Once I finished with the sheet of problems, I pulled out my work from chemistry earlier that day and laid them across the table. Yongsun watched the whole time and frowned when I prised her hands from my waist. Instead I pulled her in close to me by wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “This is what we did today. Even though I was spaced I still have a bit of an idea as to what was going on”

I began pointing at the notes and explaining isomerism to her. All in all it isn’t a difficult concept and with my (not very) amazing diagrams she was able to understand what I meant when I explained that the molecules are the same. It didn’t take very long, so after we finsihed talking about chemistry we sat with our backs against the sofa, legs splayed out in front of us. The silence that had fallen on us was comfotable, not strained or tense, we simply enjoyed each other’s presence. Suddenly, Yongsun leant into me and looked up at me. “What’s up, sunshine?” I asked, wrapping an arm around her. I could feel butterflies in my stomach but tried to act as normal as possible.

“Why were you spaced in chemistry earlier? I realised I never asked what was on your mind. Is everything okay? Is there anything you wanna talk about?” the look in her eyes turned to one of worry. I heaved a sigh.

“It wasn’t anything important, just a lot of stuff going around my head. I’d rather not talk about it to be honest, but I’m okay.” She raised an eyebrow at me, the look of worry still evident “I promise you, I’m okay. I wouldn’t lie to you, I’m okay. It’s just… as I said I’d rather not talk about it.” She still didn’t look convinced. She began to give me the look she has when she’s intensely concentrating (please tell me she wasn’t trying hypnosis again! How many times do I have to tell her it doesn’t work?!)

“If it’s nothing important you can tell me about it. Whatever it was, no matter how big or small, it was obviously bugging you- you love chemistry lessons, you’d never tune out unless it was something important. I hate the thought of something bothering you, Byuli. What’s wrong? We’re friends, I’m not going to laugh at you or judge you for it, I just really want to try and help if there’s something wrong. You know you can trust your unnie.” She began to show me her aegyo, while grabbing my hand and I could feel my resolve weakening, but my determination to keep my little crush a secret was stronger than my resolve. I knew what she was trying to do, she was trying to make me feel vulnerable for keeping this a secret, and then when that wasn’t working, she turned the tables so she was the vulnerable one for not knowing. DAMN THESE GODDAMN MIND GAMES!!

I was starting to get irritated because I REALLY didn’t want to be having this discussion, because I didn’t want to lie to her and tell her that there was nothing bothering me, because I didn’t want to tell her the truth, because she kept asking me even though I said I was fine, because she was trying to phsychologically manipulate me into telling her. But I tried to keep my tone level while I spoke. “Really. It wasn’t anything worth worrying about, unnie. I’m okay. I guess I’m just tired, and stressed, and to top it all off I was easily distracted thinking about everything else going on in my life rather than the lesson in front of me. Please stop worrying ” I understand that she was worried about me, I would be too if the situation was the other way round, but I just really didn’t want to talk about it.

I looked down into her eyes, she was having some kind of internal debate but in the end she decided to stop asking about it. “I know you aren’t convinced, and I know you’re only worried for me, but I’m as okay as I can be. I promise, if there was a major problem I would tell you about it. What did I ever do to stumble upon someone like you?” OOOOOPPPPPSSS!!! THAT LAST PART WASN’T SUPPOSED TO COME OUT TOO!! :/ I was able to play it off by giving her a cheeky wink followed by one of my signature smiles. I watched the blush creep up her cheeks as she began to hit me in a friendly way

“YAH!! MOON BYULI!!! SO GREASY!!!”we were both laughing, but when we stopped we were enveloped in silence. She relaxed again. We stayed sat as we were: with my arm around her while the other ran up and down her leg in long slow sweeps, her head in the crook of my neck, her legs crossed over mine, in silence.

