It had escalated into a point where he couldn’t bear it anymore. Seo Hyun stayed on his mind all day and all night. He dreamed about her, what she said kept ringing in his head, SNSD songs were the most played songs on his music player, he stalked her news on the internet, and every minute until he met her again for the next shooting started to drag like hell. 

The sentence of “I have to tell her what I feel” was like knocking on his brain. He desperately, desperately wanted to make her know how he felt, how she turned his world upside down. How he used to be “the guy” that could make smooth moves to get the woman he liked, but now he was always in suspense. Afraid that he would treat her wrong and hurt her in any way imaginable. How he wanted to be really together with her, not as a virtual husband and wife. He wanted the security. To be able to say “She’s mine” because that was a fact. 

But the idea of scaring her off if he said it sent him into doubting himself. “What should I do? Will she be farther from me if I say it?”.

When Min Hyuk saw him sighing several times, holding his guitar but not playing it, he suddenly blurted, “Just tell her, Hyung. I don’t want you to die from this feeling”, Yong Hwa could only give “What the hell are you talking about?” look and fled to the protection of his own room.

Jung Shin saw him staring into the TV long after it stopped playing the MV of “Run Devil Run” and he said, “Please tell her, Hyung. I feel down seeing you like this”. Yong Hwa considered to shout “Tell her what, maknae?”, but decided against it. Jung Shin seemed to be exactly sure of the answer.

It was Jong Hyun who stood beside him the next time SNSD passed them on the next music show. Seo Hyun cheerfully greeted him, saying, “Yong Oppa, I look forward to our shooting this weekend”. 

“Me too” he smiled. 

And then she had to run as it was the time for them to stand by for their performance. 

He stared to the direction where she walked long after she was gone.

“Hyung, just tell her you like her”.

He stared at his dongsaeng blankly. 

Jong Hyun chuckled. “I mean really, what do you got to lose?”.

Oh I have a lot to lose. Yong Hwa answered in his head. If she said no, I’ll lose the world.


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Finally the fear of rejection was nothing compared to his desire to make her know that he liked her. Like? Yong Hwa, who are you kidding with? Like was an understatement. She was in your blood, lungs, heart, brain, crawling everywhere under your skin, and you dare to mention “Like?”. 

But how should he say it? Where could he say it? Would she be afraid of me after that? She never experienced this before, and to hurt her would be the last thing I wanted. 

To confess on their shooting break would be a suicide. 

What if somebody saw them together in a restaurant? Would it ruin her image?

Would somebody hear what they say, if he confessed on a music show backstage?

Or should he go to her dorm and risk meeting her 8 unnies?

It seemed that he got no other choice. 

Get love or die tryin’, he thought.

And then he laughed from the silly thought. 

His 3 dongsaengs turned to him. Could it be that their leader is losing his mind because of SNSD’s maknae?


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“Hyun-ah, I have something urgent to tell you. Can I come to your dorm now?” he texted.

Her reply came very soon.

“Oppa, did something bad happen?”

“I’ll tell you myself. Please, can I come to your place now?”

“Okay. Now I’m afraid. I’ll wait for you. I hope you’re not having any problem”.


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He wore a black jacket and pulled the hoodie up when he arrived at the lobby and went to SNSD apartment.

When her unnies saw her wearing jeans and t-shirt, hair smooth from recent combing, they asked, “Joo Hyun-ah, are you going somewhere?”

“No, Unnie, someone’s coming”.

“Who is coming?” Hyo Yeon asked.

“Yong-oppa”

Some of them stared in shock as Soo Young asked again, “Why is he coming here? Hyun-ah, are you going somewhere with him this late?”

“I think not. He said he got something urgent to tell me. I hope everything is okay”

They exchanged looks to each others and wanted to dig some more but the bell then rang and Seo Hyun ran to open the door. And sure enough, Jung Yong Hwa, the leader of CN Blue, the ideal virtual husband, came in and bowed deeply, “Anyonghaseyo. Sorry for coming so late, but I really need to talk to Seo Hyun”.

After another proper mutual greetings, they all cleverly disappeared to their room. Although the fact that Sunny just had to squeal over their maknae’s cuteness when she helped Yong Hwa took off his jacket could not be helped. 

When they were alone, Seo Hyun asked, “So, what’s wrong, Oppa?”

“It’s…”

“You look fine. But could it be that you are sick? Is it about your voice again?”

