Chapter Five: Ara's POV (Sometimes in Hyun's due to diary posts)

Jiah steps out of the room. I move to the small desk, the top was empty so I immediately went to the drawers. The first was empty, the second too. It was weird for a teenage girl’s room to be this bare.

I open the third and final drawer and sigh relieved. Inside lied a small notebook. Please let this be a diary.

I pull it out and push the desk chair out to sit down. Once I’m sitting I slowly open the notebook.

The first entry was from October 3rd of 2009. That would’ve been when she was 14. Around the time her dad died.

The first entry was basically about how sad she was she had lost her dad. I move to the next entry and take a deep breath.

December 17th, 2009

Things haven’t been the same since Hyuk left. I have no one now. Jiah has been working at her three part time jobs and at school. Mom leaves before I get home from school. It’s also hard to make friends, everyone is already friends and I’m by myself.

December 20th, 2009

I think I made a friend today. His name is Chulso. He’s really nice.

January 7th, 2010

Chulso and I hung out again. It was fun but I really miss dad still. I can’t help but think of him all the time.

January 9th, 2010

I lost my ity to Chulso. It wasn’t like I’d always imagined it to be either. It was kind of painful and it was shorter than I expected it to last, but he said he wouldn’t be my friend if we didn’t do it. I didn’t want to lose him as a friend so I did it.

January 11th, 2010

Chulso won’t talk to me anymore. Everyone at school knows we slept together. I’m extremely embarrassed. I wish Jiah was home so I could talk to her. She’d know what to do.

January 24th, 2010

I slept with someone else again. This time it wasn’t as painful, but again short. But even for that short amount of time I felt wanted. It felt nice.

February 18th, 2010

I’ve slept with two more guys since my last entry. I don’t really see the appeal in . It kind of . is nothing, but being with someone even if it’s for that reason I’m fine with it. As long as I'm not alone.

July 10th, 2010

Hyuk came home today. I was excited but he isn’t the same as he used to be. He’s changed. He rarely talks and stays in his room most of the time.

September 18th, 2010

I turned 15 yesterday. I celebrated by going to my first party since no one was home. I ended up wasted and in some strangers bed. I had to call Jiah to come pick me up. She was pissed at me and cussed me out the entire way home. I guess I made her miss her date with her boyfriend.

March 3rd, 2011

I missed my period this month. I spent the entire first period crying in the bathroom. Please don’t let me be pregnant. If I am and Jiah finds out she’ll kill me.

March 8th, 2011

I finally got my period. I’m so relieved. The girl that sits beside me moved seats today. I have a feeling it’s because of my reputation.

I pause my hand resting on my stomach, it hurt just to read what all Hyun's been through. This girl’s been through a lot. Chulso was an awful excuse of a man and Jiah wasn’t much better for acting that way towards her own sister. Her and Hyun weren't acting like a family at all.

I bite my lip letting my eyes fall to the next entry.

September 17th, 2011

Today’s my birthday, I’m 16. It’s wonderful. I’ve spent the entire day lying in my room by myself. I’m beginning to not care anymore. But I’m holding on for dad’s sake. He would hate to see what I’ve become.

November 4th, 2011

I slept with someone I shouldn’t have. He had a girlfriend. I feel bad. But honestly I’m not the only girl he’s sleeping around with so I shouldn’t feel too bad.

November 6th, 2011

I talked it out with the girlfriend. Her name is Jiyoon. We get along but I wouldn’t call us friends. We agreed to talk with one another every so often.

April 20th, 2012

I’m failing biology so my teacher got me a tutor. He’s good at what he does. He’s older, a college student and super smart. He’s kind of charming.

April 22nd, 2012

My biology tutor and I slept together today. It wasn’t bad at all like it the past. I enjoyed it a bit more. My seat mate in English moved today, I’ll probably be by myself for projects the rest of the year.

April 23rd, 2012

He bailed. My biology tutor didn’t show up today. My biology teacher said he didn’t want to tutor me anymore. I was so angry but what exactly was I expecting? Everyone’s the same? After school I slept with two guys one after another just to feel something. I hate myself more and more as the days go on. Jiah was livid when I called her to pick me up. When she got here she didn’t speak a word to me.

September 13th, 2012

There’s a new student in our grade today. His name is Jo Jinho, he’s short, cute, and innocent looking. In English there are