Chapter 16

„Wake up! Baekhyun… “

The black-haired guest woke up to the soft shake of a child. Sleepy he opened his eyes and moaned. “I don’t want to.”

“Suho said you shouldn’t sleep the entire day and if you ask me, I’m with him in this decision.”

Tao smiled warmly and climbed up to Chanyeols bed where Baekhyun used to sleep for the last two nights. “Gosh, I hate it. Hopefully my body will grow like Luhans. Now I get the hard life of short people…”

Baekhyun smiled a little. For the last days it was Tao who tried to distract him from the, what Kyungsoo thought, obviously: Chanyeol wouldn’t return.

“Sleeping is better than feeling like crying all the time.”, Baekhyun mumbled and sat up.

“Maybe you shouldn’t only feel like, but do.” The dark-skinned child took a hand from his friend to squeeze it softly. “I know it’s hard and you don’t want to cry, because you’ve still hope, that’s part of your being…hoping until the worst is proven, but crying is also relieving.”

Baekhyun shook his head. “He will be back, I know he will.”, he said with a voice that didn’t sound as strong as he wanted it to. When he saw Taos sad smile he felt even worse. “Sorry, Tao.”

“Just try not to get lost in hope. We have to look to the future and- “

“And as sorry we all are for this, Baekhyun, whether Chanyeol nor Jongin, Minseok or Jongdae would be part of that future.” Luhan had stepped in to look for Baekhyun and Tao.

Baekhyun bit on his lower lip and looked at his hands. The blonde wanted him to face the truth so badly, that he didn’t even try to say things nicely. This hurt Baekhyun more than giving the thought a chance that his life wouldn’t contain Chanyeol anymore.

Tao grabbed one of the small pillows on the bed and threw it to Luhan who caught it. “Did you’ve breakfast, Luhan?”

“No, we’re waiting for three people since like forever you know?”

“Then maybe you should go downstairs and breakfast some empathy!”

Luhan rolled his eyes on that and stepped to the bed where he put down the pillow. “I only want you to not live in the past and to learn living without them. It’s not only hard for you, Baekhyun. We’ve all lost friends…lost family.”

“We haven’t lost them.”, Baekhyun mumbled and collected all his strength to look up to Luhan. “We have just stopped looking for them.”

“We searched for them. And Yixing is looking for them even now.”

“But it’s only him left, who’s searching!”

“Because we have other problems to face. We must look for the splinters, you know? If we won’t find them, you can cry over more friends because Chanyeol won’t have been the last one to die if the red force finds them all, you know? And I can tell you, I’m not willing to die again.”

Baekhyun didn’t know what to say. Luhan was right, they couldn’t concentrate purely on finding their friends. But he didn’t understand why they were obsessed with the thought that they were dead. There wasn’t any proof of it and Baekhyun refused to believe it without any.

“He knows that, Luhan. Don’t be too harsh on him. He’d lost his soulmate.”

Luhan opened the mouth as he would like to counter something, but remained silence. “Fine. I will tell them that you won’t come like Kyungsoo. Junmyeon will be very happy about that and we will eat in this really not tense atmosphere happily.”

When Luhan was out of Chanyeols room Baekhyun sighed. “Kyungsoo won’t come downstairs…?”

Tao shook his head. “He’s still crying, and he wouldn’t let anyone into his room. He’d locked himself in.”

Baekhyun nodded lightly and sighed. “He was so in love with Kai and, yet he believes he’s dead…”

“Baekhyun, as I said earlier you should- “

“I won’t. He’s not dead. He can’t.”

“Baekhyun…”

“I’m sure you’re hungry, Tao. Go eat, please.” The guardian of light didn’t want to drum Tao off his room, but he wanted him to go, he didn’t want to hear those mantras telling him to believe Chanyeol was dead.

“But if you want to talk…”

“I will come to you, okay?”

