*Darkness creeps in*

Right... Panda2Koala is here... and I am updating today... as request of the lovely luna2moon who in her kind heart wanted to give you a chapter...

But! Even though I have given up this time, I do expect a lot more from you guys! Luna2moon puts a lot of hardwork into each chapter and I feel like there isn't enough love being given to her!

So, from now on I will be in charge of updating, just because I am in uni, does not mean you have gotten rid of me quite yet! *manic laughter as lightening strikes in the background* Yes... Since going to uni I have become more evil... and a little more crazy...

I am a beta on the edge!

Now... on that note...

I do love you all very much and I have missed writing author notes, you are beautiful human beings and you are still my favourite readers!

Do enjoy this chapter my pretties and farewell for now! *creeps out the door whilst laughing crazily!*

~~~~<3~~~~

As soon as Donghae closed the door, he put his hood up and put his mask on. He always had it with him, with his line of work, he couldn’t afford to get sick.

He started going through his photos whilst waiting for the bus, photos of them.

He never felt this sense of being lost before.

His heart literally hurt.

He couldn’t understand what happened.

They were so happy this morning… What happened?

On the other hand, this is his life… nothing good ever lasts in his life… now he was alone… completely alone… once again… Awkward Donghae… The one that never fits in anyway… and was only ever judged by the way he looked… like he had no other values except that… no one else saw anything else in him… except one person… except that person doesn’t want him in his life anymore…

The bus finally arrived and he went in like emotionless. Donghae sat in the bus, looking out of the window, blinded by tears. He had a paper mask covering half of his face and a hood over his head. The fur of his jacket covered the other half of his face. He was in the middle of feeling so sorry for himself, when he felt a weak tap on his arm. He turned and he saw a granny, who said, “There, there son…” And she pushed his head onto her shoulder.

Without even thinking, he just rested his head on the older lady’s shoulder until she said, “Can we talk about it?”

Hyukjae saw the door close.

He was sitting on the floor with his phone in his hand. He was writing one message after another, and then erasing it after. He was begging for forgiveness, for his foolishness, but all of his words sounded empty.

He looked at a picture from his photo gallery on his phone, one they took on the television screen when the interview that they did was on air. He only took the photo because Donghae looked so handsome on it, but he never realised his own face… and how he was looking at Donghae. There was no doubt in his mind that he was madly in love with him.

How did Donghae not see it?

Does Donghae still think he only wants to be friends?

Is this all just a misunderstanding?

Is he the only one who has been leading this dream to become a reality?

Maybe it was for the best… Maybe he has to let him go… But why… if it is the right thing to do… does it hurt so much? He can’t… he can’t let him go… Not before he is able to tell him the truth… it wouldn’t be fair… He needs to see him, he needs to tell him the truth… but he couldn’t bear to see the eyes of disappointment in Donghae’s face… He doesn’t have a way out… he is trapped… he let go of his phone… and he sobbed harder…

Then, in that bare second, his phone rang. His eyes were so full of tears, that he couldn’t see the ID. He dried his eyes and when he read who was calling, he answered immediately.

“Can we talk about it?”

Donghae sobbed, “What do you do… when the person you love the most… doesn’t want you in their lives?”

The granny answered, “Did the person say that?”

Donghae thought, and then answered, “Not in words… but in actions…”

The granny asked, “Did you say goodbye?”

Donghae nodded.

She then asked, “Did the other person say goodbye?”

He slowly shook his head.

She then asked, “Did the other person ask you to leave? Did that person tell you that they didn’t love you?” He paused, and then shook his head again. “Darling… if you go, you need to make sure you are not assuming things, and make sure the things in your head are actually true… because when the person you love the most dies, you finish with so many unanswered questions and you live your life in regret… You seem like a nice kid… go back, or at least call, and let them talk… before it is too late…”

Donghae, still sobbing, picked up his phone, and quickly dialled Hyukjae’s number. The phone rang only twice before Hyukjae quickly answered the phone. It hurt Donghae just to wait those two short rings and now nervousness filled his heart when he heard the calls connected.

Donghae tried to talk but he was unable to. Hyukjae was screaming on the other side, “Please! Donghae! Don’t go! I am an idiot! I am so sorry! I don’t know how to do this… I have never been close to anybody like this… please teach me… I don’t know what to do!” All Donghae could do on the other end of the phone was sob. Hyukjae cried, “I was scared… I always react like this when I am scared… I am a mess… please come back to pull me together again… come back as anything… but please just come back…”

Donghae sobbed, “I don’t know…” Hyukjae was sobbing, “We can talk this through… we are more than this… please come back home…” Donghae felt lost. He looked beside him and said to the granny, “He is crying… he says he wants me to go home…”

The granny smiled and said, “Then what are you waiting for?” Donghae pulled his mask down and kissed the granny on the cheek and left in a hurry. He got off the bus and took the next bus back. On the way back he was feeling nervous and uncomfortable.

When he arrived at the building, the doorman smiled at him and he heard the click of a camera. He turned and he saw a group of girls, but he didn’t feel like smiling. He went in the elevator, feeling more nervous by the minute. When the doors opened, straight in Hyukjae’s apartment. Hyukjae was sitting in the same spot he left him in.

Donghae dropped his bags and he went to kneel in front of Hyukjae, who didn’t even seem to realise Donghae was there. Hyukjae suddenly hugged him immediately, and he was sobbing. Donghae was his back in circular patterns, like the granny did to him, and he said, “We should go and eat…”

Hyukjae replied, “Let me stay like this… just for a few minutes… I want the fear to go away… I want to remain like this for another few minutes…” Donghae kissed the top of Hyukjae’s head and he said, “Let’s go and eat, and we can cuddle later… okay?” Donghae has never seen Hyukjae like this. He looked so hurt and vulnerable. A wave of guilt washed over him.

They moved slowly to the sofa, and Hyukjae still didn’t let him go. Donghae held Hyukjae’s head on his legs and he was his hair. They were both exhausted. They remained like that for the hours to come.