After they returned to their seats, Yoongi immediately went to his lyric book and began scribbling the thoughts he had about Jimin before he forgot them. He couldn’t remember the last time he worked on a song about love that felt this genuine. Of course, he wasn’t in love with Jimin, he barely knew him, but that didn’t stop him from getting butterflies in his stomach at the thought of him. Jimin made him feel something real and he couldn’t remember the last time he had felt real.

Jimin watched him curiously, momentarily abandoning his paperwork as he glanced above his lenses to look at him. His eyes landed on the paper and the black ink that seemed to dance on its surface as Yoongi’s hand wrote down the lyrics.

Eventually, Yoongi’s pace slowed down until he stopped writing altogether and sat back to reflect on the page. He folded his arms across his chest and brought a hand up to his mouth where he thoughtfully brushed his thumb across his bottom lip. Jimin became so interested in Yoongi that he stopped pretending to be working and was fully focused on trying to read the page, a difficult task considering the words were upside down.

“You’re staring again,” Yoongi commented, his expression remaining pensive.

“I’m just curious, I’ve never written a song before.”

“Curiosity killed the cat.” Yoongi’s eyes flickered up towards Jimin and his straight lined mouth curved upwards in a smirk.

“You wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

Yoongi leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees. He maintained the smirk and his voice deepened when he spoke.

“How do you know what I would and wouldn’t hurt?” His tone made Jimin pause as he scanned Yoongi’s face for a signal that he was joking, but he wasn’t. Little did Jimin know, Yoongi had hurt a lot of people. Not physically, but emotionally. He didn’t do it on purpose, but it was a defense mechanism he had developed over the years because of his depression. He was afraid to let anyone get close, so he kept everyone at arm’s length. Hoseok was the closest one to him and even still, there were things he kept from him.

Yoongi frowned then. “You don’t know me at all.”

“I’d like to know you,” Jimin offered. Now it was Yoongi’s turn to pause and study Jimin’s features to see if he was joking. He wasn’t either. 

“That depends on what you want to know.” 

“I want to know what it’s like to write a song.”

“Really? That’s it?”

“For now.” Jimin smiled mischievously, but Yoongi thought nothing of it. Instead, he sat back in his previous position, this time both arms folded across his chest.

“There’s really no right or wrong way to do it. Some people come up with the beat first, then the lyrics and some do it the other way around. It really just depends on what inspiration hits you first. So, if you think of a beat first, then you write lyrics to go with it. If you think of the lyrics first, then you make a beat to go with it.” Yoongi paused to make sure Jimin was paying attention. The brunette’s eyes were locked on the blonde’s, his paperwork now a discarded pile on the table in between them. Jimin was hanging on Yoongi’s every last word. 

“Inspiration from either of those things can come from just about anything. Usually, when I can’t think of a lyric, I like to read or go on walks and it helps me clear my head. Forcing ideas is just as counterproductive as not trying to think of anything in the first place.”

“What about a beat?”

“If I can’t think of something on my piano,-“

“You play the piano?” Jimin interrupted in shock. Yoongi suddenly became shy.

“Yeah, I do. At first, I wasn’t thrilled with the idea. My parents wanted me to be some kind of child prodigy, but I ended up liking it a lot. It was my escape from the world. Sometimes my mom would tease me and tell me my piano was my first love. Sometimes I think she’s right.”

“Has there ever been a second love?” Jimin asked quietly without thinking. He was about to take it back, but Yoongi answered him before he could.

“No, I’m not ‘love’ material. I have the ability to love others, but I’m a hard person to love. Hell, I don’t even love me, how could someone else.” Yoongi wasn’t thinking about what he was saying, the words just spilled out of him as if Jimin put him under a trance to tell the truth. The strange part was that he didn’t feel embarrassed to tell Jimin even though he barely knew him. Although, at this point, he was starting to feel more like a friend. He couldn’t remember the last time he had bonded with someone so easily. Even his friendship with Hoseok was work to form and maintain.

“One day you will,” Jimin assured him gently. The two locked eyes and neither of them felt the need to look away. Both felt it to be natural, almost expected at this point, to stare at each other.

“What about you? Have you had your first love?” Yoongi asked without breaking eye contact. Jimin hesitated but felt a tugging in his chest to be honest with Yoongi. It was the least he could do after the personal confession Yoongi had just admitted.

“His name was Jungkook.” Unbeknownst to Jimin, his face had contorted into an expression of pain, almost like saying his name physically hurt him. Yoongi didn’t push the subject. Instead, he reached for his journal and held it out to Jimin. 

“You can read some of it, if you’d like,” Yoongi said to answer Jimin’s questioning look.

“Are you sure? Isn’t this like…really personal?”

“Yes. But it’s okay. I trust you.” He gave Jimin a reassuring smile. It was true, he did trust him. He knew it took a lot of courage to say personal things like that. Jimin’s expression showed the same pain Yoongi felt in admitting his depression. He felt a bond.

Jimin took the book out of Yoongi’s hands and flipped to the first page. There was a block of words written at the top left in a neat stanza. Surrounding it was a collage of spiral doodles that Yoongi had drawn as he contemplated his work. He flipped through from there, seeing different lengths of stanzas with different doodles and some even had makeshift sheet music drawn on the pages to show where Yoongi was thinking of a beat to create. Then he got to a page titled ‘The Last.’ It was the first complete page he had seen. He started reading. 

Stands my weak self, it’s quite dangerous

Depression, OCD, they keep coming back again from time to time

Hell no perhaps that might be my true self

Damn, feeling estranged in reality

The conflict with ideal, my head hurts

Around the age of 18, socio-phobia developed in me

Right, that was when my mind was gradually polluted

At times I’m scared of myself too,

Self hated and thanks to the depression that takes over me

Jimin looked up at Yoongi who was watching him, his expression neutral. Yoongi knew what Jimin was reading and could feel the internal battle within himself. He trusted Jimin, but no one had ever read that one. He kept it private, not even Hoseok read it. Yoongi never wanted someone else to know how he was truly feeling deep inside because he was afraid; afraid of being left because he wasn’t strong enough to be okay most days, afraid of losing touch with who he really was because not even he could understand himself. Most of all, he was afraid of being alone.

The brunette looked up at Yoongi with sad eyes and Yoongi could feel the knot in his stomach tighten. Here it comes he thought. This is where he starts pitying me and feeling sorry for me, why would he be any differen-

“Thank you,” Jimin said quietly.