Ever since Nayeon’s first suicide attempt, everyone else had been watching her closely ever since. Sometimes, Younghyun and Ayeon would stay over at Nayeon’s since they didn’t want Jeongyeon to get overly exhausted. Occasionally, Bambam would be the one to stay over and Nayeon who had started to at least come out from her room would ask him to go home. However, he would always give her that cheeky smile of his and tell her that he missed her. Nayeon didn’t say anything and just let him be.

Although it’s a relief to everyone that Nayeon had finally stepped out of her room and had been eating a little, none of them could take the risk of leaving Nayeon alone. Who knows when will Nayeon act up again? It’s still pretty obvious that she’s not opening up to anyone and she still seemed as dead as ever.

Out of all of them, the one who couldn’t sit still at all was Mark. He was the one who found her and he was the one who almost witnessed Nayeon’s suicide attempt. Even though she had told him that she couldn’t do it but from her tone, Mark could tell that she’s almost serious about leaving them too.

And he really couldn’t afford to lose anyone again. Especially her.

That was probably one of the biggest reasons why he was the only one who would get so distracted at work. Ayeon received his calls at least five times in the afternoon; she had once talked to Younghyun about the situation but neither of them was able to persuade Mark that Nayeon was well taken care of. It was almost like he trusted no one except himself despite the fact that they are all Nayeon’s family and closest friends.

His supervisor who actually thought highly of him was getting more and more disappointed too. He had looked past that one time when Mark just abruptly left during a meeting. But to be so distracted at work and to underperform, it’s something that he couldn’t just look past.

Even his family who watched Nayeon grew up along with their son, could no longer stand his actions, especially when Mark is almost on the verge of getting fired. However, they too had failed to do anything.

“You don’t understand!” Mark raised his voice in frustration.

“No, you don’t!” His father retorted, unable to accept his behavior anymore. “We know that Jinyoung’s death had been a blow to you and that you worry about Nayeon. However, there’re are still other priorities in life.”

“Right now, her safety is my priority.” Mark replied calmly this time however, no one missed that coldness in his eyes.

When Jaebum heard about the situation about Mark and how neither Ayeon, Younghyun nor his family was able to get through his stubbornness, he had thought that maybe he would listen to a friend more. It was worth a try.

“Mark,” Jaebum leant against the pole beside the bench Mark was sitting on. They were at the playground near Nayeon’s place. “Do you not trust us at all?”

Mark didn’t answer as he stared at the front.

“You’re going to wear yourself out sooner or later.”

“I won’t.” Mark stated stubbornly.

Jaebum sighed.

“I know you’re worried about Nayeon-“ Jaebum started again but was interrupted by Mark before he could even finish his sentence.

“You were not there.”

Jaebum turned to look at Mark who’s still keeping his gaze at the front, not saying anything as he waited for Mark to continue. That expression on Mark’s face, Jaebum couldn’t really describe it but he thought that he saw fear.

“None of you were there,” Mark continued, closing his eyes briefly before he continued. “I saw her on the edge of the roof. If I was late for even a second, she might have really jumped.”

Jaebum continued staying silent; Mark had never brought up what happened when he found Nayeon. At least, not in details like this. He merely told them that Nayeon had almost attempted suicide but he had never once mentioned it in details. He had thought that maybe it’s just Mark not wanting the rest to be even more distress about the whole situation. However, at that moment, he realized that Mark was actually trying to forget about it.

“She was crying when she told me she couldn’t do it. She was crying not because she was scared.” Mark rambled on and Jaebum could now hear the fear, panic and despair in his voice. It was a tone everyone rarely heard him used; it was a tone so raw and so real that Jaebum could almost imagined how Mark had felt at that moment.

“She was crying because she was guilty and upset that she couldn’t die. She wanted to die, Jaebum. That thought of hers was real…” Mark paused as he buried his face in his palms. Silence once again took over; Jaebum could only watch the other, unable to find the correct words to comfort him.

