Epilogue: How Great Is Your Love
My Conveyor
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart." - Helen Keller
Have you ever felt like you have been resurrected?
I did.
Or it could be said I was given a second chance to live my life the way that I hadn’t used to, and it was all made possible by my conveyor, Tiffany.
She gave my life new dimensions, helping me to see the world in various ways, just like a kaleidoscope. She is my main source of my happiness. Whenever she demonstrates care, I can truly feel every single love and warmth, as if they were countable. Yet, I can never quantify this love because it is infinite. She taught me the key to perseverance, as well as believing things that were unbelievable. She is the reason for the occurrence of miracles in my life. She is everything.
And I can go on and on about this ‘she’, with a long list, from insignificant to significant memories that we have created. Throughout my growing up years, I gained and lost different kinds of love. I might have lost the earliest and most fundamental parental love, but in return, I found something that is even better and almost irreplaceable; a deep-heart love. A love that is indescribable, where I can neither explain nor justify the kind of telepathy between us. How can I put this better? Each of us has different traits and personalities, and there are even certain sides of us that we ourselves are unaware of. However, I can somehow discover my different and unknown personas, only with Tiffany. I didn’t know I can be possessive. I didn’t know I was biased in terms of saving the best for her. I didn’t know I can smile for no specific reason when she is around. I didn’t know that I can effectively express through my eyes. She just brought them out naturally, the conveyor of my true emotions.
I know that life shouldn’t be entirely centred on a certain person or something, but I do know... it wouldn’t have been the same without her; because through good and bad days, she always has the ability to brighten them with her special ways.
Ever since I recovered my voice, I came across different individuals who asked the same thing; “Does it feels like a new beginning? I’m sure you felt happier and livelier.” However, I merely smiled at them, silently acknowledging something that they will never understand.
From the day I met Tiffany, my life began anew.
Besides, many see the importance of having verbal communication in sustaining a long lasting relationship, though I beg to differ. Albeit the fact that I could now hold a proper vocal conversation with my lover, we remained dependable on a tool that has effectively supported our unyielding bond over the years;
Eye contact.
I just have to look into her eyes, and I will know how much she loves me. That’s how simple it is.
She... is also the teacher of my life. She taught me how to love fearlessly and opened up my heart. Hence, other than pure adoration, I am grateful for what she has brought into my world.
Moreover, she is the only one who can strengthen me from within. In her, I learn the value and significance of love, which I believe, has helped in lifting me to where I am now.
Before me are the steps to a legendary platform that many young and promising artists aspire to be. But the toil and efforts behind this momentous minute of my life went beyond the mere talents I have shown. They encompass every bit of confidence and inspiration that love has instilled.
My palms got sweaty while waiting at the sides for the compere to make his introduction. As my contributions and works were listed out progressively, my mind was cluttered with those undisclosed promises that I have made to match the encouragement given in abundance by my dearest.
In all honesty, I wouldn’t have been able to come this far had I not been freed of apprehensions and self-doubt. Tiffany ought to take all the credits for this tremendous achievement.
The subsequent episodes happened at the rate of knots. I did not remember hearing the title that I was about to receive. Until the bright lights started to direct on me, I avidly make my way towards the award presenter. I smiled, not because of the thunderous applause received, but at a particular rigorous clapping that only one can make. True enough, as I scan the audience after receiving the golden plaque, a pair of soft and contented eyes met my emotionally-filled ones. This time, the beam on my face brightens as I silently dedicate this honour to my biggest fan, and I know she heard it.
When I was worn out by the world, you became a shining light to me
Even if winter comes again at the end of this narrow path we're walking along
If you hold my hand, this harsh world will seem like a spring day to me
How great is your love
“Kim Taeyeon sshi. How does it feel to be recognised as 2012’s ‘Young Artist of the Year’?”
This was one of the many questions that came my way once I stepped out of the hall. Despite knowing that this momentary media attention is inevitable, the sound of camera flashes and different reporters speaking at the same time created an instant uncomfortable atmosphere.
I remained accommodating but silent to their endless picture requests until I saw my lover moving past the crowd. An opportunity was allowed to slip away from this boring affair.
“Thanks but sorry I have to go.” A smile of relief emerges after bowing to make a necessary exit from the horde of reporters. I quicken my pace upon noticing the lonesome figure strolling further away.
“Pani ah!” There will always be butterflies in the stomach each time I form her endearing name on my lips, even though it was an unintended mispronunciation when I first articulate it. Still, a smartly dressed Tiffany reacted to my uniquely invented pet name.
Telepathically, we share a chaste peck on the lips after embracing each other by the waist.
“It seems like the language class you’re taking isn’t effective. You still pronounce my name poorly even after a year. It’s Fa, not Pa.” A cute pout was visible when she pulled her face slightly apart from mine, causing me to chuckle uncontrollably as I pinch her face in a teasing manner.
“I like it though. Pani is just like Taetae. It’s the same logic.”
“What about Yeppeuni?”
“Yeppeuni... is like Taeyeonnie... They are the same. Pani equals to Taetae, Yeppeuni equals to Taeyeonnie... Tiffany equals to Taeyeon and you equal to me.”
“Did they serve you some cheese earlier?” My partner had meant it to be a sneer, but failed terribly when she could not hide a grin from appearing on her attempted straight face. Instead of cringing over the mushiness in my words, I gave a smugly smirk, for I was pleased to be the reason behind her smile.
