[Spring, 2001]

"Hyung, please don't go." Mark could only avert his eyes from Matt's which were filled with tears. Matt's hands were tightly gripping on the hem of his shirt, refusing to let go.

"Matt. . ." now their grandpa is one to speak. He's got his hand on Matt's shoulder, tapping it gently. "Mark needs to go. You want him to get well, right?"

Mark hates this misfortune. How unlucky he is. Unlike the normal kids of his age, he's forced to live his young life inside their mansion. At an early age, he's been diagnosed to have a rare chronic obstructive pulomonary disease. It makes it hard for him to breathe in normal cases. Sometimes, even when he's doing nothing, he finds himself breathless. It's a rare case, since copd is oftenly acquired by those people who are smoking. He clearly isn't, in his very young age, but unfortunately, he got it from his dad who died four years ago.

Treatments could help him, but the best kind are not here in Korea. Mark will have to fly to America, with his mom who already has a family of her own. If Mark has another choice, he wouldn't go. He wouldn't want to be separated from his twin.

"But, grandpa. . . I will miss him. I don't want him to go."

Holding back his tears, Mark just wrapped his arms around Matt who is still crying. He wants to cry too, but he couldn't show this to Matt. He wants Matt to think that he'll be okay, so Matt will think that he also needs to be okay.

"I'll be back, okay? Once I get better, I'll go back here and we'll stay together."

Matt, with his red nose and teary eyes looked up to him while sniffing. "You promise?"

Mark brought his hand to brush his twin's hair.

"I promise."

[Autumn, 2020]

"Good day passengers of Korean Air, this is Captain Lee speaking." 

Mark heard from the speakers as he took his earphones off. He gazed over the plane's window and he saw that they just touched the ground of Jeju-do. 

"We have just landed at Jeju International Airport. Please remain seated with your seatbelt fastened until the fasten your seatbelt sign is switched off." The captain kept on giving deplaning instructions while Mark just sat up straight, still looking outside the window. "On behalf of Korean Air and the entire crew, I'd like to thank you for joining us on this trip and we are looking forward to seeing you on board again. Have a nice day!"

As the sign switched off, Mark unfastened his seatbelt and stood to get his duffle bag. Stretching his arms out, Mark let out a groan. A fifteen hour flight is surely no joke.He thinks his joints might be having a problem. He's aching to get himself a relaxing massage. Or a proper sleep on a huge bed, would be nice also.

When Mark walked out of the airport's gates, he breathed in the crispy air of Jeju. It has been nineteen years since he last set foot on Seoul's land. Nineteen years since he left for Los Angeles. Nineteen years since he left. . . . Matt. 

"Let me take your bags, sir." The cab driver told him while getting his bags after he called on him. 

Mark just gave the man his bags and watched as they were put inside the back trunk of the cab. Once finished, the driver held the door open for him to get inside. 

"Where should I take you, sir?" The driver asked when they were both seated inside of the cab.

Taking off his sunglass for a bit, Mark answered. "In Peace Memorial Park, please." he said in Korean which drew a relieved smile from the driver. The old man has been speaking in English their entire conversation. And hearing him speaking in Korean maybe gave him a sense of comfort. 

It was a thirty minute drive from the airport, to the memorial park, minus the time he spent when they stopped over at the market where he bought some yellow daisies - Matt's favorite flowers. 

As he was walking nearer to Matt's niche, Mark can hear his heart pounding, and he feels it clenching. 

Nineteen years ago, he could still remember Matt asking him not to leave. Mark can't help but think, if he didn't leave, would he be regretting this much? 

Mark tried to hold his tears back as he read what was written on the sold granite. 

Matthew Tuan

(September 4, 1994 - February 15, 2016)

His mind went back to the last time he got to talk with his twin...

"You always say you're gonna come back, but I always end up waiting for nothing." 

Mark sees his twin brother looking resigned in front of the laptop's screen. They're talking through face time, to celebrate their 12th birthday. And sadly, it's the sixth time they are celebrating away from each other. And even more sadly, it's the third time since he promised Matt that he's coming back.

As much as he wants to, Mark is not yet completely well and recovered from his disease. He still needs to go under consistent treatments. And aside from that, his mom won't let him go back to Seoul unless he's fully well. His mom claims that she wants to stay by his side while he's recovering, but as far as he is concerned, he always felt like he doesn't belong here, with his mom's new family.

Mark sighed as he played with the candle he just blew out. "Look, I am sorry okay? It's just that-"

"You need time to recover, you still ain't well and going back here is still impossible." Matt interrupted him by saying those. "I already memorized your lines, hyung."

Another sigh before Mark spoke again. "I will make it up to you, once I return there in Seoul, okay? Please don't frown. It's our birthday. We should be celebrating."

But Mark failed on making Matt smile. With those sad eyes filled with disappointment, Matt talked. "How will I? When you're making me used to being away from you?"

That was their last proper conversation. Their talk became once a week, to once or twice a month until there was none. Mark continued on reaching out to Matt, but his twin is turning away from him. Bit by bit, they started to grow apart. Mark missed out on Matt's life, and so is Matt on his. The only way for him to know about what is happening with his twin, is through their grandpa.

"He finally has a boyfriend." His grandpa told him one time around October, year 2008. 

Jinyoung. . . . It's what his grandpa said when he asked who it was that has Matt falling head over heels for. 

Matt still ain't talking to him so he didn't get any chance to talk to him about his boyfriend or his love life in that case. All he needed to know is if Matt is happy. And with his grandpa telling him that Matt perfectly is, Mark can finally feel assured.

"Hey, bro." Mark said with a small smile on his face, as he put the bouquet of daisies he bought before going here. "How are you doing?"