He had always known that Nayeon was somewhat special to Mark in a way different from himself and the others. True, everyone was as loss as him but at that, Jaebum really wondered if Mark was in turmoil worse than them. Especially since both Jinyoung and Nayeon were both his childhood and best friends.

Maybe, behind Mark’s calm and serene expression, there was a huge mess of distress, anguish, sadness and probably even guilt.

-

It’s been 100 days since Jinyoung’s passing and Nayeon still hadn’t visited him at all. Jeongyeon, Jaebum and Mark had all taken a day leave just to go down to visit their friend. As for Bambam, despite the older ones objecting, he had stubbornly insisted on joining them. They had told Nayeon about it but even on that day, Nayeon still hadn’t given them any decision.

“She’s not joining?” That was the first thing Jaebum asked when Jeongyeon invited the boys into the apartment.

“She didn’t say anything about it,” Jeongyeon sighed, glancing at Nayeon’s room. “I didn’t want to push her or anything. She’s been getting slightly better as you can see.”

“I will talk to her.” Mark interrupted the conversation, giving the others a look before he headed towards Nayeon’s room. However, to everyone’s surprise, Nayeon stepped out before Mark could even reached her room. She wasn’t in her pajamas but a casual black dress; the expression on her face was unreadable.

“Nayeonie?” Bambam was the first to recover, “Does that mean you’re joining us?”

Nayeon stayed silent and merely nodded at his words.

Bambam smiled widely and headed up to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and guided her towards their friends. A small and relieved smile could be seen on everyone’s face. This meant that she’s getting better right?

“I want to talk to him.” Nayeon muttered quietly.

“You will be able to.” Mark patted her head gently before they all headed out from the front door.

It was a pretty quiet trip even though Bambam tried to talk to Nayeon; it’s obvious to the others that he’s trying to loosen Nayeon up since she did look tense. Jeongyeon had noticed how she’d been fiddling with her fingers – a sign that Nayeon wasn’t as calm as she seem – and she’s pretty sure that the others noticed it too.

When they had finally reached the columbarium where Jinyoung’s ashes are placed, Nayeon hesitated but none of them pressured her.

“Take your time.” Jeongyeon gave Nayeon an encouraging smile, patting her arm gently before she followed the boys in. Nayeon stood outside, watching everyone’s back while they pay their respects. She could feel herself shaking, the memories of her dream coming back to her.

Would Jinyoung blame her?

Her eyes shifted to the smiling picture of Jinyoung’s, tears forming in her eyes again.

Jinyoung…

She kept her gaze on the picture and mustered all her courage, taking her first step in and slowly towards the others. At that moment, Nayeon could feel the wet tears on her cheeks. Jeongyeon, Mark, Jaebum and Bambam gave each other a knowing glance and left together, giving Nayeon some privacy with Jinyoung.

“I miss you…” That was Nayeon’s first words after a few minutes of silence, her voice breaking slightly as she kept her gaze on Jinyoung’s photo. It was like seeing Jinyoung’s smile again and she almost expected him to tell her that he missed her too.

But that didn’t happen.

“I miss you so much…” Nayeon continued in between quiet sniffles, “You said to be in love forever. What am I supposed to do now…?”

Nayeon wasn’t able to continue after due to her sobbing uncontrollably as she covered her face with her hands. She had told herself not to cry in front of Jinyoung when she had decided to join the others. But she couldn’t help it; the moment she saw Jinyoung’s photo, the memories of that night came back to her.

“Let’s be in love forever.”

He had said that.

“I will always protect you.”

He said that too and at that moment, Nayeon wished that he never did and even if he did, he wouldn’t take it seriously. Maybe, he would still be here.

“I should have been the one…” Nayeon muttered between her sobs. “I really should have been the one. You shouldn’t have changed the direction.”

“Nayeon,”

That caught Nayeon’s attention as her sobs calmed down suddenly. That voice, she would recognize it anywhere. She looked up and looked at Jinyoung’s photo again.

“Jinyoung?” She mumbled quietly and cautiously.

“Nayeon, I never regret protecting you.”

