There is a change in POV for this chap... take a lookout ^^

italics=flashback

bold=Taeyeon's unspoken thoughts

Some thoughts are better left unsaid, some feelings are better left kept to yourself, but love has its way of expressing itself despite the silence.

Prying my eyes ajar languidly as I adjust to the brightness of the canary room, I stifle a yawn with a light stretch to loosen those stiff muscles of mine, only to feel a slight weightiness on my left arm. I carefully tilt my head to look at the sleeping form beside me, clutching onto my arm possessively as if it was her pillow. An inward smile crept onto my face as I gently brush off those bangs to reveal her cute forehead.

I trace the contours of her childlike features unconsciously and delicately with no intention to intrude her slumber. She has lost some baby fats with those further defined cheekbones, but the radiance from her sheer white skin reveals much innocence. I could not help but wrenched at the great amount of hardships that she had suffered over the years with the callous side of reality. They seem to have taken toll on this fragile form and a wave of guilt overwhelmed me, for the reason that I had not been able to fulfil the job as her protector for the past four years.

Besides her petite body and babyish face, the knowledge of her disability and tragic past engender a feeling of sympathy and it is not hard for me to eventually pour out great amounts of care and affection, at times to the extent of overprotection towards this significant friend of mine. I could not elucidate the definition of our relationship anymore, or perhaps it was the fact that I had never thought of demarcating the boundary of our special bond. Truth to be told, I was rather taken aback and fascinated by my ability to grasp each and every little thought and emotion that is going through the little mind of Taeyeon’s, be it a simple smile, a touch of her hand or the twinkle in her eye. It has been this way ever since the first time I saw her.

“Sweetie… Look, let me introduce you a new friend. Her name is Taeyeon. For some reasons she could not speak like us. So please be patient and take good care of her for daddy. Is that alright? From now on, she is gonna live with us.” My dad pointed to the little girl who was standing obediently in a corner of the living room.

“Yes daddy. Her name is erm… Tae.. Tae taeyee-oon?”

Hugging my totoro plushie, I looked at the smaller and fairer skin girl with curiosity and anticipation. Her cute round eyes were fixated on the easel standing in the corner of our guest room, gleaming with enthusiasm.  Sensing her keenness on the wooden article, I walked over, reached out my hand and pull her to where she yearned to be.

I pointed to the half-drawn sketch that I’ve attempted earlier,

“Let’s draw together taetae!”

Initially, she was staring at me with astonishment, probably by the fact that I had somehow managed to read her mind or the new pet name that I had unintentionally created and blurted out.  However, it was not long before she broke into her captivating dimpled smile as we took the crayon in our hands simultaneously.

The invisible tie between us strengthens and tightens with each passing day and we were in each other’s pocket since then, sticking like dough wherever we go. We are each other’s playmate, soul mate, sisters, guardian, significant other and the list goes on. But none of the terms can justify us, simply because the difference between those aspects has become blurry. My affection for Taeyeon only seemed to get greater and it never once diminished. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and it has proven to be the case for me. No one would ever know how desolated I was during those four years, despite the fact that I have made new acquaintances there. Because, simply, none of them can make me feel the same way as Taeyeon does.  Our reunion yesterday further substantiates that incomparable attachment I had for her, and it only seems to have gotten stronger.

Gently combing away the light brown tresses on her face, I made a mental note to care and protect the girl before me with my own means. Perhaps it was the lengthy separation, perhaps it was a moment of impulse, and perhaps it was the workings of my sentiments, I could not resist the overpowering urge as I found myself leaning forward to tenderly press my lips onto her appealing forehead. The sweet scent of her hair freshens up my nose while my lips lingered on the soft silky skin. I could feel the heated sensation burning up my cheeks after pulling away to face the sleeping form again. That was just a mere peck, an affable peck, isn’t it Tiffany?

