Warning: No proof reading was made so if there's any mistake, pardon my lazy self

 Chapter 11 

Love is a Big Word

It is never right to assume without proper evidences, but as humans, we have a hard time controlling our thoughts, we can’t control how our brain works. So when a certain name popped up into my mind, I felt betrayed, confused, and maybe even guilty. These three feelings had been messing with my head ever since yesterday.

She wasn’t the type of person that would do that, I believe. However, what about the times when she kept on warning me about Jennie? The time when she almost punched Jennie? And she’s a bit close with mom because of that interview. Was all of those coincidental, or was it the evidence I’m looking for?

To tell the truth, I don’t want it to be Chaeyoung. Not when I have a soft spot for her, not when she’s been with me every time, not when I thought that we compliment each other, and not when I actually started feeling relieved and peaceful when I’m with her. 

But then again, I have to hear it from her directly. I have my suspicions, but I also consider myself rational. 

“Tea?” 

I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard Lisa’s voice beside me. I only noticed now that I was just standing in front of my locker, and had been staring inside it. 

Lisa kind of brightened the morning a bit with her usual jolly self and a cup of tea. “Thanks.” Have I ever told anyone how much I love tea? Probably not.

Lisa, being the kind and gentle friend she is, helped me carry my book for our first class. We shared the same one. “I didn’t know what you like so I went safe with Jasmine tea. Everybody likes Jasmine, right?” She chuckled and took a sip of hers, which I think is the same as mine.

“Yup, everybody does.” I think.

“So, what kind of tea is your favourite?” We walked through the crowd of students in the hallway. Mornings like this aren’t the best. Crowded places is just a big no for me.

“Earl grey is my favourite.”

“Noted. I now know what to order next time.”

“You didn’t have to buy me tea.” I protested but Lisa turned a deaf ear. She just don’t know how to listen.

She suddenly stopped walking, so I stopped as well. Lisa was wearing this bright smile on her face and I could feel the excitement oozing off of her. “There’s this dance competition that I’ll be competing to. It’s not that extravagant but, can you come?” 

“Really? Sure I’ll come! What day is it?” Lisa had been a good friend to me ever since day one. I want to let her know that I’ll be supporting her on whatever she does. Friends should be there when you need them.

“This Monday at 6 in the evening.” Who held competitions on a Monday? Really?

“Oh. I passed the art club and they messaged me that we’ll have our first meeting on Monday after school. They said it’s a must to attend.” I was able to make her smile in a flash, but I was also able to turn it into a frown in a flash as well. 

“Really? Well… I guess you can’t come then?” Lisa’s voice grew smaller and now the guilt is eating me alive. I really, really wanted to go but…

“I’m sorry…I’ll come for sure next time. I promise.”

She heaved a sigh and was kind enough to smile and try to make me feel better. “Okay…You promised.”

Throughout the class Lisa hadn’t been looking good. She didn’t even look like she was listening. I hope it’s not because she’s upset and disappointed that I couldn’t come ‘cause I would feel really bad. Actually, I already feel bad.

“Hey, Lis. Are you alright?” I placed my hand on her shoulder, earning a small smile from her, it wasn’t the kind of smile that reached up to her eyes. 

A barely audible sigh escaped her lips. “I was just thinking of the competition. Honestly, I’m feeling quite nervous. There’ll be 15 solo contestants and some of them are from dance academies, while me…” She shook her head and buried her face on her hands. It’s nerve-wracking, I’m sure, but with her skills, she shouldn’t really be worried. 

“You don’t need dance academies. I’m sure you’re better than all of them, trust me. I’ve watched your audition remember?” Lisa should really know how good she is and stop belittling herself.

Bambam, sitting at Lisa’s right, placed his arm around Lisa’s shoulder. “Don’t worry dude, if your family can’t come, I’ll definitely watch you. I’m your number one fan after all.”

So that’s why. Her mom and sister wouldn’t be able to watch her. And here I am, choosing the art club over her when she needs someone to be there for her. I’m such a bad friend.

“Hey _____.” I was at the library during my vacant time. There’s nothing much to do so I figured I could just organise my notes. To my surprise, I wasn’t the only one who had a vacant period by this time.

“Oh. Chaeng.” Chaeyoung was standing in front of me. I looked up and forced myself to smile even though I was getting a bit uncomfortable right now. The doubt is still there.

Her lips tugged up a little, and I was quite sure that it was a sad one. “You didn’t seem too happy to see me?” 

“No, no, it’s not that. I was just… surprised since I haven’t seen you for a couple of days.” Surprised and uncomfortable. I didn’t want to feel this way towards Chaeyoung but I just can’t control my feelings.

She looked around the library. “Can we talk? About that day at the restroom.” Her voice turned into a whisper. I didn’t even know why she had to whisper but she did anyway.