But of course I did not always coax this lovable girl in my arms by filling all my sentences with sugary words. Lovey-dovey phrases should be used in moderation. After all, most of our inner sentiments are transmitted through our daily actions. Hence, we don’t always carry ‘love’ verbally. We feel it in our hearts.
The public bus took a little too long to arrive, though I was rather unfazed by it as I enjoy the time running my hand through her dark-brown locks. It always started with brushing something off her fringe, but my fingers never fail to move on their own accord eventually, owing to her well-conditioned hair. I like the feel of those silky strands on my skin, coupled with the lingering fruit scent from it. This has become a harmless ‘bad habit’ for me. Tiffany, on the other hand, took frequent glances at her watch, completely unaffected by my continued ‘harassment’ on her hair.
“Should we hail a cab? I’m afraid they might be waiting for us.”
“They?”
“Yeah... Sooyoung suggested throwing a party to congratulate your achievement. So I took this chance to invite a few other peeps as well... Daddy said he will join us as soon as his meeting is done.” While I listen attentively to her explanation, she smoothly pried my busy-hand away before interweaving our fingers together.
“Oh... So you had everything planned out... I still thought we could...”
“Go on our little date?”
There it is, she helped to finish my sentence accurately, and it is just one of the many examples to show that we are constantly on the same wavelength. To have a lover who is also your best friend is plainly amazing.
“Silly. Next time... we will definitely have as many dates as we want to... Besides... We have an important appointment with someone later...”
“Oh I know... I didn’t forget about it.” I show my acknowledgement with a light squeeze on her hand.
She then led me out of the queue before flagging for an available cab.
“Oakwood at Gangnam gu please.” My lover instructed the driver with her husky voice as soon as the door was shut. I then furrowed my brows at the peculiarly familiar name of the destination we are heading to.
“Yeah... We’re going to Sunny’s villa for the party.” Tiffany added on after sighting my puzzled expression.
“Aish... Must be that shikshin’s idea again...” After shaking my head in defeat, we both broke out in synchronised giggles.
As the car speed along the expressway, we childishly played with the shiny plaque in our hands, occasionally caressing it with admiration. The long and slender fingers of hers particularly hovered above my name which was proudly inscribed at the bottom. I then begin to observe the satisfied expression that adorns her face, and subsequently attain an equally intense stare from the girl in my arms. She then leans in to place her soft plump lips on mine, applying tiny pressure to fuse them together before breaking it with a faint ‘jjuk’ sound.
“Why?” I question her unexpected display of affection for the first time, with the actual intention to uncover her underlying sentiments behind that kiss. Surprisingly, Tiffany has not uttered a single praise or commendation from the moment I was awarded on stage, when I expect that she would at least mention something like, “I’m so proud of you”. But in the end, there isn’t a need to when she has expressed all her contentment through this demonstrative action.
“What? I don’t need a reason to kiss you...” She playfully nuzzled our noses together, paying no attention to the fact that there was another party sharing the same space with us. Even though she chose not to give a direct answer to my useless query, from the way she delicately holds onto my award, and all those subtle but earnest gestures she gave in recognition of my unprecedented feat, I know that we share the same amount of joy and exhilaration in this meaningful day.
Similarly, I don’t need a reason to love you.
I hope that a love like the sky will happen for me too, I always waited for it
On a day when the stars are shining, we walk in rhythm to the birds' melody
Like cyclic seasons' repeating secrets
Your love that never changes makes my eyes shine
A white truck was parked just before the black metal gate with busy staffs carrying huge metal containers and tables down the lever. We then give a fleeting look at each other upon hearing the loud voice of Sooyoung from some distance away.
“Send these to the second floor, a short girl will tell you where to put them.” Our taller friend anxiously gave orders to the moving pack, before Tiffany interrupts her task with an equally boisterous voice.
“SOOYOUNGIE...!”
“Sorry Miss Tiffany, please call me Manager Choi. Oh hey Taengoo! Where’s the awesome prize?”
Due to the fact that I was lagging behind, I blankly pointed to my girlfriend’s direction, and she is already waving the plaque at the tall girl animatedly.
“You should’ve seen how cool Taetae was earlier! Most of the other award winners were guys... Nonetheless she looked adorable standing among them.”
“I bet you meant short instead of adorable.”
“Yah! Don’t put words into !” I hurried up to Tiffany’s side and place an arm around her shoulder.
“Oh... Protective Taeng huh? Okays... Help to carry those bags of chicken wings as well.”
“Being protective doesn’t mean I have to be your servant too. Because you’re not the one I’m protecting...”
“Aw...C’mon... I know you’re the nicest person... You’re my best buddy Taenngggoooo... Please... Y’know I have so much to do today... I have to take care of other things too...” Sooyoung went on to flip her hair and whine in the most irksome voice I ever heard. It was a bad move because I will only fall for Tiffany’s aegyo. As for others, they just induce my desire to give a punch. However, considering that the lanky person before me is my close chum, I merely snap back to show my unwillingness to help.
“Cut that aegyo. And how can you expect the main lead of the day to do all these little chores?”
“You’re a shorty bully.”
“Same for you noisy shikshin.”
