For the past week and a half, Yoongi had basically been living at Jimin’s place. After the third time Jimin asked Yoongi to sleep over, he suggested that he bring clothes with him to keep at Jimin’s place. The reason he’d been so keen on keeping Yoongi with him at night was partly due to wanting to cure his loneliness and the other was because he genuinely enjoyed spending his nights with him. They cuddled and kissed, laughed and played games. Jimin couldn’t remember the last time his home felt like a home the way it did now with Yoongi.

Now was the anniversary of Jungkook’s death. To say that they were nervous was an understatement, although it was for very two different reasons. 

Yoongi stood in front of his bathroom mirror, fixing his hair for what felt like the hundredth time in the past five minutes. He dressed in a white button-up shirt, a black tie, and black jeans in order to be a happy medium of casual and formal. 

Jimin said he’d pick Yoongi up so they could go to the cemetery together, so now he was anxiously waiting for his arrival. He was more nervous about messing up than anything else because he knew how much this meant to Jimin. Saying or doing the wrong thing at the wrong time could ruin today for him and that was the last thing he wanted. Everything needed to go well not just because of the anniversary but because it was an important event for their relationship. The bond they’d developed over the past month could easily be hurt if hit the fan and Yoongi couldn’t let that happen after working so hard to break out of his shell and let someone in.

Yoongi’s doorbell rang, shaking him out of his nervous thoughts. He went to open the door where Jimin was waiting for him with a smile. He was much more underdressed, in a black T-shirt and denim jeans with a pair of black sunglasses sat on top of his head. He did a glance over of Yoongi’s outfit and nodded his head in approval.

“You clean up nicely Yoongi. Great to see you in something more than a hoodie.”

“Ha ha, very funny,” Yoongi replied as he stood to the side to invite him in. Jimin looked around the apartment in a longing way.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been here,” he said thoughtfully. “You’ve spent so much time at my place, I forgot how cozy this place feels.”

“Is cozy a nice way to say small?”

“No!” Jimin gave Yoongi a scolding look. “It just feels...warm and safe here, I don’t know how to describe it.”

“You don’t feel that way at your place?”

“Only when you’re there.” The words fell naturally out of Jimin’s mouth before he could think about what he was saying. Instead of blushing though, he walked over to Yoongi and embraced him. “I really like you, hyung,” he murmured into his neck. “You make me feel safe.”

Yoongi pulled away enough to see Jimin’s face and gently tucked the hair away from his eyes, saying, “I’m glad I can be that for you.” Jimin smiled brightly, gave him a kiss, and then let go.

“C’mon, I’ve got a stop to make before we go to the cemetery.”

“What’s that?”

“Pick up some flowers...I always leave flowers.”

---

In the car, Jimin grew more and more anxious. He’d been able to buy the flowers with Yoongi, no problem, but now as he got closer to the cemetery he began to feel sick. The first time he visited, he was sick out of nervousness and depression. He still wasn’t fully over the fact that Jungkook was really gone and he chose to ignore all of the bad things he’d done out of his death. To show a sort of forgiveness, he put it behind him and instead brought his love to the grave. Now, he held a kind of anger for all the things he’d done to him in their relationship, but it was a numb anger that made him sad and frustrated. 

The sunglasses he wore while he drove hid the emotion in his eyes, but his body language didn’t. His knuckles were white on the steering wheel and his jaw was set in a hard line. Yoongi noticed the negative energy and gently took Jimin’s hand off the wheel to hold it in his own.

“What would you say if I called you ‘baby’?” Yoongi asked.

“You’ve called me baby once...while we were on the ferry.”

“I know, but I feel like at the time I had rushed it. We didn’t know each other that well yet, I just said it impulsively because I liked you. I want it to mean something now.”

“You’re asking if I’ll be your baby?”

“Mhmm, I guess you could say that.”

“Then if you called me ‘baby’, I’d like that.”

“Alright then, will you tell me what’s wrong, baby?” Yoongi rubbed his thumb along Jimin’s knuckles. 

“What do you mean?”

“You look tense, your knuckles are white on the wheel. Something’s wrong, yeah?”

“Not really, I’m just...honestly I’m kind of angry.”

“Are you usually angry?”

