Joohyun’s isn't okay. She never was to begin with. Growing up, she has had the habit of pointing fingers at anyone when things go wrong. She never blamed herself and had always brushed things off. But even if she blames herself, it won’t do any good for herself nor for anyone unless she does what has to be done. Not until she drags her own self to others and confess. That she is at fault. And to to do what she needs to which is to apologize to everyone especially to Seulgi.  The Seulgi she used to precious.

Joohyun's parents are homophobic. It’s nothing new. It's their beliefs. They think of themselves as holy who thinks they know everything just cause they read what's written in the holy scriptures.

And because of this Joohyun was forced to follow her parents' belief. Joohyun was not stupid. She knew what was right and wrong. And liking girls isn't wrong. What's wrong is if she hates people. God wants people to love each other after all. She knew what she wanted. Joohyun wasn't a good child but that was everyone thought because Joohyun could be good at fooling everyone. Joohyun was secretly a rebel and she knows that. She didn't refuse to believe how ed up she could get. She accepted how she is but she’d rather choose to forget and act like things didn't happen.

Joohyun hated the law. Joohyun didn’t like following rules. Neither did she pay attention to what was right and wrong. She followed her own mind, functioning in her little own world she created where everything works the way she wants it. But why was that when she applied it to the real world, it seemed to not work and things started to get complicated?

Joohyun loved Seulgi. Seulgi was her everything. Seulgi was her whole world. Seulgi was the person Joohyun would always want to wake up next to. Seulgi was Joohyun's and Joohyun was Seulgi's.

Seulgi isn’t the present Seulgi. She was way more naive. Way more innocent. Precious and pure at heart. So vulnerable. And maybe Joohyun took advantage of it. She led Seulgi to do things she shouldn’t do but she did anyway because she was just that whipped for Joohyun. She would do anything for Joohyun. Can we blame her? Can we blame a child if she's head over heels for Bae Joohyun?

Joohyun has rejected Seulgi using the hetero card. But Seulgi was persistent and she pushed herself to ask her out again for the second time. Seulgi didn't know what it meant to ask someone out and she got her friends to help her. So she went it and did it. Joohyun would then lie saying Seulgi's the only girl she will ever love.

Joohyun loved it, of course. Bae Joohyun, the so-called "saint", convinced Seulgi to skip her classes just so they can do things. Things they really shouldn't be doing. Things Seulgi had no idea of but things that Joohyun had grown curious of. It was finding ways to relieve the throbbing between her legs. Seulgi felt the same but she didn't know how to get it off so she just ignored it. Joohyun knew just what to do. And so they did. Using the empty and unused rooms, they'd exchange moans as body fluids dripped on the floor, and scents mixing in with the smell of old books and dusty furnitures.

Seulgi didn't know what was right and wrong. Everything felt right with Joohyun and that was what mattered to her.

Days passed and Seulgi would learn more and more about Joohyun's desires. She just went with it. No complaints, no excuses, nothing. She'd let Joohyun do whatever she wants and she'd gladly take on.

Joohyun loved Seulgi. It wasn't a lie. The problem was that she was way too distracted with how the anatomy of the human body works when a certain part is in need of affection. She convinced herself that it was just a way to escape people’s judgement towards who she really is. Her parents for the most part. She knew Seulgi liked it too. She knew it was mutual so what was wrong with it?

Joohyun learned how to open up. Joohyun learned how to cry, to feel something, and to appreciate Seulgi. It was something lust couldn’t do. It was love. And before she realized it, she was just as whipped for Seulgi.

Three years going four. All those years they kept dearly of secretly spending their own time whenever they could. Joohyun still couldn't come out. Not just yet. So she'd always remind Seulgi the same lie. That Seulgi's the only "girl". Seulgi didn't care about it. She just wanted Joohyun because she loved her so much. Way too much.

But why were such moments ruined by a girl who Joohyun barely knew?

The girl stood there, nonchalantly, a little bit too suspicious, isolated from everyone else at the party with a smile and Seulgi seemed to know her. Joohyun assumed that she might be an acquaintance of her girlfriend and they approached the girl. The girl seemed to recognize Seulgi and they exchanged formal greetings.

