Wendy lost so much weight much to her manager's satisfaction. But she is still starving herself as she has no apetite. Her manager thought it's good and she's trying to maintain her weight. They didn't knew the real reason. They didn't knew that all things pressured Wendy at the same time. Her relationship with Johyun, people's comments about her weight about her appearance, Johyun getting close to other idols and people shipping them together and also the fact that she wasn't perfect for her group. Wendy thought she wasn't needed in this group. This group would have gone long way even if she wasn't a member. When she first saw her members before debut she thought to herself what am I doing here? Is it okay for me to debut with them? They all are so pretty. 

Maybe she should have rejected to debut then, maybe she should have told her company about her insecurity then she wouldn't have to face any of this now. Wendy always felt insecure. She didn't have confidence like her other members beacuse all she could do was sing her heart out. She wasn't perfect like them. But there was Johyun who always held her hands whenever she felt bad about herself. When they walked infront the fans or the end of a show Johyun would always hold Wendy's hand to ressure her It's alright I am here.

Maybe it's because Johyun isn't here anymore like before that's why she is feeling this again. It's amazing how can a person's touch and soothing words can make you calm and keeps you going. Maybe it's because I love her.

Every morning I see your face, 

And for that fleeting second I'm in a different place,

A place where we smiled, laughed and talked,

A place where we could hold hands wherever we walked,

I am reminded of this each and every day,

Then sleep clears and it's all blown away.

It was hard for her to see Johyun everyday. It was hard for her to live in that dorm where they both shared their sweet moments. The kithchen, couch, Johyun's room all reminded her of those times. When they were together. It was hard for her so she didn't came out from her room until it was something important. She tried to ease her pain but she  failed. Behind the locked door Wendy became more miserable. Tears were are daily friend. 
 

Wendy knew she changed so much but it's not like she did it on purpose. It's not like she changed so she could blame Irene or her fans for her condition. It's my fault. It was always my fault. Why am I so weak? She blamed herself. She was always like this. All her life she ap