Tiffany's POV

 

 

There are some things in life that can be said using words, but the true explanations of feelings come from the heart----- Anonymous

 

 

In the midst of ruffling my hair with a towel, I made my way to the laundry area to deposit my drenched clothes. It wasn’t too long before I heard faint creaking sounds of the bathroom door, followed by the scent of citrus shampoo lingering in the air. Taeyeon stood motionless before the doorway holding onto her damp garments, as her lips pucker in a slight pouting manner.

 

I chuckled and shook my head at my adorable lover, before advancing to lend her a hand with the items of clothing.

 

However, my moved was stalled when I flinched in reflex prior to her loud cute sneeze.

 

“AHTWEEH.......!!!”

 

Fretful and concerned, I furrowed my brows while smoothing her cheeks at the same time, observing her slightly red nose.

 

“You must have caught a cold... Come... Let me take these clothes while you rest on the couch...”

 

With half-opened eyes, her attempt to repress another sneeze failed awfully, and I took away her clothes without giving any opportunity of rebuttal for my falling-sick girlfriend.

 

I shoved her by the shoulders after putting away those dirty garments, coaxing the pouting girl to have a lie-down.

 

“Taetae ah... Just rest well before your cold worsens... I’m going to cook you some food and get you some medicine ok?”

 

As soon as I begin to shift my body away, she grabbed onto my wrist even before I could leave her deserted. Waving her hands to show signs of refusal, I was immediately reminded that Taeyeon dislike medication, especially bitter ones.

 

“You don’t wanna eat the tablets yea? Hmm... Let me call up Sunny if she could help...” Our petite friend is working in a pharmaceutical company, additionally, having a dad as a proficient practitioner; she would be of a great assistance in seeking for alternatives or recommending less offensive-tasting pills.

 

I plopped down on the side of the couch after fetching my mobile, and Taeyeon took the opportunity to snuggle against my waist as she s her arms around it possessively. I plant a quick peck on her forehead and pulled her closer to me while I have the receiver against my right ear.

 

“Hey Sunny... Do you know of any medication for cold... that is less bitter and easier to consume?”

 

“Erm... Yep... We have. Cold syrup for children...”

 

“Yah...! I’m serious...”

 

“I am serious too! Aren’t you getting it for a child?”

 

“Er no.... I’m getting it for my Taetae...”

 

“Then she is indeed a child... She’s your baby...”

 

“And Sooyoungie is your big baby...”

 

“Fine. Let’s not talk about her.... Anyways... I do have some cold tablets which are much tasteless... Will work better for Taeyeon then those typical bitter ones I suppose?”

 

“Okays then.”

 

“Okay... So that will be 20000 won.”

 

“Woah that’s expensive for a few pills. But wells... Anything for Taeyeon...”

 

“I’m kiddin! No charges ok? Hmm.... I shall pass them to you after my work.”

 

“Thanks Sweetie! I shall meet you outside your workplace later...”

 

 

 

Gazing at the girl in my arms, I continue to brush her short locks after tossing away the communication device. Her twitching and redden nose triggered off a wave of guiltiness within me as I am certain I was the cause of her sickness.

 

If only I hadn’t pulled her with me to play in the rain.

 

If only I hadn’t brought upon Taeyeon’s misery in recollecting her dreadful past.

 

If only.... I hadn’t made all these happen....

 

Surging tears and aching throat are the sensations that I could not contain as a result of those pointless ruminations suffusing in my mind. I lower my head in an attempt to hide my irrational cry, which seems to get worse each time I feel the increasingly feverish hands of hers in mine. Perhaps, I should concede and allow my vulnerable side to take over. Overwhelmed by emotions, those falling drops from my eyes fully evince my guilty conscience as well as the immense distress that I have been experiencing for my lover.

 

Taeyeon retracted her hands and place them on my cheeks instead, lightly tapping on my skin with a worried look plastered on her face. She must have been astounded by the abrupt change in my mood.

 

“I’m sorry Taetae...”

 

My understanding girlfriend went on to caress my hair with one hand and gently wipe my uncontrollable tears with the other, seemingly opening the floodgates of my internal turbulence as I feel freed to release my earlier, unspoken thoughts.

 

“I shouldn’t have taken you to the hypnotherapy... Do you know how much it hurts me to see you in misery? And what’s more now you’re falling sick all because... of me as well...”