Tao nodded and hopped on the floor again. When he left Baekhyun sighed deep. Why would Chanyeol die? He wasn’t someone to die easily. No, he can’t be dead and Baekhyun knew, he would have made sure that his friends won’t die as well. Kyungsoo didn’t have to be sad and believe all those things the others might have told him. Chanyeol was strong and really good in protecting his friends. Yes, Baekhyun knew…

After a few minutes had passed the black-haired stood up and put on one of Chanyeols huge sweaters he used to wear. It felt like the giant was with him while he wore his clothes. His smell was all onto his clothes and Baekhyun felt kind of secure. As silent as he could he stepped out of the room, he didn’t want the rest to hear him wandering around. It took him only a few steps to reach his goal.

Silently he knocked on the door. “Ksoo…?”, Baekhyun whispered through the wood. “Can you hear me…? Please, open the door.”

There was no reaction.

“Ksoo, please. I want to talk…”

Baekhyun sighed.

“I…I miss them, too. Please, Kyungsoo…”

He leaned his head at the door. “It can’t end like this, Kyungsoo. We can’t accept it, can we?” The black-haired looked up when he heard the lock and saw the door open. Kyungsoo looked at him with his big eyes, red from all those tears which run down his cheeks even now.

“Ksoo…” Baekhyun hadn’t seen his friend in a bad condition like this. He stepped into the room and embraced him tightly. “Please, don’t cry…”

Kyungsoo let Baekhyun do as he pleased and sobbed. “I don’t want to. Its…”, Kyungsoos voice was breaking from a heartbreaking hick. “It’s just…” Again, a loud sobbing interrupted his voice. “it hurts so much…”

Baekhyun nodded and only hugged his friend more. Kyungsoo reached out for the door to lock it again. “I don’t want to see them. They only talk about going on…”, Kyungsoo mumbled and tried to wipe away his tears which won’t stop. “How did you manage to not cry anymore…?”

“I…haven’t cry, Ksoo. There’s…no need to. I’m sure they will come back.”

Kyungsoo looked at Baekhyun like he’d said that Kris was going to move in. “Baekhyun…”

“What? Don’t believe everything they say. How would they know that they’re dead…? They can’t know it for sure. Nobody can and you shouldn’t believe them.”

Kyungsoo sat down on his bed. “But…I do know, Baekhyun. And you should know it, too.”

Now it was Baekhyuns time to not understand. It felt like Kyungsoo wanted to believe that their friends were gone. “What’re you talking about? Kyungsoo…”

“Don’t you feel it…? This pain…?” Kyungsoo reached out for Baekhyuns hand and pulled him softly down to his bed.

“What…?”

The younger laid his hand on Baekhyuns chest. “What do you feel there…? When you’re thinking of Chanyeol…?”

“I…miss him.”

Kyungsoo nodded. “But…what do you feel…?”

“I’m incomplete. It feels like I’ve…” Baekhyun shook his head. “No.”

“Like what…Baekhyun…?”

“Like I’ve lost an important part of myself…”, he mumbled. “But I haven’t seen him for two days now. This mustn’t mean anything.”

Kyungsoo closed his eyes and sighed. “I started feeling this only a few hours after they were leaving.”

“But…”

“It felt like something hit your heart directly.”

“But…”

“If…if you haven’t felt it. Maybe, Chanyeol is alive and I…I would wish it for you, Baekhyun. But when I’m telling you Jongin won’t come back…you can believe me. And to be honest…your behavior the last days are speaking for themselves. I’m sorry, Baekhyun…”

“But…Yixing is still looking for them!” Panic began to rise in Baekhyun. The pain he’d felt that day Chanyeol left and this empty feeling was exactly like what Kyungsoo had described it. But Chanyeol was strong. He couldn’t be dead by now. Chanyeol wouldn’t simply die.

“They’re searching for Jongdae and Minseok. We don’t know if they’d survived whatever happened. But…there isn’t much hope left, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun shook his head. “No. Even if I have this feeling. It doesn’t have to mean Chanyeol is…”

“You’re feeling it, Baekhyun.”, Kyungsoo whispered. “You’re soulmates like Jongin and me were.”

The black-haired stood up. “I won’t believe this, Kyungsoo. You can sit here and cry and give in to your misery, but I won’t. I will fight, I will search, I will not rest until I bring back Chanyeol.”

Kyungsoo sniffed. “Baekhyun, this will only hurt you. False hope will destroy you. You have to let go.”

“I won’t!”, he screamed and left the room after unlocking it. With fast steps he made it into Chanyeols room