After about five minutes of silence, she spoke. “Byul-ah…” I hummed at her as a signal to continue, worried that she was going to bring it up again. “I want to tell you something I probably should have told you a while ago… I’ve been wanting to tell you for a long time, but couldn’t find the words… or the moment. I don’t think this is necessarily the right time, but I know deep down I need to tell you the truth before my conscience kills me.” I began to worry. What was she going to say? Why does she feel guilty for not telling me? She sat up, and I turned my whole body to face her. “Just, give me a minute, please. I just need a second to prepare how I’m going to say this…” she stood up and I watched her walk along the corridor and into the bathroom. I ran my fingers through my hair and shifted slightly so I was sat with my back against the sofa again and my legs spread out in front of me. My thoughts were racing at a million miles per hour and I couldn’t identify a single one. Worry filled my stomach as I began to play with my hands. I grabbed a water bottle from the table and began to screw and unscrew the cap to occupy my fidgety hands. I heard the toilet flush and knew that she would be coming back any second now. What’s the worst that can happen? Seriously Byul. She hasn’t said what she wants to say yet. Worry after she’s told you what’s going on, not before. She came back into the room and quickly surveyed my shift in position and placed herself in between my legs with her back leaning against my chest. I placed my chin on her shoulder and wrapped my arms around her waist, she grabbed hold of my hands and began to play idly with my fingers. She’s so nervous about this. What could be so bad that she needs to be so worried? I wanted to ease the tension a bit so I decided to try and make a joke to ease her into whatever she needed to say.

“If your conscience doesn’t kill you for not telling me, I might for having to wait so long.” Her back straightened at my comment. Good one, pabo! If she wasn’t worried before she’s freaked out now! “I’m just kidding, yeba! It was only a joke! I couldn’t kill someone so pretty, it would be a crime against humanity” she relaxed a little and laughed stiffly. She turned to look at me, but had to lean away slightly in order to see me because my head was still on her shoulder

“The thing is…. Well… it goes like this…” she heaved a deep sigh and began to whisper incoherent encouragement to herself. I closed my hands around hers and whispered gently

“It’s just me. You can tell me anything. Like you said earlier, we’re friends, I’m not going to laugh at you or judge you for whatever it is. Relax. Close your eyes. Just relax. I’m here. I’m always going to be here for you. You never have to worry about it. Whatever’s happened, however bad it is, I promise I’ll stand by you and I promise that I’ll help you through it. Whatever it is, you can tell me. But I don’t want you to feel like you have to tell me anything, because you don’t owe me anything, if it’s something you don’t want to say then it’s okay. I’ll understand” I gently rubbed my thumbs over her knuckles in an effort to reassure her. I breathed in her scent as and she heaved another sigh.

“It’s not that I don’t want to… it’s just I don’t know how to start. I feel bad for lying to you because I know how important honesty is to you. So I’ll just tell you the truth from the beginning. You remember the story of my relationship with Eric?” I nodded “Everything I told you was true, he was really sweet in the beginning, but then he changed, and then we broke up because I couldn’t handle it anymore, and that was when the bullying started, and then I left and ended up at your school. It’s all true, apart from the fact I left out a kinda important detail. He began asking me if we could take our relationship to the next level- if you get what I mean- and I realised I just wasn’t attracted to him like that. I liked him as a guy, but not as a man- if you get what I mean- I didn’t look at him and think that I wanted to be that… that… intimate with him. I just didn’t want him like that and when he asked me why I wasn’t ready- because we’d been together for almost a year- I told him the truth: I just wasn’t that into him, that I didn’t want to be with a guy like that. After I told him he was silent for a minute while he pieced together my words- he asked me why I thought he wasn’t good enough, and I tried to explain that it wasn’t just him, that I couldn’t picture myself being intimate with any guy. That was when he finally understood what I was getting at; I wasn’t just putting up obstacles on his behalf, but because I wasn’t ually attracted to guys at all.. and there was this girl, I didn’t even know her but I think I liked her. I saw her around a few times in the neighbourhood and I thought she was kinda cute, and I guess I kinda liked her more than I liked Eric- if you get what I’m getting at- but like I said I didn’t even know her.” I felt my heart break into a million pieces right then, but I couldn‘t let her know. She continued her story “And he became possessive and refused to let me be, he didn’t let me talk to any of my female friends (which eventually meant that they stopped talking to me) and that was when I finally decided that I just couldn’t be with him. I tried to end it with him but he said he could change me. I eventually broke up with him because I knew I didn’t want to be with him at all. Eric, to my knowledge never told anyone eactly why we broke up, bhat was when the bullying began. I tried talking to my parents about it but without telling them what it was all about, but eventually I had to tell them.” Her breathing became more ragged and I could feel tears tugging at her voice with every word “That was when my dad said he could send me to a coucillor ‘to help me, to fix me’, I told him that I wasn’t ashamed of myself and that was when he said ‘he wasn’t spending thousands on my education for me to turn out like this’, and that was when he cut me of and I was left to fend for myself.” She started to sob “And… that’s the story, Byul… I like girls and my parents have disowned me for it, and I had to move schools because of it… and… and… I’m so sorry, Byul-ah” she said in between sobs. I grabbed her waist firmly and spun her round so she was facing me, sat in my lap. I wiped her tears with my thumbs.

