyeon that is waiting for his reply and he nods, eyes following the small back heading towards the meat section where the butcher is before doing the same. He stands beside the older, ears listening to the conversation about cuts of meat between the two people but his mind can't move on just like the older asked. It was two weeks from that Monday to the family vacation, and another two weeks after the vacation to today. Joonmyeon changed from trying to act fine to geniunely happy overnight. Did something happen on the vacation?

Joonmyeon sees how the younger is staring blankly at the meat inside the cooler and he taps the toned arm, gesturing him to go after he got his attention. He lets Chanyeol be with his mind, complicating himself with the problem that iss not even his own as he finishes the shopping. He watches as plastic bags being taken from the counter as he pays the bill and he takes the younger's shopping bag instead as they walk so he won't feel too much guilt letting the junior carrying everything.

"You said I have met him."

He glances up for a moment before nodding.

"Who else have met him?"

He purses his lips, isn't sure want to tell about that or not. The younger still won't have a clue about him, right? "Everyone has met him except, dad, I guess."

Chanyeol's eyes widen at the statement as the step into the parking lot. Everyone? Even Sophia? How long his this person came into the older's life? "Are you sure?"

"Sure? Sure about what?"

"This arrangment you are having with yourself."

Joonmyeon stops in front fo the younger's car, staring at himself that being reflected on the shiny hood. They met again after two weeks; he purposely staying away from Harit's shop because it is the right thing to do but the world is small, and fate isn't done playing with him yet. The meeting with the happy couple outside the movie theater almost three hours ago was just like Chanyeol's question but in physical form. Bella looked so happy with the male and he didn't feel like crying his heart out at the picture. He smiles at himself. "I am."

+++++

"Luhan had always been like that, huh."

Yifan turns his head to his side, his hand receiving the wet bowl that being handed to him. "What do you mean?"

"How he looked at Minseok. We were obviously there but he turned us into air, eyes were on Minseok all the time." Bella scrubs a little bit harder the frying pan she is cleaning. She invited Yifan's friends for dinner to get to know them better but it was mostly Minseok that did the talking. Luhan on the other hand, would only talk a little before he turned to Minseok, letting his husband continue the rest of the conversation as he stared at him.

Yifan nods in agreement. Luhan has been doing that even before he and Minseok started dating but it was sublte at first. After that, whenever the three of them hung out together, he would be turned into air by the Chinese male, completely ignoring him and just focusing on Minseok.

"How did the two meet? Were you three friends from the beginning? I remember you and Minseok were roommates before."

"We were. I met Luhan at a party, then he saw me with Minseok at the university. He begged me to introduce him to Minseok so I had to."

Bella nods. She heard about Yifan's partying habit from his parents when they first met back then and just like any parents, they dislike it but she thinks as long as one knows how to behave, going to a party every other weekend is fine. "So, it was love at first sight for Luhan."

"He said so."

She smiles to herself, thinking how lucky Luhan is that Minseok developed the same feeling towards him later. She glances at the male beside her that is wiping a plate dry. Yifan is trying and she will wait. There is no rushing. Before this, when she asked him to help with the dishes, she would be the only one talking and the male would give a short response when being asked. Now, they even play rock-paper-scissor for it, the loser washes. She lost.

"Be careful with the knife."

She hums as an answer, mind wanders to the scene in the afternoon that had the same cautious words being uttered but with a bit more affection. "That Chanyeol guy with Joonmyeon... I don't think he is only a friend like Harit said. Joonmyeon was the one told him that but still, I don't buy it."

Yifan stiffens, the cloth in his hands being gripped tightly as the image in front of the movie theater flashes before his eyes. The car was parked at the same level as the cinema entrance and he just smiled as Bella regretting her decision of buying grocery first before a familiar face entered his view and Bella greeted the person happily.

"The way he caught Joonmyeon when he tripped his own feet... I don't know. My gut is telling me otherwise. Maybe whe he told Harit they were just friends but now..."

The words being said that night ring in his ears. They don't like each other like that. He said so. Because the person the male likes is him. He never said it but that is the only explanation to the kisses the male didn't reject. He doesn't remember what kind of reaction he thought he would get when he leaned in but after the male too agreed that it is better if he is 'not', he felt his heart became lighter than before.

"They looked cute together. Poor Harit though."

Yifan stares at the pile of wet utensils on the counter before talking a fork and wipes it. They both agreed that he is 'not', but about what? What was that he tryingto say that night? That he is 'not in love' with the male? That he is 'not into men'? He glances to his side, swallowing the lump in his throat a the other thought that crossed his mind. That, he is not in love with Bella?

"I wonder if it was love at first sight for Harit. He said Joonmyeon helped him with the shop a they spent quite some times together but people don't realize it if it was love at first sight after a while, you know? Like me."

