"I am very aware that you are a girl, Nica."

 

 

I...

AM...

VERY AWARE...

THAT...

YOU ARE...

A...

 

 

GIRL.

 

 

 

Am I just overthinking this? Is there any more meaning in between those lines?

I don't know!!!

Why can't I get it off my mind?

Why did Jungkook have to say that?

 

Well, maybe he was just trying to make me feel better that day...

Right?!

Goodness, I've been overthinking this for weeks now. This is bad.

 

 

I was so deep into my thoughts that I didn't notice Jimin was right beside me.

He screamed on my ear, "NICAAAAAA!" then put his arm around my shoulder.

I jumped, "JIMIN! Why would you do that!! You scared me to death!"

 

Jimin pinched my cheek, "Why do you look so worried?" Then his face lightened up, "Aish, I know why! Jungkook told me!"

I turned red, "He told you?! What did he tell you?"

 

Have they been talking about me behind my back?!!

 

Jimin's eyes disappeared again because of his wide smile, "You're worried about our exams!"

 

Oh.

Exams.

Right.

Just like that, our first quarterly exams are up. Time flies.

 

 

I nodded, "Ah, yes. Exams. Right, I was worried about our exams."

Suddenly, Jimin shouted, "AWWWW!"

Apparently, V hit his back, causing him to shout in pain. These boys are really violent to each other. I think that's how they express their affection.

V said, "Why are you so clingy with Nica?! Nica, was he harrassing you?!"

I replied, "Anya, it's okay."

V then turned to lecture Jimin, "Jimin-ie, what did we talk about the other day? We should start treating Nica as a girl because she IS a girl."

 

So, they were really talking about me?! Behind my back?!

 

"I was just trying to cheer her up. There's no malice in putting my arm around her shoulder. Right, Nica?! We're cool, right?!" Jimin said.

"What are you talking about, V?! You guys were talking about me?" I asked.

"Eobseo. It's nothing. Suga-hyung just told us to treat you better since you're having a hard time." V explained.

 

Weeks have passed since the change room incident with my girl classmates. So far, they've been treating me casually. They're still not talking to me, but they stopped throwing dirty looks at me or whispering to each other when I'm there.

I'm still having a hard time because of that, but these guys have helped me make it through each school day.

 

 

"Where's Jungkook, by the way? Classes start in 5 minutes and he's still not here. He's always early. This is odd." Jimin said.

 

Jungkook's been kinda distant with me these past few days. He'd still joke around when the others are there, but he'll be quiet the second we're alone.

 

I have no clue why.

Actually, I am clueless in so many things lately.

I guess part of growing up is being clueless in life.

 

 

"Nica, could you ask Namjoon-hyung to teach me English?! I think I'll fail if I don't get tutored." V said.

"Oh, sure. I can." I replied.

V jumped for joy, "Chincha?! Yes!"

Jimin then said, "Oh, can I come too? I need help with my Math. I at Math and English. I bet Namjoon-hyung is good at both."

"You at everything except Arts, dummy." V teased.

Jimin pinched his nose, "Back at you, Mr. Smartypants. The only thing you're good at is falling asleep during class."

 

Jungkook finally arrived. He walked past me as we are seatmates.

I greeted him, "Goodmorning, Kookie."

"Ya, is that your nickname for him? How come I don't have a nickname?!" Jimin said, acting all cute with his voice.

"I call you Chim-chim, remember? And I call V... well... V." I said, smile spreading quickly across my lips. These boys are so adorable, my heart is literally aching for joy.

 

V and Jimin grinned. Jungkook just smiled at me.

 

"Jungkookie, do you want to join us? We're going to Nica's house this Saturday for a group study." Jimin said.

"My house? This Saturday?" I asked. I thought I was gonna ask Namjoon-hyung first?!

V nodded, "Oh, we forgot to tell you. We had it all planned before you came in earlier. I just asked you for... I don't know, formality?" He then smiled at me, looking all cute, so I couldn't refuse.

He asked Jungkook again, "Are you coming or not?! You need help with English and Math too, right?"

"Majayo. Math hates me, man. I'm gonna get an F for sure." Jungkook replied.

"So, are you coming with us or not?" asked V.

Jungkook replied, "Yeah. Sure."

 

He looked at me. Our eyes locked for a moment, and it's as my heart got struck by lightning.

What is happening? Only Jin-oppa could make me feel this way before.

 

I looked away and faced V and Jimin, "Just tell Namjoon and Yoongi-oppa about this at lunch later so we could set everything."