“Crap. I didn’t know you can bicker so well. How I wish you didn’t regain your voice.” Although I know that her comment wasn’t intentional but more of a mindless joke, it did not prevent Tiffany from giving a hard slap on the latter’s arm as a ruthless payback.
“Stop complaining and get on to work!” My partner stated, or rather, yelled into the ears of a scowling Sooyoung.
“Soonkyu ya... They’re bullying me... It’s two against one....!” Seeing that it was pointless to rebut further, our buddy ran away to search for some defence and consolation. On the contrary, we swing our arms and follow behind with cheeky grins on our faces.
Climbing up the spiral stairs, I marvel at this lovely and well-furnished apartment. The mahogany tiles and beige walls give a very homely feel. With Tiffany holding onto my arms as we took a little tour around the spacious living room, I begin to dream of owning a house like this, just for us. We can have a big leather massaging chair for her dad, as well as a playroom for our adopted kid. Just with these visualisations in my head makes me feel warm inside.
“What are you thinking Taetae? You look dazed.”
“Oh... I’m thinking of another aspiration.” My vague reply cause the one beside me to crease her brows in wonder, before they arch and wiggle in an upward manner to seek further explanations. I just widen my eyes slightly and move my brows too, playing with her curiosity.
“Baby...” Sooyoung’s weird aegyo can be heard across the hall, disrupting our little ‘eye-game’. We then proceed to join the couple at the dining area.
“Aish... What issit? Can’t you see that I’m busy?” Sunny replied with annoyance, not even bothering to shift her attention to the pouting girl. Tiffany, being the usual obliging friend, offered to render her assistance.
“Hey Sunny! Need any help?”
“Oh you guys are here! Nah it’s ok... Sooyoung and I can handle this... The housemaids are doing their jobs too...” The eyes of my taller friend grew bigger with fury as she was blatantly given the cold shoulder by her partner. I snicker when the other two were oblivious to the funny faces made by the one behind them. Defeated, Sooyoung then nonchalantly sauntered away with a plate of fries to keep occupied.
Seemingly influenced by the big-eater, I sneakily stole a piece of cheese fritter while listening to the duo’s small talk.
“Anyways who else did you invite?”
“Erm... Two of my friends who have just returned from overseas... Taeyeon knows them too.”
Due to the fact that I was busily munching on the delicacy before me, I reacted by facing Tiffany with a finger pointed to myself.
“Yeah... You’ve seen them before.” She responded with a wink, leaving me to contemplate about the unspecified twosome she had mentioned. To be precise, there aren’t many friends we have in common, neither do I know any of those she had acquainted with in the States. While trying to list out some possible names mentally, I shifted my attention back to the angelic face when a familiar name was heard.
“Oh and... Dr Kim... The hypnotherapist who attended to Taetae’s condition.” I nodded pleasingly as it seems that my attentive partner was really meticulous and thoughtful in deciding the guests to invite, especially when she has counted in Dr Kim, the important person who has helped to create a turning point in my life. It could not be more appropriate by having her around to celebrate my noteworthy accomplishment.
Feeling appreciated, I envelop Tiffany with a back-hug as she voices her little concern to our petite pal.
“I will introduce them later, one by one. I hope you guys won’t feel awkward.”
“Not at all when there’s food and music!” The three of us turned to the direction of a loud exclamation, with Sunny retorting at her girlfriend in sarcasm.
“No one asked for your comment.”
“I’m replying to Fany, not you.”
“Aye... You’re only good at squabbling... Lee Soonkyu ah Lee Soonkyu... Why did you choose this good-for-nothing shikshin? And having to witness two lovebirds being intimate makes it even more depressing...” The blonde-haired girl gave a quiet sigh after a string of mutterings. Tiffany and I felt somewhat guilty with our awkward position. Smiling with our redden faces, she stops fondling my hair, allowing my head to leave her left shoulder.
“Hi girls.” I immediately recognise the manly voice and felt it was indeed timely to cease our close interactions. The middle-aged man who has just arrived was greeted adoringly by the one beside me.
“Hey Daddy!”
“Uncle Hwang...! Have a sit!” In comparison to Tiffany and Sunny’s warm greetings, I meekly waited for the elder to take his place before addressing him in a timid voice.
“Appa.” There is this surreal feeling each time I enunciate this term of significance. Perhaps, it might be unknown to many, but it wasn’t truly easy to acknowledge some other people as a Dad or a Mum. It requires a whole lot of love, on an entirely different level, because they are the ones whom we can look up to and appreciate whatever they have bestowed in our life. To me, Tiffany’s father is definitely worthy of this identity, the identity of my Appa. I respect his courage in pursuing a promising life for an unrelated child, treating her like his own flesh and blood.
In response, his big and coarse hand reaches for mine, leading me to sit beside him.
“Sorry I couldn’t attend the ceremony earlier. So I went to get this before coming. Congrats again Taeyeon!” I stared hard at the diamond brooch sitting elegantly on my palms, while Tiffany parades the plaque to her dad who has always been generous in terms of giving the best for me.
The corners of his eyes wrinkled in delight, before squinting occasionally when he attempts to decipher those carvings on the item. That was when I got to realise the greying side burns and his failing eyesight, and that was when, I witness the workings and malice of age behind his wise and benevolent image.
