I wake up the next morning, once again feeling tired. I'm mentally exhausted more than anything else. I give myself a few slaps on the cheeks to wake myself up, I sigh and get up. I go wash up and put on my kimono, I pin my hair to the back of my head like every other days. I meet up with my parents and have breakfast together.

 

"The young lord will be here in a few hours, are you ready to meet him?" My mother asks me.

 

"Well, even if I'm not I have to make myself ready right?" I say with a smile.

 

"That's good, just think of it as a get to know each other session. It doesn't have to be a date." My father says giving my hand a squeeze. 

 

"Yea, I'll go do that." I reply.

 

"Just take it easy____________, remember if things don't work out, we'll always be supporting you. Of course, we would like to see you have your own family one day." My mother says.

 

"I know mother, I'll try my best to put in the effort." I say. 

 

"That's all we need to hear." My father nods. 

 

We finish up breakfast and I wait in my room playing my koto for a while. I played for a few hours trying to get back into the feel of it all. After I finish my 8th song, I take a break. My fingers are beginning to go numb a little, I shake them a bit and think of what I should play next. I have practically played all the ones that I like, all except for one.

 

"Let's give it a try, it's just a song at this point now, just don't think too much." I say to myself with a hmmph.

 

I take a deep break and place my fingers back on the koto, I then lower my fingers onto the strings. The door suddenly opens.

 

"___________, dear, the young lord is in the village now and it's time to go." My mother says with a smile at the door.

 

"Mother you surprised me.... yeah alright." I say almost snapping my neck from turning my head to the door at the sudden interruption. 

 

I look back at the koto and then stand up, I follow my mother outside. We walk to the lively village, the afternoon sun shines warmly. 

 

"He's right there, his name is Lord Jinsoku. Just be yourself and get to know each other. We told them to have you back by sundown. Keep your head high alright__________? See you back at home." My mother says tucking a strand of hair behind my hair.

 

"Thanks mother. See you soon." I say to her with a quick smile.

 

I then walk towards him, he's looking at some charms from a vendor. He's wearing a kimono with a sword on his waist, he has about collarbone length dark hair that is tied up in a ponytail at the back of his head. He has a bangs covering his forehead, he has fair skin and quite handsome just from his profile. I take a deep breath and smile, I walk up to him.

 

"Are you perhaps Lord Jinsoku?" I ask him a few centimeters away from him.

 

He turns surprised and smiles as he sees me, he gives a slight bow.

 

"Yes I am, and you must be Lady__________. My, I heard you are beautiful, but seeing you in person for sure proves those words true." He says with a smile.

 

His voice is low and it seems to resonates, kind of like Sesshomaru's. why am I thinking about him all of a sudden? I mentally slap myself out of the thoughts and smile back at him.

 

"Please, I'm average at most. There's nothing special about me, I'm just like everyone else." I say with an embarrassed laugh. 

 

"Like everyone else indeed, but still a fair beauty." He says with a smile of admiration.

 

"If you say so, thank you." I reply. 

 

"Shall we walk around?" He asks me.

 

"Sure." I say.

 

The two of us walk around town and looking at shops and such, we talked about our hobbies, favorite animals, favorite food, etc. Casual conversations of questions and answer between us. I told him my love for music and traveling, and that I play the koto. He treated me to lunch, and we continued to explore the town together. Although it was a decent "get to know each other" session with Jinsoku, but sometimes when I look at it, a faint image of Sesshomaru would appear in his place. I have to snap myself out of those thoughts, and not zone out when Jinsoku is right in front of me. The night finally arrived and Jinsoku brings me back to my estate.

 

"I'm glad to have known you a little bit today Lady__________. I hope you had a decent time." Jinsoku asks me with a smile.

 

"Yea I had a fine day today. Thank you for coming this far to see me, please be careful on the way back home." I say bowing to him.

 

"That's a relief to hear, and no need. I really hope that we can get to know each other a bit better in the future. Take care, and if you decide to choose me just send me a letter." He says.

 

"Sure, I will do that." I say with a smile.

 

"Farewell." He says with a bow an walks away.

 

I watch him disappear and I enter my house, dinner is prepared already. My parents are sitting down and waiting for me.

 

"I'm back." I greeted them.

 

"How was your day with Lord Jinsoku?" My father asks.

