A/N: I love it when you guys leave comments and such on the fic – it makes me feel like someone out there really is reading this story. I’d love to hear from you. J

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Jackson held the yellow note paper in his hand. He could not believe what he is reading.

“Baby, not this, please,” he cried. “Why would you want me to do this?” He looked at the note again and re-read it, as if willing the note to change.

Hey love,

Are you ready for your first task? Okay, I know that I made you promise to do this on your own time right? So if you picked this up, that means you have resolved that you are ready and up for it.

For your first task, I want you to clean out my walk-in closet. My clothes and shoes and all the other stuff in there should go to goodwill or something, love. Donate them – I’m sure there are people out there who would find good use for them. You can keep those that hold really special memories. It would be your choice.

Also, ask help from the guys. Let them be a part of this - they might find something I own that they’d like. 

Love, don’t frown at me please. This is all part of a process. And remember, I love you so much!

Love,

Bammie

Jackson had to take in a deep, cleansing breath. He stood up and walked towards Bambam’s walk-in closet. He opened the door and entered, he inhaled and the vanilla scent he loves so much invaded his system. He told himself he will not break down, he will not cry, he is here to say goodbye to the things that he finds still connect him to Bambam. He sat on the ottoman; the one that Bambam says is the most comfortable thing in the world to sit on. He smiled at that memory. He looked around the closet from Bam’s coats, to his trousers and shirts and scarves and shoes and pieces of jewelries and his make-ups and colognes and the hand lotions and creams that he favored all neatly arranged. Everything in this closet reminds him of how lively and vibrant Bambam was, how full of life.

He closed his eyes and talked to Bambam again. These days, he finds himself talking to Bambam even though he knows he will never get a reply.

“Babe, you know that this will be really difficult right? You asked me to choose some items that hold special memories but for me, everything in here has a special memory. Like this blue scarf,” Jackson picks up the scarf and brought it up to his nose – it still smells faintly like Bam.

 “I remember you wearing this when we went to that fare. Do you remember? We made ourselves sick eating tons of corndogs and popcorn and drinking sugary drinks that made you all hyper. And that’s also where I won this turtle stuffed toy which you named Frodo.  I don’t even get the Lord of the Rings reference there but that’s just how you were, always surprising me because really, I didn’t know you even read or watched Lord of the Rings,” he laughed a little.

“How can I let these things go, baby? It’s like admitting to myself that you are truly, irrevocably gone. How can I ever think of letting go? You were my life, Bammie. You are my life,” Jackson cried, his resolve melting at the thought that he is now in the process of truly trying to let go.

He picked up a random item, a black choker. He smiled, looking at the choker in his hand, playing with the pattern.

“I love this choker, babe. You looked so y wearing this. You have always dressed like a runway model, even looked like one. But whenever you wear this choker, it brings your iness to a whole new level. God, I miss you so much. I miss you, baby.”

Jackson looked around the walk-in closet once more, as if committing to memory every item that the closet holds. He squared his shoulders and prepared to face his friends and ask their help in cleaning the room out.

~

He walked out of his bedroom to look for his friends, who decided that they could not leave Jackson just yet and all moved in, occupying the guest bedrooms that Bambam had always tried to keep clean for them. Jackson found everyone in the backyard. Youngjae and Mark were playing with Coco while Jaebum, Jinyoung and Yugyeom were sitting on the lounge laughing at the dog’s antics.

When they saw that Jackson joined them, they stopped and the mood became somber. Jackson had to lighten up the mood and tried his hardest not to be all gloomy and sad even though his eyes say otherwise.

“Hey guys, don’t look so down. It’s okay to laugh in my presence, I won