"He's in here, boys," I hear a voice say behind the door.
"Yeah, he's in here. Room 4-01. The psycho ward."
 

Psycho.
What a funny word.

Psycho.
I never realized how funny that word was until now.

It's funny because it's so...
So...
Accurate.
That word describes me perfectly.

Well, of course it does.
That's why you're here, isn't it?
Because that's what you are.
A psycho -
A psycho who has found his rightful place
Here in the psycho ward.
 

"Now, listen up, men. They told me that this boy is dangerous. They said that he's threatened the lives of the only two visitors he's had and that they're certain that if he had managed to break his chains, he would have succeeded in taking their lives. If he approaches you, do not hesitate to shoot. Understand?"

"But sir...is that...is that legal? I mean, is that against the..."

"Are you kidding me? The kid's a psycho! Psychos can't reason; they don't think! Even if it was illegal, he wouldn't have the brain power to testify against you in a court of law."
 

Psycho's can't reason;
They don't think.

I am a psycho,
Therefore I do not reason -
Therefore I do not think.

If you don't think
Then what is it that you've been doing for the past week, Jonghyun?

Maybe what you've been doing is something other than thinking.

Then what have you been doing, Jonghyun?
What have you been doing?
 

"We'll unlock the door on the count of three. Ready, men?"

"Ready, sir."

"One..."
 

You've been remembering, Jonghyun.
Yes, that's it. You've been remembering.
How could you not have figured that out sooner?
 

"Two..."
 

No, wait...
Maybe you've been doing more than that.
Maybe you've been doing something bigger than that.
But what? What could it be?

Wait just a minute!
I know what you've been doing.
I know for sure this time.

I know.
 

"Three!"
 

And when the chief says that word, I hear the lock on the door click.
And before I know it, the door is open and the chief and his men are entering my sanctuary.

"Kim Jonghyun?" the chief asks while putting a hand authoritatively atop the gun placed ever so tactically in the waist line of his trousers.

"Yes, sir?"

"We have some questions for you, son."


'Jonghyun' calls a voice.
Where is it coming from?
Who is speaking to me?

'Jonghyun, relax...'

'I...I can't' replies another voice.

Why does the voice sound so familiar?
It sound so painfully familiar...

Where is it coming from?

'Please, Jonghyun...just once...'

And then comes the sound of .
Muffled and exasperated moans and groans.
Moans of pain
And moans of pleasure.

'No, Kibum...no...'


"Hey, did you hear me?"
 

Of course I didn't hear you.
I was too busy going insane.
I was too busy...listening...
Too busy...thinking...

There's that word again.
Thinking.
Psychos can't think, Jonghyun.
Have you already forgotten that?
 

"Oh, no, I guess not. Sorry."

"First thing's first - where are your parents? Do they know of your offense?"
 

No,
No they don't know.
And I don't care.
I don't care if they ever find out.

I have nothing to say to them.
They wouldn't listen to me even if I did have something to say them.

I don't care about them,
And they don't care about me.
And that's the way it is.
 

"I don't know where my parents are...
and to be quite honest, I don't care."

"Don't play dumb with me, boy. Where are your parents?"

"I've given you my answer. I don't know where they are, and I don't care."

The police chief obviously has a bad temper,
For the very second I finish my sentence,
He flings the gun out of the waist line of his pants,
Points it in my direction,
And yells:

"Don't you test me, boy! You answer my question and you answer it now!"

"Sir, his records say that he lived in an orphanage for nine years. He's telling the truth, sir."

"...Very well," the chief sighs in defeat. He slowly slides the gun back into the security of his waist line, all the while gazing hungrily into my eyes.
 

He reminds me of a beast,
Of a monster.

He reminds me of someone I know...
Someone I know all too well..

He reminds me of myself.
 

"Now, Kim Jonghyun, how old are you?"
 

I don't like this man.
I don't like him one bit.

I want him to get lost.
But I must not lose my temper -

I must remain calm,
For this guy has a temper almost as lethal as mine,
And when fire joins with fire,
The end result is nothing but destruction.
 

"I'm nineteen years old."

"Is he lying to me?" the chief asks one of his side kicks.

"No, sir, he's telling the truth." 

"Excellent. Now, I'm going to ask you this question very seriously and you are going to answer me just as seriously. Is that understood?"

"Whatever you say...sir."

"Good."
 

He walks closer and closer to me
Until his nose is mere inches away from mine.

In this moment I think of my mother -
I think of the day she stuck her face in mine and told me that Daddy was never coming home.

