Fourteen.

Angel In Disguise

I’ve been alone for an entire day.

 

Less than twenty four hours remain until I must stand trial.

 

My night was sleepless.

 

My thoughts are jumbled.

 

I am unable to keep focused.

 

His voice fills the room;

His breath fills my lungs;

His presence fuels my desires;

His touch gives me chills.

 

Oh, who am I trying to fool?

 

He’s not here.

He’ll never be here.

You’ve made sure of that, Jonghyun.

You sure have.

 

Being alone hurts.

It quickly tears your heart in half,

But that’s not even the most painful part.

 

Sooner or later,

Your mind starts to disintegrate

And your body collapses under the weight of the world.

 

Now I understand why they put criminals like me in this place.

 

They want us all to suffer in the worst way possible –

By slowly being driven insane.

 

Oh, God!

I hear his voice again.

Why must I hear his voice?

 

If I’m going to be forced to live my last few hours alone,

I’d like to live them in silence.

 

Silence can’t hurt;

Silence won’t hurt me.

 

As my feet give way

To the weight of my body

And the fatigue that has overcome me

As a result of the reckless night,

I hear a knock at the door.

 

Great.

Someone to see me in such a pathetic state?

That’s just great.

 

Oh, let them look.

I just don’t care anymore.

 

“Come in,” I say as I close my eyes and try to fight the feeling of exhaustion overtaking my physique.

 

“Kim Jonghyun,” a voice echoes in my ears, “You have a visitor.”

 

“I do?” I ask the stranger with my eyes closed and my mind in another universe,

 “Whoever would want to visit me?”

 

“He didn’t give his name.

Do you not wish to be visited at this hour?”

 

“Oh, no! Send him in, won’t you?”

 

After I speak these words,

I hear the sound of footsteps leaving the room

And whispers being uttered outside the door.

 

Who would visit me at this hour?

I have no family,

No good friends.

Who would waste their time being in my company?

 

Just as this thought begins to ring shrilly in my mind,

The visitor enters,

Walks close to me,

And does not stop until he is practically standing on top of me.

 

 

“Open your eyes,” the visitor demands.

 

I know this voice.

I recognize this voice –

Oh, how I loathe this voice.

 

“Why do you keep coming back?” I ask sourly in response to his request.

 

“Why do you keep giving me attitude?” he refutes.

 

And with that,

My eyelids snap open.

Anger fills my entire being,

And I cry out in frustration –

 

“What do you want from me,

Minho?”

 

 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

“Kibum…the door…”

 

“Yeah, I know. I’ll get it.”

 

He makes his way to the door slowly.

Once he reaches it, he stops and looks out of the peep hole.

He holds his body to the door and looks out

For what seems like centuries.

 

 

“Who is it, Kibum?”

 

He lets out a deeply sorrowful and deeply aggravated sigh.

 

“It’s…it’s him, Jonghyun…”

 

He doesn’t stop looking out the door.

He knows,

One way or another,

He will have to open it.

 

 

“Kibum, open the door.”

 

“I…I don’t want to, Jonghyun…”

 

“I know, Kibum. I know. But you and I both know that you have to let him in.”

 

He doesn’t say anything more.

He just nods his head in agreement,

Pushes his body away from the door,

And slowly,

Painfully,

Begins to open it.

 

 

“Well, hello there, brother."

 

“Hello,” Kibum replies dryly.

 

He is less than thrilled to see his visitor.

 

“Long time no see, eh?” the visitor asks while picking up his luggage.

 

“Yeah. It’s been a while,” Kibum responds as he opens the door all the way for the visitor.

 

He is obviously unhappy about the visitor's coming.

So why, then, doesn’t he tell him to leave?

It’s certainly not in Kibum’s nature to lie about his contentment.

 

Kibum must feel like he has no other option.

 

Perhaps it is the recollection of his past that is making him behave this way.

Yes, that must be it.

Oh, poor Kibum!

I wish I could help him forget all of his painful memories.

 

Just as I begin to pity my dear friend,

The visitor comes into my field of vision.

 

I have never seen him before.

 

He is tall and thin.

His hair is short and his muscles are well defined.  

His eyes are large and sparkle with a sense of blind self-confidence

And undeniable charisma.

I can’t help but feel intrigued by this visitor.

 

I approach the visitor,

Extend my hand to him,

And warmly say:

 

“My name is Kim Jonghyun. It’s nice to meet you.”

 

“Choi Minho,” the visitor says as he takes my hand firmly and shakes it.