A part of me wishes to stay and snuggle close to Taeyeon, but I was glad that the rational side of me emerged as victors in the mental battle within my cranium, because it would certainly send me into frenzy with any lingering second spent looking at the girl beside me sleeping like a baby.

I cautiously loosen the grip on my arms as I slowly wriggle it out from Taeyeon’s tight clutches. Sensing that I have somehow stirred a baby’s sleep, I pulled up the blankets in reflex to cover the little body of hers, which is gradually coiling like a moulting caterpillar. I could slowly feel my lips curling up in a spontaneous effect of looking at the sleeping child.

I was sure that I had never felt this way before.

Recognising that it was still in the early hours of the day, I picked up my mobile which I had mindlessly left it in my room last night. Scrolling through the sea of names in the contact list, I patiently place the receiver to my ears after seeking out a particular name from it.

“Good morning. It’s me. I’m back. Wanna grab a breakfast together?”

“I won’t decline any free meals for sure. Let’s meet at the old town café two streets away from our alma mater. I hope you still remember the way ddilfany.”

“Provided that the café didn’t change much in its appearance, I hope.”

“Some things just remain unchanged don’t you know?”

I halt briefly to process those words that relayed some underlying meanings, but tersely break away from that awkward silence with one of my usual retorts,

“Yah! And your incessant moving mouth remained unchanged too. See you later big mouth.”

With that I ended the conversation without giving the latter a chance of rebuttal as the booming voice that travelled out of the device was the last thing I heard.

This is Sooyoung, a candid and forthright buddy of mine. Although she blabbers a lot, there are times when she could make absolute sense with those gabble of hers. For the past four years, she became my confidant whereby I could unburden my heart to. Truth to be told, my mind is in a turmoil and I am seeking to sort out some uncertainties that have been plaguing me with our mini get-together later.

I could spot the café in a distance with its bright whitish walls and Victorian styled furniture occupying the cosy area when I look through the sheer glass windows. That shikshin was right after all. There were not many changes, just some modifications in the layout and positioning of fixtures. Taeyeon and I were frequent patrons in the past, despite the fact that we could only afford a simple cup of mocha back then. Nevertheless, we were just contented to spend our time lazing on the couch and sharing the cup of hot beverage together.

I pushed the heavy handlebar of the glass door and focused on the search for my tall friend, ignoring the greeting of a forthcoming waitress. After some careful scrutinising, I managed to spot the shikshin sitting comfortably in the corner reading a magazine.

“Hey… You’re early.” I made my presence known by giving a punch on her right arm.

“I’m only early for food… I’ve ordered cappuccino for you, as well as some awesome sandwiches.”

I shook my head in defeat while making myself comfortable in the couch adjacent to her.

“It’s been awhile… I hate to admit… but you’ve actually became much prettier these days uh…. No wonder Tae…”

“You seem to have grown taller and taller as well… despite the fact that you’re sitting down…. your elongated legs were almost occupying the whole space under the table. And thanks for that unexpected compliment.” I become conscious that I had disrupted her sentence unintentionally upon recalling the last word.

“And you call me a big mouth. You! You always cut in between when the person hasn’t even finished the sentence….”

I smiled apologetically at my taller friend when I saw her protruding eyes which are very much intimidating.

“Right. And your eyesmiles won’t work on me. By the way, why the hurry to meet up? Shouldn’t you be spending the lost time with your taetae?”

“To thank you for taking care of Taeyeon during my absence.”

“Then I should expect something bigger than this. If I had known, I would have arranged to meet in a luxurious hotel…”

I was about to show her a sickened face before the waitress came to deposit our beverages and plateful of American sandwiches.

Stirring my beverage unhurriedly, I look on at the ferocious eater heartily digging into the big-sized sandwich.

“I bet you had something to share isn’t it?” Sooyoung tried to utter coherent words with those mouthfuls of food.

I presume that it was my poker face that gave way, not that I was trying to hide things from her in the first place. I was just clueless about where I should begin with.