 

A feeling of helpless, is all that summarises the anguish that I am experiencing. When I thought the things that I have done were all for the interests of Taeyeon, they turned out to be detrimental instead.

 

No it’s not your fault. She repeatedly shakes her head while ruffling my hair at the same time, creasing her faint arched brows in concern.  

 

Her gestures instinctively and successfully brought my vision back onto her face, absorbing my eyes into her soft and rounded ones. There is no need for articulation or deeper explanations; Taeyeon just has the exceptional ability to provide the same kind of comfort in alleviating my woes and despondency, not with a voice but with deeds that come from the heart.

 

Essentially, having a lover who demonstrates love is much better than having an eloquent one but speaks empty words of love.

 

It is fairly clear that only Taeyeon fulfils that criterion of my ideal partner perfectly.

 

I slide into her warm embrace after she had scooted aside to make enough space for the both of us on the two-seater couch. We do nothing but soothe and calm each other with our and touches. As I breathe against the crook of her neck, I shut my eyes shortly to let my convoluted feelings subside.

 

“Taeyeon ah... If it’s difficult... We shall not go back for another therapy session...” I murmured reasonably after regaining my composure.

 

Why? She unbinds her hands on my waist and break away from our hug, giving me a perplexed facial expression.

 

“Because I’d rather have a happy Taeyeon than a depressed Taeyeon.”

 

But don’t you want to hear me speak again? Placing a hand beside her ear, she then shifted and pointed it to before opening and closing her palm in front of her lips.

 

“Your health and emotional welfare are my primary concerns. As for whether if you could speak again, it’s secondary...”

 

At the outset, Taeyeon pursed her peachy lips in a tentative manner, but gradually breaks out into a heartfelt grin upon my affirmation. She pulled me in for another cuddle before kissing my forehead.

 

I then reciprocate her affections by bestowing a lingering peck on her cheek, which was defiantly snubbed by my insatiable lover when she protruded her lips in my direction.

 

“No Taetae... I don’t wanna catch your flu...” Turning my head away to commence a tease, I could not restrain a laughing fit when I felt her tickles on my tummy and in no time, I crumbled under her and she took the advantage to hover above me, with both her thighs straddling my waist.

 

“Yah! You’re feigning illness isn’t it? You’re so strong... that I...” Her small warm lips dotingly grazed mine before our lips pressed harder to leave no areas of our mouth untouched. We simultaneously smile between our kisses after a few good seconds as we scan each other’s contented looks.

 

Aren’t such moments plainly ideal and delightful? In some way, seeking a change for the better might have been benefitting, however, if it was to be achieved at the expense of Taeyeon’s emotional well-being, I would rather everything we have, to remain as it is.

 

There are bound to be worries, troubles and challenges in our lives. But being loved by a significant other who is worth your time, any impending difficulties would be cast away voluntarily, just to enjoy little happiness which is often easier said than done.

 

And I would do anything just to hold on to every joy and elation we share.

 

Love doesn't ask why 
It speaks from the heart 
And never explains 
Don't you know that 
Love doesn't think twice 
It can come all at once 
Or whisper from a distance

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The beeping sound of my mobile was almost drowned out by the honking of passing-by cars. If not for the persistent vibrations that juddered through my leather bag, I would not have read an instant message by the party whom I was waiting for.

 

Fany ah! Give me another 5 mins! I’m almost done! Mianhae..... *pouts*

 

Alrights. Forgiven. And erm.... Save that aegyo for the tallie. =P

 

 

I then began to glance over the roadside, scanning through the various restaurants and eateries, pondering over what to get for Taeyeon.   

 

Kimchi pancakes? No. It may cause her to develop sore throat on top of the flu.

 

Jajjang myun? Too salty. She needs bland food.

 

Whilst going through the process of elimination, I was brusquely interrupted by a loud voice.

 

“Boo! Deep in thoughts?” Sunny leapt to my side while attempting to track the direction which I was looking at.

 

“Uh oh... I’m thinking of what to get for dinner for Taetae.”

 

“I see... Well, since I’m rather familiar with the vicinity, let me recommend some good food for you.”

 

“I don’t need good food. I’m only looking for healthier choices.”

 

“Okays. How about chicken broth? There’s a well-known one down the street.”

 

“Sounds good.”

