There were three things you hated the most in this world:

One: yourself.

Two: sehun.

Three: being oh Sehun's sister.

Nobody knew what it was like, nobody could understand the pain you had to encounter every day. Nobody knew how it felt to live like this. Every. Single. Day. Every single day you seemed to die a little more inside at the sight of his face. His existence. His wellbeing. Everything about this person tore you apart. And, Every. Single. Day. You fought not to acknowledge him, you pushed him away. You didn't speak to him. Your sub conscious told you he didn't exist when clearly, he did. But how could you go without that mentality? You needed that mentality, without it you were nothing. Nothing but sick in the head. You hated it when it felt right, when you would finally let him in. Then you would cringe after at the thought of it ever being okay. Because it wasn't okay. It was never going to be okay. What would your parents think? What would your friends think? Do you think they would take it lightly? No, they couldn’t, right? This wasn't normal. This wasn't something that happened every day, and every day you beat yourself up about it. Fighting with yourself until you mentally killed yourself. So yeah, you hated yourself. Hated yourself for existing. You had to get rid of yourself or get away from him.

 And you would after graduation you were planning this ever since you could remember. Some people face their problems others run from them. You just happened to want to run from yours. Because yours could never go away. It was always going to be behind you like a ball and chain, a bond.

 A bond? Because you still remember the way he looked at you. When you guys would laugh together. You two were good for each other but there was something in the way of all of that. YOU! Your sick overrated mind. Related, you were related to each other. he was your twin your other half but not the intimate kind. But it was hard because your body called out for him. You needed him you wanted him. Everything about this person made you feel on top of the world. but it all got taken away every time you thought back to who you were to him. And to who he was to you. It made you cry countless times. Did he know? No, who were you to tell him such things? Just his sister. Sisters just didn’t say those kinds of things.

The past...there was no doubt that you two were inseparable, but why wouldn't you be? you grew up together You were close to Oh Sehun, but why wouldn't you When you have grown together? You did everything together and it had always been that way. You had a bond and you couldn't imagine living without him. He was your twin, your brother and you were his sister who looked almost exactly alike except for the different gender characteristic. So yeah having a strong bond was something that came in the twin package and it was hard to break. So, when you tried to slowly break from him he didn't understand why.

Hawaii, united states of America

family vacation.

location; the beach.

both aged 15

"Noona what wrong? Your acting funny," he had grabbed your hand that summer when your family took a trip to Hawaii. You were both 15 now and you were about to start high school that fall. You couldn't breathe, you held your breath at the touch of his hand. You didn't even realize you hadn't answered him until he rubbed the palm of your hand snapping you back to reality. Your face was red and your heart had stopped a long time ago. You caught your breath staring at his hand on yours. Something your mind could take the wrong way so you slipped your hand out of his before you replied with, " No I haven't,"  you walked a little closer to the ocean wishing you could swim out to sea until you couldn't swim no more and eventually drown and open your eyes into the deep blue until she took your life away.

"Yeah you haven't, he sighed behind you, "You haven't been yourself lately." Sehun walked around you until he was facing you. He was now standing at shore. the water moving back and forth around his ankles. He gave you a worried look and you tried to avoid his gaze, his protectiveness. “what’s going on Ana?" you froze what were you supposed to say? 'I think about you all the time, in ways I shouldn't, I think about your lips kissing mine. I want you for myself your no one else's, I never want you to look at another girl ever,' no that just wasn't radical, it wasn't okay. It would never be. And you would never get to say those words. They weren't for people like you, so instead, "I'm just stressed about starting high school in a few weeks,” you lied. “it’s going to be different and you know how I hate different. You remember I did this with middle school too remember?"  Which was true, it wasn't exactly a lie.

 He looked into your eyes and it happened again, you forgot how to breath. “Noona," the sound of his deep voice made you heart sink deep, he finally hit puberty last year and you still hadn't gotten used to the manly him yet. his voice was like music too your ears. you could listen to him call you “noona” over and over again.

He grabbed you into a hug and you were paralyzed for the time being. "Noona I want you to fall on me, it’s okay, I'm here,"

 But you didn't want to fall on him, you wanted to fall away from him, as far away as possible. The problem was you didn't want anything to do with him anymore. And pushing Oh Sehun away was the hardest thing known to mankind. Every time you would push he would pull. Every time you ran he would follow, he just didn't understand that he didn't have to be around you 24/7. there were things you could do alone. You could have separate friends, you could have separate lives. Just because you came into the world at the same time didn't mean that you had to leave out together. But he had this mentality that twins do everything together. You couldn't blame him it was all he had come to know and when you ripped the first band aid off all hell started to break loose. He couldn't take it. you were hurting him more than anything but you would rather do that then him know the real reason and hurt him more.

 Freshman year of high school....

Starting high school was the least of your worry's. The weird feeling had got worse and Sehun had gotten hotter. He grew a couple inches and dyed his hair blonde. As mentioned his voice was deep like a man’s now, he was almost all grown up. And all the girls were flocking to him and hi