“Um… well…. My heart has been beating a lot faster ever since I came back yesterday.”  I stammered while looking at the cappuccino.

“Go to a doctor! I’m not one.” Sooyoung responded a little irritably as she found my statement somewhat silly.

“No. It was… It palpitated madly whenever I see Taeyeon. I know I have always been looking forward to our reunion… but… the feeling of meeting her again is kinda different after the four years of disengagement. I smile more frequently when I’m with her. It’s those smiles that were from the bottom of my heart. Our touches… it felt more warm-hearted… and…. Blissful?”

“Which means that those years when we were younger, you weren’t happy with Taeyeon?”

“NO! OF COURSE NOT!” My cheeks flushed when I realised that I had reacted a little too hasty and not to mentioned, excessively.

“Then?” My friend twitched her brows and I could see that she was trying to probe further with a challenge to question my own narration of feelings earlier.

“I always feel happy and comfortable with Taeyeon. It’s just that… There is this tingling sensation when she held my hand. I enjoyed the moments even though I was just looking at her concentrating on the dishes in the kitchen. Perhaps… It is….”

“Love.” Sooyoung replied in a matter-of-factly tone before taking a sip of the coffee in her hands.

Love: A complicated and boundary-less word, very much corresponding to the relationship that Taeyeon and I share. I might have contextualised the word a little too much that I found it heavy to verbalise it through my lips. I was actually glad that Sooyoung had used it to summarise the turbulence in my emotions or even authenticate those real feelings that I have for Taeyeon.

“I do love her. But…”

“Don’t be too fast to deny your own feelings Fany. Tell me honestly, you’ve been feeling that way all along. It’s just that it is getting stronger. Am I not right? You’ve been loving Taeyeon all this while.”

I hate it whenever Sooyoung throw things in my face. But I guess at this point of time, I need someone like her to unleash those hidden affections in my heart.

“It’s just that you’re trying to constrict your love for Taeyeon in a friendship way. That’s self-denial isn’t it? You weren’t happy during those four years. You weren’t happy with Tim. Why are you torturing yourself?”

I remained silent like a defendant in the court who could only hang my head low in response to Sooyoung’s testimony. I simply had no way to rebut, but to agree and admit.

“Probably because I am a stander-by, you can’t see it but I can. If Taeyeon is merely your close friend, why didn’t you tell her that you had a boyfriend two years ago? Why? There shouldn’t be any secrets shared between best friends isn’t it?”

“That was because I didn’t wanna hurt her.”

“You’ve basically answered your own questions Fany. You were mindful about Taeyeon’s feelings if she had known about your relationship. And I guess it’s hard to tell it since she is the one you truly love? Nonetheless, I was glad that your relationship with Tim didn’t work out. He’s a jerk to begin with.”

Bad experiences are always the best teachers in life. They made us learn from mistakes as well as drawing a distinction between the good and bad. The pain that Tim had inflicted on me only made me realise the sincerity that Taeyeon has provided me all this while.

***

I struggled with bags of groceries as I finally reached Tim’s residence, trying to reach for the doorbell as I free one of my hands by dropping those heavy bags onto the floor. I noticed that the door was not completely closed and I picked up the bags again to push the door open with my shoulders. Before I could reach the hallway, I loosen my grip on those heavy bags as they thump hard on the concrete floor, with my heart as well. The crashing sounds of the champagne bottle coupled with some rolling tomatoes interrupted the little intimate activity between the two in the living room, with Tim looking at me in horror while the woman could only look on befuddled, with her messy hair and disordered clothes.

Not being able to stand the sight any longer, I turned and made a dash out of the apartment, a foolish and coward way as I tried to run away from reality.

While running as fast as my legs could carry, all I could hear was the repeated resonance of “You’re such a fool, Tiffany” in my mind, apart from the chasing footsteps and the hollering voice of Tim.

I found that I was being caught up when I felt the tight grip on my wrist.