 

"Went alright, we got to know each other a bit. We had lunch together, then at night he walked me home and then left." I say picking up my bowl of rice.

 

"That sounds nice. So how did it feel? Did you like him?" My mother asks me.

 

"Well, I like him because he's kind and honourable, but I don't think I have any romantic feelings for him yet." I reply.

 

"Well it's to be expected, love takes time to come into light. No need to rush." My father says.

 

If only my father knows just how fast I fell in love with Sesshomaru. Here we go again..... I'm thinking about him again. I mentally groan.

 

We finish dinner together and we all go to our rooms and sleep. I'm in the middle of changing into my night gown, when my mothers knocks on the door and comes in. I'm in the proccess of sliding my arms into the sleeves and my back is facing her. When she saw me her eyes went wide.

 

"__________, your back, what has happened? It's scarred." She says coming in concerned.

 

I continue to put on my night wear and sit down with my mother.

 

"Don't worry mother, it's just a scar. Nothing too serious happened." I lie.

 

"Seems like a pretty big scar. How did it happen?" She asks me.

 

"I fell at one point and cut myself with a large boulder. Kagome and the others patched it up for me, and now a scar is left." I tell her another lie.

 

"I see, is that how you got this scar too?" She asks me holding my left hand.

 

As I saw the scar on the back of my hand, it reminds me of Sesshomaru. But I can't her that, I can't tell her that I almost got killed by demons twice.

 

"Yea, but this one wasn't that bad." I lie to her once again.

 

"You have to be careful_________, these scars taints your skin now. It is believed that women should be without taints to their body before marriage, but I suppose in your case, you were never the timid type." My mother says with a friendly sigh. 

 

"I know... these scars will diminish my worth, if one were to see me bare skinned." I say looking at my hand with a sigh.

 

"Since it's a belief, not everyone's going to see that belief as necessary. If your significant other truly love you, they will love you for you, scars or no scars. So I hope that the man that will be your significant other, will love you dearly and will accept you as you are. Your father and I will not care about your scars because we love you. Alright, get some rest, you got another lord to meet tomorrow." My mother says giving me a kiss on my forehead.

 

"Night." I say.

 

She smiles and leaves. I blow out the candle in my room and sit down on my futon. I guess my mothers words did brighten up my mood a little bit, but it just adds more worries to what I already have going on in my head.

 

"What if I do find someone, and they see my scars and decide not to accept me or love me anymore? And why am I thinking of Sesshomaru over every little thing?! Ugh, I don't want to keep thinking about him like this." I say to myself.

 

I glide my hand from my face to my hair and grab my roots.

 

"I don't want to think about him, I don't want everything and the people that I meet to remind me of him unconsciously. It's so frustrating. I swear I could rip my hair out at this moment." I groan loudly.

 

I flop down onto my futon and place my arms over my eyes. 

 

"Alright_________, get a hold of yourself, get some sleep, you got another Lord to meet up with tomorrow." I say to myself. 

 

I try my best to empty out my mind, and eventually, I do fall asleep. I wake up still feeling a bit tired, I once again give myself a few pats on my cheeks. I wash up and put my kimono on, I style and pin my hair. Just like always, nothing new. I meet up with my parents for breakfast, just like usual.

 

"Dear, you have dark circles under your eyes. Have you been sleeping well?" My mother asks me observing my face.

 

"Don't worry, just suffering a bit of insomnia. I just need to tire myself out a bit these days so I can sleep." I tell her with a smile.

 

"You need to take care better of yourself__________. Alright?" My father says.

 

"Yes father. So when is this lord arriving?" I ask them.

 

"He's arriving in near noon. Why don't you go and rest a bit before meeting up with him?" My mother says. 

 

"I see... yea, I should get some more sleep." I say to them.

 

We finish breakfast and I excuse myself to my room. I sit down and play on my koto for a bit. I played a bit till my fingers begin to go numb. I lean my head back and look up at the ceiling, I just stayed like that for a bit. Blanking out my mind as I look up at the brownish yellow wood color of the roof. When I think I have emptied out my mind enough I lean back onto the ground and close my eyes.

 

"Think I can fall asleep now." I say to myself.

 

And I did. And I begin to dream. I'm standing in the grassy field not far from my village, I'm just standing in the middle of it and looking up at the sky. I don't know how long I stood there for, but then a gentle wind blows pass me. I then turn around and look around the plain, not far in the distance is a figure in white. For some reason I don't recognize him, I squint my eyes to try to focus more. He's walking towards me, he has long white hair that sways as he walks. The wind gentle blows again and I wake up.

