Not soon after, Jinyoung’s first death anniversary is here. No one brought it up and Nayeon had been obviously a lot quieter than the month before. It had been a pretty solemn one week as they prepare what’s needed for that day. Mark and Younghyun had also been heading to Jinyoung’s family to see if they needed any help. Bambam had been coming over to their place more to keep the two girls accompany at night. As for Jaebum, it’s as if he had taken the role of Mark, he’s been appearing at the café Nayeon’s working at a lot more frequently.

“You’re here again?” Nayeon couldn’t help but to blurt the question out while she stood by the side, holding a notebook. “Aren’t you bored of the food?”

Jaebum shrugged.

“Still a hot chocolate?” Nayeon changed the topic, seeing how the other male wouldn’t be elaborating much.

And again, Jaebum said nothing and just nodded while Nayeon was taking down his order. He focused back onto his mobile phone when Nayeon was about to leave but her voice caught his attention again.

“I know you guys are worried,” She paused for a while and took in a deep breath, “But I’m okay, I will be heading down tomorrow too.”

Jaebum watched Nayeon’s back as she headed back to the cashier. A small smile crept onto the man’s face.

Jinyoung, are you seeing this? You can finally be at peace.

“Nayeon?” Jeongyeon called out in a gentle tone as she walked to Nayeon’s room. She stood outside of the room for a short while before stepping in and sat down on the edge of the bed, joining Nayeon. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay.” Nayeon smiled a little, turning her head slightly to give Jeongyeon a brief glance before she faced the front again. “I know all of you are worried but I really am okay.”

Her voice was quiet, a tinge of sadness obvious in it as she looked up at a corner where Jinyoung was standing. He smiled at her direction in which the girl nodded gently as a response. Even though Jinyoung had been by her side all these while but, on this day, with all the preparations going on before that, Nayeon was forced to face the reality. It’s different from the past; it’s not the same anymore.

Jinyoung’s dead.

She took one last glance at the corner, which was empty to Jeongyeon then stood up, letting out a breath. Jeongyeon stood up with her but before she could even tell Nayeon to not force herself, Nayeon spoke first.

“Let’s go. Jinyoung’s probably is waiting for us.” She walked out of the room soon after that with Jeongyeon watching her back, a worried look on her face as she followed the other girl out. Maybe, Nayeon’s really getting better and that she’s not forcing herself.

For the first time in the whole one year, that day was the first time Nayeon would be meeting Jinyoung’s family again. She was a little nervous. What if they hate her for not showing concern to them? It’s been pretty rude of her. And what if, they were still blaming her for the accident?

She fiddled with her fingers, standing by the side with Bambam and Jeongyeon while her brother, Mark and Jaebum were talking to Jinyoung’s family. She could briefly hear his family thanking the three of them for helping them out with everything. The guilt in her crept in after she heard that. That should’ve been her job as Jinyoung’s girlfriend.

But her worries were uncalled for when Jinyoung’s mom walked up towards her.

“I’m-” Nayeon muttered, bowing her head low. She wanted to apologise but Jinyoung’s mom beat her to it.

“I hope you’re doing better, Nayeon.” Her soft tone made Nayeon looked up. She wasn’t expecting that at all. Were they worried about her instead? Nayeon didn’t say anything and the older lady took that as a cue to continue.

“I heard that it’s been a tough year for you.” Nayeon noticed the sad smile of hers and that made her even more guilty. She should have been there to comfort her but instead, she did nothing.

“I’m sorry…” Nayeon muttered, her voice cracking a little as she felt her eyes tearing up again. “I’m sorry for not being there…”

A hand rested on her shoulder as she bowed her head low again. Jinyoung’s dad had walked up to them and joined in the conversation.

“We’ve never blamed you.” He smiled, “We understand, it had been really tough.”

Everyone else could tell that he wasn’t just talking about Nayeon but about himself too. Who knows how much pain they had felt throughout this whole time.

