Seulgi is sat across Joohyun, panting hard in her disheveled state trying to calm down as if she didn’t just run her way to the cafe to manage and get there in time. The fact that she only had a minute had her rushing out of the house with whatever clothes she was in the moment she woke up. Even though she wanted to hate Joohyun for everything, she really still has a soft spot for her because she holds her most precious memories and of course the most, loathsome ones.

Joohyun almost teared up when she catches Seulgi scanning the place, looking for her. She sat in front of her heaving, cheeks and nose red from the cold breeze of winter outside. The tiredness in her eyes, evident and Joohyun couldn’t bring herself to look at Seulgi. She really thought she wouldn’t come after all she has done to her everyone and yet there she is, eyes closed as she tried to catch her breathe. Joohyun could only stare down on her shoes and clasp her hands together.

"You came.”

Johyun states, voice almost cracking from the mixed feeling of shame and happiness. Joohyun can only look at Seulgi’s lips as she anticipates for a response and for some reason, she feels nervous at the fact that she’s gonna talk this time. The thing she hasn’t been doing for as long as she can remember. Having to explain herself was not her thing and yet here she is making an effort for Seulgi. And then, she would later have to have decent talk with the rest even though she’s not really sure how to start.

Just when Joohyun is about to say something, Seulgi is quicker to start and cut her off and Joohyun feels her heart drop the moment the name comes out of Seulgi’s mouth.

"Seungwan.”

Seulgi voices out, meeting Joohyun’s eyes, throat a little dry from breathing too hard. Seulgi had a little bit of time to make up her mind. She is willing to listen and she’s willing to waste her time for it. Even if she wasn’t given a choice, she’d still go and see Joohyun and hear the latter out. Seulgi is never the type to leave people hanging. She’d rather hurt herself than have others hurt because of her. If only she wasn’t too insensitive sometimes. But she doesn’t want Joohyun wasting her own time in explaining herself when the latter should’ve been apologizing to Seungwan.

Seulgi would rather have Seungwan and Joohyun make up than be selfish and have her oh so long awaited question be answered. Over the past days since the suspension, she has learned to accept the harsh reality that she and Joohyun would never come back together. Moving on was rather a relief for some reason.  She has gotten used to leaving everything unanswered. To leave it as it is because she doesn’t know the reason why she has to know. At this point, Seulgi doesn’t care why Joohyun lied to her about being the only girl and the only one. They broke up because she doesn’t love her and that’s enough reason for Seulgi That Seungwan is better than her. And at some point she understand Joohyun with that. Again, who wouldn’t love Seungwan, right?. Seulgi would rather not have them together because they aren’t meant for each other and she has learned to accept that.

Joohyun thinks otherwise. She isn’t here to tell a story of herself from being confused with her uality, her parents forcing her to their beliefs and so to how she ended up ruining their relationships. Joohyun isn’t here to explain the events that led her to be so pathetic and controlling. Joohyun is here to make everything clear. To confess and finish what she started. She’s starting with Seulgi. But hearing Seulgi mention a name that isn’t present at the moment made her feel self conscious for some reasons. She felt her heart sink a little bit when she looked up to Seulgi as if there are different reasons why she came. Joohyun can only listen.

"I’m sorry I made you feel as if you have to tell me everything. No pressure. I just want to say you’re talking to the wrong person."

It sounds bitter to Joohyun’s ears  but Seulgi only smiles at her meekly without any eye contact. Joohyun doesn’t talk, waiting for Seulgi to emphasize what she meant.

"Seungwan is the person you should be talking to right now.”

And at that moment, their eyes meet. Joohyun tries to read Seulgi’s expression but she couldn’t. It’s been so long and she could barely recognize the woman who is sitting in front of her.

"What if I tell you, that I want to talk to you?”

"And what if I tell you that you need to talk to Seungwan and not me? There’s nothing for us to talk about after all.”

Seulgi gives Joohyun one of her fake smiles. Her lips are smiling but her eyes aren’t. That’s how Joohyun knows if Seulgi is faking it.

"Yes there is.”

"Like what?”

"Us.”

"Us? There’s no us, Joohyun.”

Joohyun stops. Seulgi is right and she knows it. It just sounds foreign to her since she’s always the one who is supposed to say those words but this time, it’s Seulgi and it does make her feel something which is quite hard to fathom. Maybe it’s regret. Maybe it’s satisfaction. Who knows? Joohyun was never sure of anything.

"I want to at least tell you how much I loved you, Seulgi.”

There was a long pause between them. Joohyun can feel her eyes water from the overwhelming emotions right now. She had never been this overwhelmed. She has never been this nervous. She has never cried around people but it was hard to control her emotions this time. It was as if she can feel again after being so cold and insensitive for a long time.

Seulgi is trying to hold back herself from crying. Seeing Joohyun cry still hurts her even despite the things she’s been through for her. She really do have a soft spot for her. But this is wrong. That’s what she thinks. Joohyun shouldn’t be wasting her time to make her feel better. She doesn’t need to know how much Joohyun loved her. Their memories together are enough and she’s ready to forget them.

"You love Seungwan."

Seulgi deadpanned and there’s another long pause of silence. The look on Seulgi’s face is blank and lonely. Joohyun wants to bawl and hug Seulgi. She wants to embrace the latter tightly and apologize until Seulgi comes back to being happy. She doesn’t know if she’s capable of doing it, but if there’s someone out there who can make it possible, she’d beg that person to make Seulgi happy again.

"Yes.”

Joohyun manages to say despite the shakiness in her voice. She wipes her tears and takes a long sigh before she smiles at Seulgi.

"Yes. I love her, Seulgi. I love Seungwan. I love her.”