 

"____________, it's time to wake up. He's here." My mother's voice says right beside me.

 

"Mother...." I say.

 

I then shot up into a sitting position. 

 

"Take it easy now, did you manage to get some rest?" She asks me.

 

"Yea, I actually fell asleep. Let's go." I say getting up quickily.

 

My head begin to spin as I got up and I flopped back down.

 

"Take it slowly__________, you just woke up from sleeping, you need time to adjust and find that equilibrium." My mother says holding my arm.

 

"Ya I'll be fine. Anyways let's go. Don't want the lord to be waiting right?" I say with a smile.

 

"Alright get up slow and steady." She says carefully helping me up to my feet.

 

We then head out to town, it's the early afternoon and people were out and about. It's another beautiful spring day, and I'm heading towards my next potential husband. We finally see him sitting down outside of a tea house reading a book. 

 

"What is his name?" I ask my mother.

 

"I won't tell you this time, I'll let you ask him yourself. Have fun dear." My mother says giving me a wink.

 

"Yea thanks mother." I say rolling my eyes. 

 

She then leaves and I slowly walk up to him. He didn't seem to notice me because he's so focused on the book. He has shoulder length black hair tied losely at the back of his head. He's wearing a kimono with a short short on his waist. His skin is pale, which makes me wonder if he goes out our not. Seeing that he is reading a book I assume he's a book nerd. His pale skin reminds me Sesshomaru's porcelain white skin. Wonderful, he unconsciously pops up in my thoughts again. I mentally slap myself and took a deep breath and smile.

 

"Hello." I say to him.

 

He looks up from his book give me a small smile and get's up.

 

"You must be Lady___________. It's a pleasure to meet you." He says with a curteous bow.

 

 "I am, and nice to meet you too Lord....." I say with a bow too.

 

"Chie, my name is Chie." He says with a shy smile.

 

We sit down for a cup of tea, and talked. We talked about our favorite hobbies, what we like to do. Turns out he's actually a pretty big book nerd, he tells he prefers knowledge of fighting. That I like, but I just don't feel like I can be happy with him. He's too timid for me, not much fun. He's kind indeed, but I just can't see a possible future with him. I don't know if it's our different personalities, or something is making me think this way. It's like I'm hoping for something. We walk around town for the evening because we sat at the tea house all aftertoon. Lord Chie talked about a lot of things, information about other countries, plants and animals. They were interesting, but it's just not what I want. I feel like I'm about to explode with too much information. By the end of the day I am mentally exhausted, but I have to keep myself together in front of him to not be disrespectful. He takes me back home.

 

"I hope today was ok for you. I apologize if I rambles on too much about knowledge and stuff to you." He says with an apologetic smile.

 

"Oh no don't worry about it, it was a good opportunity to know what type of person you are. Have a safe trip home Lord Chie. Thank you taking the time to see me." I say with a smile and a bow.

 

"It was my pleasure, if you happen to have second thoughts, please don't hesitate to write to me. Goodnight Lady_________. Farewell." He says with a bow and leaves. 

 

When he finally disappears I let go of my composure and a sigh. I'm officially exhausted. I go inside and I go to the dining hall, my parents are once again waiting for me. I'm so tired I literally just flopped down onto the mat. 

 

"How was your day today? My father asks me.

 

"It went alright." I say picking up my chopsticks.

 

"What type of person was Lord Chie? Do you think something may happen in the future?" My mother asks me.

 

"He's someone who loves knowledge, he talked about a lot of things today. Knowledge about other countries, plants, animals. They were interesting but it was overwhelming. I'm not sure... I don't see a possible future with him. He's way too timid for me." I say eating a piece of chicken meat. 

 

"Too timid huh? It's good that___________ has some standards and expectations." My father says.

 

I don't know if it's expectations or standards, I feel like I'm trying to buy time for something unconsciously and I don't know what it is.

 

"Listen_________, the 4th lord gave us a letter today tell us he has to go on an important trip tomorrow, so he doesn't know when he'll be back. He tells us to tell you his apologizes and hope for your happiness." My mother says

 

"Oh.. that's a shame. I was looking forward to meeting him." I say with a frown.