"My old classmate, Hyun-ah."

Seulgi said gesturing the girl who wore an oversized hoodie and shorts. Joohyun thought the girl was odd. No. The feeling on her chest, that was what was odd. The girl was rather, what? How would have Joohyun described it? Interesting? Smirking at her, smirking at Seulgi. Joohyun didn’t know if it was on purpose or that was just how the girl was. Odd and interesting.

"Seungwan." the girl introduced shortly and Joohyun just nodded.

"Bae Joohyun." they didn't shake hands or anything. Joohyun blinked several times and the so-called Seungwan girl gave her a big smile just like Seulgi did when they first met but without the eye smile and the perking of ears. She felt that though. Her little actions and hand gestures when she'd speak as if she's waiting to be entertained. As if the event wasn’t enough to satisfy her.

"I used to be taller than Seulgi in 2nd grade. I didn't talk to her though." Seulgi snorted at the comment. Joohyun watched Seungwan.

"That's funny. You didn't pay attention to anyone." Seulgi replied.

Seulgi and Seungwan weren't childhood friends. They barely knew each other. Barely talked, barely paid attention to each other. It wasn't intentional to meet Seungwan at the party around Seulgi's neighborhood. Seemed like Seungwan was just new to the neighborhood. She said she showed up uninvited but no one cared and laughed it off. Joohyun was amused.

It was until Seulgi excused herself to use the restroom. It was a lie. The latter just wanted to wash off Joohyun’s juice on her fingers.

It was silent then. Joohyun stood still unsure of how to act around. She knew she wanted something from Seungwan. She felt it in between her legs. She felt her stupid hormones go wild. It was crazy but Joohyun was just Joohyun.

Seungwan pulled out a can of beer(?) from her pockets and started chugging. Maybe Seungwan was a rebel just like her but a different kind. A rebel who doesn't care of what people thinks. A rebel who isn't afraid to be herself. Unlike her.

Seungwan glanced at her as she was chugging.

"Want some?" she asked. Joohyun shook her head.

"Ei. Just take a sip. It's not that bad." So Joohyun does. Seulgi would've told her not to do it. But she did. She was just holding back just because of Seulgi after all.

"How's it?" Seungwan asks raising a brow with that proud face, a result of persuading Joohyun to drink.

"Good. I guess." Joohyun only pressed her lips on the tip of the can but never really drank. She only wanted to seem as if she drank it . Seungwan just smiled at her before the silence took over again.

Joohyun felt the girl glance at her and she just wanted to pull Seungwan into a kiss. Again, her hormones were telling her to. Joohyun would steal glances too.

Bae knew it so well, it was lust. A throbbing in her chest along with the core between her legs. Unwanted, but she couldn’t control it. Not when Seungwan was trying to put her face closer to her just so she could hear her respond since she could barely voice it out. She swallowed a lump in , body heating up at the proximity of a mere stranger she only knew as Kang’s old classmate.

"I'm jealous. I hope someone would take care of me the way your girlfriend takes care of you.”

Son raised a brow, waiting for a response. Right then, Kang has finished washing away the taste of Joohyun on her tongue and the juices on her fingers. A sight which almost made her heart skip a beat held her back from entering the scene in which her girlfriend, Joohyun, was looking so nervous just right under her old classmate’s eyes. Why were their faces so close to one another. She didn’t want to assume that something was going on. They barely knew each other, Seulgi thought. Joohyun has told her she’s only into her. That she’s the only girl she will ever love.

"G-girlfriend?”

"Seulgi? You’re girlfriend? Oh… did I make the wrong assumption? Are you guys not together?”

But what Joohyun has told her was the opposite of what she was witnessing. Joohyun stagnant, which almost seemed frozen and nervous as Seungwan looked at her as if being interrogated. As if she was caught in an act. Seulgi couldn’t bring herself to step in so she only listened. She stood there like a fool, like a stalker. A heartbroken stalker in denial. She heard that question. She heard it right and clear so she waited. Just like Seungwan waiting for Joohyun’’s response but more interested. More anxious than anyone else at the party. Seungwan didn’t care for the answer. The latter was just playing around. If Joohyun is gay then be it. If Joohyun is straight then who cares right? That was just what was going on inside Seungwan’s head back then.