 

While Minho and I are shaking hands,

I can’t help but notice that Kibum is

Standing alone on the other side of the apartment,

Wiping a tear away from his eye.

 

What is it about Minho that makes him cry?

Minho seems friendly enough.

His smile is warm and bright

And his presence is strong and admirable.

 

How could Kibum possibly despise him?

 

I don’t want to bother Kibum since he seems so upset,

And I don’t want Minho to bother him

Since he seems so upset.

 

“Minho, I’ll show you to your room,” I say as I motion for him to follow me to the spare bedroom.

 

The spare bedroom was once my bedroom.

But since he is here,

I want to be hospitable.

So I am willing to give up my bed

In exchange for a few nights on the couch.

 

I like the couch.

So many memories have been preserved on that couch.

I have a feeling that I will sleep well there.

 

After I have shown Minho to his room and left him to unpack,

I go in search of Kibum.

 

He is not in the same place he was standing before.

 

He is now seated on the red couch.

 

His head is buried in his hands,

And I don’t have to see his tears falling

To know that he is crying alone.

 

“Kibum…why are you crying?” I ask as I seat myself next to him and wrap my arm around his shoulders.

 

“I don’t want him here, Jonghyun.

I…I hate him.

I hate him, Jonghyun.”

 

“Kibum, are you sure you aren’t being a bit dramatic?” I ask playfully as I squeeze his body tightly.

 

“No, I’m not being dramatic, Jonghyun,” he replies seriously, forcefully removing my arm from his shoulders –

 

“You don’t know him!

You don’t know him at all.

He’s here for a reason, Jonghyun.

I’m the last person he’d ever want to see.

Trust me.”

 

“Oh, come on, Kibum! Minho seems downright decent to me.”

 

“Yeah,

That’s because you don’t know him.”

 

Kibum takes a deep, long breath and slumps down far into the couch.

He then tilts his head back, looks up at the ceiling, and says in a helpless manner:

 

“Just you wait, Jonghyun.

Just wait.

Minho is going to ruin my life

And he’s going to ruin yours too.

Because that’s what Minho does.

He ruins people’s lives

And feels no guilt afterwards.

 

Minho is a monster, Jonghyun.

There’s no nicer way of putting it.”

 

“Kibum…nobody can be…a monster…” I say as I make an effort to touch his body once again.

 

He simply grabs my hand,

Moves it back on top of my knee,

And rests his hand on top of mine as he responds:

 

 

“You wanna bet?”

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Comments

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nacchanthecloud #1
Chapter 24: Oh god this is beautiful! Didn't expect it to end like that, but I'm loving it I can't stop crying :"
Solarminnie
#2
omg dis really is a twist! mind blowing!!!!!
ArtisticLeAmy
#3
Chapter 24: DAMMIT. I. CAN'T. STOP. CRYING. (T^T)
sonnet_sartori #4
NOT OKAY. REPEAT- NOT OKAY. YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO STEAL MY FEELS IN THIS WAY.
THIS IS NOT OKAY.
Ugh ;_; this story is just... ;_; i cried like so many times i don't even know how many times ;_;
I love you, dear author.
you're awesome for writing this.
Laviaria #5
omg.. this is just amazing writing. i can't describe how i love your writing, i love your ff.
DingKey
#6
Wow. What a story. Fantastic mind blowing. I dont blame Jonghyun. What he did is what I call true love...
crypticjelly #7
Chapter 24: I cried so much, and yet I want everyone to read this. Jonghyun's downward spiral into insanity and the constant questions of "Why? What really happened?" kept me reading. You are a fantastic writer.
Tapsa_i_love_you #8
Chapter 24: I have never cried this much bcz of fanfiction... In every chap i had to stop reading and take a break, bcz I had so strong emotions bcz of this.. Story was really beautiful, you write very beautifully and imagionatilly. Bless you.
Really, really beautiful and sad story. This really makes think life more. That everything is not what it seems to be.
I love this but I hate this bcz of how much I cried. TT
I'm glad Kibum and Jonghyun went heaven in peace and are happy now ;_; <3

Keep it up author-min!! (⌒_⌒)
fluffyshinee
#9
Chapter 24: Wow, that was really good! I was kinda scared for reading it, since the prologue gives some information that cause me to shiver. But your writing style, and the dept of the characters got me hooked, and yes, I also shed tears. Well done.
DaesWithYoo
#10
Chapter 11: I cried so much reading this.. This fic scarred me.. It changed me.. I'm don't think I can ever be same again... Omg this fic... Cries harder... THE ENDING THOUGH.. cries again