 

"Well you still have one more lord to meet with tomorrow. Get some rest today, get as much rest as you can tonight alright?" My father says with a smile.

 

"Yes, thank you mother and father." I say to them with a tired smile.

 

After dinner we all turn in. I change into my night wear and let my hair loose, just like always. I sit down and play my koto for a bit. I need to tire myself out a bit, hoping that it will help me sleep. I play songs after songs, I play until I run out with only one more song left. I take my hands and rest them onto my lap, I take a deep breath. I look out my opened window and I can hear the crickets chirping. I don't want to run away from it anymore. I know it'll bring back memories for me, but I can try to see them as good memories instead of constantly thinking that they'll hurt me. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. It's been a while since I played it, I try to remember the notes, tones, tempo, everything. As I do, the memories of Sesshomaru comes rushing back to me. I open my eyes as I remember everything, I then place my fingers over the strings and play the song that I once feared. As I played the tears slowly start to fall from my eyes, I try to think of them as beautiful memories but in the end they are hurting me. Eventually I have to stop. I put my hands over my face. My emotions are running lose everywhere.

 

"Stop crying__________, you don't want your eyes bulging in the morning." I say to myself. 

 

I take a deep breath and move the koto off of my lap. I blow out the candles and sit down in the corner of my room close to the window.

 

"I feel like I'm going crazy soon." I sigh.

 

With all of my emotions running through me I once again can't fall asleep. I close my eyes eventually, but my mind can't seem to fall into a state of peace. Hours passes by, and I finally fall asleep with only a few hours till sunrise. I wake up with the sun just starting to come up, I have fallen over and slept on the ground. I still feel tired, I prop myself up from the floor. I rub my neck which is sore because I fell asleep in an awkward position. 

 

"Another day, and another day of going ok blind dates with lords. Why am I so unlucky with love?" I ask myself quietly with a sigh. 

 

I stand up and sit down on my window ledge, I gaze at the rising sun over the horizon. I watch it until it finally reaches it's highest point in the new morning sky. I finally look away when I hear noises around the estate, everything I see is white and flashing. I close my eyes to allow my eyes to adjust to my just recently lit room. My mother then comes in. 

 

"Did you sleep well?" She asks me.

 

"Well, I suppose I did manage to fall asleep for a few hours or so." I say rubbing my sore eyes.

 

"Being manage to get some rest is better than nothing. Come on, wash up and let's eat breakfast." She says gently rubbing shoulders. 

 

"Yea, see you in a bit." I say to her with a smile. 

 

I sit down in the tub full of warm water, and I let the warmth calm my mind and tired body. My long hair flows on top of the surface around me, almost like I'm sitting in darkness. After washing up I feel a bit more energized. I put on my kimono and style my hair. I go to meet my parents for breakfast.

 

"So who's today's last lord?" I ask my parents.

 

"His name is "Moeru Taiyo". He's the same age as you. I think you'll like him." My mother says a smile. 

 

"I hope so." I reply with a sigh.

 

This time, this Lord Moeru Taiyo arrived early. My mother takes me into town like usual. After looking around town, we finally see him looking at swords. 

 

"There he is, I'll see you back home around evening. Since this is the last lord, try to enjoy today as much as you can alright?" My mother says.

 

"Yea I'll try." I nod.

 

She then leaves, I take a deep breath like I always do and I walk up to him. He's lean and well built, he has long black hair, maybe down to his back, it's tied neatly behind him in a high ponytail. He also has short bangs that covers his eyes. His skin is fair and flawless. He's wearing a pale blue top with a bottom that has bulbs that gives off a slight ballon look to it at the bottom. He's wearing white socks with sandals. When I see him, he remind me so much of Sesshomaru. But I know he's not Sesshomaru, he's someone else, he's Moeru Taiyo. Hopefully our personality can click. I walk up to him and he notices me and turns to face me with an elegant smile. He has a scar on his left cheek. 

 

"Are you Lady_________ perhaps?" He asks me.

 

His voice is rich and low. It sounds soothing and so familiar to Sesshomaru's but with so much more life.

 

"Yes I am, and you must be Lord Moeru Taiyo." I say with a bow.

 

"Yes I am indeed, but please just call me Taiyo." He says with a kind smile. 

 

"Thank you for coming all this way to see me. I'm sure you must be busy." I say.