Seulgi began to shake her foot uncontrollably, she was getting impatient of waiting. Why was Joohyun so hesitant to admit? Admit the lie that she’s gotten used to. That they’re not together. It’s their own secret. Why can’t she just say it. What was she so scared for? That parting of lips and the fidgeting, Seulgi knew Joohyun was acting odd. Odd around Seungwan’s presence.

"No way. Seulgi’s just my best friend. And b-besides, I-i’m not really into girls”

Seulgi bit her lips way too hard she tasted blood. Seulgi has already heard what she was supposed to hear. The lie. The lie that Joohyun has gotten used to. The lie that Seulgi should’ve gotten used to. This time it didn’t sound like a lie. It hit her hard. A sudden pang in her chest, almost indescribable. The words that came out of Joohyun’s mouth felt real. Like they really weren’t together anymore. Despite Joohyun’s almost unnoticeable shaking of lips, it was obvious for her that Joohyun wasn’t acting normal. And it was because of Seungwan, a mere classmate she never really paid attention too. Seulgi despised Seungwan ever since that day.

Joohyun knew the lust was a mistake. She didn’t want to cheat on Seulgi because it seemed like she couldn’t hold herself whenever she was around  Seungwan.

She knew breaking up was the best choice. If she does, then Seulgi won’t get hurt if eventually she was able to tell Seungwan the truth. That maybe she’s into girls after all. She wanted the best for Seulgi. She still loved her but her lust for Seungwan was stronger.

Of course her plans didn’t go the way she expected it. Seulgi was broken. Miserable and pathetic all because of her. It pained her seeing Seulgi act like that. Punching the wall, bleeding just so she could calm down.

Seulgi wanted to cut ties with her from then. She couldn’t. She still loved Seulgi, but she knew they shouldn’t be together. She still wanted to see Seulgi though. She just wanted Seulgi to be around because Seulgi is the reason why she was able to become and act like herself even though it was only around the latter.

Seulgi was her strength and she was Seulgi’s weakness so Seulgi was fool enough to stay hoping that maybe everything would go back to normal. Joohyun and her getting back together.

It was hard just watching Seungwan. She wasn’t brave enough to say the truth. So she just held herself back from kissing Seungwan every time she was around. She didn’t want Seungwan to hate her.

But they kissed. And it was the biggest mistake. That night she tried to pour out all her desires into the kiss and ignored her feelings. She wasn’t supposed to fall in love since she knew it was just lust. It was supposed to be just lust but no. Her stupid heart fell even harder when her lips touched Seungwan’s. She was like a drug and it didn’t fail to make her obsessed.

She hoped Seungwan would forget and not remember. And the latter did, or that’s what Joohyun thought. Because Seungwan could remember it all and ever since then Seungwan was curious why Joohyun lied.

Joohyun said she’d eventually tell Seungwan but it had been months then years and she still couldn't do it. So she had no choice but to hold back all these years from touching her. Her feelings for Seulgi were slowly replaced by Seungwan. Not completely though because she knew her heart still has a little space for Seulgi. Seulgi holds all her first times and her heart couldn’t let it go that easily.

Her ual frustrations built up. Sooyoung wasn’t helping. Sooyoung knew Joohyun’s secret from being a homoual to dating Seulgi to lusting for Seungwan. So she tried teasing her forit. And it was rather… ual. She would touch her, put her face way too close, bite Joohyun’s shoulders, Joohyun’s ears, and she would do for the latter to confess.

Sooyoung wasn’t wrong. Joohyun really was lusting for Seungwan but the part she didn’t notice was how hard she was falling for her. But it was easier for Joohyun to hide her love than to hide her lust even without noticing it.

Joohyun tried to brush off the feeling though. She didn’t want to fall in love with Seungwan. She knew she had already done the worst. She pretends she just wanted to get her tongue between the latter’s legs. But that was untrue. She wanted more than that.

"Hyun-ah, can we meet at the cafe tonight?”

She suddenly had the flashbacks of when she ed up and chose to break up with Seulgi. She was nervous as hell as she knew it would be confrontation. The cafe was closed around those hours but she