“Hey… hey, it’s okay. You’ve got us, you’ve got me, and Whee In, and Hyejin, and the others, and we all love you, and we’ll support you. And this won’t change anything between us, Yongdonnie. The others will still love you like they do already. It’s okay, really.” Once I’d wiped all of her tears, I wrapped my arms around her waist, rested my chin on her shoulder and sat there whispering sweet nothings into her ear, about how I still loved her, how I’d always love her and how I was so proud of her for opening up and telling me. She began to laugh a little when I said that we’d make an even more perfect couple now (I was completely joking, but felt a little pang in my heart when she said she liked us better as friends). When she calmed down, I made sure she was okay before I began asking questions “So, this girl, what happened between you both? Did you ever talk to her?” I was genuinely curious about her.

“Not directly, she came into the café I work in a few times and I served her and her friends a few times, but nothing ever happened. I don’t even think she noticed me. I knew it would be a road going no where, but it was nice seeing her every so often with her friends, laughing, smiling.”

“But you never, like, spoke to her on her own?” I asked

“No, not really. I mean, sometimes we’d talk mindlessly when she was waiting to pay for her coffee, but like I said I don’t think she ever even noticed me. I remember one time, she was sat with her friends on the table right next to the counter, you know the one I’mtalking about? The one next to the window. And I was so busy eavesdropping on their conversation that I didn’t realise that the cup was overflowing with boiling coffee and I burnt my hand really badly, and had to go to the doctor to get it checked properly.” Her smile was almost sweet while reminiscing about this girl, whoever she was, she sure is lucky. I felt a pang of I’m not sure what. Maybe I was jealous, but I laughed cynically. Yongsun thought I was laughing at her. “What’s so funny? Not all of us can have the confidence to just walk over to a girl and tell her she’s pretty” she said her eyes pointedly aimed at me

“What are you saying, I’ve never done that in my life!” I laughed, this seemed to ease her mind. “Does she still come into the café?”
“Sometimes, more than she used to, but even so I don’t see her there much”

“If she’s ever in there when I come to pick you up from work, point her out to me, okay? She needs my blessing before I let her steal your heart like this.” She laughed and nodded shyly at me.

“What about you? Is there anything bugging you that you wanna talk about? Any pretty girls got your mind spinning?”

“Yeah, there’s this one girl, she’s pretty special. You might know her” I said jokingly. She spun in my lap so she was now straddling me and I couldn’t escape. I tried to keep calm at the position she’d just put us into, but couldn’t help the blush creeping up my cheeks.

“WHAT?! WHO?” she was getting way too excited considering I wasn’t being serious

“You yeba! You! You’re the pretty girl! You’re pretty and you’re special” I laughed as she began to laugh and hit me out of frustration.

“YAH! You and your grease! That’s not fair! I thought you were being serious!” she hit me a few more times before settling all her weight into my lap and looking at me intensely. “All joking aside, is there anyone you wanna tell me about?” she raised an eyebrow at me jokingly trying to look serious

NO! “Umm…. Yeah” I scratched the back of my neck awkwardkly YOU IMBICILE MOON BYULI! IF SHE WASN’T SAT RIGHT THERE YOU SHOULD BE SLAPPING YOUSELF FOR YOUR STUPIDITY!! HONESTY IS IMPORTANT BUT NOT WHEN IT’LL LOSE YOU A FRIEND!!! YOU COMPLETE PABO! P.A.B.O! “Actually, don’t worry about it. I don’t wanna tell you about anyone.”

“You’ve started now so you better finish, otherwise I’ll ‘accidentally’ let slip to the maknaes and they’ll hound you for the information worse than I could” she pushed me in between a rock and a hard place. If there was anything worse than telling her it would be telling the maknaes and her accidentally finding out through them.

“Okay.. okay.. fine. You’ve got me. Please don’t tell the maknaes.” She held up her left hand at shoulder height while she drew a cross over her heart with her right. The gesture was cute. She’d promised now.

