Darkness. That's all I saw and that's all I could ever see. Now and probably till the end of time, all that I will ever see is nothing but darkness. You're probably thinking that I've fallen into a dark place or crawled into a dark corner of my mind like I've fallen into a deep depression. Or I can't pick myself up because I've lost all feeling of myself and the world. All I ever want to do is kill myself. To end it all. But I'm not depressed nor am I suicidal, not yet. I mean I'm fine. I'm just blind.


 

It was the early morning. Nayeon would only assume that because her alarm for six in the morning woke her up. At least I can hear it.

She used one of her senses to listen to her phone beeping on the nightstand. Leaning over, she smacked the wooden desk in search of the phone. Getting a feel of the rubber casing, Nayeon grabbed it, pressing the volume button to stop the alarm.

After the alarm stopped, she sighed and laid back on the bed, enjoying the few seconds she had before her mom would come into the room to remind her to get up. She's always up earlier than her apparently, drinking some Japanese herbal tea.

It wouldn't make a difference if I opened my eyes or not.

Nayeon had a very special condition. Her mother once told her that her eyes turned grey, nearly ice white once it took over. She used to have dark brown eyes. People said that her eyes were pretty because they were really dark brown like chocolate but shone brightly in the sunlight. She never believed them because to her, her eyes were bland and just plain murky water brown.

Nayeon was diagnosed when she was only 5 years old. The doctor told her parents it was indubitably serious. They operated on her to get rid of it because the earlier, the better, or else it would get worse. But then a couple of months after the operation, she contracted another sickness and the doctor gave her parents the bad news that it was far too severe to operate on it again. So as the years went by, Nayeon slowly lost her eyesight.

She got accustomed to her parents helping her around the house. But when she was seven, they got her an eye-seeing dog whose name is Kookeu. He's a white Pomeranian and was only 2 months when Nayeon got him. You'd think that a dog that small wouldn't make a great eye-seeing dog but Kookeu's skills are very sharp especially when it came to fashion. He's been with Nayeon for a long time. It was difficult for her to make friends. All the other kids wanted to run around and play tag and she had to sit on the carpet and stack up blocks or something.

Her mom gave birth to her twin siblings, Yama and Ryler when Nayeon was eleven. They were two perfect little babies and such a sweet and silly pair. Nayeon couldn't ask for better siblings than those two.

Not having to rub her eyes in the morning anymore of whenever they're irritated or itchy. Nayeon sighs, lying up from bed, clicking her tongue. So there's a plus to being blind. She could hear the rustling of the bells on Kookeu collar.

"Nayeon, sweetie, are you up?" Her mom calls from downstairs, her voice echoing through the house.

"Yeah, mom."

Nayeon slams her arms down on the blanket before blowing a piece of her hair out of her face. Tearing the blanket away and turning, her feet touch the cold floor. Kookeu trotted over and waited at her feet for Nayeon to move.

Nayeon over, tapping her walkway to the bathroom. Kookeu doesn't necessarily need to guide her everywhere, just not in her room since it's a bit small. Locking the door to the bathroom, she reaches for her toothbrush next to the sink. Nayeon took the cap off and grabs the toothpaste, squeezing some on to it and starts brushing.

She doesn't have a mirror in her bathroom. There's no purpose for that. However, she has one in her room for decoration. After brushing, rinsing and spitting out her mouthwash, Nayeons strip off her clothing and slightly kneels down to grab on to the side of the tub. Making sure it isn't wet or slippery so she won't fall, she climbs in and turns on the water. There's also this extra sturdy shower curtain that allows her to grip on to it, or even put all her weight on it when she gets out of the tub to avoid falling. The entre house has been rewired to accommodate her personal needs.

Nayeon has fallen several times when she was younger and has had many trips to the hospital. Her coordination has gotten better now that she's older. After showering, she gripped the curtain and reels herself out, grabbing the towel out of the rack and wrapping herself around it.

"Hey, Kookeu. You got my outfit prepared for me?"

She stepped out of the bathroom. Kookeu barked happily and taps his tail repeatedly on the wooden floor.

She dropped her towel to the ground, feeling it slip away from her feet by Kookeu. A comfy yet securing bra falls into her clasps. Nayeon felt around for the padding. Afterwards, she slipped on her socks then a pair of skinny jeans. Completing her outfit is a maroon oversized crewneck sweater

"So how about my shoes, boy?"

Kookeu pitter-pattered to the shoe rack, dropping them at her feet as Nayeon sat down at the edge of her bed.

"Hmm...Boots today, huh?" Kookeu barked in reply as if saying 'duhh'.

Nayeon puts them on and just as she was about to tie the laces, her mom knocked

"It's open."

"What's today's outfit, sweetheart?"

Nayeon's mother entered the room. She knew Nayeon wasn't able to answer that question. It's a thing their family does. Nayeon told them that just because she's blind doesn't mean they needed pity for it. She actually made fun of her own blindness, thinking to do it before anyone else does.

"I'm not really sure. I forgot to check myself in the mirror."

Her mother chuckled, shaking her head, glad to see her daughter's blindness doesn't get the better of her. She grabbed both of Nayeon's shoulders.

"I'm checking you out right now, honey."

"Moooooom..."

"Oh, oh. Not in that way, dear." She laughed again and Nayeon joins her.

Her parents always tell Nayeon what they're doing specifically. They would tell her if they were smiling or looking at her or placing a hand over their heart in awe. It was just a simple thing they do but it can get a little annoying to Nayeon. Her dad would sometimes tell her if he was blinking or breathing or about to kiss her mother.

"Well seems like Kookeu picked a good one today."

"As usual."

Nayone smiled and chuckles, looking straight forward like she always did when talking to someone. I