“I can’t believe you ate all of those waffles,” Jimin said when they returned to their room. Yoongi had thrown himself across his bed in satisfaction of all the food he’d eaten and gave Jimin a lazy smile.

“I told you, Jimin, there’s no such thing as too many waffles.”

“Don’t you think eating half of the waffles at the buffet is too many.”

“No, I think in this situation, the saying ‘first come, first serve’ can be applied.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Jimin said as he rolled his eyes and laid down too. Both boys had developed quite the appetite from earlier and now felt too full to move.

Yoongi’s phone began to ring and at first, he thought about ignoring it, but checked the caller ID and saw that it was Hoseok. He reached over and answered it.

“Hello?”

“Hey Yoongi, how are you?”

“I’m great at the moment. I had waffles.”

“That’s good. Are you still with that guy you mentioned?”

“Yeah, I am. Funny enough, you two know each other.”

“We do? Who is he?” Yoongi put the phone and speaker and mouthed ‘Say hi’ to Jimin.

“Hello?” Jimin said, not knowing who he was speaking to. Hoseok recognized him immediately.

“Jimin?!”

“Oh, Hoseok, hi!”

“Yoongi, why didn’t you tell me the guy was Jimin?!”

“I didn’t think it was important, I’m sorry.”

“Why wouldn’t it be important?” Jimin asked, crossing his arms over his chest and feigning offense.

“Because I didn’t think we’d be together for longer than a few days,” Yoongi answered, already regretting the three-way call he’d created.

“You two would be so cute together though!” Hoseok interjected, causing Yoongi to blush and Jimin to giggle.

“Talk to him about it, he’s still not over Jungkook,” Yoongi said.

“Jimin, it’s been two years since he died, you’re allowed to like other people.”

“I know, but…I love him.”

“He treated you like .”

“Not all the time!”

“Most of the time.”

“He was nice to me, he just…”

“He cheated on you…multiple times.” Hoseok’s voice was angry because he could remember all the times Jimin would stay late at the studio to avoid going home because he knew Jungkook wouldn’t be there. All the times he had to comfort Jimin because he was crying over Jungkook.

Yoongi looked at Jimin whose gaze was on the floor now as he tried to hold back his tears.

“How’s Taehyung?” Yoongi asked Hoseok to change the subject for Jimin’s sake. He watched Jimin get up and leave out the corner of his eye as Taehyung responded.

“He’s recovering, but you know how he is when he’s sick. Very needy and clingy.”

“I AM NOT!” Taehyung’s voice rang out from the background followed by a series of coughs.

“Are too! ‘Hoseok, cuddle with me’ ‘Hoseok, I need kisses to make me feel better’ ‘Hoseok can you make my favorite soup?’” Hoseok started giggling and Yoongi could just picture Taehyung’s pout and how much teasing Hoseok had been doing to him during his sickness. He’d never admit it, but he loved it when Taehyung was clingy and needy for him because it made him feel important.

Yoongi’s curiosity had peaked at the mention of Jungkook considering Jimin rarely ever spoke about him. Now that he was gone, he’d have a better chance at getting to know what kind of person he was.

“Hoseok, what do you know about Jungkook?” Yoongi asked.

“I know that he swooned Jimin off his feet and then treated him like when they got serious.”

“Did he beat him?”

“No, he never physically hurt him, but he could be really mean with what he said when he was angry and he cheated on Jimin with a different guy just about every other week it seemed. Then he’d guilt trip Jimin into taking him back. It was a cycle that lasted for almost two years. Then Jungkook got hit by the car and Jimin couldn’t get over it. He’s been lovesick after that boy for four years now, Yoongi, it’s not healthy.” Hoseok was speaking, but Yoongi was barely paying attention. Hearing that someone could treat Jimin so badly made his blood boil with anger. He wasn’t sure what was worse though, that someone could do that or that Jimin could stay with someone who did the things Jungkook did. He had to have known that he was worth more than that, right?

“Yoongi, you still there?”

“How could Jimin…be with someone like that?” Yoongi’s voice was bitter and Hoseok sighed.

“If you want my honest opinion…I do think a part of Jungkook cared for Jimin because towards the end of their relationship, he tried, but…he had commitment issues. I don’t think he ever loved Jimin, but…it was complicated.” Hoseok sounded tired now, like thinking about their relationship drained him of all his energy.

“I have to go,” Yoongi said and hung up without another word. He didn’t understand how someone so kind as Jimin could end up in a situation like that, how he couldn’t see what was happening. Then again, maybe he didn’t see it and was blinded by whatever Jungkook told him and made him feel. He contemplated whether or not he should look for Jimin. Maybe he needed some time alone and then he’d be back.

Yoongi glanced at the time and it was already 3:00pm. He decided that if Jimin wasn’t back by 3:15, he’d go looking for him.

Jimin, on the other hand, wasn’t concerned with the time. All he could think about where the scenes playing in his head of him and Jungkook as he wandered around the deck. He could remember the fights and the numerous occasions where he’d seen Jungkook’s eyes wander to look at another man. It made Jimin insecure. He often found himself wondering if he was good enough to be with Jungkook. That maybe if he had tried harder or been different, things would have worked out. Or at least, he hoped they would have.