“Okay… okay fine. So…um… yeah… there’s this girl and I think I really like her, but I know she doesn’t like me back, so there’s no point in telling her, but I guess she’ll find out eventually. Promise me you won’t get mad when I tell you who it is?” she sat up straight and looked me in the eye

“As long as you don’t say Whee In or Hyejin I won’t get mad. It’d be for the dad of the group to have a crush on one of the babies” she said jokingly. I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the hurricaine that was about to hit. I couldn’t lie to her, not here, not now.

“No, it’s not Whee In or Hyejin. I mean, I love them as much as I love my own sisters, they’re my second family, but I don’t love them like that. Okay here goes nothing.” She looked deeply into my eyes and I found myself looking at the ground. She put her hands on my shoulders and ran her hands up and down my arms, slowly, in a friendly way. I took a deep breath “It’s you, unnie. I’m really sorry. I know that I shouldn’t be feeling like this towards you because we’re friends, but I just couldn’t help myself once I got to know you. You’re so smart, and funny and charming and pretty and nice and friendly and cute that once I started to notice these things I couldn’t stop myself. I’m so sorry unnie. I understand if you don’t want to be friends anymore.” I stopped when I felt a finger against my lips. Her hands grabbed my chin and brought my face up so I was looking at her.

“Byul, stop. You’re rambling. Don’t apologise, you didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t really know what to say to you because I don’t really understand my feelings right now and don’t want to say something now that could change nect week or next month. I’m under so much pressure at the moment that I’m finding it hard to make sense of anything and my feelings are all over the place. I don’t really know what else to say, but maybe we could, I dunno talk this through rationally at a later date over a coffee date. How’s that sound? I’m really sorry, I just don’t know what to say for the best right now.”

SHE DIDN’T REJECT ME! SHE DIDN’T SAY SHE LIKES ME BACK, BUT SHE DIDN’T SAY NO! IN FACT SHE ASKED ME ON A DATE! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! I CAN’T EVEN! WHAT?! She’s looking at me like she’s expecting me to say something. What do I say? What am I supposed to say to that?

“Ummmm…-“ I was cut off by a phone ringing. We both reached for our phone on the table and it was hers.

“It’s work, just give me a minute, this won’t take long.” She got up and walked out of the room to talk on the phone. My thoughts were going at a hundred miles an hour and I just couldn’t decide whether to laugh out loud or start crying. She walked back into the room with a serious look on her face. “I need to go in to work, my manager said they really need me in tonight, so I’ve gotta go. I’ll see you tomorrow, Byul.” She got her stuff together really quickly and left before I’d even gotten to my feet.

She didn’t text me that night. Not even to check I’d eaten dinner or to say goodnight like she normally would. I didn’t text her first because I didn’t want to bother her- I mean I’d already just confessed my feelings to her, I didn’t want to push her away completely. I was kinda bothered that she didn’t text me, but I guess I’d just thrown a bombshell at her so couldn’t really be too surprised. I don’t know what I was expecting, but I dunno, I didn’t want this.

Author's note: Well that was tense! I'm just going to leave quietly before you guys come after me with torches and pitchforks for leaving it like this. XD

Not really leaving you without my usual commentary:

Rather long update today. I had a lot of ideas for this so spent all afternoon working on it. I was going to split it into two chapters but decided that would be unfair on you guys since I've spent most of the last month. I hope you don't mind the length, but please don't expect them to all be like this now, I still have to go back to exams next week so will have to neglect this again for a while. (BUT I promise I'll make it up to you some how ;) just wait, I will)

ANYWAY, thanks as always for reading, commetning and subscrinbing I do really appreciate it, I really really mean that. As always, stay happy, stay healthy, enjoy yourselves, take care and don't forget to keep smiling. I love you guys! <3 :D I'll be back soon. x

PS. I haven't actually proof-read it, so please forgive any grammar or spelling mistakes, I couldn't bring myself to check over it. THANKS GUYS! LALA OUT! x

PPS, I just proof-read, and I'm really sorry for the number of mistakes in here that I'm too lazy to change. Anyway, just wanted to let y'all know that the bit from Byul's confession onwards is actually based on one of my past experiences, just a useless nugget of info for you (hopefully it won't end up the same way for Byuli). Anyway, I'm actually gonna go now. Thanks guys. :)