“No. Before, I was sad and nervous, but now I’m just sad and frustrated.”

“Why’s that?”

“I’ve had more time to think about all the he put me through and it’s made me bitter. It just feels like I have so much pent up thoughts and things I wish I had said to him while he was alive, I don’t even know where to begin.” There was silence for a few moments while Jimin let the words settle over them. “I wrote a letter,” he said quietly.

“A letter?”

“Yeah...to Jungkook...I don’t know, it was the only way I could think of starting to let all of these feelings go...ya know?” Jimin glanced at Yoongi to gauge his reaction. Yoongi was hanging on to Jimin’s every word and nodded encouragingly.

“That’s a good idea, Jimin. I think it’ll help you.”

“Thank you.” There was silence again and as Jimin made a turn, a thought struck him. 

“Yoongi?”

“Hm?”

“Do you think writing a letter would help you...with your father?”

“Maybe...I don’t know. When I think about him I realize I didn’t really know much about him. He was gone so often because he worked so much. I knew he loved me and wanted the best for me, he showed it in his actions to provide for us, but I didn’t have a close bond with him. I knew more about him by talking with his therapist after he passed than I did when he was alive.” Yoongi looked away from Jimin’s hand in his own and turned to the window. “I’m not mad at him for him wanting me to go into business or whatever. I think I avoided his grave for so long because I was afraid. My mother already blamed me for his death, she thought me being a disappointment was what drove him to it.”

“I’m sorry Yoongi, I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No, it’s okay. It doesn’t bother me to talk about it...I just feel a bit of guilt over it that I need to work out before I can see him with a clear conscience.”

“I understand that.” Yoongi brought Jimin’s hand to his lips and kissed his knuckles. “You apologize too much,” he said.

“Sorry,” Jimin murmured with a smile that turned into a laugh. Yoongi laughed with him.

After another ten minutes of driving, Jimin finally pulled into a parking lot surrounded by gravestones. He put the car in park and turned the ignition off with a laborious sigh. Then, he reached for the flowers on the backseat and looked at Yoongi, suddenly feeling unsure about coming here in the first place. As if Yoongi could read his mind, he gave him an encouraging smile. “You’re okay, you can do it,” he said softly and without judgment. Jimin nodded in agreement to convince himself of the statement and then got out of the car. 

Yoongi followed Jimin on the path paved throughout the gravesite, looking around at all of the names when he was suddenly struck by the idea that he’d be one of those names one day. Sure, he knew he would die one day, but a concrete representation of his death jarred him. He felt a tightness in his chest and placed his hand there to try and calm himself down. Ruining today with a panic attack was the last thing he needed, he had to do his best for Jimin.

“Yoongi?” Jimin’s voice sounded far away and echoed in Yoongi’s head.

“Y-yeah?”

“This is the grave…”

“Ah, yes, sorry. I got distracted.”

“Saw somebody you knew?” Yoongi had been so distracted by picturing his own grave among the others, he hadn’t realized how lost he looked.

“Yeah...something like that…” Jimin shrugged the comment off and didn’t see it as unusual, so he knelt down to the grave and set the flowers down on the stone. He touched Jungkook’s engraved name, letting his fingertips rest in the cool divots of the concrete and sighed again.

“Hey Jungkook...um...it’s been another year of you being gone...I missed you…” Jimin laughed bitterly at that, “pathetic, isn’t it? After everything that we went through, I missed you. After all the you put me through, the nights where I either drank or cried myself to sleep, the days we spent arguing...after all of it, I still ing missed you.” Jimin’s eyes burned with tears that threatened to spill over, but he refused to let them. He was done crying over someone that walked over him, took advantage of him, used him.

“I don’t miss you anymore though. I don’t think about you like I used to...I don’t cry about you like I used to...I don’t love you like I used to…” Yoongi quietly stood behind Jimin and watched him sort out his feelings.

“I love the memory of you, of what I thought you were, and you manipulated me into thinking I loved you, the person. At first, I was sad...and then I was angry, I hated you...but now I’ve forgiven you...and I don’t regret being with you because it made me grow as a person. So for that, I thank you.” Jimin stopped talking and let his words settle so he could think about what to say next. Then he remembered the letter he prepared and reached in his back pocket to pull it out. His hands gingerly unfolded the paper and after he gave it a once over, he tore it in half.