I never found out if he ever did come home,
And I honestly don't care enough about her anymore to find out.

But since Mommy is always right,
Daddy never came home.

Let's just leave it at that.
 

"Jonghyun...mind if I call you that, son?"
 

This man thinks I'm dirt.
This man doesn't think I'm worth a thing.
He doesn't even have the courtesy to call me by my full name.

I want to hit him in the face so badly,
But I must resist the temptation.

And the more I tell myself to resist,
The more my body aches,
And my heart yearns for vengeance.
 

"Not at all...sir," I reply, trying harder than ever to mask the irritation in my voice.

"Are you sorry?"

"Sorry for what, sir?"

"Sorry for what you did...to him? To Kim Kibum?"

"Sir, what are you...what are you saying...?"

"Do you feel any guilt for taking an innocent life? Do you feel any remorse for destroying a family? For causing a mother to grieve...
and for framing a brother?"
 

Framing? Framing.
Me? Me.
Framing Minho?

That's it!
I can't take it anymore!
I'm going to snap.
 

"I did no such thing, sir! Minho..."

"I'll talk and you'll listen, Jonghyun. Do you understand?"

Those words.
I've heard them before...
Somewhere...

I remember now.
Oh yes,
I remember:

 

'I need to tell you about myself, Jonghyun.
And it's going to take me a while to explain things to you. Things are complicated, Jonghyun. Things are twisted.
So I'll talk and you'll listen, okay Jonghyun?'

'Of course.'
 

I did -
I did listen.
I listened to him.

But that was him,
And he is not him,
So I will not listen.

No, I will not listen.

"No, sir," I spit, "I don't understand. And I don't want to listen to you. I want you and your minions to get out of here."

The chief puts his hands on his hips and shakes his had, all the while letting loud bursts of laughter escape the lips on his reddening face.

"Is this kid...is this kid serious?" the chief turns and asks his followers.
"I think we might just have to teach this kid a lesson, boys," he says as he draws the gun once more.
And with the gun in hand, he walks closer to me.

He slaps me across the face with the back of the gun.
And, before I know it, I can feel blood gushing down my cheek.

The chief laughs as I begin to thrash and slash at him with my chained hands,
And soon I am met by the face of the gun,
Laughing at me,
Mere inches away from my forehead.

And, for the first time in my life, I feel a sense of fear.
I feel a sense of honest-to-God, heart-stopping, paralytic fear.
 

'You betrayed me,' comes a voice.

It was the voice from before...
It's back...
It's haunting me.

It's so familiar...
So close...
 

'Jonghyun, wait...please...'

'I have been wating, Kibum. I've been waiting for a long time...'

'No...please...no...'

'You don't love me anymore...'

'No, Jonghyun, no! I love you...I've always loved you! Please believe me! I love you...'

'Jonghyun, put it down! Put it down, Jonghyun!'
 

Put it down.
Put it down.

"Put it down," I beg quietly.

I'm not quite sure if it is fear or the interjection of voices that is silencing the cries of rage and tranquilizing the lashes of irrationality deep within me...
But whatever it is...
It is somewhat reassuring.

I'm done fighting.
There is no point in fighting anymore.

This battle has been lost -
It was lost a long time ago,
And now it's time to move on.

"I'll put it down...when you agree to do as I say," the chief responds with a tinge of blood-lust hidden in his voice.

"I will, sir..." I plead, "I will do as you say."

"Smart boy," the chief says as he slides the gun away from himself on the white concrete floor,
"Yeah, you're a real smart boy...for a psycho."
 

Psycho.
That's what you are.
A psycho. 
 

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Now, where was I...?" the police chief begins,
But before he can continue his interrogation,
The door swings open, startling both the chief and his lackeys.

"What did I miss?" he asks.

He.
The one person...
The one person I hate more than anything in this world -

The person who took a precious life
And feels no guilt.

He took him from me.
He took him from me,
And he deserves to pay.

He deserves to pay.

"Hey, what are you doing? Didn't we already question you...?"

"What are you doing here?" I growl harshly, avoiding the sight of him at all costs.

He does not move.
He just remains completely still -
Almost as still as Kibum was standing
That morning he told me about his past.
 

How dare you compare him to Kibum!
How dare you, Jonghyun!

Kibum was good,
Kibum was pure.

And he...
He is not good...
And he is not pure.

He is a servant of Satan...
And he deserves to pay.
 

He smirks
And then allows a chuckle to escape his beautiful
Yet hopelessly manipulative lips.

"Aw, Jonghyun, that's so harsh..."

"I asked what you're doing here...
Minho."