 

"No need to say thank you. I happen to have some time so I came to meet this fair maiden who is still single." He says with a soft laugh.

 

I feel like face beginning to heat up a bit, but for some reason I keep imagining him as Sesshomaru, I keep seeing him as Sesshomaru. His appearance, outfit, voice, everything reminds me of him. I tell myself to forget about that and focus on this person in front of me. 

 

"Shall we walk around?" He asks me.

 

"Yes of course, I can show you around." I say with a smile.

 

The two of us walk around and talked about our hobbies and such. It turns out he likes music as well, he also goes to war often. We ate lunch together, we looked at clothings, accesories, and I have to say I actually did enjoy todah quite a lot. Before the sunset, I take Taiyo to the flower field on the outskirt of the village. No one comes here except for me, so I want to show him this special place. It's about a 10 minute walk. The sky is died orange by the time we arrive. We stand there looking up at the sky and watching the clouds roll by slowly, the green trees surrounds is with flowers standing tall in the still grass. 

 

"This place is very nice_________, I enjoyed today a lot." Taiyo says with a smile.

 

"I enjoyed it too. I'm happy that got to know you, you're really kind and honourable. I'm sure you'll grow into someone even more amazing." I say to him. 

 

"Thank you, I'm sure you'll become even more beautiful as times goes by." He says.

 

As I look at his profile, I once again imagine him as Sesshomaru. But it's not as strong or right in my face clear. I know it's Taiyo in front of me, and I think in time we may have something. Suddenly I hear someone shouting from behind us. We both turn to see a man wearing light armor running towards us.

 

"Lord Taiyo, there are urgent news." He says after coming up to us.

 

"Speak to me." Taiyo says.

 

"We just got news from your father to return immediately. Lord Sodaina Yuki has come to visit, and his daughter has arrived with him." His guard explains.

 

"I see.." Taiyo replies.

 

That's when I realized that someone else has come to see him back home. And he is ask to return home immediately, he has more important matters to attend to than stay here with me. He then turns to me with a frown.

 

"My apologies Lady_________, this Lord Sodaina Yuki is important to our family, he must have really serious matters." He apologizes to me.

 

"No don't worry about it, please, you have more important matters to attend to. Thank you for taking the time to come here and see me, I had a great time." I say with a smile.

 

"I did as well, would you like me to walk you back to the village before I depart?" He asks me.

 

"No.. thank you, I haven't come to this field in a while so I would like to stay here for a bit. Have a safe trip home Lord Taiyo." I say with a bow.

 

"Alright then, please return home safely. Farewell Lady_______." He says with a bow and leaves with his guard.

 

I watch him leave and disappear. I then turn around and look at the mountains laying along the horizon.

 

"Wonderful... just when I thought I might have found someone, there's someone else who came to see him. Guess I am really unlucky with love. I might as well marry my koto." I say with a sigh. 

 

I  look at now darkening sky, a crescent moon has appeared. I look up at it and I imagine the crescent moon on Sesshomaru's forehead.

 

"Look at me, I'm so pathetic, in the end my heart and mind returns to Sesshomaru. Will I ever be able to forget him at this point? All of my options are gone as well..." I sigh to myself.

 

I turn to return back to town, I walk a little bit when suddenly the wind gently blows. I lift my head up, I turn around a little and look to my right, I look into the forest on the border. I'm pretty far from the forest since I'm practically almost out of the field. But standing at the edge of the forest is a figure in white. I squint a little to try and focus. It is a person indeed. He's dressed in an elegant white kimono, long white hair. Dark armor in front of his chest and a yellow obi. Then there's the big bundle of light brown material on his right shoulder and travels behind him. There are two swords on his left hip. He's standing there at the edge of the trees, standing still. So still, and he's facing in my direction. It was Sesshomaru, but is it really him? It can't be, so I brushed it off.

 

"Wonderful... now I'm hallucinating him. Guess not sleeping well these days has really taken a toll on me finally. It's bad enough I'm thinking about him when I'm looking at someone else's face, but now I'm actually seeing him. I've really gotten crazy." I say to myself. 

 

I place my hands over my face and let out a frustrated sigh. Without looking at the illusion of Sesshomaru again I turn back and walk back to the village. I know my mind is playing tricks on me due to my mental and emotional exhaustion, so I'm brushing if off and just accept that I'm slowly losing it.