 

 

At lunch, my chingu's asked my oppa's if we could do a group study on Saturday at our house. Yoongi-oppa didn't want to at first 'cause he'd rather sleep all day than teach us Math (turns out he tutored Namjoon-oppa before so he's better at it), but I persuaded him with my dongsaeng charm (What can I do? He's a pushover when it comes to me. HIHIHI)

Jin and Hoseok-oppa decided to come along too. I think Jin-oppa was gonna do a Science project with Yoongi-oppa while Hoseok-oppa just wants to hang out with all of us (he kinda hates studying, tbh. He's just a lowkey genius that's why he's passing all of his exams.)

 

 

---

 

The week flew by and Saturday came. I woke up early to prepare everything for our group study. I don't want to rely on my oppa's to do that because it's just gonna be a disaster for sure (Namjoon-oppa is the master of destruction; he might burn our house down if he cooks. Yoongi-oppa, on the other hand, HATES waking up early on weekends; we'll starve to death if we wait for him to cook for us.)

I asked my mom to help me Jungkook -- I MEAN -- cook.

 

Aish, why is he always on my mind?! This is getting ridiculous.

 

Anyway, I helped Eomma cook our breakfast before she leaves with Appa. My parents had decided to go on an overnight date somewhere since the boys might stay late in the house for the group study. I also asked her what we can cook for lunch later.

"I'm sure you'll be fine. If all else fails, Jin knows how to cook. You won't starve." Eomma reassured me.

I blushed. Jin-oppa sure is a good cook. 

 

Appa was quite nervous on leaving me alone with the boys so he reminded --- more like threatened --- my oppa's to take good care of me and protect me at all times. He even barged into their rooms and woke them up. Yoongi-oppa is quite scared of Appa so he couldn't throw a fit at him for waking him up so early. HAHA!

 

 

To be honest, I'm a bit excited to spend time with the boys today. It's my first time to be in a group study with boys so I don't know what to expect.

And...

I don't want to admit this, but...

 

I am looking forward to seeing Jungkook today.

 

I've never seen him in casual clothes.

Ugh, just thinking about it makes my insides churn.

 

WAAAAAAHHH.

Erase erase. I need to think about Jin-oppa.

Yes, Jin-oppa will be here, too. 

 

 

The doorbell rang...

 

 

"I'll get it!" I shouted. I don't even know why I said that. I'm the only one awake in this house. It's not like Yoongi-oppa's gonna bother leaving his beloved bed to open the door.

 

 

When I opened the door, it was Jungkook.

We were both surprised to see each other.

"Hi." I said quietly.

He scratched his head and smiled at me, "Hi."

 

He looks so cute today. He was wearing a white t-shirt, cropped pants and light brown Timberland shoes.

 

"Come in." I said, letting him in.

He wandered his eyes upon entering our house.

"Have a seat. Do you want anything to drink?" I asked, trying to keep my cool.

"Am I the first one to arrive?" He asked.

I nodded, "The others are on their way for sure."

 

I quickly ran to the kitchen and grabbed the muffins that me and my mom had baked this morning. I put one on a nice plate and served it to him with a fork.

 

"Oh, uhmm... thanks." he said shyly.

We gazed into each other's eyes again. Then I suddenly realized that we were both holding the plate; Jungkook's fingers were on top of mine.

 

I blused and panickly looked away. He grabed a bite on the muffin and stared at the ceiling.

 

THIS. IS. SO. AWKWARD.

 

 

The doorbell rang again. I WAS LITERALLY SAVED BY THE BELL.

 

"Go eat your muffin, I'll check the door." I said to him.

 

I ran to the door to open it; it was Jin-oppa, Jimin and V. They all came together.

 

"We ran into each other a few blocks from here! Coincidence." Jin-oppa told me.

 

My lips automatically curved into a smile when I saw his face. He's so handsome, as always. He's wearing a white shirt and a light pink sweater with faded denim pants. 

He looks so good in Pink. Pink is my favorite color now.

 

 

You're doing great, Nica. That's it. Swoon over Jin-oppa. Keep going. This is the normal you.

 

 

"We are so ready to learn today." Jimin said.

"Let's go!" V shouted, raising both of his hands up.

 

I laughed the moment I saw them; Jimin was wearing an oversized striped shirt and jeans while V's sporting a denim jumpsuit on top of his white T-shirt. They both have large backpacks and were both wearing fake eyeglasses. Dorks.

 

"Come on in." I said, while trying my hardest to laugh. It's my first time seeing them in their casual clothes (except for Jin-oppa)so I'm amused by how diverse their fashion sense is. 