 

My shorter pal hooked our arms together and natter about stuffs that friends normally share as we cross the streets. Giggling happily into a crowded eatery, I located the counter and swiftly advance towards it to make an order.

 

“A bowl of chicken broth for takeaway.”

 

“No problem Miss.”

 

“And add some ginger ahjumma.” Sunny added on and earned a befuddled look from me.

 

“Why ginger?”

 

“Since Taeyeon is down with flu, ginger is useful to relieve cold as well as stimulating the immune system. That’s what my grandma told me. She said it has been traditionally effective.”

 

“Wow. I didn’t know that you believe in such traditional methods as well.”

 

“As long as they’re workable why not?” She shrugged her shoulders a little and gave a smile before shifting closer to my side to give way for an on-coming waiter in the fully packed bistro.

 

 

“Oh I almost forgot, the tablets...” Sunny handed me a small blue box after stepping out of the congested place.

 

“Thanks. Do you mind going with me over to the convenience store to get something else?”

 

“Sure. Why not?” I was somehow amazed by the steadfastness in the shorter girl as she dragged me over to the shop, seemingly more eager than I am.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Looking through the rows of shelves, I finally found what I was looking for.

 

“Ah! Here they are! Jellies!”

 

“Why the sudden craving for jellies?”

 

“Oh, I was thinking since Taeyeon dislike medication, jellies would be able to cheer her up as well as to make it less daunting in consuming the pills.”

 

“Wow Fany. You’re certainly the most thoughtful girlfriend that Taeyeon can ever have. I’m envious...”

 

“Ah... No... I think I’m still lacking... Well.... For you... Isn’t Sooyoung good enough?”

 

“Don’t even mention that loud-mouth shikshin.”

 

“Wah... You guys had a tiff? Is that the reason why you’re hanging out with me a little longer? So that you wouldn’t be alone?”

 

“You can say that....” Sunny mindlessly run her fingers along the racks of candies and chocolates with her deadpan face.

 

“What happened?”

 

“Well... Just fighting over something rather... ridiculous...”

 

I pursed my lips at the cheerless girl which was an uncommon sight, since she is bubbly and energetic most of the time. In my assumption, Sooyoung must have agitated her lover with one of her straightforward commentaries again. Quietly taking a pack of the jellies that I have chosen, I reach for the latter’s arm to lead her off the place, without inquiring further even though I have the compulsion to know more. Because I am sure Sunny would disclose the details of their private argument if she wished to.

 

As we turn away from the snacks section, her mobile sounded urgently. It was unintentional that I knew who the caller was when I saw my pal’s picture blinking across the once black screen.

 

Urging my smaller friend to pick it up as I shove her on the arm, she languorously lifted the phone next to her ear while sounding a little, indifferent.

 

“Speak.”

 

I nervously look on at the one beside me, as her eyes slowly narrowed with a tongue-in-the-cheek expression. She must have been losing her patience with my buddy on the other line as the latter’s voice was practically booming and unrelenting. Sunny doesn’t even have the chance to speak and she began to exhale nosily.

 

Hoping to keep her cool and composure, I repeatedly smooth her back while directing her across the mini-mart. However, my efforts were to no avail when I close my eyes and cringe at the shrieking voice of Sunny’s.

 

“YAH! I AM NOT YOUR SERVANT! And aren’t we still fighting? Why must I do things for you when you hadn’t even apologised... you INSENSITIVE CREATURE!!!”

 

We garnered several on-looking eyes and I anxiously requested for the mobile from Sunny in an attempt to prevent things from getting out of the way.

 

“Hey Hey.... It’s me Tiffany... You guys cool down will ya?” Once getting hold of the receiver, I pacify my yelling friend with a slightly raised voice.

 

“Fany ah...! What kinda attitude was that from her you tell me? She’s so hard to please... I’d already initiated the call and yet she still snubbed me... Geez...”

 

“Your tone isn’t that nice either... I think you guys need some time to cool off your heated emotions. I will send Sunny home not to worry... While you... Take the time to... think it through...”

 

“Fine. Take care of her for me.” This time, Sooyoung’s voice is more subdued.

 

“Will do.”

 

I return the phone to a rather miffed Sunny and gently push her by the shoulders to the cashier area to make my payment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As promised, I escorted my buddy’s girlfriend all the way to her stylish villa and was even invited to rest my weary feet.

 

 

“Have some coffee.”