No one understood why Jimin could love Jungkook after everything and if he was being honest, he wasn’t so sure either. Maybe it wasn’t love at all that Jimin was feeling for Jungkook, but rather a sense of longing. He was no fool to the empty promises Jungkook had made during their relationship, but it was his optimistic view on everything that made Jimin take him back. He felt like if he just gave him another chance, maybe things would have been different. Maybe he would stay this time and wouldn’t go out and find someone else because Jungkook seemed genuinely regretful of his decisions and Jimin would take him back. Nothing ever changed though, no matter how hard Jimin hoped for it. Jungkook never changed his behavior and Jimin never stopped forgiving him.

Even now, Jimin couldn’t give a direct answer as to why he never decided to leave Jungkook. Part of him felt like it was because he genuinely cared for him and wanted things to work. Another part of him was afraid to take another chance with someone else. All of that time and effort spent on this one relationship for it to just be over seemed like a waste to Jimin.

He sighed now as he made another loop around the deck, not sure how many times he’d gone around the core structure of the ship. Then, he found a spot by the railing, whose length covered the circumference of the ship, and sat down. He’d noticed that the sun was no longer at its peak in the sky, yet it wasn’t quite setting either. Golden rays splayed across the wood paneling and over Jimin’s face as he closed his eyes and sighed. The weather was still cold, not as bad as in Russia, but still chilly enough to sting his exposed arms and legs. Neither of them noticed it while they danced because of the heat they created from their movements, but now sitting still on the deck’s surface, he was all too aware of the crisp air on his skin. He didn’t have it in him to care though, so he stayed where he was.

“Jimin?” he heard Yoongi call out for him but he didn’t answer. His voice was far, maybe he wouldn’t notice him if he stayed quiet. Then he heard footsteps approach him.

“Jimin it’s freezing out here, what are you doing?” Yoongi said in a scolding tone. He sat down next to Jimin and wrapped the comforter from his bed around the both of them.

“You didn’t have to look for me.”

“What are you talking about? Of course I did.”

“Why?”

“Because I care about you…probably too much for my own damn good but-”

“Save it, Yoongi,” Jimin said in a tone more bitter than he’d intended. Yoongi gave him an incredulous look.

“What are you talking about?”

“You act like you like me one minute and the next, you’re giving me the cold shoulder and it’s like pulling teeth to get you to respond to me.” Jimin didn’t understand the turmoil Yoongi experienced about his feelings because it would have been great to confess but he knew it’d be pointless.

“It’s not like that.”

“Oh really? Then what’s it like then, Yoongi, huh? Do you get off to seeing me react to what you do? Does it make you feel powerful to see me blush when you say and do things to me?” Jimin was angry now and threw the blanket off his shoulders as he stood up. “Why can’t you just be honest for once instead of blowing off how you really feel behind your sarcasm and unresponsive attitude!”

“Because if I was honest, it wouldn’t make a difference!” Yoongi stood up too in order to look Jimin in the eyes. “You’re still in love with a man who cheated on you for two years and who’s been dead for another two! What chance do I have if I tell you how I really feel?” Jimin was quiet at that because he didn’t know if it would make a difference if Yoongi was honest or not about his feelings. Yoongi was still upset though and didn’t stop there.

“You can’t even answer me can you?” he asked in a quiet anger. Still, Jimin remained silent. “You might not be over Jungkook mentally, but you are physically, I can tell.”

“You don’t know anything, Yoongi.”

“Really?” Yoongi stepped closer to Jimin, their chests nearly touching with every inhale and exhale of breath. “If I don’t know anything, and I’m wrong about you, then why are you blushing right now?” Silence. “Why didn’t you stop me this morning when I touched your cheek?” Yoongi brought his hand up to Jimin’s face like he’d done earlier that day and felt the warmth of Jimin’s embarrassment.

“Why aren’t you stopping me now?” Yoongi’s voice was barely above a whisper now and Jimin was frozen in place as if under a trance by Yoongi’s proximity. He was unable to answer Yoongi’s question because of the conflicting emotions he felt. On one hand, he felt a rush from Yoongi being so close to him, yet he still felt pangs of guilt as if he was somehow betraying Jungkook.

“I…I…”

“You’re a hypocrite,” Yoongi said, dropping his hand and backing away from Jimin, leaving him shocked.

“Wh-what?”

“You’re a hypocrite, Jimin. You yell at me to express my feelings, be honest with you, but you won’t give me the same courtesy?” Yoongi felt hurt by Jimin’s unspoken rejection. He could have handled it if Jimin had flat out told him he didn’t feel the same, but he knew that to an extent Jimin did. He was held back by his love to Jungkook if you could even call it that.

“He manipulated you Jimin. Even if he did care about you at some point, he didn’t care about you enough to commit to you. But you know what,” Yoongi shrugged, “it’s not my business. If you don’t want me to care about your situation, then I won’t.” Yoongi turned to walk away and Jimin grabbed his arm.

“Yoongi, I-”

“I don’t want to hear excuses, I want to hear the truth from you. And until you can tell me that, I’m done.” Yoongi jerked his arm away from Jimin’s grasp, leaving him feeling cold, empty, and alone.