Changkyun braced himself against a sudden cold breeze. It was getting later and he still wasn't sure what he was going to do. At this rate he should just go and get a room at a motel or something. Sleeping on a park bench wasn't an ideal way to spend the night.

He leaned back against the bench and tilted his head back so he could see the sky. The light was slowly starting to disappear as sunset neared. For several minutes he thought of nothing and just stayed like that and watched the colors drift across the sky. He loved colors and tonight the sky was painted with red, blue, violet, orange, and pink. 

Pink. Pink made him think of Kihyun's hair and Kihyun made him think of Jooheon and all the others.

He gave a laugh which ended as a sob as tears started filling his eyes. How had his life gotten so messed up? A month ago he'd been happy and overjoyed over their comeback and his solo music.

Now, so many things were different. He had lied about his best friend to cover up his supposed part in Jooheon's matchmaking plan and totally alienated him in the process. Now all the others must be avoiding Jooheon because of what he'd said. That was almost worse than the actual words he'd spoken. Jooheon was a happy-go-lucky person who thrived on social interactions and being loved by s. They weren't just members or friends to each other - they were brothers. For Jooheon to be deprived of that and because of him-

A loud sob escaped his lips and he put his hands up and covered his face. Tears slipped rapidly down his cheeks and his stomach began to hurt because he was shaking so badly.

Why? He cried silently. Why did I do that? Why was I so embarrassed that I hurt one of my best friends?

Stupid. He reached up and hit himself on the side of the head. The throbbing pain momentarily paused his tears before they once again started falling. His lips trembled. He was so stupid.

Another thought hit him. He had been so focused on getting away and escaping from the hatred the others' would feel towards him, that he'd completely forgotten about their fans. What would the Monbebes think when they learned that he had left the group? For sure, they would feel hurt and betrayed and wonder why he'd suddenly left them.

At first, they would say how much they loved him and wanted him to return, that they would forgive him. After a while though, anger would set in and they would take to the internet to voice their opinions on what an awful member he had been and the wrongful treatment he had shown towards s.Their anger would soon grow to hate and he would be unable to show his face in public anywhere.

He again smacked his head. His while life was unraveling, it had unraveled and there was no one to blame but himself.

Oh, to be unable to go back and undo what he'd done. To erase all that he'd said last night. But that was impossible and he couldn't. Words spoken were like leaves that were blown away with the wind. Once leaves had been scattered, it was nearly impossible to retrieve every single one. Once you had set your words free, they were gone. They would exist forever and always. Once they were out there, they were alive.

He pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged them. He laid his face against them and let his tears soak into his jeans. 

~~~~~~~~

He had no idea how much time had passed when he suddenly felt a hand land gently on his head. He jumped in surprise and lifted his face.

"Jooheon?" He exclaimed, shocked.

His best friend stood there with a relieved expression on his face.

"Changkyun," he said softly. His hand moved back and forth as he rubbed his hair. He moved to sit beside him and turned the younger's face towards him. His other hand gently wiped away the tears that still clung to his eyelashes and the wetness on his cheeks. "Look at you," Jooheon chided him gently. "What are these tears for? Why are you crying?"

His crying had stopped momentarily, but at Jooheon's words his sobbing resumed. 

"Be-because," he finally got out. "I-I hurt you. I lied about- about what you were doing." He again covered his eyes. "I'm a horrible person. I don't deserve to be treated kindly like this. You shouldn't be here. You should be with the others. Ke- keep away from me. I'll hurt you....again." The last word was barely audible as his voice broke.

Jooheon pulled his hands away and guided his face to his shoulder. "Shhh," he soothed him as he patted his head. 

Changkyun struggled against his hold trying to get away, but Jooheon just tightened his arms and eventually the maknae gave up and slumped against the older tiredly.

"I'm going away," he announced to Jooheon after a few minutes.

"Why would you do that?" Jooheon asked conversationally.

"You of all people should know. I hurt you and..."

"I know. Yes, you did, " he agreed. "But I forgive you. You were just embarrassed about my plan. You didn't want to be involved."

"Forgive me!" Changkyun pulled back slightly to look at Jooheon. "Why would you do that?! You shouldn't forgive me! You should hate me. I made the others think badly of you." Harsh sobs shook his frame. "I'm so sorry," he wept.

Jooheon pulled him back to his shoulder. "I know you are. You just say things on the spur of the moment."

All that was heard for several minutes were quiet sobs. "I'm not letting you go away, you know," Jooheon said patting his back. "You're my best friend and our maknae and I'm not letting you go." His arms tightened again until Changkyun almost couldn't breathe.

"Hyung," he managed breathily, lightly tapping on Jooheon's chest. "Hyung...can't...breathe."

"Ohh!" Jooheon relaxed his hold a little. "Sorry. My bad," he added in English, hoping to get a laugh from the younger. He was rewarded when he felt him shake. A giggle escaped his lips. He pulled back to look at Changkyun. "Anyway. You are not leaving us. I won't allow it," he said decisively.

Changkyun searched his face, looking for signs of deceit or a shifting of his eyes. There were none. Jooheon stared back with eyes full of friendship and love for him. He felt his heart speed up. Was Jooheon actually going to look past all that he'd done to him? All that he'd said?

"Do you really mean that, Hyung?" He asked him. "You forgive me for what I said?"

Jooheon nodded. "I do. Changkyun, you're like a brother to me and I can't imagine my life without you being a part of it. Monsta X would never be the same. You're a huge part of it. We can't go on without you. We wouldn't survive." Jooheon threw a beaming smile at him. "You're our maknae rapper and you're irreplaceable." Jooheon motioned his hand at something behind Changkyun. "We love you."

Changkyun heard footsteps behind him. "We?" He asked, blinking.

"Yes, we." Shownu stepped from the shadows. 

Changkyun was shocked as he saw the leader walking towards him. When had he gotten there? Suddenly he remembered where he was and why he was here. Shame filled him. "Hyung," he said, head bowed. "I lied about what I said about Jooheon. It - he-" he started.

"I know." Shownu's smile was calm. "Jooheon told me. It's all right."

Changkyun breathed out a sigh of relief. Maybe everything would work out-wait!

"What about the other hyungs?" They might not be as understanding as Jooheon and Shownu.

"What about us?" Four voices said in chorus.

Changkyun stared in shock as the other four members stepped out from behind a group of trees. "What-? Where-? Where did all of you come from?" He asked bewildered.

Jooheon chuckled. "Shownu hyung has been here the whole time. He and I were searching for you together. When we caught sight of you, Shownu thought I should talk to you alone, so I did."

"And I texted the others and let them know that we'd found you," finished Shownu.

He felt more tears fill his eyes as he looked from one face to another. They were all smiling. None of them looked angry or upset and his heart clenched in his chest at what he saw in their eyes.

Love. It shown through, bright and clear. This bunch of guys loved him despite what he'd said and done. He was beyond lucky. He closed his eyes feeling overwhelmed. I don't deserve this-

"Of course you deserve this," Jooheon countered and his eyes popped open.

"What?" Had he spoken aloud.

"You said you didn't deserve this and I said you did. Don't you know that's what love is? Forgiving when there's no reason to do so. That's what's so great about love." Jooheon cheesed again. "Love will love without reason. We love you and that's why we, why I, forgive you." He hugged Changkyun once more. "Don't ever forget that, okay?"

One by one, the other members took turns hugging the maknae. They had started talking about this and that when suddenly Shownu leaped up from the ground where he'd been sitting.

"The CEO! Oh, no!" He exclaimed.

"What?" Changkyun was confused.

"He gave us till tonight to find you before he let out a press release about your departure from Monsta X. We forgot to call him and tell him we found you! Quick! What time is it?!" 

As Shownu quickly tried to take his phone from his pocket, Changkyun exchanged grins with Jooheon.

Some things would never change. Shownu was still his awkward shy, quirky leader self. All was right with the world tonight.