“No, it’s—“

She gasped in terror and continued with “Or is it your family? Your parents? Are they alright?”

“Hyun-ah, it’s okay. I’m okay, my family is okay. My dongsaengs are okay too”

“Oh” she heaved in relief. “That’s good”

“No. I guess I’m not okay”

“What? Why?”

“I—it’s about me. And you. Well actually it’s about us”

She suppressed a scream. “They will not continue our WGM anymore?”

Yong Hwa sighed in exasperation and covered his face with his hands. He breathed in and answered, “No, Baby, it’s not that. Of course we’re still on. I just have to tell you about—“

He noticed Seo Hyun’s eyes grew larger in shock.

“Oppa, what did you just call me?”

“What? I called you Hyun”

“Y-you c-called me B-ba-by” she muttered and got pale. Not blushing. Pale. 

“No, I didn’t”

“Yes you did” she insisted, her voice sounded small and weak.

Yong Hwa stopped to think. Did I really? Oh please somebody just slap me right now! How idiot could I be?

Oh well. It’s now or never. 

He walked closer to her. Trying to find the courage by looking into her eyes. Maybe it was a mistake since all that those eyes did were just making his heart jumped to a faster pace. In her eyes he saw beauty. Innocence. Fear. Anticipation. Anxiousness. 

He reached for her face, placing his hands on her cheeks, afraid that she would look any other way. He could feel her breath on his own face. 

“Seo Joo Hyun,” he began.

Seo Hyun maybe instinctively understood that this is going to be important. She grasped her own throat in nervousness.

“Joaheyo” he pronounced softly.

She blinked.

“Sarangheyo” he added.

Wait. What? Where did that come from? Where did the idea of ‘waiting for the right time to say Iloveyou’ gone? 

Several heartbeats after that, Seo Hyun managed to whisper  “Thank you”. 

Very Seo Hyun. He smiled. It felt like he just discarded a heavy weight on his shoulders. 

“I’ve been feeling this for months. Maybe since we first met” 

She looked like she was going to faint. “Oppa, I—I don’t know what to say”

“Take your time” he said. 

They stood in front of each other like that. Until Yong Hwa outstretched his fingers again and drew a line from her forehead to her chin. 

“I want us to be together” he said. 

“Together?” she asked. “Together as in—“

“Yes. Together”

Seo Hyun seemed to be speechless again, so he led her and made her sit on the sofa. 

“Think about it. Take your time. Maybe it will be difficult. But if you say yes, I will do anything to make it work”.

“I’ll—I’ll think about this. I’ll think really seriously” she promised.

He chuckled. 

“Okay then. You can’t believe how good it feels to finally get you to know this. Now you can feel my sufferings” 

Seo Hyun smiled. “So you want me to suffer too? That’s mean”

“You’re the reason, Hyun. So I guess it’s fair. Hm, I think I’ll go home now, it’s very late”.

He wore his jacket again, satisfied that he had done his purpose. 

“Good night, Hyun, sweet dreams” he patted his head. 

“You expect me to sleep, Oppa, after everything you said?”

“Well, I had many sleepless nights too because of you. It would be nice to hear you had one because of me”

“Aigoo. You really are mean” she sighed. They stared at each other again but then broke into laughter. 

“Never mind. Sleep well, Hyun. I’ll go home now” he said, and then walked through the door. Seo Hyun followed closely behind him.

“I’ll see you soon”

“See you soon, Oppa”

“Wait. We’ll be okay when we meet again, right?”

She nodded. “Sure. Why wouldn’t we?”. 

“Good. Okay. Lock this door well. Good night”. 

“Good night, Oppa”.

Approximately 15 seconds after he went home, eight members of SNSD ran to find their maknae leaning to the front door and asked, “What did he say?” 

“What? Oh. He said he likes me, he loves me, and that he wants us to be together”

The room then broke into eight simultaneous screaming, until Hyun’s “Ottoke?” was drowned in it.


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Author's Note: 

26 September, 2010

I want to convey the restless feeling before Yong confessed. A friend, who is a guy, once told me that before a guy confess to a girl it would be a very restless period where guys wouldn't feel peace until they say it. So I hope I made it. 

On the other side, I think Seo Hyun is not the type who will instantly say "I like you too" or "I love you too" back. Even if it's Yong Hwa who says it. I imagine she will ask a time to think about it, and answers some time later.