“Sure…” I closed my notebook and placed it inside my bag. If we were going to talk, I had to give all my attention to it. I’m not going to tell her straight to the point that she ‘may’ be the one who sent the pictures, heck I really won’t tell her, but I think I can get something from our talks. Maybe hints and things like that. I’m playing detective Conan right now.

We went to the corner of the library, where there was no one around. Most of the classes are on going so there were only a couple of students here.

Chaeyoung closed her eyes and then took a couple of deep breaths before opening them again. “I wanted to give you time to think about what I told you. The last thing I would want is for you to feel pressured. I mean, I’m not asking for an answer right now, don’t worry. It just feels a bit better now that I’ve told you.” 

I never broke eye contact, neither did she, and something’s telling me that it wasn’t Chaeyoung. Something is making me believe that it definitely wasn’t her, and I’m going to believe that. At least for now.

Chaeyoung must’ve felt uncomfortable because of the silence I was giving her. Honestly, I didn’t know what to say.

“If you want space, just tell me, I won’t bother you or anything until you’re ready.” It was kind of her to offer space, but I can see through her eyes that she didn’t want me to agree to her idea. I don’t agree to it anyway.

Yes, I did felt something weird inside me when she smiles at me, when she worries about me, when she talks to me. I do acknowledge that but how can I be sure that what I’m feeling is real? What if it’s just a simple crush or admiration? Love. It can be freedom, but sometimes it can also be a burden. Right now, it’s a burden to me, to me who haven’t been in a serious relationship before, let alone with a girl.

“I want us to be back to how we were before.” At least for now.

The moment I spoke those words, I immediately regretted it. Chaeyoung’s eyes were glistening and I fear that tears will soon fall down. However, she was smiling, and was trying to hold back her tears. I could see it. “Oh…Are you already giving me your answer? I guess… I’m friend-zoned?” She laughed. A bitter one. But she misunderstood me.

“I mean, I just need time, so while I’m thinking about what you said, I hope that you’ll act like how you did before. It just, really felt weird and kind of empty that I wasn’t able to talk to you for a couple of days.” 

Now, a genuine smile spread across her face. It brought smile to me as well. Chaeyoung wiped the lone tear that fell seconds ago. “Sure. Of course. I actually like that better.” Just like we’re back to how we were before, Chaeyoung hooked her arm on mine and smiled cheekily. “So, did you miss me?” This cute little chipmunk is making my heart beat twice as fast.

I chuckled and pretended to think. “Mmm…A little?” I actually missed her a lot, but of course, I wouldn’t say that.

Chaeyoung pouted and then crossed her arms. “A little? And you’re not even sure?!”

“Okay, okay, fine, I missed you. Lunch is not the same without you.” 

She must’ve been satisfied with my answer as she placed her arms over me and we went out of the library.

Chaeyoung wasn’t the one who sent those Pictures. I hope so.

It was Friday around four when mom called my downstairs. I was busy writing my essay for english literature that I didn’t notice that I was already writing for more than an hour.

I went down to the living room and lo and behold.

“Jennie?”

I was surprised to see Jennie with my mom. What the hell is happening with the world? Just the other day, mom was forbidding me to talk and come near Jennie and now she’s inviting her over for snacks? Wow.

“You two know each other?” Mom looked to Jennie and then to me.

I slowly nodded and gave Jennie a questioning look. “Yeah. Mom, since when have you known Jennie?” 

“Just today. She helped me with the grocery bags. Such a nice kid.” Mom smiled at Jennie, who’s indeed looking like a ‘nice kid’. She’s so tamed and proper. 

“So, does this mean that you’re now okay with me talking to her?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Mom, you just told me yesterday that I should stop talking to Jennie.”

“I never said—-What?” Her eyes darted to Jennie and her eyes widened. Mom is definitely angry and flustered. “She’s that girl from the picture?” I could almost see the smoke coming out of her nose.

oh my god.

Before this escalates to something else, I went over to Jennie and pushed her a little out the door. “Jen, why don’t you go home now? I’ll explain it to you next time. But for now, go.” Jennie wasn’t able to say anything, she was clueless of what’s happening here in this household. I hope she doesn’t remember ‘cause I don’t really want to explain about it.

“Mom. See, Jennie is a really ‘nice kid’ like what you say. I don’t see the need for me to stop hanging out with her.” Now I have something to use against her. She called Jennie a ‘nice kid’.

“No _____. What if other people see both of you and think that you’re in a…a…” She knows the word but she didn’t want to say it.

“So what if we’re in a relationship? Are you really gonna trade your daughter’s happiness for the opinion of others?”

My hypothetical example apparently wasn’t the best since it only worsen Mom’s reaction. “What?! And you’re only saying this now?!”

I sighed and sat down the sofa while mom was pacing