“Jimin?” Yoongi reached out towards the letter to stop him even though it was too late.

“I don’t need it...I said everything I needed to say.” He stood up and dusted the dirt off of his knees. “I don’t need this anymore either,” he said, gesturing to the gravestone. 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that I’ve let it go...him and our relationship. There’s no reason for me to come here anymore. This is the last time.”

---

Jimin drove them back to Yoongi's apartment where they decided to relax by cuddling and watching TV. He rested his head on Yoongi's lap while Yoongi ran his fingers through his hair. The action was so soothing, he found himself dozing off and closing his eyes every so often. 

It was during this time that Yoongi's curiosity got the better of him despite the personal context of the question he was about to ask.

"Why did you go to Jungkook's grave in the first place? If everything was so ty, what was the point?" Jimin's first reaction was a sigh and Yoongi immediately regretted asking, but before he could apologize, Jimin answered him.

"I think...I went because I missed him. I had gotten so used to a life with him that I forgot what a life without him was like. I wanted to be close to him again. Then, the second time I went was more so out of trying to make a ritual of it. I thought that it was important for him to know that somebody cared about him. His parents wouldn't visit him, they were barely there for him when he was alive. I was all he had."

"So then why did you decide you wouldn't go anymore?"

"Because as much as I care about him, I care about myself more and it's not good for me to keep going." Jimin sat up and groggily looked at Yoongi. "You're good for me though,” he said with a smile and a kiss. When he laid back down, his phone began to ring in his pocket. He fished it out and answered it with a yawn.

“Hello?”

“Ah, Jimin, I’m glad you answered. How are you doing...with everything…?”

“I’m okay. Just tired. And a little hungry.”

“That’s great because I wanted to invite you out to dinner with Hoseok and I. Yoongi can come too!”

At that, Jimin sat up. “What’s the occasion?” he asked.

“Hoseok finally saved up enough money to upgrade his studio the way he wants. He’s really excited and wanted to have dinner at around seven to celebrate.”

“That sounds fun actually. Send me the address, we’ll be there.” He hung up and answered Yoongi’s questioning look with, “We’re going out to dinner with Hoseok. He saved up enough money to fix up his studio.”

“He’s been talking about doing that for years, good for him,” Yoongi said. “What time?”

“At about seven. Why?” Yoongi looked at the time on his own phone and then pulled Jimin onto his lap. “Because that means I have two more hours with you all to myself.”

---

Hoseok picked out a restaurant in the city that was known for its beef noodles, something all four of them considered to be a classic dish. They were able to find a somewhat secluded table towards the corner of the restaurant, away from a rowdy coworker party going on. After they ordered their food, Hoseok also requested a bottle of champagne for the table. When the waitress brought it back, he poured everyone a drink and raised his glass.

“I wanna make a toast,” he started off very dramatically. Taehyung and Jimin snickered while Yoongi rolled his eyes. “A toast to my studio because it’s been like a child to me. One that I’ve been nurturing for the past three years to get it where it is today. I’m thankful that I’ve finally gotten the opportunity to turn it into my dream studio. I couldn’t have done it without any of you,” he looked at the other three around the table. “Jimin and Yoongi, you two helped me a lot with paperwork and volunteered for free to help me with the kids, and Taehyung you’ve brought me lunch every day without fail. Your efforts to support me have not gone unnoticed, which is why I wanted to treat you all to dinner.” Everyone touched glasses and sipped from their drinks, Jimin taking it slow after remembering what happened the last time he drank champagne.

“Congratulations, Hobi hyung, I’m proud of you,” Taehyung said and kissed Hoseok’s cheek. 

“Thank you, baby.” Hoseok smiled brightly back at him, his love and affection for Taehyung clearly shown in his eyes. Yoongi and Jimin both looked away, feeling like they were eavesdropping on a private moment. 

“You sure you wanna drink?” Yoongi murmured to Jimin.

“Yeah, I’ll be alright.”

“Do you have work tomorrow?”

“No, I took today and tomorrow off...for the anniversary. My boss knows about it, I’ve worked it out with him.”

