"Bye guys~!" you called into the room filled with your friends from your extracurricular club. The meeting for your upcoming event was finally over and you had to rush home because your mom ran a tight curfew.

You glanced worriedly at your watch as you hastened down the corridor of the student hub. It took you almost an hour to commute back home by public transport, and you were sure you'd get an earful from your mother by then. She was expecting you home in thirty minutes.

A few of your seniors were seated by the table outside, presumably discussing some administrative matters - they were all core committee members of the club, and while they were all really friendly, you still felt a little intimidated by them.

To add on to that, they seemed to have their own close-knit friend circle, so you always felt a tad out of place when you were the only non "inner circle" member around. You liked them a lot, but it was still awkward. Plus there was someone you'd been trying to avoid lately...

"Y/n!" the sound of your name being called by an all too familiar voice stopped you short as you tried to make a quiet exit. You turned your head, smiled and waved, having zero intention of further delaying your departure.

"Heading off already?" Dowoon asked with a cocked eyebrow. You nodded, expression slightly sombre. "Yeah, gotta get home early. You know, my mom," you shrugged it off and rocked on your heels, anxious to leave.

"You live in the east, right? Give me five, I'm dropping Jamie off too, I can give you a ride."

You stood there, teeth gnawing into your bottom lip as you considered his offer. Getting a ride home would be better. And you were lying if you said there wasn't a part of you that wanted to spend more time with the two - Jamie was a really fun senior; you were closest to her out of their friend circle, and Dowoon… you shook your head, reminding yourself to not go there. Again.

Shoving away the small pierce you felt in your chest at the resurgence of the emotions you had managed to repress for so long, you reconsidered the offer for a ride home. It would be great to get home earlier… But you also knew Dowoon was horrible at estimating time and his 'five' could very well be thirty-

"Five minutes, I promise," he reiterated, as though he read your thoughts.

You sighed, conceding as you joined your seniors at the table. As usual, it wasn't unpleasant, and you did join in their conversation here and there, but you still felt... Like an outsider. It didn't help that you had to keep reminding yourself to stop glancing at a certain black-haired vet major.

Seven minutes passed and you were starting to get worried just as Dowoon abruptly clasped his hands together. "Alright, guys, that'll be all. C'mon James, let's get a move on before y/n here ends up chewing her lip off."

Jamie and him went to get their belongings, but not before Dowoon threw a smirk at your embarrassed expression which made you blush even more. He must have noticed you glancing and nervously chewing on your lip, and naturally assumed that it was because you wanted him to hurry on so you could get home on time. He wasn't completely wrong, but that wasn’t the only cause of your anxiety.

Well, let's just be completely candid, shall we? You had a teeny little crush on a certain animal lover. You tried to deny it for the longest time, and quite frankly had yourself quite convinced. Nah, I just find him cute, is all. It's no biggie. I find people attractive/endearing all the time. But sooner or later, as thoughts of him got harder to keep at bay, you figured it was an actual crush.

This wasn't anything new to you, of course. So you didn't bother brooding on it - eh, it'll go away soon, I'm sure. Being one who built their walls too high, you figured you had nothing to worry about. There was no way you'd fall for the dorky, kind, smart, dependable, adorable, good with animals, probably even good with kids- oh .

Before you knew it, you were tripping. You were finding excuses to hang out, starting random conversations when you were taking breaks because why the hell not? You’d always been the type to sit back and not acknowledge your emotions but maybe it was time for that to change. Maybe it was time to shoot your shot.

But your playful remarks and subtle hints didn’t seem to be going anywhere. And if you were being honest with yourself, you could sense a lack of enthusiasm in Dowoon’s interactions with you. He was always adequately polite, and laughed and joked along with you, of course. It was just that he was… disinterested. Which was clear by how he regularly left you seenzoned when you responded to his instagram story posts.

It didn't take you long to figure out that your little crush was quite undeniably Futile. With a capital ‘F’. And would likely end up consuming you if you didn't put a stop to it yourself. So you did what you had to - you avoided Yoon Dowoon like the plague. Which was honestly pretty difficult since you had been working together the past 3 months for the club event.

But so far, you had succeeded. You only talked to him when necessary, other than the times he checked in to make sure you'd eaten before meetings and logistics preparation (which weakened you a little each time, but you reminded yourself he was checking in on everyone, not just you).

You were faring pretty well, you'd say. Until he offered you a ride home again today and you internally yelled at yourself for accepting the offer, even if you did so to avoid an -whooping back home. But now you were starting to feel that this was a bad idea.

Because the first time you realised you kindamaybesortaperhaps had kindasorta legit feelings for him was the last time he drove you home. Seated shotgun, and… Wishing that was your normal. Wishing you being next to him like that wouldn’t be just a one-time thing.

Jamie’s voice calling your name as she and Dowoon emerged from the meeting room brought you out of your reverie. Standing, you bade goodbye to the rest of your seniors then headed to the car park, Dowoon and Jamie chatting and cracking jokes while you trailed behind, scrolling through twitter on your phone so as to not feel awkward. Dowoon glanced behind, catching you looking up at them.

