It was like Jimin had a superpower to make Yoongi throw logic out of the window and only act on his desires and instincts. As soon as he felt Jimin’s lips on his, the resolve he had to keep his distance and allow Jimin time to sort his feelings out left him. He was focused only on this moment, noticing how Jimin’s hands trailed from his hips, up his chest, and then to the hair at the nape of his neck. Yoongi s his arms around Jimin’s waist and drew his hips in closer as the kiss deepened.

Jimin hadn’t realized how much he had been craving for Yoongi to kiss him again until now. It was like Yoongi knew all of his weaknesses, from the way he tugged on Jimin’s bottom lip to kissing the sensitive parts of Jimin’s neck where he and nibbled so hard, Jimin was sure they’d leave marks. He didn’t care though, it felt too good to care.

Yoongi gently pressed against Jimin’s shoulders, signaling for him to move back towards the bed. When Jimin felt the mattress against the back of his knees, he sat down without breaking the kiss. It was Yoongi who did so when he pulled away to remove his hoodie. He took Jimin’s chin between his finger and thumb to make sure he had his full attention.

“I’ll go slow. If you want me to stop, tell me,” he said gently, running his thumb across Jimin’s lips.

“Okay.”

“Lay down.” Jimin obeyed and laid down, his stomach in a knot from either excitement or nervousness, he couldn’t tell yet.

Yoongi got on top of him and rested in between Jimin’s legs. He leaned down and pulled Jimin’s shirt up to expose his torso where he kissed him all over. His hands reached for Jimin’s hands and he intertwined their fingers as he kissed up to his collarbones, his jaw, and back to his lips.

As much pleasure as Jimin felt, something still felt off about all this. A part of him was hesitant to be doing this, and not because he felt like he was betraying Jungkook or anything like that, but he couldn’t get out of his own head. Even though he couldn’t pinpoint it, something about this scenario suddenly made him uncomfortable. It felt like a weight was on his chest and his breathing became shallow.

“Yoongi…” Jimin said shakily. Yoongi, who was focusing now on Jimin’s lower half barely heard him speak, thinking he was his name instead of calling his attention. His hands undid Jimin’s jeans and it wasn’t until he tried to remove them when he realized Jimin wasn’t moving. He looked up at Jimin’s face and saw how dazed he looked. It was like he was somewhere else.

“Jimin?” he reached up to touch Jimin’s cheek, but he flinched away from Yoongi’s hand. Jimin’s eyes began to tear up. “What is it?” he pushed, but his voice sounded like it was underwater to Jimin. In his mind, he was trying to organize and identify what he was feeling, but he couldn’t figure it out. The tears kept falling and he started hyperventilating. All he could focus on was the pictures in his head of Jungkook doing things to him. Things that Jimin agreed to do because he didn’t want Jungkook to leave him even though he didn’t want to do them. How Yoongi was doing the same things…

“Jimin, look at me,” Yoongi cupped Jimin’s cheek and made him look at him. “Talk to me, what is it?”

“I...I don’t want...to,” he replied barely above a whisper.

“That’s okay, I’ll stop.” Yoongi moved from on top of him to sit beside him. “See? We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, okay?” Jimin just quietly nodded and kept his eyes trained on the ceiling. Yoongi didn’t speak or try to touch Jimin again until he stopped crying. He’d never been in a situation like this, but he figured interfering with whatever Jimin was going through would make it worse on him.

“I’m sorry,” Jimin finally said once he was finished. He turned his head to look up at Yoongi who was sitting on his knees next to him, carefully watching him.

“Don’t be, I told you that if you wanted to stop, you tell me.”

“I know but-”

“No, no ‘but.’ If you don’t want to do something, tell me.” Jimin nodded quietly again. Yoongi had never seen Jimin like this. If he didn’t know any better he’d say Jimin was genuinely scared. And then he got this sinking feeling in his stomach.

“Did Jungkook you?” he asked. Jimin’s eyes widened and he was stunned by the question.

“No, never. If I told him no, he didn’t do anything to me, he never physically abused me. It’s just...a lot of times if he wanted to have , I’d go along with it even if I was too tired or if I wasn’t in the mood to. I’d just agree cause it was easier than explaining why I didn’t want to and having a fight. I enjoyed it in the moment, but I’d always feel dirty afterward and...I don’t know...when you started ing my pants I thought about that dirty feeling and I didn’t want to anymore, I froze up.”

Yoongi’s blood boiled with anger at the thought of Jungkook being such a ty person to Jimin to the point where Jimin just said yes because it was easier than saying no. He didn’t understand how you could be that terrible to someone so kind and loving.

“Are you mad at me?” Jimin’s voice sounded small and it made Yoongi’s chest hurt.