 

“Oh thank you.” I politely thank the cordial housemaid before scooting closer to my displeased friend and pat on her thighs lightly.

 

“Well. It’s common to have arguments. You guys will be fine after a day or two.”

 

“If only she can back down... She’s always so aggressive with her words. I know at times she didn’t mean it that way.... But her tone can be better. She ALWAYS tries to win over with her loud voice...” Sunny lets off her exasperation and I somehow get the gist of their inane quarrel.

 

“So that’s why I asked her to calm down and give you some space too. The fight is only going to be pointless if it continues. It’s only in silence, when we have the time and space to rethink and repent on our own actions.”

 

“And it’s impossible that the argument sparked off just with Sooyoung’s fit of pique too. Isn’t it?”

 

“Yeah... I know I was wrong to yell back through the phone... But at times, it’s just hard to control our anger...”

 

“True. Well it’s not about anger management I am talking about.... It’s more of how to take a step back when clashes surface...”

 

“I know it’s hard... But really.... Our brains only work best when they’re undisturbed. So take a step back, quieten down... That is when you will allow more positive thoughts to infiltrate your mind.”

 

Sunny inhaled a deep breath while looking at me sipping in the lukewarm coffee.

 

“Hmm.... It’s not a bad thing to have a psychologist as a friend after all.”

 

I snigger a little and she mirrored my action.

 

“I’m glad you know.”

 

“Well anyways Fany... Pardon the forthright question that I’m going to ask... It seems better to have a mute partner isn’t it? At least she couldn’t retort you and the squabble wouldn’t start off... So it’s easier to resolve any issues...”

 

“Uhm... That’s not really the case...” I pressed my lips together while placing down the mug onto the coffee table after some careful contemplation.

 

“As long as when two parties have differing opinions or misunderstandings, fights would still arise. Taeyeon and I do have disagreements before... Wells... Maybe I should put it this way... So long as both parties care deeply for each other, it isn’t hard to resolve any scraps and conflicts.”

 

“And you might not have known... It is a lot more painful and worse to be involved in a ‘cold war’...”

 

While giving further explanations to my engrossed friend, it brings to my mind an occasion when I had a rather bad tiff with Taeyeon.

 

***

It was only a week before I had to set off for another foreign country. Despite being very much agonised to leave my family and friends, not to mention Taeyeon, whom I cared for the most, there was simply no time for me to regret the decision in pursuing my studies elsewhere. I knew it was equally difficult for Taeyeon especially when the day to break apart looms faster than we had imagined and expected it to be. But to make our parting a little less painful, I chose remain a cheery friend to her and proceed with whatever I had to prepare for the long trip.

 

“Sweetie... Have you checked that you got all the things you need?”

 

“Hmm... Clothes done. Toiletries... Erm.... Oh toothbrush!”

 

“Sigh... I’m getting a bit worried for this muddle head...”

 

“Uh Daddy don’t say that... I’m gonna get it now... Oh where’s Taetae?”

 

“Cooped in her room as usual...”

 

“Oh...”

 

 

I lightly knocked on her bedroom door before twisting the knob to let myself in. She was tidying up her work-desk and intuitively tilted her head when she sensed my presence.

 

“Hey Taetae... Wanna go with me for some shopping?” Her expression was rather glum when she shifted her attention back to the earlier task. It was only when I started to jab on her arm that she displayed a weak smile while giving a subtle nod at me.

 

 

Trying to concentrate on the hunt for my necessities in the departmental store, I could not help but stole a few glances at the one beside me. Although our hands are clasped, the feeling was considerably unusual. Her hand felt limp and lifeless, and our hands would be disconnected if I hadn’t held onto it firmly. Largely affected, I pulled her closer by the arm instead and probed,

 

“What’s wrong? Are you feeling unwell or something?”

 

Rigid head shakes were the response and I had seen that coming. At times, it is really hard to figure out what is going on in the back of her mind. It wasn’t about the fact that she did not have the ability to voice her feelings. In fact, I was rather baffled by her contradictory behaviours, just like what she had done earlier. Her facial expression explicitly portrayed discontentment; yet, she denied and chose to bottle up her true emotions.

 

“Taetae... Look! Bunny plushies! Aren’t they cute?” Eager to make things a little more cheerful, I took one of the adorable looking plaything and press it onto her cheek.