“Hmm... Pretty heavy huh? Do you know why awards... trophies... and medals are made of gold? Not because of the extravagant price, but the weight of it. It wants us to be reminded of our sweat and hard work behind its magnificent appearance.”
With full agreement to his teaching, I gave nods of conviction. In contrast, Tiffany scooted to my side and uttered a light-hearted remark to make the conversation not so prim and proper.
“You and your philosophical talks again Daddy...”
“At least Taeyeon heed my advices better than you.”
His words may be inhospitable and blunt, but they are just concerns which are uniquely communicated by this respectable senior. After all, he was influential in raising us, and above all, I want to thank him for bringing a lovely angel into this world.
“Anyways Sunny, where’s your dad?” My guardian stood up to scan around for his relatable chatting partner.
“Oh... In the garden? Or probably in the study room. He’s quite predictable.”
“Alrights... I’m itching for a chess game with him.” Chuckling heartily at his little confession, Appa makes his way back down to the ground level after a short time with us. I was then greeted with a naughty grin from the one beside me as she snuggles closer, just like a child being granted the permission to play. For the fact that Sunny is still prancing back and forth the dining area, I resist the massive urge to drive my lips into any part of this charming face of Tiffany’s, when she is looking extremely lovable, flaunting her set of pearly white teeth in the most amorous way.
My mischievous girl was lucky when I only got as far as hooking her by the neck. The abrupt ringing tone of her mobile was being meddlesome in my attempt for a quick kiss.
“Yoboseyo?” With excitement, she greeted the party on the line with her trademark intonation. I habitually keep myself occupied by checking out my nails, only to have my body bounce a little when I received a deafening yell. Knitting my brows, I touch my ears just to confirm their existence, and silently praying for the one she is conversing to.
“Oh! You guys reached!!! Okays... Just come up to the second storey, we’re there.”
The chair screech unintentionally when Tiffany got up before skipping to the stairways. Sunny, being the attentive one, threw an instant question while laying utensils professionally on the table.
“Your friends are here?”
“Yep!!!” My ecstatic girlfriend replied without looking back at the former. I had mentally decided to go after and welcome whoever is arriving. However, hints of frustrations from our flustered buddy made me think twice.
“Ah... Sooyoungie... Help to get the drinks ready!”
“Don’t fret...” My assurance ended with some chortles when I step in to help, for I was being equally clumsy in setting up the dishes. Eventually, it was my taller friend who became the problem solver with a composed face.
“Tiffany!!!” Curiosity lured my head to the voice’s direction.
Warm greetings were exchanged the moment two familiar figures entered the hall. My feet mechanically shuffled towards them when I managed to recall names that match their faces after working my memory.
The fair complexioned girl who gave Tiffany a cordial hug is Jessica. Her distinctive features are still fresh in my mind despite a one-time meeting. On the other hand, her taller companion, Yuri, bears a more significant impression, with much credit to my lover’s constant mentions about this extraordinary girl. I vaguely remembered those waves and smiles she gave whenever I visit the hospice to pick up my psychologist lover from work. However, what caught me the most wasn’t her fresher look that radiates happiness, rather, the miraculous reason behind it.
“OH MY GOODNESS! YURI! YOU’RE ABLE TO WALK AGAIN?!” The unbelieving exclamation from my bewildered partner reflected the stupefaction in me. For all we know, her condition back then wasn’t encouraging, much less harbouring the thought of being able to mobilise her lower body. Yet, there can be miracles when we actually believe in them. Looking at a previously wheelchair-bounded patient standing tall and healthy must have overwhelmed Tiffany with a sense of accomplishment. The sparkles in her crescent eyes are the best testimony to it.
I stealthily closed in beside my beloved, squeezing her hand while having two pairs of probing eyes directed at our intimate gesture. Tiffany shyly tones down her voice with her cheeks blushing, as she formally presents me to the couple before us.
“Oh anyways, I hope you guys still remember, this is Taeyeon.”
“Hello.” Short and simple my greeting might be, I was actually glad to enhance my self-introduction on top of the usual hand-signs and smiles. Oh, and did I mention that my ability to speak again never fails to attract bulging eyes from people who knew of my initial shortcoming?
“Ah... Taeyeon... Bbut but... Tiffany... You said she was...” My lover simply giggled at Yuri’s sudden stammers, allowing me to answer wittingly on her behalf.
“Mute? But just like you... I recovered.”
“I think anything is possible when we have someone who is the reason behind our main purpose in life.” Understanding Yuri’s sentiments at once, I responded with knowing nods. I suppose, she has found a similar path to happiness in Jessica. We were both invigorated and blessed by something called unconditional love.
After stealing glances at our respective partners, we exchange furtive smiles and I believe, that was the first common ground between us in this potential amity.
Both Tiffany and I did not take notice of an additional being behind them, until Yuri shifted her attention to the small figure who was nudging her thigh.
“Sorry for being late. We had to handle this little brat’s weird tantrum.” Jessica smiled apologetically at us while the brunette lifted the child with her sturdy arms.
“Our daughter, Emily. Say hi!” We enthusiastically seek for the little girl’s attention while guiding them to a big black lounger at the same time. Tiffany then became the ‘middle-woman’ when she smoothly links up our two groups of friends.
“Oh, I almost forgot... This is Sooyoung, our long-time chingu, and Sunny, her adorable girlfriend.”
