thirteen;

“It’s okay, you don’t have to love me back”

Eunseo couldn’t stop thinking about it. Just when she thought she was going to finally have a good night’s rest, she became a tossing mess throughout the night that lasted with her restless mind even during school. 

“Alright cough it up. It’s way too obvious and you can’t avoid him forever. What the hell happened between you two?!” Jiyeon interrogates her friend, who avoids eye-contact, looking anywhere but at the female. Bae Jiyeon felt the need to address the awkwardness that filled the air every time Eunseo and Daniel would cross paths and the group of friends would have to be blind to have not noticed. Jiyeon had seen the eye-bags, peaking through the concealer, the red-shot eyes she had from not sleeping and how she’d poke at her food during lunch.

Something was definitely up.

A big sigh escapes the brunette’s lips as she swings her legs on the ground from the bench they’re on. Jiyeon and Minhyun frown, watching the girl after pulling her aside from a lunch served with a side of extra awkwardness after Daniel had also accidentally shown up. It had been like this for the whole week; either one of the other each day but it seemed like their routine had strangely clashed making everyone exchange confused looks during their meals. Squeezing her hands encouraging, Jiyeon offers the girl a small smile while Minhyun asks for the nth time what was going on.

“How long are you two going to avoid each other for?” Minhyun adds, arms crossed as he towers over her. The girl simple shrugs, avoiding eye contact.

“As long as possible?” Eunseo mutters defeatedly, only earning a loud slap on the thigh from Jiyeon.

“Hey, that hurts!”

“It’ll hurt much more if you don’t tell us what’s going on.” Eunseo mouth drops as her friend’s threat and glares at Minhyun who chuckles at their childish bicker. Sighing she holds out her hands in submission ready to spill yet is to be saved by the bell earning groans from the other two and a big grin plastered on her own face.

“I’ll catch you two later!” She gleefully cheers and jumps off the bench, teasingly skipping away, leaving the pair of friends behind shaking their heads at the childish girl’s behaviour. 

“They’ll sort it out right?” Jiyeon asks, watching as Eunseo escape the scene, ducking through the buildings and into her next class. The boy male follows her gaze and shrugs. 

“Knowing them two, I think they’ll be fine.”

# # #

Park Eunseo subconsciously uses her free hand to swipe away pieces of her light bangs, her lips pressed in a thin line when she replays the events as if a song on repeat and she’s getting far too sick of it.

“I’m glad he’s happy.” She mumbles, drawing circles on the floor with her index finger, thinking back to how Seungwoo was genuinely content and it didn’t make her feel as glum anymore. He was her first love fuelled by innocence to cover her scars but never sparked due to her hesitation. Because if something were to happen, it would’ve happened long ago and Eunseo knew better than anyone there was no reason to feel this way, yet she had only been persistent on her ‘feelings’ to build a wall, high enough to protect her.

Because Eunseo was just afraid of falling in love. 

When she had watched her own mother fall madly in love with a man who didn’t return the same, Eunseo decided she never wanted to repeat those mistakes the foolish woman had made. Despite being treated less of a human being, she gave him 101% regardless, because loved had blinded her, only to shatter in loneliness when he had left her for no reason. The brunette had remembered the months on ends where she had to fend for herself as a teenager, juggling her life in her small hands after seeing how broken her mother was. 

She couldn’t stand it. She never wanted to fall in love.

After she couldn’t handle being at that home any longer, the girl had convinced her mother to move to Seoul, to leave all the memories behind and start fresh. Bewilderedly, the two settled in Seoul but quickly her mother had deemed it too much when she had immensely felt homesick, missing the Busan seas and air. But Eunseo knew she couldn’t let go of what she left behind. So at the age of 16, Eunseo had stayed in Seoul alone at the request of her mother after seeing her fit in so well, whilst the older woman had returned home to heal. 

Rough was an understatement when she had begun a new chapter of independency, but in the midst of the darkness, Seungwoo became the light that guided her. For the first time in her life, she wanted to be around someone just for the sake of their company. Despite how traumatised she was, she had opened a small door for him to come in secretly, savouring the moments before she had basically run away from her feelings, starting her Seoul exploration, moving from one place to another.

But now the girl didn’t know if she could do that again. 

She raises her fingers and presses it softly on her lips. Throwing her head back, she messily runs her fingers through her brown locks and lets of a frustrated sigh. She hadn’t realised any signals that may have led up to this, and she mentally scolds herself. Despite all the time they had spent together, she had never thought of any of his actions to be ‘out-of-normal’ behaviour. Perhaps he may have paid extra attention to her, took a little more care of her and such but wasn’t that what close friends do? The wind brushes past, sending cold contact upon her exposed skin and she shivers slightly.

Maybe it was a mistake? A mistake caught up in the moment….

After all he had looked just as shocked at his own behaviour, but even so, she couldn’t ignore the butterflies that erupted in her stomach, the hot feeling that blushed upon her cheeks and most importantly, Eunseo did not understand why she hadn’t pushed him away, or rather why she felt like she couldn’