A week later things were still pretty arctic between us. At first I tried making him meals like usual but whenever I tried to hand it to him he wouldn’t take it. So I would just leave his plate there. It felt like we were Anna and Elsa from Frozen. I also tried sitting with him but he would either leave or we would sit there in awkward, frigid silence.

I knew I really had no one to blame but myself but I couldn’t help the twinge of anger I felt. He knew I didn't want this life. Was it really surprising I would

try to leave? Was I supposed to give up my dream of a normal life for a future with a man I was arranged to marry without my consent?

Zelo went out to Mato alone almost every night. He never invited me along and I never asked to tag along. I did miss talking to an actual person. Sunny

wasn’t actually here and Mochii couldn’t talk. So I invited Sunmi for coffee at one of the shops we used to go to often. I worried she would also feel betrayed and ignore me but Sunmi quickly replied she would meet me in an hour.

I stirred my straw around in my guava juice.

“So, how mad are you?”, I asked. Sunmi sighed.

“I won’t lie and say I’m not mad. At first I was mad, hurt, and all that stuff but later after I cooled down and thought about it I understood.  I know you never wanted this life and marrying Zelo would seal your fate essentially. But a part of me thought you would see it as instead of tying yourself down you would  think of being with Zelo as an opportunity to support each other and act as each other’s anchors. Like a ‘I’m here for you like you’re here for me and we’re gonna get through this together' kind of relatonship."

“Thanks for kind of understanding. I am sorry that I hurt you and Zelo but I won’t apologize for running away, Or well trying to. It's what I thought was

right.”

“I can respect that. But Zelo really is hurt right now. All the guys are really worried about him especially since he keeps drinking every night at Mato.”

“He can’t even drink that much!”

“Exactly. Himchan and Yongguk are especially worried about his recent alcoholic tendencies.”

“They must hate me.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say hate but you definitely got some work to do.” We stayed in the cafe for a couple more hours then we both headed home.

On the way home I tried to think of a solution to fix things between me and Zelo but I couldn't think of any. I always did my best thinking when I practiced. When I got home it was only 6PM, but Zelo wasn’t there. It’s kind of early to go to Mato but what do I know about alcoholism. I headed to my room to rummage around for the fans I knew I had brought with me. I finally found them and their weight felt familiar and reassuring in my hands.These weren't just regular fans. These fans were handcrafted by one of the most skilled weaponsmiths in Hong Kong. They were made of steel but they were painted to look like regular wooden ones. They were sharp enough to cause some serious damage if you weren't careful Ba made sure I was trained in the classics including fan dance. But he added a special twist to it. The fan dance I learned was both an elegant dance and a deadly fighting technique.

When I danced, everything else seemed to fall away. The only things that existed were my body and my fans. It made thinking easier. I headed to the backyard to practice. I was a little rusty but soon muscle memory kicked in and the movements flowed like water. I danced and dance and thought and thought. But I was no closer to finding an answer to my problem. When I stopped dancing, I realized the moon had risen and that I had an an audience. Zelo’s face betrayed no emotions. 

“Hey there.”, I said not knowing what else to say and half expecting no reply.

“Hey. What are you doing?

“Practicing fan dance. What is it? Surprised that I have a ladylike side?” I said attempting a joke.

“No I wouldn’t expect anything less from the princess.” Princess. I felt a wave of relief hearing my once dreaded nickname.

“Then what is it?”

“Have you ever done martial arts? Your dance looked like it could be one.”

“Dance isn’t so different from martial arts. I’m pretty sure I could learn a martial art if I had the interest.” I replied, hoping the non answer would be enough.

“Why don’t you try it? Someone can’t protect you forever.”

“I can take care of myself just fine.” I turned to leave and he just watched me go.