“No Jimin, I’m not mad at you, I’d never be mad at you for something like that. I just...It makes me mad that you were in that ty of a position in that relationship.” He unconsciously made his hands into fists and his expression was stern.

“Yoongi?” Jimin said gently, reaching out for Yoongi’s hand. Yoongi looked down and watched Jimin carefully unfold his fingers and hold his hand.

“I just don’t get it.”

“Get what?”

“How you could be with someone like that for so long. How could you have feelings for him even after he died, knowing how he treated you.”

“I understand now that he manipulated me, but back then I just thought we could solve our problems cause I thought he really cared about me. I thought his cheating was some kind of character flaw I guess, something I would just have to compromise with for the sake of our love, but...I know that’s not true. I don’t care about him like that anymore but he still affects me every day. As you can see,” Jimin gestured between the two of them to imply the situation between them was affected by Jimin’s past.

“God, why am I such a mess?” he asked, hiding his face in his hands. Yoongi wrapped his arms around Jimin and softly pet his hair to soothe him.

“You’re not a mess, Jimin, you’ve just been hurt a lot these past few years and it’s hard for you to trust again. I get that, I’ve been through it too.”

“How did you learn to trust again?”

“I got tired of being alone and pushing people away. It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t overnight, but I knew I had to do it if there was any hope that I’d get better. We’re social creatures, we’re meant to be with others. I just hated myself too much and didn’t trust others enough to do that. Then, I met Hoseok that night in the bar and protecting him from that guy was instinctive even though we were strangers.”

“How’d you know Hoseok was okay to trust?” Jimin asked.

“The feeling I got around him. I don’t know how to describe it, but you just know it when you feel it.”

It was quiet between them again and Yoongi continued the motion of running his fingers through Jimin’s hair, finding comfort in the rhythmic pattern of Jimin’s breathing and the warm air he exhaled against his neck.

Jimin’s phone sounded from his pocket and he unwillingly pulled away to check his notifications. A text message from Hoseok.

“Everything okay?” Yoongi asked. Jimin nodded. “Hoseok was just asking if I got home safe.”

“Would you like me to take you home?”

“Not really. If I could avoid getting on the back of that death trap you call a scooter for the rest of my life, I’d be okay.” A small smile formed on Jimin’s lips and Yoongi matched it, thankful that Jimin was feeling good enough to make a joke.

“I’ll tell him I’m spending the night here,” Jimin said as he texted Hoseok back.

“Okay. Do you want some sweatpants to sleep in?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

Yoongi walked over to his closet and reached up on the top shelf in one of his piles of clothing. He grabbed a pair and handed them to Jimin who suddenly looked very tired. “I’ll go turn everything off out here while you change,” he said and then went into the living room.

Jimin quickly changed out of his jeans and put the sweatpants on. Then he folded his jeans and set them on the chair of Yoongi’s studio area and climbed into bed. When Yoongi returned, he flipped the switch to turn the light off and removed his own jeans before getting into bed. After he got settled in, he wrapped an arm around Jimin and pulled him in so he could cuddle with him.

“Yoongi?”

“Hmm?”

“I think I’ll get over this one day. A month ago if you asked me if I would consider being with someone else, I would have said no and a definite no to making out with someone else.”

“I wore you down then?”

“Ah, hyung, you didn’t wear me down, that sounds bad,” Jimin said, playfully pushing Yoongi’s shoulder. “You just grew on me and I started liking you. I think if we just did this more often, I’d be okay. I just need more exposure.”

“Oh I can definitely help with that,” Yoongi replied mischievously as he drew Jimin’s hips in closer. Jimin swatted at him and gave Yoongi a scolding look. Yoongi tilted Jimin’s chin up so he could look at him. The moonlight shining through the window allowed him to see the general shape of his face.  “In all seriousness though, I can wait Jimin. I want you to trust me. Don’t feel bad about this, okay?”

“Okay,” Jimin smiled which in turn made Yoongi smile and now they’re both blushing because of how shy their smiles make each other get.

“Can I kiss you again?” Yoongi asked close enough to Jimin’s lips for him to feel the words brush against them. When Jimin nodded, Yoongi tilted his chin up further to meet his lips and gave Jimin the softest kiss he’d probably ever received. And then another and another and another until Jimin lost count and just reveled in the feeling of Yoongi’s touch, from his hands on his waist to his lips on his.

“I’m sorry, you should sleep,” Yoongi said when he finally pulled away.

“I can stay up a little longer…”

“No, you can’t. You need to rest. Close your eyes and go to sleep.” Jimin grumbled a ‘fine’ in response and closed his eyes while he settled into the pillow and Yoongi’s embrace.

“Goodnight,” he said. Yoongi kissed him one last time. “Goodnight,” he replied.