“Oo... Not as adorable as this little kid...” There is this constipated smile on the lanky person after she tickled the incoming toddler. I became conscious of what her smaller companion had done, snickering further when Sunny did not relent on the hard pinch she has offered to the deserving party.
“Make yourselves at home. Are juices fine for all of you?”
“Yes thank you...!!!” The three of them showed appreciation in chorus, oblivious to the comical couple’s interaction. I could care less about the two either, when it is more interesting to catch up with Tiffany’s friends than getting myself embroiled in some useless ‘love-fights’.
“How long did your recovery take? Was it hard? And... When did you guys have this little addition...?” Tiffany bombarded the duo with back-to-back questions, attracting repetitive blinks not only from them, but me as well.
“That’s a lot to answer.” Quipped Yuri as she settles the adorable-looking tot in between them. In comparison, Jessica was more patient in accounting to Tiffany’s queries.
“The cell regeneration treatment took a little longer than expected, because the effects from the first few sessions were very minimal. I kind of lost hope back then. But Yuri insisted and convinced me to believe in the doctor and give him more time and chances.”
“It’s only logical to give the final shot. After all, we went a long way there. It would have been a shame and waste if I were to give up, as it meant giving up on my own body.”
“Really determine and positive thinking kkabyul...”
“You taught me to keep believing!”
Indeed, Tiffany never fails to inject motivations in anyone she has come across, and it has gone way beyond confining it as part of a job duty. Rather, inspiring others has become ingrained in this saintly person, or perhaps, it was a trait that she has possessed all this while. I cast occasional admiring stares at my virtuous partner as the chat prolongs, because she seems to be shining and gleaming whenever compliments flood in. Hence, in my dictionary, she is a jewel.
It is strange, but I can’t help to feel comfortable while being deeply immersed in their conversation as it prolongs, as though I have known the pair sitting across us for a very long time. They gave a whole account of their life in Lithuania, from the initial hardships of settlement in a new country to how they accepted an abandoned Emily. I can particularly relate the most when Yuri told us about the physical challenges she has to endure, especially those inconveniences due to the lack of handicapped facilities in the tavern they were living. What they went through were difficult and should have been painful to recollect, yet, the corners of her lips were constantly stretched in an upward curve. Her tone was buoyant at every mention of her lover. I could somehow see glimpses of me in this cheery person. She admitted her fears and concerns in regards to implicating her faithful companion during their darkest times. However, those dark orbs twinkle with happiness when she explains how appreciative she is to Jessica’s deeds, irrespective of how bad her significant other’s cooking was. Jessica impacted Yuri’s life the way Tiffany did with mine. Now, I fully comprehend Sooyoung’s frequent commentaries back then, about how silly I look whenever the name of my charismatic lover was raked, because I saw a fitting example before me. The bronze-skin person has been wearing this silly smile for the last ten minutes or so. Yet, such acts become common and rational in this matter of love.
“What about you Taeyeon? How did you eventually regain your voice? Was it by a magical kiss from Tiffany?” Yuri was given a smack on the arm by Jessica owing to her frivolous words.
“Uh... Yea... A potent kiss that unlocked my heart and soul.” It could have been my exceptionally exultant mood on this ‘big day’, that I atypically played along with the adjacent couple, generously belting out what could have been, the cheesiest statement I had ever made.
“Aw............ How sweet...” My bold confession caused a zealous reaction from Jessica as well as the specific party to blush madly. Likewise, a gradual heating sensation rippled through my skin, when our eyes converge after a few uncoordinated peeks. We then giggle harder, unaware that our gestures have been under scrutiny of our loud-mouth buddy.
“Aye aye... These two... Can’t get their eyes off each other for a single moment... Always having with their eyes...” Reluctantly prying my head away, I gave a death glare towards the passing-by Sooyoung for that ridiculous description.
“Yah ! There’s a kid here mind you! Watch your words!” Sunny lectures while placing the tray of beverages on the coffee table. Glasses of lemonade were swiftly taken away by eager hands to quench thirst in the midst of a hearty conversation.
Yuri then gets the ball rolling again with a question directed to my busily-drinking lover.
“Anyways Tiffany, are you still working at the same hospital?”
“Not anymore. I set up my own office as a private practitioner, in our vicinity. Mainly handling and rehabilitating delinquents.”
“Very meaningful! And you only took a year’s time to be an established psychologist! Having an office of your own... How cool was that?”
“Nah... I’m not as outstanding as my Taetae. Her art pieces are beginning to gain global attention. That’s even cooler!”
It is greatly amusing to see how Tiffany brags about me in front of others. She is just like this, never reserving any compliments to people, but remained totally humble about her own capabilities.
The youngest one caught everyone’s attention by making noises with her empty mug on the floor. Her chin was glistened with liquid after some sloppy attempts to drink from the cup. Both women then took turns to tickle Emily as a ‘punishment’, cleaning up the mess simultaneously. Tiffany and I lean our heads together to witness the heart-warming sight before us, crafting the same picture in our minds without a trace of envy at the family, because we had done plans to relish the dream of taking care of a child together. Emotionally stirred, my lover allowed our unrevealed thoughts to escape mindlessly.
“You know what? We’re planning to adopt a kid too.”