 

“There are pink and blue ones! You shall take the pink bunny while I get the blue, so that we will constantly be reminded of each other with these little ‘mini’ versions of us!” Taeyeon insensitively swung my hand away and left me speechless for a moment, causing an acute pain in my heart when she made a turn to hide her glumness.

 

What have I done wrong? Was it because of that perfunctory suggestion from me earlier? Perhaps, she must have found it increasingly difficult to cope with my soon-to-be departure, as it was going to come in no time. In all honesty, I would have felt very much the same if I am in her shoes. It was truly equally unbearable for me. However, what hurt me at that moment was not because of the mounting depressing atmosphere between us, but the fact that she was holding back all those sorrows, keeping them to herself, hoping that I would be able to leave the country bright and breezy. Little had she know that she was so bad at stemming her agony, totally given away by her emotive face.

 

“Hey, what is really wrong? I’m gonna be away soon and you can’t spend the rest of our remaining days happily?” Racing forward to nudge her on the shoulder, I made my frustrations known openly, and I was certain that my expression was dead solemn when she shot back an apprehensive look.

 

“Because I am leaving... Is it?” My voice became soft and almost whispering when Taeyeon hung her head low. If she is already dejected upon the thought of our separation, what would happen when the real thing sets in? I was beginning to feel fretful upon my best friend’s management of her own emotions, because suppressing and evading them will only add more weight onto the already heavy heart.

 

However, I wasn’t aware that my option to induce myself with happy thoughts came as an ineffective and unhelpful plan too.

 

Pretended happiness will only give anything but pure happiness.

 

 

“Taeyeon ah, just let me know, you’re unhappy now, right?” All I needed at that point of time was only for my buddy to come clean with her real feelings, however, obstinate denying head shakes and placate smiles were what she displayed before lightly releasing her arm from my grip.

 

“You’re obviously upset! Why keep denying that?!” I allowed my fury to get the better of me when I found myself bellowing at her, for the first time.

 

I was usually patient with Taeyeon, but sometimes, we were just defeated by the madden beast within us, spilling out foolish and hurtful words.   

 

“Fine! You like to show a glum face isn’t it? I will put on a glum face too!” A moment of folly it was, with that childish remark I had made, we went home in separate ways and I engulfed myself with anger, repeatedly ticking off my buddy in my mind.

 

With that, we spent the rest of the day not communicating with each other. She did not have the courage to approach me and I didn’t want to. So there were times we had awkward stares at each other when we met again in the house. I was really mad, even though I had no idea why I behaved that way; letting it prolonged just for the sake of making her feel guilty albeit the fact that I know she was utterly wounded and miserable. However, I could not come out with any means to rectify the sour mood.

 

I sat on the edge of my bed, with a hand fondling the Totoro plushie on my lap. The whiskered face of my favourite character reminded me of how Taeyeon acts contrite or cheers me up whenever I was down. But she did nothing this time. I knew that it wasn’t her intention to wind me up because the reason behind her melancholy was related to nothing but me. Seeing that we would be separated for four years, how many days was that? A thousand over. Yet, we have not even been parted for more than a day and we were so used to each other’s presence. Still, instead of making full use of the derisory time we have, I chose to ignore her, leaving her to feel those multiple folds of pain. I really wanted to hug her and give some comfort, but I was afraid by doing so, I will find it even more difficult to leave her behind.

 

Tiffany, you are really selfish.

 

Hence, drowning myself in self-reproach, the smell of warm and salty tears lulled me to sleep, eradicating any resentment and bitterness little by little.

 

I found myself well tugged in my pink blanket the next morning, although I did not remember covering myself with it the night before, or perhaps I might have done it unconsciously while in deep thoughts. Skipping to the kitchen in my daily routine, Taeyeon was there as usual, preparing my favourite toasts with additional strawberry jams on it.

 

“Oh Taetae... There’s strawberry jam today!” I got overly excited with the little add-on in my plate, failing to remember that we were supposed to be in a tiff as I broke the silence unintentionally.

 

Her face brightened in an instant upon hearing the enthusiasm in my voice and she broke out in a childlike smile. Taking a spoon and placing it closer to the lid of the jam jar, she asked by gesturing if I wanted more of it.

 

All antagonism and desolation vanished into thin air when we gave each other our best smiles, just like rainbows after a storm. I then went over to give her a bear hug, without caring if it was abrupt, because I just wanted to show how much I love and care for this silly friend of mine.