Not soon after, Jinyoung’s family left, leaving some privacy for Jinyoung and his friends. Nayeon had surprised everyone when she rejected talking to Jinyoung. After paying their respect, they’ve wanted to leave the columbarium. But instead of staying like everyone had expected, Nayeon headed out with them.

“You’re not staying?”

Nayeon stopped in her tracks, turning her attention to Jeongyeon who asked that question.

“It’s okay.” Nayeon smiled and shrugged. There wasn’t any need to talk to him when she’s seeing him everyday but no one’s going to believe her anyway.

“Then,” Mark spoke up quietly, hesitating for a short while before he continued. “You guys go ahead first, I have some catching up to do with Jinyoung.”

That caught everyone by surprise. Up until then, Mark had never once express anything about him missing Jinyoung, except for that one time with Jeongyeon but she had never brought that up to anyone either.

“Why are you guys looking at me like this?” Mark gave them an amused smile as a response to their bewildered look. “Can’t I miss my best friend?”

“Huh?” Bambam blurted out but ended up getting elbowed by Jeongyeon who’s by his side. After all, he hadn’t witnessed Mark being sentimental nor emotional throughout his years of knowing him. To Bambam, Mark had always been a reliable older brother so hearing him said something like this, Bambam’s not used to it.

“We will go ahead first then.” Jaebum nodded in understanding, guiding everyone out of the columbarium.

Mark watched their back and until he’s sure everyone’s away, he walked back in.

“Hey Jinyoung.” Mark paused for a moment as if he’s waiting for a response before he continued. “How are you at your side?”

There was another pause.

“Nayeon said she’s been seeing you, I believe her. But why hadn’t you appeared in front of us? In front of me?” He took in another deep breath before he continued again. “As you can see, Nayeon had been getting better lately. I’m sure you contributed to that alone, didn’t you? You have no idea how thankful I am towards you. But Jinyoungie, what should I do?”

A sigh escaped from Mark as he messed up his hair with a hand in frustration.

“I really want to be by Nayeon’s side for a long time. I like seeing her happy; I really like seeing her smile. You remember what you told me long time ago? You smile when they smile; you’re sad when they’re sad. You’re mad when someone makes them cry. That line, remember? You weren’t the only one experiencing those emotions with Nayeon, I do too.

But what do I do? I feel like I’m betraying you if I don’t make a clear line between me and her. At the same time, I really want to be the one who put that smile on her face. I think I’m getting greedy, Jinyoungie.”

“It’s okay,” Mark raised his head upon hearing that familiar voice, “I trust you more than any guys out there. Markiepoo, don’t hold back anymore.”

Mark looked around in astonishment; that’s definitely Jinyoung’s voice. Was that just his imagination? Was his dream before related to this too? He turned his body and shifted his gaze to Jinyoung’s picture again.

Jinyoungie, don’t play around anymore.

-

Silence filled the air as the two of them walked side by side. After visiting Jinyoung, everyone had went separate ways – Younghyun, Ayeon and Bambam had gone home, both Jaebum and Jeongyeon had unfinished business to work on. Which is why, Mark’s the only one accompanying Nayeon on this short walk around the neighbourhood. It was only when Nayeon stopped in her tracks that the silence was broken.

“Nayeon?” Mark stopped beside her and followed her gaze at a particular fast food restaurant.

“That used to be a small supermart, remember?”

Mark did not reply as the memories flow into his mind. Nayeon was right, it used to be a supermart they used to go when they were still kids. They used to head there straight for ice-lollies after playing at the playground. But the neighbourhood had changed quite a lot during their stay here; the supermart was now replaced with a fast food restaurant.

“Wait for me!” a 10 years old Nayeon shouted at the two boys who were running ahead than her. They were supposed to be racing to the supermart but Mark and Jinyoung had tricked her and went off first. “I’m going to kill you guys!”

That made the two boys laughed instead of stopping.

“Come on, Nayeonie!” Jinyoung shouted, turning his head slightly to look back at the girl, “We know you can do better than that!”

Nayeon threw them a glare before she fastened her pace, which she soon caught up with them. But she had never once thought that it’s because both Mark and Jinyoung had slowed down a little for her.

