It was really true when people said that you don’t know what you have until its gone. You don’t get, or understand it fully because you were to blind to see the bigger picture. You should have been happy with the person in your life regardless of all the obstacles in your way. So when that person could possibly disappear forever without fair waring it was only right to feel this type of pain. The excurating pain of what could have been and what should have been. A constant reminder of what you should have done, should have did. And if sehun died right now. This is what you were expected to feel.

Everything seemed to be going in slow motion as you watched them load up sehun. The neighborhood was being noisy and others watched in panic as they seen your brother being taken off.

Riding in the ambulance to the hospital with Sehun you tightly held his hand as you seen how bad his condition was. he started jerking." he is having a seizure!" you jumped and you looked around at the paramedics and suddenly your hands were torn apart and you were pushed back and out the way. you immediately started to cry as if you had any left to spare.

In your little corner that they trapped you in you watch them cater to your brother. "I need a sedative!" the one who seemed like the lead paramedic said. "start an IV need about 400 cc!" as your brother kept jerking around violently they put together an IV and as soon as they gave him the sedative he slowly calmed. "he should be fine till we get there but as soon as we arrive he is going to need a gastric suction." he continued.

(Gastric suction: is a procedure that empties the contents of the stomach. It may be done for tests, or to remove materials such as poisons or for a patient who has overdosed.)

"This is 376, we have a patient who needs a gastric suction as soon as we arrive on the scene." The second paramedic said. He waited for a reply. "We will be there in 3 minutes. " he replied. "Alright thank-you."

He looked at you. "Someone will show you to the waiting room till you can see him. You looked up from your shaking hands. "Arasso."

Arriving, everything went so fast. You were dragged out while Sehun was inches behind you. You got dragged out the way as they pushed him immediately towards the side entrance of the hospital. Doctors in white coats were waiting and quickly went to Sehun as he came into view. And with that disappeared towards the ER.

"Agassi, ttara wa, " a person with hospital uniform said grabbing you towards the actual door of the hospital.As the guy guided you, you started to feel heavy pain in your chest. Suddenly everything was too quiet. And it cleared your thoughts and senses you could now think straight, having time to think about everything that just happened. All you could hear were the sounds of hushed talking and phones ringing at the receptionist desk. Everyone around you seemed to be far away and when you got to the waiting room it seemed you were out of it. The ahjussi had to call you to get you attention.

"Agassi, wait here and I'll come back when I hear back from them." All you could do was shake your head in response. you just didn’t have the strength to speak..

He left you there in the waiting room at the door and you watched him leave. Slowly you turned around and seen the various people waiting for their love ones as well.

You sat down and you couldn't think anything but bad thoughts. Another thing, you couldn't sit still. One more thing, although many people were in the waiting room, everyone was dead silent. All except the little girl who seem to be oblivious to her mother's silent sobs. She was playing with the toys aded by the hospital.

That scene made you think the worst. Maybe her husband was in the ER getting surgery or something traumatically. Hopefully not but that was your first guess. You felt a pang in your already stabled heart.

After observing every inch of the room of the waiting room. And everyone in it. You still had Sehun in the back of your mind. Bad thoughts following right behind. you could only hope and pray he would be fine. If not, you would blame yourself for the rest of your life.

You held your hands on your lap clasping them together tightly almost painfully. Without realizing it your hands became red almost purple. Your anxiety at its highest peak.

Your phone vibrated.

From: luhan

I'm at your house nobody's is here.

You wanted to ignore it but you realized he would find out sooner or later. After all he was your best friend and you didn't want secret between you two. And then you thought about your biggest secret. We’ll all except for that one.

To: Luhan

I'm at the hospital with sehun. He OD. He tried to kill himself.

Minutes seemed to pass by and No response came from Luhan. And then you phone started to ring. You who was still hyperventilating decided it wasn't the best idea to answer the call with everyone in the ER so quiet and waiting for their loved ones you could barely manage to stay quiet now. Again, he called. And you swiped to button to stop it.

From Luhan:

Where are you what hospital. I'm going to be there with you.

How sweet of him.

To Luhan:

I'm at Kyungsoo med

From Luhan:

Arasso I'll be there.

Minutes passed by again and soon you finally got yourself together whereas you were not crying anymore. But everything you breathed in and out was difficult. It was painful. But already you weren't crying anymore.

Your phone vibrated and it was Luhan.

From Luhan:

what floor?

To Luhan:

I don't know let me go ask.

Getting up you went you to the receptions desk.

" May I help you?" She said.

"Dae, could you tell me what floor we are located on. I have a friend who is lost."

She smiled. "We are on the 5 floor the OR section." She replied.

"Thank-you." And you walked away and went outside the waiting room.

You dialed his number.

"Luhan, I'm on floor five, the OR section. Waiting room 3" you said looking at the number on the door. You walked little from the room. To make sure you weren't to disturb others.

"Okay I'm coming." He said.

You tried to gather your thoughts as you waited for Luhan to come. You put your fingers through your hair in frustration not knowing what was going on with your brother at the moment.

You were pulled into an embrace and you know right then that it was luhan. He tightly held you and you felt a warmness of possibly. "So, tell me what happened. Why would Sehun do that to himself?" he said it was kind of a win lose situation If you told him. That would be like possibly telling him the truth about your secret. You didn't want to do that but his eyes were inviting for an explanation. you treated him like husband best friend he was, and this was the result. Be it would all come back to why? Why did you treat him that way? You felt to needy him giving more to you than he received back from you. You were hesitant to answer and L