Seulgi listens looking down on her shoes with hints of blood. Seulgi isn’t hurting she’s just listening.

"But my love for her is not enough for me to be honest and be truthful. I love her but it’s not enough because if I do love her then I wouldn’t have played pretend and I lied to her. I hurt her. I hurt everyone. And then I realized, maybe I don’t love her as much as I thought. Because if I do, then I would’ve told her everything. I wouldn’t have let things get to this. And you Seulgi. I loved you so much but I don’t deserve you.”

Its hard for Seulgi not to react. She does feel like it’s already too late for the confession but it did bring her joy to know that Joohyun wasn’t all lies. She loved Joohyun so much and she doesn’t need to tell her that. Joohyun knew it so well and Seulgi had to let go. Her love wasn’t healthy.

Joohyun takes another long sigh, closing her eyes long enough to let the tears drip down her cheeks.

"I never deserved you and I’m so sorry for hurting you. I’m so sorry it took me so long to realize how insensitive I was. You deserve someone better. Someone who can keep you warm at night. Someone who can make you feel important. Someone who can be honest with you and someone who won’t hurt you the way I did. You deserve so much better than be forced to keep playing pretend. You don’t deserve someone like me who only brought you misery that almost caused you to lose yourself. I loved you, Seulgi and I still do. Maybe not as much as I used to but I want to see you smile again like you used to back then. I love Seungwan. I love Sooyoung, I love Yerim. And it took me so ing long to realize how different I felt towards you. Those feelings were special and all I did was waste it. I thank you for making me feel happy even though I always you up. Even though I was such an you were always there for me even though I was at the wrong. And if you wish to not see me anymore then I would be more glad to stop seeing you like how you wanted back then. I won’t force you to be friends with me anymore for my own good. I don’t want to be selfish anymore and be happy if it means hurting you and the others. I should’ve let you let me go. I’m sorry you felt the need to give me so many chances just for me to waste it again and again. And this should be my last chance. This should be the last time we’ll see each other. I started with you then I’ll talk to the rest and try to fix everything even though at this point it seems impossible. And then when we go back to school, I shouldn’t be the Bae Joohyun who you used to know. I would change and I won’t be your friend anymore because I never acted like a real friend in the first place. I should only talk to you if I have to but most likely I won’t because I shouldn’t after all this. I should ask the school to move me out of my and Sooyoung’s room. I should have a new roommate and try to make new friends if that’s possible. I would keep myself away from you and the rest because I only bring bad memories. I would then graduate and I would move out of this city. And as time flies, you would forget about me and when you’re reminded of me, you’re just gonna be reminded of the pain I have brought to everyone. And I should be hated because I don’t deserve you and the others. I am not worthy of being respected after all I have done. I would then-.”

Joohyun’s speech is interrupted when Seulgi engages her into a tight hug. And that’s where Joohyun started to bawl her eyes out on Seulgi’s shoulder, wetting the thick fabric wrapped that kept Seulgi warm. Seulgi didn’t want to hear the rest and it’s the only way she can think of to stop Joohyun. It was on a reflex and she’s just doing the right thing.

"You’re right. You’re a horrible person, alright? You hurt me so much and that hurts so ing much. But stop that. Stop saying these stupid things and stop crying. It’s not worth crying for. You’re right that you hurt us but that doesn’t mean we want to see you go. Well I don’t, and I know the others would hate me if they find out that I let you run away from us. I would hate myself too. You’re a horrible and a pathetic person but we can’t pretend we never liked having you around. We’re all pathetic, aren’t we? I could’ve pushed you to confess. Sooyoung shouldn’t have made out with you. Yerim shouldn’t have left Sooyoung hanging and Seungwan with her drinking problems.”

Seulgi starts brushing Joohyun’s hair, hushing the latter from her muffled cries. Joohyun only hugs Seulgi tighter. How she missed an actual physical interaction after hiding in the closet with her secrets. She’s warm again after so long.

"And don’t ever think I regret being with you. The only thing I would ever regret is losing you in my life. Our lives. I might have learned to let go of you as my ex girlfriend but that doesn’t mean I can let go of my bestfriend right? You said it after all. We’ve broken up and we’re never getting back together ever. But we’re still friends, Joohyun. We cherish you as our friend even after all the things we’ve been through. I may sound cheesy and stupid but remember that, okay?”

Joohyun pulls away from the hug, looking up at the slightly taller woman.

"Promise me.”

Joohyun heaves and Seulgi ushers her to continue

"Promise me you won’t put me first before yourself anymore. Promise you’ll love yourself more than anyone else. To put yourself first before others.”

Seulgi smiles at Joohyun.

"I promise.”

"And please promise me, to take care of Seungwan well. To hold her every night. To go back to how you used to be with her. “

Of course Seulgi doesn’t understand why Joohyun is saying this to her and she doesn’t think about it.  Seulgi knows nothing and still choose to stick with her misunderstandings which is why she is convincing Joohyun to meet Seungwan. She’s still forcing herself to believe that Joohyun’s the lucky girl. Seulgi knows nothing.

As if on cue, Sooyoung decides to step inside the place, rolling her eyes at Seulgi before looking at Joohyun.

Seulgi knew Joohyun wouldn’t talk to Seungwan until someone forces her to and Sooyoung was the right person she thought of so she called her. It didn’t take long to convince Sooyoung except there were too much question

"Why are you going to force her anyway? What if she really doesn’t want to talk to Seungwan. What if Seungwan doesn’t want to talk to her?”

"Of course she will. She just needs you to force her to.”

"Why can’t you force her instead and accompany her to the Son’s so we can all talk.”

Seulgi stopped just when she wa