 

They all greeted Jungkook with a hug when they entered the living room. V and Jungkook even did their weird ritual of a handshake -- they'd high-five, then jump, then do weird low-fives and side-fives then spin again then punch each other in the chest— honestly I can't memorize their whole routine. It's too complicated.

 

"You just saw each other yesterday." I said while laughing. Seriously, these guys...

"Where are your oppa's?" asked Jin-oppa.

"Upstairs. I am not sure if they're awake or not. Appa woke them up earlier, but they might have gone back to sleep." I answered with a shrug.

 

The boys all looked at each other and grinned. I'm pretty sure they're talking to each other telepathically.

 

"Kaja!" Jimin shouted.

They all ran upstairs. I quickly followed them.

"Where are their rooms?" asked V.

I pointed to the left, "Their rooms are in front of each other. Yoongi-oppa is on the---"

 

They didn't even let me finish my sentence. They all ran to the rooms and barged in. Jin-oppa and V went to Namjoon-oppa's room while Jimin and Jungkook went to Yoongi-oppa's room.

 

Jin-oppa pulled Namjoon-oppa's blanket, "YA! It's late! Wake up!"

V laid on top of Namjoon-oppa and wrestled him, "WAAAAKE UPPP!"

 

On the other room, Jimin and Jungkook were laughing their hearts out. Turns out, Yoongi-oppa cursed at them for waking him up.

Jin-oppa then went to Yoongi-oppa's room. Jimin warned him, "He sleeps like an angel, but he's like the devil's long lost son when you try to wake him up."

Jin-oppa replied confidently, "I can handle him."

He pinched Yoongi-oppa's , "Ya. Yoongi. Wake up. You're scaring these kids away."

Yoongi-oppa opened his eyes almost instantly. He was about to curse again, but he stopped himself and just moaned in frustration upon seeing Jin-oppa's face.

 

We all laughed. I didn't know Jin-oppa is the trick in waking him up!

 

"He didn't curse at you?" Jungkook said, his eyes wide because of curiosity.

"That's because I'm 3 months older than him, so basically I'm his hyung. Right, dongsaeng?" Jin confidently said.

"You always use that advantage in getting away with anything, Hyung." Yoongi-oppa coldly said. He's still half-asleep, mind you.

 

 

While my older brothers were washing up upstairs, Hoseok-oppa came. He said he slept in that's why he was late. He didn't bring any books with him unlike the others; I think he really has no plans in joining our group study today.

 

"You're really just hanging out with us today? You're not gonna study with Namjoon?" Jin-oppa asked him.

Hoseok-oppa smiled at him widely and said, "I'll behave, I promise. I'll stay out of your way when you're studying."

"Hyung just wants to spend time with us." Jimin added.

 

 

So after a couple of manly wrestlings and bickering (mostly it was V and Jimin) here and there, we all sat by the living room and started studying. V and Jimin were sitting next to Namjoon-oppa who was teaching them English; Jungkook and I sat next to each other while Yoongi-oppa teaches us Math. Jin-oppa is sitting at the dining table, doing research on his laptop. Hoseok-oppa, on the other hand, was nowhere to be found. I think he went to our backyard.

 

My heart is racing again. Jungkook is sitting right next to me. AAAAAAAHHHH. Why am I like this? I don't get it. I can't even control these feelings! This is stupid. Jungkook is my seatmate. He sits beside me all day in class!

 

I threw glances at him from time to time; he looks extra cute when he's focused. I noticed that he has this habit of touching his hair when he's tensed or confused about something.

"Nica." Yoongi-oppa called my name. Shoot. Did he notice that I'm distracted?

"Ne?" I answered.

"Are you done solving #23?" Yoongi-oppa asked. He's so serious when he's teaching. He could be a terror Math teacher someday.

I looked at my paper. Good thing I finished solving before swooning over this boy beside me, "Yes. The answer is 6. Right?"

"6? Why did I get 1,485.87?!" Jungkook reacted. His eyes were so wide. He looks so confused.

Both Yoongi-oppa can't help but laugh at him. His answer was not even slightly close to mine!

"6 is the answer, Jungkook." Yoongi-oppa told him.

Jungkook grabbed my paper and compared it to his. He scratched his head, "Ya. I don't understand!! I even did the formula that you taught me!"

 

He's so cute! Omo.

He's practically good at almost everything, except Math.

 

Yoongi-oppa scanned his solution and laughed even more, "That's not what I taught you! First of all, 9 times 6 is definitely NOT 96..."

 

I figured that it might take them a while to finish discussing the solution to #23, so I decided to leave them and look for Hoseok-oppa.