“Tiffany…” He held me by the waist to pull me closer. I could feel his intending gaze, but I choose not to meet them. Because I know that I would succumb to his smouldering eyes.

“Let go of me!” I struggled to free myself from his clutches but they only seem to grow tighter with each of my shove.

“Tiffany, listen. I know that I am wrong. I could not refrain from temptations. But she was the one who seduced me. It was a moment of impulse and folly. I promised not to do that again Tiffany. You’re the only one I truly love. You ought to know much I love you…”

Those words. Those words that used to taste like honey were soothing and perhaps addictive. But now, gone were the sincerity. All I could hear was unfaithful and unfaithful.

“Trust me Tiffany. I really really love you…”

Flowery words that acted like assuring words are merely just a façade. If I could weigh those words, they could not even tally to a feather. All I wished was to not witness something that has happened and will remain happened regardless of whatever remedy that follows. It felt like being stabbed in the heart and hearing a useless apology afterwards.

I inhale a deep breath before looking up to meet his eyes. All I could see was the strong desire of control.  Assertiveness was stronger than adoration.

“Let’s break up.” My tone was unwavering.

“Come on Tiffany. Let’s not do this…..”

“Stop it Tim… Let me go….”

The last thing I saw was the smirk on his face before I felt his lips ferociously crashed onto mine. His strength was overwhelming, he was hurting me. In an attempt to break away from his monster’s clutch, I muster all my energy to resolutely push him away by the shoulders before sending a stinging blow on his face.

“You disgusting creep!!!” I wiped and covered my lips and I could feel the warm tears threatening to jerk out from my eyes anytime.

“You don’t love me anymore, don’t you?” He stared at me with his cold eyes while inching forward.

I found the question ironical as I should be the one to say it. After all, he was the two-timer.

“Or should I say you didn’t love me at all… Because you only love your painfully muted friend!!! You would rather spend the night chatting with her on the net than to get intimate with me!!!”

Swinging my arm forcefully, I landed another reddish mark on his left cheek.

“Don’t get Taeyeon into this. This is only between us. And… No one is allowed to give her names. We’re through Tim.”

Though my hand hurts after giving two tight slaps, it will never surpass the pain of falling deeper into the relationship. It was certainly a rude awakening.

***

“Fany… Are you ok? I’m sorry for mentioning that jerk….” I got out of my reverie when I saw my friend leaning slightly forward.

“It’s ok Sooyoung. I just treat it as a bad dream, a nightmare that made me aware of the blissfully realistic life that I’ve been taking for granted.”

“Well, besides that, do you remember how worked up you were when I told you that someone likes your taetae? You were practically making a big fuss on skype…”

“Of course I still remember. That IU girl…”

“Bingo! I got it again! Seriously Fany… who the hell would get jealous when someone else likes her friend? And to think that you were with Tim at that point of time. It really doesn’t make any sense right Fany?”

Sooyoung, the prosecutor, was right again with her analyses and evidence.

Previously, I may have believed that my over concern for Taeyeon was out of compassion and commiseration of her impairment. But those atypical behaviours that I had shown only for the girl name Kim Taeyeon, has somehow ascertain a different level of fondness that I have for her.

“And…. Would you be surprise if I told you that Taeyeon felt the same way all these years?”

“Taeyeon….?” I shifted my eyes away as I pursed my lips.

It would be a lie if I were to say that I was clueless about my friend’s devotion. She might have the inability to show her concerns through spoken words, but her little actions and expressions proved to be more meaningful and significant. Nonetheless, I was quick to brush them off just like the way I did with my own feelings for her.

“I am sure you don’t need me to list out and proved to you how much Taeyeon loves you? You can go on and feign to be oblivious to her affections, but you can’t be oblivious to yours.” I watch Sooyoung reach for the napkin while she continues to preach.

“Unlike Taeyeon, you have the ability to express your feelings easily, but you choose to hide them. To think that you’re a psychology graduate, a psychologist running away from her own psychological problems, how ironic.”