“So do you wanna come back to my place?” Yoongi’s tone was innocent, but Jimin could see the want in his eyes, which both scared and excited him.  

“Yeah, I’ll spend the night.” Jimin held eye contact with him as he took another sip of his champagne as though to challenge him.

“It seems like you two have been getting along well,” Hoseok commented. “You two sure got acquainted in my office the other day.” Jimin blushed at the memory and apologized, but Hoseok waved it off. “It’s no big deal, I’m just glad to see you both happy. Things are starting to look up for both of you it seems.”

“What do you mean?” Jimin asked.

“Well, you’re moving on from Jungkook and finally taking charge of your happiness again. I’m proud of you too, Yoongi. After two years of making music and not showing it to anyone, you’re gonna audition to try and take it to the next level.”

“Audition?” Jimin asked, completely thrown off.

“Mhm, this company in Seoul is having auditions. I’m gonna apply.”

“Do you know what you have to do yet?” Hoseok asked.

“No, they’re probably gonna make us send in a video or something to apply though.”

“Wait, when did you decide you were gonna audition?” Jimin interrupted, somewhat hurt that he was left out of this news.

“A few days ago.”

“Oh...okay…” He played it off as best he could and was thankful when Taehyung began asking questions about it. Although he kept an upbeat appearance, Yoongi and Hoseok both could tell that he felt bad.

When the food came, the mood around the table was happier, but Yoongi could still feel an awkwardness between them even though Jimin was very good at making it seem like he was over it. After they ate, Hoseok ordered a second bottle of champagne. Jimin and Taehyung’s refusal to partake in drinking any silently volunteered them to be the designated drivers. Yoongi on the other hand gladly drank with Hoseok and as they got drunker, they got giggly until just looking at each other made them burst out laughing. 

“Why don’t we take you two home?” Taeyhung suggested finally as he took the champagne glass out of Hoseok’s hand.

“Good idea, I’m getting sleepy,” he slurred, leaning into Taehyung’s neck.

“You too, Yoongi, it’s not healthy for you to drink this much alcohol. It’s a wonder your liver still works.”

“I don’t know either, but it’s made my tolerance high.” As proof, his words barely slurred and he walked in a straight line behind Jimin on the way to the car. Not much is said on the way back to Yoongi’s apartment, partially due to his intoxication and the other part due to Jimin’s annoyance. He tried to figure who was to blame for his annoyance all the way there and even when they got to Yoongi’s front door, he didn’t know. He was annoyed with himself for not paying better attention but annoyed that Yoongi would hide such good news from him.

“Is everything okay?” Yoongi asked while he took his shoes off by the front door.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You don’t seem fine.”

“So?” Jimin snapped and walked to Yoongi’s bedroom.

“Remember what happened the last time you wouldn’t tell me how you were feeling and you acted bratty?” Yoongi asked as he followed him. Jimin just shrugged and ignored him. He sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed his eyes. “Do I need to remind you?” 

“What, are you gonna pin me down again?”

“Are you gonna keep acting like a child?”

“I’m not acting like a child, I’m just confused.”

“About what?”

“I don’t know exactly but...why didn’t you tell me about the audition?” Yoongi sighed and sat down next to Jimin. 

“You had a lot of stuff going on yourself, I didn’t want to add on to it. I wanted today to be perfect because I knew it was important for not only you but our relationship. I wanted to support you and make sure you were okay.”
“Yoongi,” Jimin turned to Yoongi and cupped his cheek to make him look him in the eyes, “listen to me very carefully. If you want to be with me, you need to learn that it’s okay to share things with me, good or bad, no matter how I’m feeling. I might not be able to show how happy I am for you or be able to help you with bad things, but you can always come to me. I promise you, I’d rather know than not know because I care about you. Do you understand?”

Yoongi nodded, “Yes, I understand. I was gonna tell you eventually...I just didn’t want to seem like I was making things about me when you were going through stuff.”

“Yeah, but in the process, you made everything about me and that’s not good either.”

“Can I tell you something now?”

“What is it?”

“I really wanna kiss you.”

Jimin rolled his eyes. “Fine, but kissing only. I remember what you said about how you get when you’re drunk.”

“Your lips are all I need right now,” Yoongi murmured with a smile as he leaned in.