Jooheon pushed open the dorm door, shoulders hunched and feet aching. It had been a long day, made longer by the fact that he hadn't been able to make himself look Shownu hyung in the face.

He couldn't. He kept hearing Changkyun repeat those words; those embarrassing words that had brought a painful blush to his face. Kept seeing the shocked faces of the manager and the other members, but especially Shownu's. Various expressions had crossed it in a matter of seconds, but the one he couldn't forget was the disgust that had settled there last.

He dropped his bag on the floor and sank onto the couch. Closing his eyes tightly, he leaned his head back. He felt so weary, like he'd run a marathon, when in reality, all he'd done was walk a couple miles around the local park. He knew once they'd finished their schedules for the day everyone would go back to the dorm, and he wasn't ready to face Shownu yet, so he'd gone to the park and just wandered around.

Speaking of the dorm...he hadn't heard any sounds since he'd gotten home. Where was everyone?

He pushed himself upright and walked down the hall, peeking in the kitchen and bathrooms before searching the bedrooms. The room which Shownu shared with Wonho and Hyungwon was empty. He slowly backed out of that room before pushing open the door of the bedroom he shared with the other three members. It was empty as well.

He placed his hands on his hips and let out a breath. Where were they? No one had said anything to him about meeting anywhere. Maybe they'd spoken after he left Starship? Were they trying to leave him out of things? Was this their way of kicking him out of the group? Maybe they all thought he was disgusting now, thanks to Changkyun. Why had he said those things? He'd thought the maknae was his friend. Tears stung his eyes.

He was turning to about head back to the living room when he caught sight of something white from the corner of his eye. Curious, he made his way over to his bunk and scooped up the white envelope lying on his pillow.

Opening it up, he pulled a single sheet of paper out and held it up to read.

Jooheon Hyung,

I can't tell you how very sorry I am that I said all those things. You didn't deserve that. You probably hate me now and rightly so. I was angry that I'd gotten dragged into your plan and I just lashed out. I'm so sorry, Hyung.

You're probably wanting to tear this letter to shreds, but please read to the end. 

I have realized that I don't fit in here. I never have, not really. All of you figured that out from the moment I joined No. Mercy. For a while I thought I did belong, that I could overcome all the anger and doubts. I thought everyone had finally accepted me. But I was wrong. So very, wrong.

I hope one day you will be able to forgive me. Thank you for trying to be my friend while I was here. I'm sorry I wasn't a good friend in return. 

Tell the others I'm sorry I was such a burden to them. Hopefully Starship will find someone else, someone better than me, to become the new rapper for Monsta X.

Goodbye,

Changkyun

The letter slipped from Jooheon's grasp and floated to the floor. He stood there frozen as a million thoughts flashed through his mind.

Changkyun was gone. Huh...?

Changkyun had left...? Whaaat...?

CHANGKYUN WAS GONE! 

Jooheon raced to the closet and frantically pawed through it, trying to see if there was anything missing. He saw several empty hangers and his heart seemed to stop, before it raced on, much faster than before.

He fell to his knees and felt under the bottom bunk for Changkyun's duffel but came up empty. He stood and turned in a circle, searching for his friend, desperately hoping that he was just hiding somewhere and would suddenly pop out and scare him.

But the room was empty. It was quiet and still, almost as if it too, knew that the maknae had gone and was heartbroken.

His chest felt numb and he struggled for breath. It can't be true....it can't possibly be true.

Without conscious thought, his legs carried him from the room. He ran from room to room, praying that he was asleep and would wake up in a minute to find that the last fifteen minutes had been a horrible, horrible nightmare. His friend just couldn't be gone...

Finally, after searching every nook and cranny and not finding the funny, sweet maknae, he faced the truth. 

Changkyun wasn't there. He really had gone...

The numbness in his chest grew worse. A few tears slipped down his cheeks. He reached for the phone sitting on the small table beside the couch and waited till his call was connected.

"Hyung." His voice was so quiet, the person on the other end of the line had to strain to hear. "Changkyun...."

"What about him?"

His heart felt like it had splintered into a million pieces as he struggled to get the words past the lump in his throat. "He's gone..."

~~~~~~~~

I'm so sorry that I haven't updated this in so long...

I hope you all will enjoy this chapter ~