I went to our backyard, and there he was... dancing?

 

He stopped when he noticed that I was watching him, "Nica. What are you doing here?"

"Hey, why did you stop? You were so good!" I replied.

 

He really was. He was so into the music that his body has absorbed the rhythm & melody and beautifully transformed them into an amazing dance.

I didn't know he was such a good dancer.

 

He stopped the music on his portable speakers and sat down. I sat beside him.

I nudged him, "I didn't know you could dance."

He smiled at me, embarrassed, "Nobody does. Well, except Namjoon."

"Why don't you join our school's dance club? You're really good." I said.

He said, in a sad tone, "My parents won't let me. They said I have no future if I pursue dancing."

 

I felt sad for him. I don't know what I'm gonna do if I don't have my parent's support.

 

I comforted him, "Hey... I'm sorry to hear that. Not having your parent's support in something that you really love is one of the worst things in the world so I can't imagine the pain and frustration you're feeling right now... Did you try talking to them?"

He shook his head, "Not yet. I really don't know what to say to them. They've already set the future for me -- which university I'll be going to in college, my course... I don't want to disappoint them, but at the same time, I don't want to lose myself and my true dream while trying to please them. I think that's the main reason why I hate studying and I don't even care if I pass my exams or not --- I think it's pointless. This is not what I really want. This is not the dream that I have for myself. It pains me that I'm caught between being a good son and being the person that I really want to be."

He sniffed. He's so close to crying, but he's holding it in.

I don't know why, but I started crying. It's just... I feel so bad that I can't help Hoseok-oppa with his struggles. I don't want to see him sad, but I don't know what to do to help him either!

 

He wiped my tears and started laughing at me, "Ya... Nica. Why are you crying! Stop crying!"

"I'm sorry... It's just... I... I cry when my friends are sad and I can't help them... It frustrates me..." I replied, while sobbing like a little girl.

Hoseok-oppa smiled and patted the top of my head, "You're here. That's all that matters. Thank you, Nica. It means a lot to me."

"Just remember that we are always here for you, Oppa. Your parents might not believe in you, but we do. Fighting." I said while sniffing in between.

Hoseok-oppa gave me his sunshine smile then pinched my cheeks, "Aigoo. Go inside. Yoongi-hyung and Namjoon will beat the hell out of me if they see you crying because of me."

 

 

After our conversation, I learned that people are not what they really seem. Like Hoseok-oppa, he may show people that he's a ray of sunshine that brings happiness all around, but in reality, he's actually fighting a storm within himself.

I've realized that I should be more sensitive and nice to others 'cause everyone is fighting a battle that I know nothing about.

 

KFine, I'll be nicer to the girls in my class then -________-

 

 

---

 

I got inside and joined Yoongi-oppa and Jungkook. After 2 hours of solving Math problems, Yoongi-oppa decided to give us a break from studying. It was close to noon, so we were all starving.

Luckily, Jin-oppa was already preparing something in the kitchen. Yoongi-oppa told me to help him, so I did.  I put on my apron and stood next to him on the kitchen counter. He was slicing onions at that time.

 

"I am your assistant for today. How can I help?" I asked him, acting all cute.

He grinned, "Good. I thought I'm gonna be stuck with Namjoon again."

"Ya, I heard that." Namjoon-oppa replied. He was still tutoring Jimin and V.

I chuckled, "What are you planning to cook?"

"Japchae and Kimchi stew. I was really planning on cooking pasta, but then Jimin said he was craving Kimchi stew, and Yoongi doesn't like pasta but LOVES Japchae, so..."  he explained.

 

He's really husband material. His cooking is one of the main reasons why I like him.

 

He went to the stove. Looks like he's already finished cooking the stew.

"Taste this." he said. He's holding a spoonful of broth from the stew. He even blew on the hot soup for a bit before putting the spoon in my mouth.

Oooh, it's so yummy! "Masshiseo, oppa. I can't wait to eat!"

He smiled at me sweetly, "Chincha? It's my first time cooking this dish. I'm happy that you liked it."

 

 

Then someone coughed.

We both looked, it was Jungkook.

He was standing in front of us, just behind the kitchen counter.

 

"Can I help, too?" he said. He has this stern expression on his face.

"No, it's fine, Jungkook. Nica is helping me already." Jin-oppa replied.

Jungkook insisted, "But... I want to help."

 

He gave me a sharp look. Why is he so cocky all of a sudden?!

My inner self's thinking that he's just jealous of Jin-oppa...

 

But he can't be... He's not jealous. No way.

 

 

Or is he?