“For real?!” Yuri spun her head back with alacrity, while her hands are still drawing serviettes for Jessica.
“Yes. In fact, we’re going down to the orphanage later. We’ve already chosen a lovely kid from the waiting list.”
“I can’t wait to see her...” I added on with enthusiasm, fleetingly looking at my other half before noting an approaching person emerging from the stairways.
“Are you guys talking about me?”
“Dr Kim!” I sprang up from the couch without much hesitation to greet the hypnotherapist warmly, for her distinctive mellow nasal voice could not be mistaken. She looks less tense, sporting a blue tracksuit with her long and untied blonde hair, appearing more like a high-school student.
“Uh uh... It’s Hyoyeon remember? We’re not in the clinic. So...”
“Alrights Hyoyeon, these are our friends... We will introduce them one by one later. Let’s have our food first yea? I’m hungry...” Tiffany’s pout at the end of the sentence perfectly demonstrated her frustrations of a famished stomach. However, no one disagrees with her cute complain as we flock towards the food area like ants. Hyoyeon took the opportunity to unveil her prepared gift while grabbing me by the shoulders.
“To be honest, I have nothing but this champagne to congratulate on your award-winning. It’s more practical isn’t it...? Share the happiness!”
“Fabulous idea! I like that...!” The keyed up Sooyoung gave a thumbs-up at the newly-joined member to show her utmost approval.
After acquiring a huge plate of delicacies for the two of us, Tiffany lead me back to the couch where we were originally seated, seeing that the dining area did not have enough chairs for all. I sink my into the leather pad first, while she went over to the side table for some napkins. I look up eagerly for her return, only to be greeted with a weird smirk when she came closer. Instead of taking the place beside me, I saw her shapely bottom descending its way to my lap. In reflex, I fasten my arms around her slender waist like a seat belt, disregarding the additional weight on my legs when she feeds me a piece of kimbap. Feeling pleased, I lightly peck her lips, before getting caught in the act by the forever-nosy Sooyoung.
“Er... There’s a lot of space in this big lounger... You guys really have to do this?!”
Before we can come up with some unconvincing excuses, a loud ‘pop’ was heard thanks to Hyoyeon’s successful opening of the champagne bottle. It not only saved us from another awkward moment with our taller buddy, but also denoting the start of an eventful party.
Following a succession of cheers and toasts, Sunny niftily switch on the stereo system with a mini controller, heating up the atmosphere with some decent music.
The blonde psychiatrist in surprise was spectacular with her sleek feet-shuffling while Sooyoung could only contribute to more laughter when she robotically did a failed ‘body-wave’.
Despite never being a party- aficionado, I had a great time eating intimately with Tiffany, swaying our bodies inelegantly to the groove and laughing hysterically at the fun company with tightly clasped hands. I feel like an untamed monkey when she is around, yet I didn’t mind being seen as a lunatic by an equally euphoric Tiffany, since happiness will only be at its greatest when hearts are unbounded.
With that, almost a whole afternoon was gone unwinding ourselves like this, as time heartlessly passed us by.
Even with the desire to stay a bit longer, my partner signalled that it’s time to take our leave. I give a quick look at the wall clock, agreeing to her request.
“Sorry guys! We’ve to go... Enjoy yourselves!” Bidding goodbyes to our peeps, I was held back a little longer when they give another round of well-wishes and congratulatory. I almost lost sight of my eye-smiling partner, until I grin at an outstretched arm waiting for my grasp. I felt like a princess waiting to be escorted, because she makes me feel that I am special, all the time.
I divert Tiffany’s attention from the cold by offering alternating rubs on her arms when she juddered at the nippy spring breeze. We are only a few metres away from the orphanage and I couldn’t hide any excitement at the prospect of meeting a little sweet angel. In contrast, the one beside me slowly confesses her little reservations.
“Do you regret making this decision?”
“About?”
“Adopting a kid.”
For all I knew, we weren’t impulsive in this imperative decision because raising a kid isn’t easy, much less handling one with scars in her life. Other than constructing a future to call our own, I want to provide the less fortunate kids a chance to love and be loved. Tiffany particularly agrees with the importance of parental’s influence in a child’s growing up years, for we were both devoid of maternal care during our childhood days. Thus, we unanimously settled on adopting an orphan, a partially-deaf orphan in fact. The foster home’s director that we have approached did warn us about the challenges in nurturing a disabled kid, but filled with conviction, we won her over with our sincerity. The rationale behind her spur-of-the-moment query becomes questionable, since we were both steadfast to this particular dream. Huge strides became slow and hesitant when I turn to look at my lover with concern.
“No. I think you look more troubled about it.”
“I’m just thinking if I can communicate well with the kid. Now that I realise they are different from teenagers.”
Pulling her closer into my arms, I heave a sigh of relief, gladden that it was just some inevitable jitters acting on my companion who is especially self-demanding when it involves perfecting her roles and duties. Nonetheless, I have absolutely no doubts about Tiffany’s capabilities by delivering a huge pat on her shoulders in assurance.
“Ah... Not to worry... I’m sure we will make good parents. We will make a happy family.”
“Happy family? Who’s a family with you?” Her less-tensed facial muscles were evident when she is able to pull a light-hearted joke, lifting my mood at once.