Mark smiled at the memory. They were so carefree then; there wasn’t anything they had to worry. All they wanted was to spend time with each other.

“Let’s go.” Mark whispered quietly, patting on Nayeon’s head gently as he then rested his palm on her back, quietly urging her to continue walking.

He had no idea how or when did that happen but somehow, both their legs had brought them to the empty playground they used to play at. Maybe it’s a habit or maybe it’s because of the memories, they both of them stood right in front of the playground in silence. It was a place filled with a lot of memories, laughter and tears.

Mark had wanted to continue walking so it wouldn’t trigger Nayeon’s thoughts again. However, before he could bring that up, Nayeon had gone to where the swings are and sat on one of them.

“You sure you want to stay?” Mark sat on the swing beside her and asked in a quiet tone. “Will you be okay?”

“Don’t be silly,” Nayeon chuckled lightly then gave the man an assuring smile, “I am okay, and I’ve been better lately. I’m just feeling a little nostalgic.”

Both of them stayed silent after that, swaying on the swing gently. It was a peaceful and comfortable silence as they’re both occupied with their own thoughts and the memories they both shared with Jinyoung.

“I miss those times.” Nayeon muttered as she stared into space, “We had nothing to worry about. It was just… us.”

Mark didn’t reply this time either and Nayeon took that as a cue for her to continue speaking.

“A lot of things happened here, even after we started working. Remember the weird glances we received when we just hang out here after work? Two grown men in suits and a woman in a dress hanging out at a place like this. We must have looked really weird.”

“Who cares?”

Nayeon let out a soft chuckle at Mark’s straightforward reply. Indeed, when they were all together, they’ve never once cared about what others think. As long as they’re all together, it felt like they could do everything and anything. She had really thought they would be together forever even when they have their own family next time. Now that it’s been a year since Jinyoung’s death; that thought seemed to be really distant.

“Wouldn’t it be great if we could really stay together forever like how we used to always say? I miss him.” Nayeon’s quiet voice was once again the one, which broke their brief silence. Even though she had been talking to Jinyoung; even though Jinyoung had been by her side all these while, she still missed him. After all, being alive when everyone could see him and being a spirit, which only she can see; it did make a whole lot of difference.

Mark turned his head slightly to the side, watching Nayeon’s actions quietly. She had stopped swinging as she gripped onto the swing chains tightly, her head bowing low. It was at that moment when Mark realized she’s crying.

Again.

He stood up and walked up to her, squatting down so he could look at Nayeon’s face. It was exactly what he had expected and at the same time hated; she was crying, leaving trails of her tears down her cheek.

“Why are you crying again?” His voice was gentle and that made Nayeon lifted her gaze slightly to meet with his. “I don’t know if you’d realized but I hate it when you’re crying like this.”

Nayeon said nothing as she felt Mark’s gentle touch on her cheek, his thumb brushing her tears away gently. The way Mark was looking at her made Nayeon a little self-conscious and she had no idea why she’s getting a little nervous. Despite knowing Mark for almost her whole life, she had never once looked at him this up close. When did this boy grow to be this handsome? She knew that he had always been the apple in many girls’ eyes, especially during their high school years but that was probably the first time she felt the same way as them.

What was she doing? Just a while ago, her tears were still flowing because of the memories but now, she found it hard to look away once their gaze met each other.

No one said anything and before both of them could ponder any further, Mark leaned in towards her, just enough for his lips to meet hers.

---------

i can hear the markyeon fans screaming; whether it's because they want to kill me for stopping here or out of happiness that mark finally grew some balls. i didn't realised that we are already at this point of the story already, to me it felt like there's still a long way to go according to my plannings. but hey, we are actually only left with 3 main chapters and 3 special chapters! excited? because i am. 

do not worry about the fact that markjin hasn't met yet. they will, definitely will. jinyoung wouldn't just go like this, he has important stuffs to do before he can go.

spoiler: there will be a markjin only chapter. that's all i'm telling you guys. ^^

alright, stay with me till the end, yeah? votes and feedbacks are very much welcome!

peace out!