Hello! I am sorry you all have to wait this long.
Honestly, it's been hard for me to write because my life has been a mess (just like this fic.)
But the comments and the support you guys give me helps me go on and continue writing.
So thank you! Really.
Please do tell me if the story feels a bit rushed or slow burn or both because I am not stable with my writing
But anyway, here's another chapter and the next ch will be updated asap :D 

Seungwan feels the stinging sensation in her eyes. She's been crying all night and it's draining her energy. It's tiring but she doesn't seem to fall asleep. No matter how much she just wants to drift away from sleep, closing her eyes would only lead to recalling unwanted memories that occured just moments ago. 

It still hurts like hell and the emptiness she's feeling is unbearable. Her nights had always been so cold since they stopped holding onto each others at night. But tonight is especially cold because Seulgi isn't with her. Seulgi would never be with her anymore. Because Seulgi has Joohyun now. She's always had her.

She watches them hold hands as they both get inside an automobile. She sees it. How Seulgi would hold and look at Joohyun like she's all that ever matters to her. How Seulgi wraps her hand around Joohyun for warmth. 

It hurts thinking that maybe something is still going on with them. That maybe they're still inlove with each other like how they used to. She just can't get the thought out of her head of the two doing romantic couple things when they used to be together. Things like going out together, holding hands, sleeping together, exchanging i love yous, kisisng, and maybe even far beyond that. 

And she remembers asking Joohyun if they were dating and the latter denied it. She believed that they weren't and that time Seungwan didn't care because at that time she likes someone else that isn't Seulgi. A part of  her wishes she never fell in love with Seulgi. If she hadn't then it would not hurt this much. But a part of her is thankful because she was able to experience the feeling of euphoria in Seulgi's arms at night even though it only lasted for a very short time.

She believed Joohyun's lies, but she assumed right.

And her eyes stings again because her stupid hopeless self is crying over Seulgi again.

She hates Seulgi. She hates her so much because she just doesn't get it. All the efforts she has done remained oblivious to Seulgi. It was hard for her because even the slightest touch she would give and gets from Seulgi was almost the cause of her death as her chest would start pounding. And everynight, she wondered if Seulgi could hear it and she hoped she could so she knows just how much she loves her.

She didn't. In fact, she didn't catch any of her hints. Was it not enough? Was it not enough that she treats her special? How she would hold her like she won't let go. How she would look at her like all she's the whole definition of perfection. She hates it. She hates Seulgi so much.

Stupid bear...

The next day, she wakes up feeling hazy and weary. She checks the time to realize she has overslept for three hours. She doesn't have the energy to react so she gets up and heads to the bathroom to wash her sticky eyes and face from the problematic tears that wouldn't stop from falling laat night. First thing she sees is the pain reflecting back at her. Puffy tired eyes and a depressed emotion plastered on her face. And then the sudden realization hits her. She still remembers everything clearly from last night. She still remembers that unwanted pang in her chest.

She feels apathetic about school. She already missed three periods and she doesn't think she can cope with school works and people judging her from last night. Like they get exactly what she's been through.

So slowly, she lazily put on any clothes scattered on the floor, tying her hair into a messy pony tail, heading out in the dead silent hallway to meet the principal and ask for a day off or two. 

It isn't too hard time dealing with the principal as he let her have a break. She tells her she can come back anytime she wants and that they'll handle the school works and acitives she will miss while she's on her break. She expected that. She's privileged after all. She holds a title for being the scholar despite all the rules she has broken secretly.

She calls Henry to pick her up telling him she doesn't feel too well and explains about last night. Henry knows it, she's heard about Yerim last night. Henry is the only guardian they have. They do have their uncle living with them but is rarely home and Henry parties too much.

Henry is very nonchalant about rules which is why they drink despite the fact of being underage. Well not for Yerim's case but Henry lets them have their own fun. Seungwan and her sister are just about not abusing their rights. Although Seungwan had drinking problems, she managed to control it when she met her friends but slowly, she is coming back to it.

Her situation now isn't helping, she feels like she's in a state of depression but she tries to not think it like that. When she gets inside Henry's car, the latter is able to tell that something is wrong with her. Henry asks her but she doesn't tell him the truth. 

The drive home is awfully quiet and when she arrives Yerim is surprised to see her. It's obvious that Yerim cried all night last night too but she tries too crack a smile at her, hugging her as to comfort her. 

It kind of helps her to feel a little better when she pretends being happy because she starts believe that she is. She distracts herself by watching funny shows, laughing at unfunny and dry jokes. But then suddenly the feeling creeps in again so she tries to bussy herself. She talks to Yerim a lot and the latter seems to be distracting herself also. 

When she starts to think again, she starts cleaning the house even though it's already clean. She blasts music to block the unwanted noises she's hearing inside her head. 

It's tiring to do a lot but she doesn't dare to take a nap or take long baths because she's gonna end up thinking again. So the whole day she occupies her schedules.

Yerim helps too because the latter takes the effort to smile back and try to act unbothered. But during the night, Seungwan doesn't hug her anymore because Yerim seems to be coping with her situation differently. She goes to bed earlier than usual.