With a gentle smile, he casually sieved you into the conversation by asking you about your opinion on their discussion. You smiled back at the gesture, even as the small, ever-present ache in your chest grew. No, please don't do this, you thought. Please stop being nice to me. You tucked your phone away, joining in on the conversation as you all climbed into the car.

Jamie slid in shotgun, and you inwardly thanked her, not trusting yourself to resist the urge to sit there if the seat was available. She turned around to excitedly agree with the statement you just made. "Exactly! It's totally dumb how so-called 'prestigious' degrees like Law and Medicine have such exorbitant tuition fees - it's as though the education system is hell bent on favouring the upper-class."

Dowoon grunted as he fired up the ignition, pulling out of the carpark and into the main road headed towards your estate. "I don't know," he began his retort. "I'd like to give the education system the benefit of the doubt - maybe they just want to ensure those who apply are truly passionate about the field.

“If students work hard, they could get scholarships or sponsorships too. Aren't there a lot of articles in the papers about kids who overcome the odds and pursue their dreams to be doctors and lawyers?"

You couldn't help but huff in disbelief. "Come on, Yoon-sunbae,” you began, earning an oooh from Jamie as she nudged the vet major, whispering, “She called you Yoon, Woon. Das cold.”

You ignored her usual antics other than giving a slight eye roll. “The reason rags to riches stories always make the news is precisely because they're so rare. But the media's trying to fool the public with the extra coverage like 'Look! These people exist! You can make it too!'. When in reality if it was really a frequent happening, it wouldn't even be newsworthy.

"And what about kids who are really passionate but their grades are short of being able to get a scholarship - God knows it's not easy. Meanwhile most rich kids can get in with grades that just barely scrape by - why? Because they can actually afford the damn degree and don't have to worry about finances."

You paused for a second, realising you had gone off for quite a while. But you still had one last thing to say. "At the end of the day, the system's just twisted where it's a cut-throat war among the lower to middle-classes for a few measly seats whereas the upper-class get to saunter in with a free pass." You shrugged to punctuate your statement, sinking back into the backseat.

Jamie hollered with an excited "IT'S TEA TIME WITH Y/N, IS" at your little speech and you noticed Dowoon glance back at you through the rear view mirror. Your face reddened in embarrassment at how you'd rattled off, and his gaze had you stiff. You swallowed, watching as the crinkles by his eyes appeared, swallowing you whole. Don't smile at me like that.

"That's true. I guess I was just too optimistic to see it before and, thankfully, never had to worry about it. But I see your point now," he glanced back at you briefly. "You seem pretty passionate about this topic, though. Never thought I'd have a whole debate with y/n and Jamie. Don't you both like, share only one brain cell."

He chuckled, and Jamie playfully punched his arm to defend the two of you. You tried not to watch with envy, but you wished you were as close with them as they were to each other. Well, you and Jamie were pretty tight, but if you could perhaps be closer to the person behind the steering wheel...

Ugh, stop yourself. You promised not to get any deeper, y/n. you reminded yourself sternly.

"So anyway, what's new with your life, peeps? Or like," Jimin wiggled her brows. "What's new with your love lives?"

Dowoon scoffed. You knew he had broken up with his ex-girlfriend a couple months back, and you acted indifferent at Jamie's question. But without you really noticing, you were holding your breath in anticipation of his answer. "My love life? You mean the nonexistent one?"

When you finally released your breath, it came out as laugh. "Same," was your curt reply and Jamie rolled her eyes, jestfully complaining that you guys were no fun, then seamlessly moving on to talk about something else - the girl really never seemed to tire of conversation topics. Meanwhile, you were internally berating yourself once more.

Why the hell are you feeling relieved? Him still being single doesn't change the fact that he's not interested in you. You shoved the thoughts away, not wanting to sour your mood.

The rest of the ride was enjoyable, with the three of you talking casually and recommending music to each other while Dowoon played his playlists. Jamie was dropped off first, leaving you and Dowoon alone. You glanced at your watch again - okay, you'd probably make it back in 10 minutes, and you'd only be about 5 minutes past your mother's unspoken curfew, so she would (hopefully) not get unreasonably angry.

As Dowoon's 5-seater pulled out of Jamie's apartment block's parking area, he glanced out the window and suddenly stopped. "Oh, look over there!" his chin jutted out in the direction of the cause of his excitement, and you followed his line of sight to find a tabby lying on top of the hood of a parked BMW.

The dear little thing appeared to be asleep, and you cooed at the cute feline, hearing Dowoon sigh as well before he pressed his foot the the accelerator, leading out to the main roads again. A few moments passed, nothing but the chill playlist Dowoon had on filling the silence. Then, Dowoon spoke up after a small grunt.

“You know, I had half the mind to stop the car just to pet that cat, earlier,” he confessed, turning into the third street before your house. You couldn’t help but laugh, holding on to the edge of his chair as you bent over from your place in the centre backseat, your head falling into his line of sight for a second as you did.