“Erm are we not? I called your dad as Appa. So technically... We’re... Sisters?” It is just pleasurable to see her hopeful expression transforming into an exasperated sulk, even though I wasn’t being jokey about my earlier assertion. But for a sensitive Tiffany, that innocent joke easily summons her wrath.
“Yah! Kim Taeyeon!” Sensing danger, I dodge her forthcoming hands early enough before dashing off with a wicked smile. Her shriek came seconds later in reduced decibels. I retrace my steps a bit, turning around to catch a glimpse of the provoked girl in pursuit. This scenario is like a replay of our younger days where she would chase after me for different reasons, mainly to get a harmless revenge for my persistent teasing. How she crinkles her nose while running determinedly, how her hair bounces with grace, and how, my heart melts in contentment at every identical moment like this.
Some things will never change.
A smile like the spring day brightens the whole world, it makes me dream again
On a bright sunny day I lock our fingers together, and we walk side by side
Sometimes when I speed ahead and look back
Your face that looks back at me makes my eyes shine
Tiffany and I sat in the middle of a well-decorated playroom where we were told by the director to wait for her return with a seven year-old child named Yoona, the special one whom we are meeting. Of all the orphans’ profiles we had went through, the girl’s heart-rending history and medical condition caught us the most. Yoona’s mother died from childbirth while her father was denied custody with his drug records. None of her closest relatives are willing to take her in because they found her bothersome and costly to look after, as the hearing aid that she has to depend on was beyond their affordable means. Unlike other kids, she has to undergo some special classes, one of which is sign language. For other ordinary foster parents-to-be, they are bound to encounter difficulties when communicating with Yoona. But for me, a person who is familiar with hand-signs and a frequent user of it in the past, did not view that as a thorny obstacle.
The room was then filled with admiring gushes from my besotted lover while I did a better job at hiding my immediate fondness upon the entrance of our prospective child.
Yoona looks far more attractive than we have imagined, though the two of us had commented before on her exquisite appearance from pictures. Relatively big hazel brown eyes are accompanied by noticeable under-eye-bags, with cherry red thin lips being squeezed flat in between her slightly puffed cheeks that always give children this extra ‘cute edge’.
The director then excuses herself, leaving us to interact with the little one, who is staring blankly back at us. She recoiled as soon as we advance, giving us a direct indication that she was uncomfortable with strangers.
Tapping on her recent knowledge of child’s psychology, Tiffany hunkers down to place herself on the same level as the shorter one, speaking in slow pace for a hearing-impaired Yoona.
“Yoona yah... Don’t be afraid... We’re here to play with you... To make friends with you...” Much to our disappointment, the quiet kid remained silent with her eyes glued to the ground. With the assumption that she might not have heard my partner’s genial greet, I squat and work my fingers, expressing our intentions with gestures to gain her attention. Her eyes did follow the way my hands move, but they soon shifted away without interest.
I thought having a common ground would make it a lot easier to build an instant connection between us, but I was wrong. I do know that it takes time to warm up to unfamiliar people, especially for introverts like us. Not discouraged, I grabbed some crayons and papers that were sprawling around the art-desk to work some magic. I made a doodle of the Rilakkuma plushie that she is hugging, and effectively earned a wide smile from her at long last.
Feeling positive, Tiffany went on to implement a little graffiti game as the ice breaker, and true enough, Yoona opened up more as the activity progresses. She displayed her mischievous side by messing up the Hello Kitty drawing of my focused companion, chuckling in glee when Tiffany faked an annoyed expression. I was engrossed in the merriment provided by the two, until I notice a small figure peeking at us through the glass window. With an inquiring mind, I made my way towards the door, revealing a child about the same height as Yoona. She desperately tried to take peeks despite the fact that I had blocked most of the view with my towering height. Curious about her actions, I crouch down and initiate a small chat.
“What’s your name?”
“My name is Seohyun and I am six years old!”
“Why are you here?”
“I am here for Yoona unnie. She is my best friend. We always talk and play together.” Seohyun must have missed her friend sitting inside the room, and I am sure Yoona felt the same, which explains her despondent mood earlier. I am relieved to learn that the doe-eyed girl has actually acquainted a close friend in spite of her disability and reticent nature. Not many children can relate to someone who is different from them. Thus, the heart of this beaming child before me must be really magnanimous to accept Yoona for who she is.
“Oh best friends... How do you talk to her?”
“I will talk to her using my hands! If not... I will say the word again and again until she can hear me.” She might have naively blurted whatever that comes to her mind, yet they reflect the most authentic attributes in her character; patient and passionate. Just with this honest statement, it is apparent that Seohyun plays a significant role as Yoona’s confidant, and a pair of bright eyes coming from the initially-lacklustre girl proved it further, when I lead Seohyun in with my bigger hand which she gladly accepted.
Tiffany didn’t mind about the addition of another kid, despite being awkward when ‘socialising’ with them in an adult way. Nevertheless, I got to see her motherly side when she cleaned the kids’ filthy hands after the smudging of crayons.
I also got to know more about this cute pair of kids when we played more games together. Yoona has this weird laugh where she will her head backwards with jaws wide open, being more childlike and at times boyish when she plays. While Seohyun is rather matured for her age and seems more like an elder sibling to Yoona. She was tolerant with her friend’s lagged reactions and offer guidance instead, whenever the older one has doubts. In addition, she shows her sensibility through the way she talks and the questions she posed, you would never expect them coming from a six-year old child. Her eyes arch like Tiffany’s when she smiles, like a mini replica of the angelic young woman, character-wise as well. Much to our envy, Yoona seems more comfortable in Seohyun’s company and from there, I pick up another learning experience.