***

 

Taeyeon and I have been very close, but some arguments are inevitable. After all, we are still two different individuals, diametrically opposed if I were to describe our personalities. However, despite that bitter fall-out, it was indeed fortunate that I was able to recover our friendship. I forgave her and it happens that she had wanted to forgive me truly. I confess that to a point of time, I was really clenching my teeth with anger. But at the end of the day, from the fight to reconciliation, I fully recognised that I love her genuinely and the love just intensifies and deepens after that row.

 

 

 

“Our fight was stupid isn’t it?”

 

“But that’s because you guys cared too much for each other...”

 

“Well, then I am sure you and Sooyoung will be able to sort it out too.... I can sense that she really cares for you, it’s just that her way of expressing her love is a little unique... She did instruct me to take care of you...”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes... So tonight.... Just have a good rest and relax your mind. Whether if it is you or her who initiates the appeasement, it doesn’t matter, just remember an important word, which is the key in any relationship.” I gave a light squeeze on her clasped hands before receiving an inquiring look from the latter.

 

“What is it?”   

 

“Compromise. It was after that fight with Taeyeon, I learnt to be more forgiving with her withdrawn nature. Instead of expecting her to be expressive in showing me those affections, I try to be more aware of her subtle actions. And these days, she is becoming more demonstrative. I am sure Sooyoung will be able to improve and show how much she cares for you in other ways.”

 

“Thanks Fany. You’re really a wonderful listener and adviser, and of course, a perfect lover for your Taetae.”

 

“Uh... If I don’t go home now, I wouldn’t be able to be a ‘perfect’ lover for her. She must be famished...” Worriedly taking a glance at the wall clock before noticing the darken sky through the window, I took a last sip of the coffee before grabbing my handbag. Sunny let out a sheepish chortle before showing the way out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fumbling for the keys in a flustered manner, I unlock the door impatiently and hasten my steps into the living room. I was welcomed by the sight of a napping Taeyeon on the sofa after placing down bags of items on the table. Carefully positioning myself in front of her stomach, I rub and massage those silky cheeks, causing the sleeping form to stir as she slowly lifted her eyelids unwillingly. Taeyeon spent a few good seconds staring blankly at me before fully making out the situation as she clumsily got up. I instinctively circle my arms around her, smoothing her warm back after an amorous peck on her forehead.

 

“I’m back Taetae... You must have been really hungry isn’t it...? Sorry to keep you waiting...”

 

She slightly draws back her head while staying in my arms to return a dainty smile, assuring me that she didn’t mind a bit in regards to my delay.

 

“I’m gonna reheat the food.” Gently unbinding my arms, I stole another kiss, this time, on her cute pointed nose before standing up to get going with my task. It was then I notice a familiar looking book title lying at the corner of the table.

 

Speech and language pathology.

 

I managed to discern the huge chunk of words before the book was promptly claimed away by my lover. Crinkling my brows to cogitate as she quietly makes her way back into her room with the guide, I wonder hard at the unexpected behaviour of hers, for the reason that the informative book belongs to my father.

 

She seems interested to know more about her own condition, is it a sign that she is really determined to recover her voice this time?

 

It should have been an encouraging indication. If it was in the past, the feeling of anticipation and satisfaction would have been greater. However, I wasn’t as eager as before, paradoxically. Perhaps, time has really changed people. After the therapy incident, I have become increasingly conscious that the quest to help Taeyeon in regaining her speech is no longer my top priority. The intent to bring her happiness and joy has slowly crept its way to the very forefront.

 

Or should I say, it is love that changes people?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Good Morning Tiffany sshi... Wow you have dark rings around your eyes... Didn’t sleep well?”

 

“Uh.... Quite...” After trying to contain a yawn, I replied my concerned colleague shortly while approaching my desk. I guess fatigue got the better of me after a few days of looking after my sick girlfriend. But it was worth all costs when I received a greeting message from the well again Taeyeon.

 

^_^ A huge smile from me to u to brighten ur morning!

 

Hmm... E smile can only last me for the morning... How abt e rest of the day? *pouts*

 

Oh... How about a big kiss? MUACKS!!! <3

 

Better than coffee!!! That’s y I love u so much... ^^

 

While waiting for my lover’s response, Seungyeon came forward with a huge stack of files, fading away the initial grin on my face.