It’s not possible but she’s definitely hearing Jinyoung’s voice.

“Jinyoungie?” She tried again.

“I’m here.”

And that’s when Nayeon noticed that his smiling face wasn’t just on his photo; she could see it in the reflection of the glass too. Nayeon turned her body around swiftly and indeed, there was Jinyoung, standing right in front of her.

“I missed you too.” That was what he said when Nayeon turned around and there was a sad smile playing on his lips.

This is impossible.

Nayeon thought to herself but he was indeed standing right in front of her. It was really her Jinyoung and despite her knowing that this is a ridiculous situation, she felt relieved.

None of them spoke for a while as they stared at each other, different expressions on their face. Jinyoung was smiling; Nayeon’s tears kept falling. But that longing look on them was obvious in their eyes.

“Are you real?” Nayeon whispered, staring at the man in front of her. “I’ve finally woken up from this nightmare, right?”

There was a brief silence as Nayeon tried to reach out for Jinyoung’s face but he took a step back before her hand could touched his cheek.

“I’m real.” Jinyoung gave her a gentle smile, “But I’m not real either. You wouldn’t be able to touch me.”

Nayeon took a step forward but Jinyoung shook his head.

“Nayeon, I know I died.”

“You’re here now.” Nayeon denied, a smile forced on her lips. “You’re here now and that’s the only thing that matters.”

“It’s different, Nayeon.”

“It isn’t.” Nayeon shook her head, “You’re still you.”

Jinyoung sighed, reaching out for Nayeon but his hand simply just phased through her face. “Do you get what I mean now?”

“I don’t care!” Nayeon’s voice raised slightly, “I don’t care if I can’t feel your touch, you’re here. You’re right in front of me, you smiled at me!”

There was a pause in between while Nayeon tried to calm herself down.

“You’re real.”

-

Outside the parlour, Nayeon’s raised voice caught the attention of her four other friends.

“Nayeon?” Mark was the first to react but the scene in front of them stopped him from stepping further in. Nayeon was crying again but this time, instead of her keeping her gaze on Jinyoung’s photo, she was speaking to the air. Mark shared a look with the other three; all of them looking worried and confused.

“I’m not the only one right?” Bambam started first, keeping his voice low and quiet. “You guys can’t see Jinyoung too, right? Or anyone.”

No one said anything as they all shifted their attention back onto Nayeon. But Mark figured, this couldn’t continue; something is very wrong.

“Nayeon!” He called out, a little louder this time so he could catch her attention, which he succeeded. Nayeon looked away from where she’s looking that and to her friends.

“Whom were you speaking to?”

“Jinyoung.” Nayeon answered, giving them a ‘isn’t it obvious?’ look. But the look on her friends’ face told her otherwise.

“He’s here! I swear he is!” Nayeon exclaimed, pointing at the direction where she was speaking to earlier.

“There’s no one there, Nayeon.” Jeongyeon stated, stepping forward towards her best friend. “You were talking to no one.”

“But he’s here!” Nayeon exclaimed again, turning around and her voice softened. “He was here earlier. He really was.”

No one said anything after that.

---------

I've been busy lately, so sorry for the lack of updates. :( I'm also feeling a little lack of confidence too, I know all of you are here for my stories and I appreciate that a lot. However, I kept worrying if I am doing well enough for you guys- Did I overestimated myself and thought I can actually write a full chaptered angst story? orz.

But, these are just temporary thoughts I guess. We've now reached the main part of this story. Jinyoung's long-anticipated re-appearance. At least I hope most of you had been waiting. Mark's emotions at the first half of this chapter, I hope you enjoyed that too. Especially since it's the first time Mark had actually opened up on his feelings and thoughts on this whole incident. What do you think?

Anyway, if you're not following me but you're reading Friends of 2010, I have to apologise bc there won't be an update next week too. It will be a busy week next week too, but as mentioned too, this story is my main focus now so it will still be updated weekly on Friday. That's all for this week. Votes and feedbacks are very loved.

signing off, leen (ddeokbxkki)