His hands stop wiping the couple od spoons in his hold, mind replaying the day that they first met.

"But not exactly like, 'love' love. More like, 'Oh, quite handsome, not bad at all' like that. A different kind from Luhan's."

If that is considered as 'love at first sight', then he was the same too. The other looked stunning in a short red dress she wore that night and he didn't mind being arranged to marry her. But he is not Luhan. He has never looked at Bella like she is his whole life. He has never got anxious when Bella had fallen sick. He has never got possessive when she was with another man. He purses his lips at the image from this afternoon. He felt possessive back then.

Bella passes the wet plate as she turns off the water. Next time they decided to do a double date, they are eating outside. She turns to Yifan that is still wiping the plate dry, eyes staring blankly at the upper cupboards. She wonders what is on his mind. "Hey." The male is looking at her with blinking eyes. "Do you want some milk? I know I cooked it but that spicy chicken taste still lingers in my mouth."

Yifan watches as the other opening the fridge, rummaging the inside of it as she mumbles to herself. He tried, and Bella knows he tried, but it doesn't work. For two weeks he let his feeling sort out everything by itself, thinking what happened that night will eventually go away, because he is 'not', but then he met with the male again today, and while there are still things unclear, the most important one is definite, and hurtful. But Bella has to know.

"Apparently I drank all the almond milk and we only left with one box." Bella closes the fridge door, eyes on the milk box in her hand. "I only need a little anyway so we can... share..." She frowns when she sees Yifan is looking at her with a solemn face. A joke about him being sad about the last almond milk get thrown away and she purses her lips at the fast beating of her heart. She doesn't like this feeling.

Yifan bends down on one knee, pausing when a stern voice tells him to stop. He looks at the nervous face before letting out a breath. He knows he could never atone himself for what he is doing to the other but it is better for her to know now than later.

"People propose... with one knee..." Bella tries to control her breathing, clenching the milk box tightly in her hand as she watches her husband-to-be lowering down his other knee. There were signs but she chose to ignore it because Yifan is trying. She was fine when they went to pick up a wedding ring she is wearing right now together because their case is different as Yifan is still trying. Getting propose is when one is really in love with the other. Kneeling with your head down is when one is asking for forgiveness from the other.

"I tried..."

"You can keep trying! Just keep trying! I don't mind how long you would take! You promised so just keep trying!"

Yifan stares at the almond milk box that has fallen onto the floor. He did promise to try to be better, that eventually he would fall in love with this beautiful person, because she deserves it but he couldn't do it. This isn't about him loving another person, it is about him couldn't love Bella like she loves him. To give her hope that someday he will fall in love with her, is something he can't continue doing. He can keep lying to himself about him being 'not' or whatever but he can never lie to Bella.

Bella looks down at the hanging head. She caught the male staring blankly more than a few times after coming back from her bachelorette party but Yifan is working hard in trying to be better, trying his best to fall in love with her. The two weeks of happiness was suddenly changed into two weeks of lost in thoughts but she ignored those suspicious feelings because even after they got married, Yifan can still try and she would still wait. The wedding was never a deadline. He doesn't need to ask for her forgiveness that he couldn't love her in time.

"I tried... and I really want to keep trying... but..."

She wipes the tears before they could fall. There is only one reason she could think of that would make Yifan broke his own promise. "Who is she? Do I know her?" The male doesn't answer and she breathes out hard. "What does she have that I don't? How did you fall in love with her instead of me? Do you even care about me all these years?"

"I do. I just..."

"You just don't love me..."

Yifan breathes out unmoving, the soft sobs didn't miss his ears. "I just don't want to lie to you anymore. The wedding..."

Bella swallows at the hanging sentence. The male might not love her but she knows him. Yifan didn't tell her all these for his own sake, he just wants her to make the right decision; to cancel the wedding and live their own life or to continue with the wedding and live together in a loveless marriage. She has the upper hand in both decisions but neither is an ultimate win for her. It is better if they both lose. "Will you promise not to go to her if I cancelled the wedding?"

Yifan lifts his head slowly, looking up at the flushed face with red eyes. He doesn't have any answer for that. He is still not sure what exactly is his feeling towards the Korean male; he might had kissed him out of curiosity, and if it was indeed because he has feelings for him, the way the male smiled at the intimacy Bella did to him in front of the cinemo showed that he was genuinely happy for them. The male doesn't mind that they are not together. He can't say the same for himself.

"Then, don't forget about your appointment with the tailor tomorrow. I won't be coming with."

He watches as the shaking body exits the kitchen, the whole house goes silence before a slam on a door echoes throughout the house. He stays on the floor, fisted hands stay firmly on his lap as he breathes out. He sorted out how he really feel about Bella and hurt her, but it was necessary. He shouldn't give her hope on something that will never come true. His love that she wanted belongs to someone else.

+++++