 

“Tiffany... I guess we have to slog really hard from today. Bongsun sshi just went for her maternity leave, so Dr Park has instructed for us to take over her jobs. I have already taken another half of it though...”

 

“Oh my... There goes our lunch time... I am sure I could not finish looking through these documents before the end of the day.” My short hair colleague looks at me listlessly as I count the number of green folders.

 

“Sigh... I’m certain I could not go out with my Hara baby for lunch anymore...”

 

And that reminds me I have to notify Taeyeon about my unavailability for our lunch date later.

 

I lightly gave my phone a touch and saw my lover’s earlier message.

 

C u for lunch later... <3

 

Sorry Taetae... I guess u’ll have to eat by urself today =(  There’s so much work waiting for me T.T

 

Dismayed, I chuck my mobile aside after thwarting our original plan reluctantly.

 

It took me almost the whole morning reading through profiles of patients and sorting the relevant medical history of them. Stretching myself on the swivelling chair, I then got up to make my way out of the office to retrieve some missing pieces of information from nurses at the wards.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The walk to the other end of the hospital is indeed a long one. While tilting my head left and right to loosen my stiff neck, a loud voice from behind caught my attention.

 

“Tiffany...!!!”

 

“Oh! Dr Kim!” I was almost taken aback by the appearance of the young blonde lady before giving her a cordial smile.

 

“Ah... You forgot... Just call me Hyoyeon...”

 

“Haha... Anyways... What brought you here?”

 

“I’m here for a meeting with Dr Park and other psychiatrists in regards to coming up with a campaign to fight depression in Korea. I had a hard time locating the conference room...”

 

“Oh. Let me show you the way then...”

 

Smiling as I lead our walk, the approachable and friendly Hyoyeon typically commences a comfortable talk with some common questions between two just-known acquaintances.

 

“It’s such a coincidence that you happen to work here. Is the workload still manageable enough?”

 

“Hmm pretty well... Considering that this is a job that I have great interest in. It feels satisfying to be able to help others.”

 

“That’s good. I believe you’re a passionate psychologist... From how I see with Taeyeon’s case...”

 

I began to chuckle awkwardly upon recalling the fact that I had rudely interrupted the therapy session the other time. In addition, I have not given a proper apology afterwards, drawing up the guilt within my heart again when she subtly mentioned about my lover.

 

“Uhm... Hyoyeon... I’m sorry about the other time... I dis..”

 

“That’s okay really... As much as I was disappointed with the unsuccessful attempt, I had similar cases with other patients before. Sometimes, the patients would jolt out from the hypnotism themselves when they’re feeling uncomfortable. I can understand that.”

 

“Anyways... Just give me a call or drop another mail if you wanna arrange another session for your girlfriend...”

 

“... Actually... I’ve no intention to give another shot at it...”

 

“Why?”

 

“I don’t know... I just find it difficult to see her going through the agony again... The death of her parents has become a dark history... Even though that incident might have been traumatising her over the years... To me... It seems pointless to rake it up again...”

 

“Well... I agree with you... Truth to be told, even if you hadn’t interrupted the other time, I doubt Taeyeon’s speaking ability would be able to be evoked...”

 

Perplexed, I gave a fleeting look at the specialist beside me to attain further enlightenment.

 

“Taeyeon has this look of relief when you yanked her out of hypnotism, and from the way she tightly gripped onto your shoulders... I’m sure you knew about body language as well right? It shows how important you are... to her. If I’m not wrong... I presume that Taeyeon is even more afraid of losing you... And that... could have been her greatest fear...”

 

I had been trying to understand and discern about my lover’s darkest fears, but little had I expected that I, am actually the answer to my all time query, the main reason in hindering Taeyeon’s recovery. Was it because I have escalated her reliance on me with my immense love? Was she afraid that there is a possibility that history might repeat itself? That I may leave her someday just like her parents?

 

“Her fear to lose a loved one...?” A tinge of sourness rise through my nose as I cracked my voice before Hyoyeon.

 

“Yes... I have been studying her profile and accounts that you’ve provided. It was only recently, after the therapy session that I went to relook her case. No doubt her parents’ death had cast a huge trauma on her when she was young, but due to her reserved nature... It was poor in managing her real anxieties. And it continues to channel further even after she has found security and love again in other people... In this case... You...”

