Yoongi came back into the room with an apologetic smile on his face.

“Sorry, I had to take that,” he said as he sat back down. “I know it was strange and abrupt, but I’m not supposed to miss his calls.”

“That seems kind of overbearing, don’t you think?” Jimin asked as he brought the tray of food over to the desk to clean off the bed.

“Under normal circumstances, yes, but for me, no. He has a reason to be so protective of me.”

“And why’s that?” Jimin didn’t ask to pry, but rather to understand their relationship. Yoongi paused as he thought about how he should go about explaining everything without shocking Jimin because he could tell that he was the type of person that didn’t handle shock value very well.

He quietly turned his wrists over and showed Jimin the faint scars there from his suicide attempt. Jimin held back his gasp and instead waited for Yoongi’s explanation.

“This is why he has a right to be so protective. He was the one that found me bleeding out on my kitchen floor. He brought me to the hospital and they said I’d be fine, but that I either needed rehab or to see a psychiatrist. There was no way in hell I was gonna let them lock me up in rehab, alone, in a padded cell, so I chose the psychiatrist.”

Jimin watched Yoongi lean down to his satchel and blindly rummage through it. He curiously peered over the bed to try and catch a glimpse of whatever Yoongi grabbed, but it was pointless because when Yoongi sat back up, he showed Jimin what he’d been looking for.

“Your pills?” he questioned. “Why are you showing me these?”

“Because you and these pills share something in common for me,” Yoongi responded, but left it at that with no more explanation. He set one down on the bed, opened the one still in his hand, and took one of the pills out to show Jimin. It was a pale, yellow color and only about the size of a pencil eraser.

“This is my sleeping pill. It’s got some technical name that I never bothered to remember because I didn’t care enough to. I’ve been taking it for the past three years to help me sleep at night. Otherwise, I stay up. I’m usually okay during the day, so long as I have things to occupy myself. At night though, it’s different.” His voice was soft and low, almost raspy whisper from fatigue. Jimin clung to his every word.

“Do you ever get that feeling like...like TV static in your head? Like no matter what you do, your mind just won’t be quiet?” he asked, looking Jimin straight in the eyes. You could hear a pin drop in the silence between them before Jimin responded with a small “Yes.”

“Well, that’s how I feel at night, every night. Without this pill, I won’t go to sleep. I actually became an insomniac because of it and it was a rough time for me on top of how the depression was already kicking my .” Yoongi looked at the pill in his hand for a few moments while he remembered all those sleepless nights and dreadful days that repeated in a vicious cycle.

He popped the pill in his mouth and downed a mouthful of champagne behind it. Then he reached for the other pill bottle.

“I’ve been taking these since I was seventeen. Not these specifically, but antidepressants in general. The ones I first started taking I didn’t like very much. They made me feel numb, like I was just floating around on autopilot. I wasn’t motivated to do anything and it actually made my depression worse.” Yoongi was rolling the bottle around in his hand in a thoughtful manner as he recalled his past. Jimin, intrigued by the pills, reached for the bottle and looked at Yoongi to make sure it was okay. He handed Jimin the bottle who carefully held it in his own, smaller hands. He’d never had a reason to take prescription pills, not even when he injured himself when he danced. Usually, a few painkillers and he was fine. Seeing one in person was surreal for him.

“Those-” Yoongi said, pointing to the bottle in Jimin’s hands “-make the pain go away, but don’t shut me off.”

“Your thoughts are painful?” Jimin’s voice sounded sadder than he meant it to be.

“Most of them are. I have the normal ‘you should kill yourself’ depression thoughts and then there are ones about my father.”

“What happened to your father?” Jimin could tell he hit a nerve because Yoongi brought the champagne back to his lips.

“He killed himself. Took the family gun and-” Yoongi made his hand into a gun shape and pointed it at his temple “-bang.” He dropped his hand back to his side and stared at the bedsheets. Then he chuckled a bitter laugh and took another swig of the champagne. “I’m not even supposed to mix alcohol with this medication, but what do I have to lose?”