Sooyoung took in a deep breath before continuing,

“Love can be really simple if you choose to view it in a simple way.”

A necessary silence followed as she concentrates on finishing her food while I attempt to assimilate and process those injections of her opinions.

“Are you in a hurry?” I urged as I noticed my taller friend glancing at her watch from time to time.

“Oh.. I am supposed to pick my Sunny bunny and send her to work.”

“Then you should better get going..”

“What about you?”

“I am staying here for a little while more…. Thanks Sooyoung.”

“I should thank you for the meal.” She replied cheekily with a wink in response to my previous expressed gratitude.

I take in a few more sips of my unfinished cappuccino as I lay back on the couch, embarking on another round of wool-gathering with the complementing background music.

“Would you be surprise if I told you that Taeyeon felt the same way all these years?”

It's amazing

How you can speak right to my heart

Without saying a word,

You can light up the dark

Try as I may I could never explain

What I hear when you don't say a thing

***

I crossed my arms and huff in anger while staring at my study desk. I had been in this position for the past twenty minutes or so for the reason that my dad turned down my request to join the school’s exotic field trip.

A few knocks on the wooden door were heard and I chose to ignore them childishly regardless of whoever was standing outside. Before long, I heard another set of knockings, this time coupled with a sliding sound as I saw a note slipping through the door’s slit. I dragged my feet over to pick up the note and saw the chunk of familiar hand writings that read,

“Open the door… My hands are tired. =/”

I unlocked the door to reveal a Taeyeon who was carrying a bowl of piping hot ramyun, slowly making her way into my room to place it down on the desk while I followed behind nonchalantly.

Eat it. She ordered as she whirls up her first two fingers in resemblance of chopsticks.  

“I am not hungry…” I plopped down on my chair dejectedly despite Taeyeon’s kind intentions.

I chose to ignore her presence even though I would love to ramble to her about my frustrations, but I was simply too tired and preferred to bottle up those resentments.

Seemingly knowing my wish to remain silent, Taeyeon gave me the space I needed as she quietly took her place on my bed when I heard the squeaking sound of my rusty bedstead.

I stared into space and was ignorant of her moving back and forth my room, until I somehow realised that she had came over to the desk to take something. I felt apologetic to have snubbed her presence.

Just when I was about to finally lift my lazy bum off the chair, I could feel my heart leapt out when I saw my totoro plushie facing me, before sliding down to reveal the dorky face of Taeyeon.

I could not contain any longer as I burst out in a huge laughter and clap my hands in glee upon seeing the whiskered-face of Taeyeon. Apparently, she had used a black marker to draw a black patch on her nose and some whiskers, trying to be like my totoro plushie.

“Aigoo… Taetae ah… Are you a babo?! That’s a marker mind you!” Cupping her cheeks, I attempt to rub off those markings with my thumb before my hands were being pried away by hers.

I am just glad to put a smile on your face. She placed her palms on her chest before drawing an imaginary upward curve in front of her lips and point to my face.

I could feel my eyes forming a thin line before tackling my friend with a big hug.

With my hands still on her shoulders after breaking our embrace, I began to ,

“Can I hug this taetoro plushie when I sleep tonight?”

Her brows raised in astonishment before trying to squirm away from my hands. I gave chase and we played tag within the small constraints of my room. I pushed her down on my bed before attacking her with my series of tickles which left her chuckling and choking in laughter at the same time. She managed to stop my persistent attacks by grabbing my hands with one and pointing towards the bowl of unattended ramyun with the other.

Watching me intently as I begin to taste the noodles, I gave her a thumbs sign after seeing her anticipating eyes.

“It’s delicious!” I smiled at her with mouthfuls of noodles before she made an indication that she was leaving.

I shall go back now. She smiled and pointed her thumb backwards before making her way out.

Although the noodles had turned cold, it warms my heart inside with Taeyeon’s care and love as the ingredients in the ramyun.

