Changkyun pulled his hoodie closer around him and made sure his hood was pulled up. 

After leaving the dorm, he had walked aimlessly for miles, unsure of where to go. He didn't want to go to any other Starship idols' dorms. Then everyone would know that he'd just quit his own group. 

I abandoned them, he thought. The thought saddened him and tears stung his eyes. No, wait. You left because you do stupid things. Like lying and telling everyone that Jooheon likes Shownu. How stupid can you be?! He whacked himself on the head with his fisted fingers.

"Oww!" The pain made his tears escape and they spilled down his cheeks. You're so pathetic. You even hurt yourself. 

He thought again how Jooheon's face had looked after he'd said those terrible words. Shock and hurt had covered his features. The utter betrayal he felt.

He had done that to him. Changkyun had taken Jooheon's good intentions toward Shownu and stuck them on a sword and stabbed him with it. A sob escaped his lips. 

He deserved to leave. He had betrayed the friendship Jooheon had extended to him. There was no way to undo what he'd done. To erase the hurt he'd caused. Leaving was the least of what he deserved. Really, he deserved to have Jooheon hit and punch him. To repay him some of the deep hurt he'd given the other rapper.

He deserved Jooheon's hate. 

Jooheon - they all really - deserved a better rapper than he and a much better friend than he'd been to them. Starship would soon find a replacement for him. One who would fit in with the members better. One who would come up with better rap lyrics. One who wouldn't keep having leg injuries. One who wouldn't betray his group members. Someone better than him.

So, yes. He deserved Jooheon's hate. That, and much more.

He wiped the back of his sleeve across his eyes. This was what he had to do. This was what he was doing. What he had done.

It was the right thing.

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Jooheon walked along beside Shownu in silence. The six of them had split up to cover ground faster. Shownu had motioned for Jooheon to go with him and he hadn't known how to say no, so he'd just nodded and left with him.

He felt his cheeks burn again as he remembered Changkyun's words from the night before. He'd seen the disgust on the leader's face before he'd hidden it. Was he remembering that also? Maybe that was why he'd barely spoken since leaving the dorm.

They approached the western restaurant Changkyun loved and pulled open the door. They entered and Shownu walked over to the host station.

"Excuse me." The man standing there raised one eye from his phone.

"Yes?" He asked edgily. "What is it?"

Must be a new employee, Jooheon thought, mildly upset. They came here so frequently that all the staff knew them on sight.

Shownu cleared his throat and pulled his phone from his pocket. "We're looking for a friend of ours." He tapped on the screen and showed the man a photo. "Have you seen him today?"

The man gave the picture a very brief glance. "No," he said and looked back down at his phone.

Jooheon seethed with anger. The least he could do was give the picture a thorough look! He gently moved Shownu aside. Folding his arms on the host stand, he narrowed his eyes at the lazy employee. "Look again. Please. Are you sure you haven't seen this kid? He comes in here all the time."

The host had straightened up a bit at Jooheon's tough tone. This time he took the phone from Shownu's hand and looked at it closely. His brows furrowed. "He looks kind of familiar, but he hasn't come in today. I'm sure of it."

Jooheon believed him. Though feeling disappointed, he thanked the man for his time and the two of them turned to go.

Back outside, Shownu pushed his hands into his jacket pockets and glanced left to right. "Well...." he said.

Jooheon felt the same. These stops were proving to be a dead end. So far, no one had seen hide nor hair of the maknae.

"Well...." he returned.

"Is there anywhere we missed? Any other places that we discussed, but didn't go to?"

He tried to think. "I don't think so. I think we  checked them all-wait! The park! We didn't check the park! Let's go there, Hyung!!" He forgot about being self-conscious around the leader and grabbed ahold of his arm. He started off down the sidewalk, pulling Shownu behind him.

"Wait!" The leader begged. "I can walk fine."

Jooheon stopped in embarrassment. "Oh," he said lowly. "Sorry," he muttered.

Shownu shrugged away his apology. "It's fine, Jooheon. Don't worry about it." He motioned with his head. "Let's just go and check that park quickly."

They walked in silence for several minutes when Shownu suddenly cleared his throat. "Hey. Jooheon."

The rapper turned his head to face him. "Yes, Hyung?"

Shownu ducked his head, unable to look Jooheon in the eye. "A-about last night- about what Changkyun said-"

Jooheon quickly interrupted. "Hyung, it's okay-"

"No, it's not. I shouldn't judge you because of who you might like." He swallowed before finally raising his head and looking Jooheon straight in the face. "I'm sorry that I hurt you. I -I was just really startled. I-it's okay whomever you like." He paused for a moment to gather his thoughts. "I-I just-"

"Hyung, it's okay."

"No, it isn't," he insisted. "If you want to like me, that's fine. I just want you to know that I like another-"

"Hyung, it's okay!!" Jooheon shouted. "I don't like you! I-I mean of course I like you, you're part of our group. I just meant-"

"Wait. What? You don't have a crush on me?"  Shownu shook his head looking utterly confused. "Then what-?"

Jooheon felt his face warm again. How much could he say without telling Shownu how he'd tried to find him a girlfriend? "I kinda came up with an idea and I dragged Changkyun into it. He wasn't happy about it and then last night..." He sighed. "Things were said and I think it really upset Changkyun, so he said all that stuff about me watching you and all. I do not, nor did I ever, have a crush on you."

He watched as the leader breathed a huge sigh of relief.

"Oh, thank God," he moaned. "I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to hurt your feelings or anything, but since we live in the same place and all, that would've made it very uncomfortable."

"Yeah." Jooheon only then realized that they'd stopped walking. He put his feet in motion once more and Shownu followed.

"So you don't like me," Shownu stated a few minutes later. "That's a relief."

Jooheon laughed. "Yes. Just think how strange that would've been."

Shownu laughed. "No kidding." He grinned. "Could you imagine what the others would've done if you had and we had to try to avoid one another?"

"I don't think I want to imagine- hey wait!" Jooheon suddenly remembered something. "You said you liked another! You like someone, Hyung? Who!" He yelled excitedly, momentarily forgetting how upset he was over his best friend.

Shownu looked over and saw his dongsaeng's interested expression. "Oh, look! It's the park!" He didn't wait for Jooheon's response and took off down the street.

"Yah! Hyung!" Jooheon had a disgruntled look as he watched the leader run away. "At least tell me where you met her at!" He whined, as he began to run after him. "You owe me that much!"

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