“Your life,” Jimin whispered. He made eye contact with Yoongi again, and what he saw made his chest ache for him. While the rest of his expression was neutral, Yoongi’s eyes gave away all the pain he felt in this moment, in his past, and the pain he would feel in the future.

Without thinking, Jimin hugged him around his neck. Yoongi, shocked from the action, hesitated and kept his arms limp at his sides. He’d only been hugged by a few people in his life because he didn’t allow himself to get that emotionally attached to too many people. If he hugged them, that meant they knew his secrets.  

Finally, he returned the hug and embraced Jimin tightly. The effects of the sleeping pill were starting to kick in thanks to the champagne, which was now mostly gone.

“What’s this for?” he asked drowsily.

“You looked sad. You’re supposed to hug people when they're sad,” Jimin murmured into Yoongi's shoulder. Yoongi chuckled again, this time softly because of Jimin’s words.

“You’re a good person Jimin. Don’t ever change,” Yoongi said gently as he pulled away. He looked longingly at Jimin, but he couldn’t figure out if it was because he liked him or because he wished he could be good like him. All he knew was that Jimin made him feel warm inside and he didn’t want that feeling to leave. Jimin, on the other hand, was reliving the painful memories he felt with Jungkook. Seeing Yoongi like this reminded him of the nights he drank after a fight with him. Sitting alone in the living room with a bottle of whatever he could find or buy while Jungkook slept in the other room. Sometimes they’d talk it out in the morning. Other times, Jungkook would leave without a word.

It hurt to look at Yoongi like this because it reminded him so much of a version of himself that he never wanted to be again.

“I’m gonna...go take my shower,” Jimin said quickly to change the subject. Yoongi shrugged lazily and took another sip from the bottle while Jimin gathered his clothes for his shower.

When Jimin came back into the room, Yoongi was surprisingly still awake, but not by much.

“Yoongi you should go to bed,” Jimin said as he reached for the champagne bottle. Yoongi didn’t put up a fight.

“I don’t want to.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want to stop looking at you.” Jimin blushed from Yoongi’s confession as he set the bottle down on the desk.

“Why’s that?”

“Because you make me feel warm. In here.” He lazily pointed to his chest and Jimin rolled his eyes.

“Now I know you’re drunk. When you wake up tomorrow, you’ll have a hangover and you’ll feel differently. C’mon, let’s go to bed,” Jimin said as he approached Yoongi. He guided him to lay down on the pillow and helped move his legs under the sheets.

“That’s not true, I felt it when I was sober. I just didn’t tell you.”

“Why?” Yoongi shrugged even though he knew why. He just didn’t want to admit it. “Alright then,” Jimin replied, a little disappointed that Yoongi wouldn’t say anything. He was sure that it was the alcohol talking, but what if it wasn’t? What if Yoongi really did feel something him? Sure, Jimin thought he was attractive and he liked his personality even if he was quiet a lot. There was a rawness to him that Jimin found refreshing.

Yet all he could think about was Jungkook. It had been two years, but there was still a part of him who thought it was wrong to date after what happened. Two years didn’t feel like enough time. Jimin wasn’t even sure if there was enough time to make him feel okay after what happened.

Jimin crawled into bed beside Yoongi who was now looking at him and pouting.

“What?”

“You tucked me in without a goodnight kiss.”

“What?”

“When you tuck someone in, you give them a goodnight kiss, right?” Jimin couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Goodnight Yoongi,” he said flatly and laid down with his back to him.

“I’m just gonna keep asking until you give me oooooone.”

“If you like breathing, you’d go to bed,” Jimin threatened, hoping it would make Yoongi leave him alone.

“I don’t like breathing.” Jimin flipped over and looked at Yoongi who was smugly smiling. He pointed to his cheek and Jimin rolled his eyes.

“If I give you a kiss, will you go to sleep?”

“Mhm.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” Jimin sighed and stared hard at Yoongi for a few more moments before leaning down to kiss his cheek. At the last second, Yoongi turned his head to make Jimin kiss his lips. The brunette could taste the champagne on his lips and for a split second, he was frozen. Before he could react, Yoongi had already pulled back and was still smirking.

“Goodnight,” he said before reaching for the lamp and turning it off.