 

“So... Maybe we could try putting her through another hypnotherapy... But this time... Instead of bringing her back to the dreadful past... I could create an event in her mind... Making her learn how to deal with losing you....”

 

“But isn’t that equally difficult and cruel for her?!” I rudely erupted again, in front of Hyoyeon. Isn’t it absurd? The thought of losing the one we greatly love is tear-jerking enough, how can I allow Taeyeon to undergo the misery herself? Sometimes, I have regrets over leaving my soulmate alone for four years, because I deeply know how distressing it was to be separated from another person whom we are so emotionally attached with. For ordinary people like us, we could always never imagine a day without our closest family members, friends and lovers. The pain in losing them is comparable to a fatal slash in the heart. Such sensations would be at least ten folds for Taeyeon who have been through the devastations of it.

 

“I know this suggestion may have come a little too insensitive and serious, but do give a good consideration about it. After all... You’ve done so much just to help her regain her voice. All your efforts would flow into the drain if you have no will to try again...”

 

Hyoyeon gave a light pat on my shoulder, leaving me to mull over her proposal as she made her way into the conference room.

 

The conversation might not have been lengthy, but she has made me aware of my internal contradictions. I used to be very clear-minded about my plans and things that I want to achieve. But I have gradually come to terms that at times, events that happen in our lives have the ability to shape and influence even the very first primary objectives.

 

Should I heed Hyoyeon’s proposition?

 

Nonetheless, notwithstanding the mayhem in my mind, I was clear about one thing:

 

I will still be the strength and pillar for her, always.

 

Now I can feel what you're afraid to say 
If you give your soul to me 
Will you give too much away 
But we can't let this moment pass us by 
Can't question this chance 
Or expect any answers

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Delivery!!!” Rounded-eyes Seungyeon snapped me out of my daze with her enthused voice and I close the files when she deposited a small box on my desk.

 

“I’m so envious! A cute girl asked me to pass these pastries to you...”

 

Giggling upon her mention about ‘a cute girl’, only one name flashed across my mind.

 

Without a doubt, my deduction was right when I opened up a note attached to the side of the box.

 

Yeppeuni, I was worried that you might skip your meal when you’re too engrossed in work. So I’ve bought some delicious tarts for you. Eat well! ^.^

 

 

If you say that deed was sweet enough, you have underestimated Taeyeon’s thoughtfulness.

 

 

 

 

It was almost eleven in the dark night when I reached home after a strenuous day at work. As soon as I drop the leather bag on the couch, I shuffle wearily into the washroom. A pink stick-on note was visible on the mirror.

 

There’s a new lavender shower gel on the rack ready for use. Take a nice bath with it and I’ve warmed a mug of milk, it is still in the microwave oven so drink it up and go to sleep immediately. Love ya. =)

 

I observe the neatly prepared toothbrush topped with the mint paste and orderly laid items on the counter. Everything was easily in place for my use.

 

When I was almost, weighed down by fatigue, pressure and all sorts of depressing thoughts, Taeyeon’s meticulousness enlivened and reenergised me significantly. I followed her instructions wholeheartedly so as to fully bask myself in her attentiveness and devotion, smiling like an innocent happy child.

 

Silently creeping to her bedside, I agilely hop onto it and cuddle her small body. Sniffing her sweet scent as I pressed my lips against her clothed back, I was able to come up with an apparent answer to the knotty problem which has been plaguing me in recent times.

 

Whether or not Taeyeon recovers her voice, it is inconsequential. Because I have become accustomed to her unique personality, her soft but determine nature, and her awkward but sincere way of expressing herself. This love, has gone far beyond full acceptance.

 

Love needs expression but it doesn’t need words, to show or reveal the innermost sentiments. I don’t have to hear those words from her, because they have already reached the doorstep of my heart, effortlessly.

 

And she doesn’t have to tell how much she loves me, because I just know. I just do.

 

Don't ask me if this feeling's right or wrong 
It doesn't have to make much sense 
It just has to be this strong 
'Cause when you're in my arms I understand 
We don't have a voice 
When our hearts make the choices 
There's no plan 
It's not in our hands 

 

===========================================

i've just added back the missing chapters ever since aff got back on track.... just hoping similar scenario wouldnt happen again =)

fortunately i'd completed this fic on ssf and saved a copy of it... if not i thought im gonna faint posting 3 updates in a row =P

 

i'll try to post up the remaining 3 chaps ^^