If not for them, I probably would have forgotten about the real meaning behind a good communication. Speaking aloud or hand-gesturing are neither the best tools to form a good rapport with another individual. It is the ability to reach their hearts.
“Tiffany Unnie! Taeyeon Unnie! Are you good friends with each other?” Seohyun displayed her friendliness by posting endless questions for us, but that was just one of the few that I avidly responded to.
“We’re more than good friends...” I interweave our hands to substantiate my claim, causing Tiffany to get flustered as she tries to come up with a better explanation.
“Uh... How should I put it... Taeyeon unnie and I are...”
“Wives.” There are no better terms to explicate our love that goes beyond a fusion of two different souls. Wife, is a more sacred identity. It is a commitment to eternity, where I want to pledge my love and faithfulness to a person who has been offering the same amount of efforts in sustaining this meaningful bond.
“Uhm... It’s like this... We’ve been living together for a very long time... So... There’s nothing we don’t know about each other.” Unable to react properly to our newly define status, she raised the tone in her voice with uneasiness. Despite those stutters, I love her simple summary of our complimentary relationship.
“Oh I understand it now. So Yoona and I are wives too!” We have no ways to Seohyun’s unique logics other than responding with embarrassed laughs, shaking our heads as she continues to brag about her new understanding.
“We lived together for a long time and I know everything about her!”
On the contrary, Yoona who didn’t manage to discern the situation, choose to join in the laughter innocently. I really like the scene before me, with a chuckling Seohyun who is being tickled by my lover, and an amused Yoona laughing heartily at them. It then becomes difficult to grapple the fact that the two young girls are being robbed of the chance to enjoy a single moment like this with their real parents.
I know how important it is to have a family, and I want to create one for them. I want to love them like how Appa does.
The stipulated two hours slip by surreptitiously. Tiffany and I showed reluctance to leave as we lingered at the home’s exit.
Parting is never easy, as I found it hard to raise my heavy arm for a goodbye wave. Yoona, who has been withdrawing her feelings, surprised us when she made a dash forward, extending her arms wide open for a farewell hug. In unison, we pulled her in for a warm embrace, before ending it with kisses on each side of her wetted cheeks. She was crying.
Yoona, I know it’s painful. But we only part to meet again. We will come back for you and Seohyun, real soon.
Leisurely walking along the path carpeted with fallen pink petals, the fresh breezy wind came as a perfect compensation for our long day. Mellow rays from the descending sun seemed to have enhanced Tiffany’s abnormally flushed face, arousing my concern further on top of her perfectly sealed lips.
“Are you cold or something? Your face is as pink as the cherry blossoms...”
“Ah... No... I’m ok...”
“Really feeling ok? You’re a little too quiet which is so not you...”
She verified my observation when she restores the silent treatment again after my repeated concerns. This time, I detected her biting lips, moving subtly before she willingly speaks again.
“Taetae ah... You said... I’m your wife... Do you really mean it?”
So that was what that kept her troubled. I didn’t blame her for not being trustful to my earlier claim, since it seemed a little impetuous and unconvincing. After all, I did pull her leg about labelling us as sisters before that. I guess I owed her a clearer explanation.
I took her other hand and break our walk, facing her with an intense look to show seriousness in my subsequent affirmation.
“I meant it, definitely. Only a wife can live with me for the rest of my life.”
Her smile at that moment was so divine that it drew my breath away, even though my asking for her hand may not be the most beautiful words that she would like to hear. However, I silently seek the witness of the orange sky and white clouds, promising to love her as long as I live. I gently wipe a drop of happy tear from her porcelain face before leaning closer against her forehead, sniffing the scent of bliss together.
“Then... You’re gonna work a lot harder...” She muttered with our faces remaining an inch apart.
“Why? I’m not good enough?”
“How can you expect this to be a proposal? I need a diamond ring at least.”
Guiltiness seeps into my heart noiselessly when I saw her furrowed brows and puckered lips, almost believing that her grumble was true until her gave away smirk.
“I’m kiddin... I think we have to start scrimping and saving now. Ain’t easy to feed two kids.”
“Two kids? Do you mean...”
“Don’t you wanna adopt Seohyun too? I can tell from the way you play with them just now.”
“You always read my mind.” I adoringly kiss her on the cheek for her umpteenth triumph in figuring out my sentiments.
There isn’t a need to be loquacious when you have someone like this who can comprehend you without words. She has it all; a true decoder of my unsaid emotions, a supporter for my weaknesses, a supplier of happiness and most of all, the bearer of my heart.
I had found my conveyor. Have you?
When I hear that spring is coming, I walk along the flower path
When it rains and summer comes, I walk along only looking at the rainbow
Even when fall passes by and winter comes, with the heat and warmth from your hands
We walk together
How great is your love
=================================
and its really the end... i hope u guys had enjoy this long update n the whole fic...
ur love n encouragements are really flattering n encouraging!!!
i hope to be back sooner with a new TaeNy fic... its still in the making =)
hope to see u guys again soon! =D
<3
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