But even if the latter sleeps like the usual time, she still wouldn't hug her. She doesn't want to end up crying. She doesn't wanna show weakness. Especially not to Yerim.

So she calls Henry. Asking him to please buy her some beer to help her cope with this unwanted thoughts. The habits are getting stronger when she thought it would go when she has moved on from Sooyoung.

"But what about school tomorrow?"

Henry asks, the effect of alcohol obvious in his tone but with a hint of concern.

"I called the office and requested another off."

"A dozen then?"

"A dozen."

Henry does brings her the beer that she badly needs. He's drunk driving again. He smells of alcohol and woman perfume. A party animal, indeed. And maybe a little bit of a playboy. Or maybe a little too much.

Seungwan drinks in her shared room with Yerim. It's more of a chug than a drink. When she thinks, she thinks all about of things she doesn't want to remember. So she drinks and drinks. Chugs and chugs. She knows she's drinking a little too much to forget. Way too much.

She loves getting wasted because it actually works. When the alcohol hits her she feels happy because she stops thinking until the extreme intoxication knocks her out.

The next night she drinks again but this time Yerim joins her to try talking with her because the latter knows something is wrong. Her sister is drinking way too much.

Yerim starts by asking how she is. Seungwan lies and says she's fine when clearly she's not with her weary eyes and flushed cheeks.

Yeri doesn't say anything back. She watches her pretend to be all fine and happy. She watches her enough to figure out she's going through the same situation as her. She knows the whole thing from that night affected her which is why she's taking a break. To try and recover from the ty feelings.

"May I know how are you and Sooyoung doing?"

Seungwan asks out of the blue, eyes partly opened and her body swaying from left to right.

As much as Yerim doesn't want to talk about her, she badly needs someone to open up to and her sisteris the perfect person there is right now.

"I may have forgiven her because, how can I not?"

She forces a smile, a painful smile that Seungwan can recognize.

Yerim hesitates to start but she ends up tapping on the table and starts to talk.

"That night she chased after me and I didn't want to feel sympathetic because it hurt so much. But Sooyoung is stupid. Running after me only with her underwear on and her bloody and ripped shirt. She didn't even have anything on to protect her feet from the snow in the freezing weather. She was crying so pathetically on her knees begging for my forgiveness. I was mad. Very mad. But I couldn't bare watching her like that. Shaking from the cold as she repeatedly pleads for me to forgive her. Hell I was wearing three layers and still freezing. And there she was, hugging my knees crying like a wet dog."

She laughs recalling the happenings but it was not a happy laugh. It was a laugh of pity mixed with pain. Seungwan listens, keeping mum, but nodding her head to usher the girl to keep going.

"Sooyoung is such an idiot. I didn't talk. I was hurt and shocked. She tried to explain that she didn't have with Joohyun. I told her to shut up. Shut up and stop explaining what happened and dragged her out of the snow because she was obviously suffering and hurting too. Her knees were red. Her lips were dry and ed. Her eyes were ed. I dragged her and she couldn't even walk properly. She was a mess. And so was I."

Seungwan knows the feeling. She considers herself a mess too. She, Yerim, Sooyoung, Seulgi and Joohyun were all a mess. She looks at Yerim, the latter is clearly holding in her tears. She can't blame her. She can't blame anyone.

She reached out for the latter's hands to comfort her. 

"I didn't say anything. Just dragged her to my room disturbing Saeron's sleep, searching the whole room for a first aid kit and cleaned her face. I lent her my clothes but she was still shaking from the cold. So I hugged her and I felt it. I felt the regret. I felt how she's also pained from her own mistakes. She knew she ed up and I knew aswell but when I think about it enough, I'm also at fault. I'm also to be blamed."

Seungwan chugs her beer, squinting her eyes at her after to process what she meant. 

"I don't think you should be blaming yourself right now, Yerm."

Yerim smiles at her to hide the sadness but the obvious tears were pooling in the corner of her eyes.

"I've always known she has liked me for years. When she confessed to me I didn't actually reject her. I told her to try harder next time. And that's exactly what she did. She kept telling me that she's gonna let everyone know that she loves me to show how proud she is. And she did... That made me feel important. I enjoyed being important that I took advantage of Sooyoung's love. I enjoyed pretending to be some sort of princess loved by her prince... well another princess or a damn hero in a fiction, fairy tail, fantasy, or whatever world that surely doesn't exist but in a child's imagination. And then I fell for her."

"But I didn't answer her yet because I was afraid that if we get together she's going stop doing that. Stop making me feel important. And then I found out about you confessing to her."

Seungwan shakes her head with a smile.

"You know I've moved on. It's all in the past now. No need to worry about me. It was a misunderstanding. Well I kind of liked her but I got my feelings mixed up and it started getting into me. But everything became clear with her help which is why I was unbothered during the past months. Unbothered by Sooyoung. I meant."

She clarifies with another smile. Yerim smiles back at her but the sadness still evident on her face. She sighs before talking again.

"Sooyoung must've felt frustrated for waiting for my response. I felt like I played with her feelings. I know I've been saying this but yeah... I was hurt when I caught her with Joohyun. But I couldn't entirely put the blame on her because I was taking advantage of her. And then ther goes Joohyun unnie. I didn't k