“I’m serious!”

You finally recover to smile at him, tilting your head. “Why didn’t you?”

“I don’t know, it seemed rather crazy to stop in the middle of a car park just to pet a cat. Plus I didnt wanna make you any later than you already are-” his palm rubbed the back of his neck, a habit of his you'd come to take note of.

Can you please stop being so cute? I'm trying my best to not like you, here. “Next time, just go for it,” you tell him, leaning your head against the empty shotgun seat to look at him comfortably as you speak. “I wouldn't have minded a five minute detour to play with that kitty.”

Dowoon smiled widely, stopping the car at a red light and turned to look at you. You had to hide the way your stomach flipped at the crinkles by his eyes, clearing your throat as you sat straight. “I'll take your word for that,” his eyes were following you as you straightened back up. “You really do miss all the chances you don't take, huh?”

Once again, you wondered if that was a hint. But yet again you were brought back to reality with his next words that came in explanation. “Just last week I wanted to buy this League of Legends figurine. But I wasn't sure if I really wanted it. But then yesterday when I decided I did, it was already sold out.”

He placed his hands back on the steering wheel, driving closer to your destination. You looked out the window pensively, before turning to him. “Just take the opportunity when it presents itself to you next time, man. In life, you just gotta take the chances when they come.”

He nodded in agreement, but you couldn't help the quiet, bitter scoff that escaped your lips, directed at yourself. What a hypocrite. What chances are you taking, you wuss? The car pulled in to your street and you pointed out to Dowoon where he could drop you off. You made sure you had all your things and scooted to the door, reaching over to unlock and open it.

“Thanks for the ride, sunbae. I really appreciate it.”

“Anytime, y/n. Send me that list of song recommendations you had!”

“I will!”

You walked up to your house and unlocked the door, only remembering to wipe the stupid smile off your face once you had stepped inside. But this time you were starting to wonder, again… was it so wrong to have a little hope? After a quick shower, you dived under your covers and pulled your phone out.

You started typing a list, but soon gave up. Opening Spotify instead, you began adding songs to a playlist. You spent so long picking which songs and artists you wanted to include that you didn’t notice how late it had gotten. Deciding you were done, you copied the link and opened your messaging app.

You: I was making a list but I gave up and made a playlist instead ㅎㅎㅎ it's collaborative so you can add/remove songs too!

You sent the link to Jamie too since she had also asked for your recommendations. She replied soon after, thanking you with several gifs and emojis. Mostly heart edits and memes. You chuckled at her enthusiasm, but you were also anticipating Dowoon's reply. You waited for a bit, but eventually passed out from exhaustion.

------

You woke up the next morning, fumbling around blindly for your phone. Despite your groggy state, you felt a little excited as you unlocked it, waiting to see a reply- The read ticket was gone, but the only thing below your message was your keyboard.. You sighed, dejected… then you realised something.

You: oh this is y/n, btw. I changed numbers a month ago

You went about getting ready for school when you heard the notification tone go off.

YDW Sunbae: thanks for clarifying, fam.

YDW Sunbae: lol you tried

You waited, thinking he'd say more. But… Nothing. Halfway through the day you were still glancing at your phone, hoping that perhaps he had taken a listen to the playlist, but your music app told you otherwise. There was only one follower: Jamie.

You opened your chat app and saw that he was online. Despite yourself, you texted him again. All this time you said you were fine being ignored, but were you, really? You said you’d given up on your feelings for him already, so why were you still trying to make small talk? A small part of you was still wishing for more, as much as you denied it.

You: I just realised the playlist is 6 hours long- here are a few of my main favourites from there. By the way, do you listen to Daniel Caesar?

YDW Sunbae: who's that?

You excitedly introduced the R&B artist you were into lately, typing in your reply at record speed but when you sent it, the message remained unread. He was still online, though, so maybe he'd- nope. His online status disappeared, and you felt stupid for getting so excited about sharing your music preferences. Maybe he's just busy.

On your way back home after classes, you found yourself checking the chat again, but there was no new message, nor was your text read yet. Same went for the next day. And the next week. Eventually, you found yourself scrolling through the past messages you shared. So many times you tried to start a conversation but it just… Died. Left on read, or not even acknowledged.

Maybe he's busy… Or maybe I'm just not important.

When you met in person, he was always nice, chivalrous. But that was just how he was with everyone, wasn't it? You weren't any different. You were the fool to think more of it. To have that inkling of hope, even though you knew it was stupid. To get so happy at the small conversations you had, even though they phased out all the time.

But you were tired. And you knew now that you were just holding on to a string that was tied to nothing, dangling in thin air. Your finger hovered over the red icon on your screen, hesitant. Then another fact dawned on you: he didn't even realise you changed numbers, despite you being in several group chats together. Unimportant it is. With this solidified resolve, your decision was finalised.

Delete conversation with YDW Sunbae?

You lowered your thumb onto the screen, watching the little box with his name disappear.

You miss all the chances you don't take. But I'd rather not take the chance when I know I'll just end up hurting myself in the end.