She never fails to brighten my day without saying a word.

***

The buzzing sound of my mobile brought me back into my senses. It was a message from Taeyeon,

“Your dad had told me that you’re out early for something. I was wondering if we could have lunch together. It’s ok if you can’t. =)”

“Silly. Of cos I would be willing to have lunch with ya. I’m coming home 1^st. Cya later….” I was about to end my message with the usual hearts sign, but I decide to clear them and go with a smiley emoticon instead.

Why am I being so conscious?

While removing my shoes at the main entrance, I was greeted with a grinning Taeyeon looking at me from the sofa. Her smile was so warm, better than any verbal greetings such as “You’re back” which may sound half-hearted and cold by the others. Moreover, did I mention those eyes?

They were always beaming with tenderness and keenness. I have never seen another pair of eyes which can be as expressive as hers. If eyes communicate more data than a person even consciously expresses, Taeyeon has certainly put them into good use as a substitute for her speech impairment. I guess it somehow explains why I had the ability to hear those feelings in her heart even when she could not say a thing.

Right after I place my bag on the couch, she pulled me by the hands, seemingly excited to show me something as we make our way into the kitchen.

I was delighted to see boxes of salads and little bentos before me, laid pleasantly on the table.

“Oh my! Taetae ah! I was thinking of having a picnic at the beach! We’re telepathic!”

We can ride there. Taeyeon paralleled her fist and twist them to do the bicycle motion, which never fail to make me squeal inside upon her adorable gestures.

The both of us clapped and giggled in unison as we proceed to pack the food into a basket with a couple of other necessities.

The beach is not far away from our house and we would always make our way there with Taeyeon doing the cycling, while I would hold onto the basket with one hand and clasp the other around her small slender waist. Today was no different, as I found myself caught in the familiar position again. I look at her back before leaning my head against it to better secure myself around her. I missed this, the feeling of being safe and protected through the warmth of her body.

We found a shady position to place our mats and belongings before spreading out the delicious food prepared by Taeyeon. Comfortably, we leaned against each other by the shoulders as I pick up the box of salad to take a big spoonful of it.

“Mmmph…. It’s really good…!”

My eyes widen in surprise upon seeing Taeyeon’s face inching closer before my eyes travel down to see her petite hand reaching for my mouth with a serviette. Her eyes were dilated and full of concern as she concentrates on wiping whatever that was left on the side of my lips. I was certain that my cheeks were flushing like a tomato with the high tempo pulsation of my heart.

I let out a sheepish smile and I thought I saw a mirrored expression on hers as well.

Unlike our childhood days where we would proceed to play in the waters after a hearty meal, I chose to stay seated on the mat and allow the cool summer breeze to freshen up my mind. Taeyeon being Taeyeon, knew that I was caught in one of my deep ponderings again as she look at the crashing waves on the shore similarly. The silence between us was comfortable and unperturbed. Yet, the atmosphere was intimate despite the stillness.

I turned to look at the companion beside me and she did the same. She smiled and tap on her left shoulder, gesturing for me to place my head there. I complied without hesitation as I prop my head comfortably on her small shoulder, feeling the weight of her head on mine as well. The sound of the waves seems a lot calmer.

“Love can be really simple if you choose to view it in a simple way.”

I could somehow get the inkling of it.

Everything makes sense in the confines of silence.

The smile on your face

Lets me know that you need me

There's a truth in your eyes

Saying you'll never leave me

The touch of your hand

Says you'll catch me

Whenever I fall

You say it best

When you say nothing at all

=================================

thanks all for the continuous support! i have to be honest that i'm rather pleased n surprised with the response here.... ^^ its encouraging!

hope u guys will like the progress of the story so far... but i'd say dun expect too much dramas... so....

hmm..... cya till~~~ the next chap ^^

pls feel free to drop me a msg or comment if there's any parts that weren't clearly explained ^^