It's 9 o'clock, I have to get ready. I finished taking a bath when I noticed a message from Rain. Why Rain can use her mobile phone while working, I hastily opened it

...

Irene, honey ... I'm sorry if we can not meet tonight and the next nights. It's so hard I'm telling you this, I love you more than my life, and you know it.

Irene, I keep a letter on the dashboard of your car, I put it into a yellow envelope .. read it, and I hope your understanding. Goodbye.

...

I read over and over the message from Rain, I was afraid of reading it, my hands trembling, I sat on the floor, I dialed the number one that I kept for the rain’s number. The number is not active, the tears are unstoppable, many times I tried the phone and not active.

I stood up and ran downstairs to the garage, accidentally kicking the table and knocking me down, My maid who saw me running immediately helped me. Then I remembered Rain's letter, I forgot the pain on my legs, I opened the car and looked for it. I found a yellow envelope, my hands trembling, I cried inside the car, My maid knocked on the car window, then I open the car door and walked to my room.

I locked my room, and sat on the couch, watching the letter in my hand. I did not want to open it, I have bad feeling about the letter. A few minutes passed, I finally opened the letter.

...

Dear Irene,

As you read this letter, I'm gone from this city. I decided to leave. This decision is so hard, I almost cancel it. Seeing you makes me wonder if I can live without you? Can I breathe without oxygen ?, while you are my oxygen. Can I get on with my life?

I just live for you, I can breathe because of you, my world just spin on you. I can go on with my life without you. But, I have no other choice. I had to try it even if it was impossible.

Please do not look for me. I will not be able to hold myself back. Never look for me, if you love me. Forget me, forget that I've been in your life. Forget that there is Rain in every night.

Do not blame anyone for my departure. Not because of your friends, but it is they who make me realize that I am nobody. I do not have to be present in your life. How dare I bother you and burden you every day.

The fact is, not because of them, I leave you, but because I am a coward who dare not fight for my love.

That afternoon, two years ago, I saw for the first time a very beautiful and gentle girl, smiling at me. I fell in love at first sight. I am falling in love with you. Since then, I'm your secret admire. From then on, I love you. Every day you come to the cafe, my heart beat so fast. I even know when your schedule comes to the cafe, so I get ready to greet you and serve you, just to see your smile, hear your voice even if you just order drinks, I think as if you were talking to me.

I may be like a psychopath, who keeps the used wipes you use, that kiss the glass you use, which collects the used straws you use. Every time you come to the cafe are happy times for me.

Until the miracle comes, Kevin may be my hero, I have to thank him. Even though at three months, you are dating with him, I suffer greatly, but because him also we are close. Never imagined by me, Irene, my star, became close to me. My days are happier, every time I'm grateful, the closer we get, the more I know you, the more I love you.

Forgive my feelings, Irene, I betray our friendship. I'm a criminal using you, I'm a damned human who takes every opportunity to be able to hug you and kiss you. I'm not worthy of being with you, I do not deserve close to you, I'm not just a parasite, I'm an ungrateful monster.

You love me as your best friend, but I love you as a psychopath who takes advantage of your innocence. I do not deserve .. I do not deserve ..

I'm there when I can not help myself not to think dirty about you, sometimes I dream about you, sometimes I e by remembering you. I'm a depraved friend.

Should I apologize? Not at all. I have to leave you. It was a penalty for me. I must accept the punishment for my misguided and dirty mind. I must be punished. And away from you is the most severe punishment I have to accept.

Irene, today I want to kiss you. But, I'm lucky I'm still a little sane by holding this demon in my brain. I really do not deserve to be someone you defend and leave your friends who sincerely friendly with you. I really do not deserve to be your friend who keeps a sense of love. I should be ashamed and killed myself. But, unfortunately, I had promised my parents that I would fight for life.

If you hate me after reading this letter, it's correct and should be, if you disgust me for letting me touch you and kiss you, that's the right thing. You have to hate me, more than you hate Kevin, I'm a criminal.

I'm gay, Irene!

I should have told you from the beginning we met, I'm not just a parasite but I rubbish you deserve to throw and burn.

Although I do not deserve the apology, I have to write it. At least only the apologies that remain on this shame. Goodbye Irene. Goodbye my star ......

Rain

... ..

I do not know what to do, Rain loves me, she's gay, for God's sake, what's all this, what's this all about, is she crazy writing all this. I can not stop crying.

You know I can never hate you, Rain. How can I also continue my life without your presence. I take my phone, I dial again Rain's number, but not connected as well. I'm really frustrated.