CHAPTER XVI

“Her Decision”

JESSICA’S POV

After a long and emotional night, I woke up with her beside me.  Inhaling her exquisite scent, I tightened my hold in her waist praying that what she said last night is only a part of my nightmare.  But it isn’t.  Yuri albeit subtly ended it last night, obviously giving up in our relationship.  In our case, I can see no way out.  I accepted it even though it hurts like a thousand knives piercing through my humanity, my soul, everything just hurts.  This is reality, we are clearly not meant to be if you’ll put it into a simpler form.  I am suddenly engaged at the man who is also her brother and everything is just a mess.

No matter how much I want to pack my bags and go off with her somewhere in which we can live in peace and be happy, but I can’t.  Taeyeon and Dad, I can’t leave them.  Not at this moment, when Dad is in a coma.  If he is awake he will never permit this madness, I hope to the heavens that maybe he will hear me on this.  I’ve never experienced such happiness, such security, and Yuri took every credit of it.  Every bone in my body screams her name and seeing her give up just like that weakens me.  But I know that she understands, she always have.  She is hurting too, I know.  If we are meant to be, we are meant to be.  If not, I’ll make every way possible to make it happen.

She stirred in her sleep, facing me.  Her long lashes that draped down indicating that she is very much still in her slumber gave a smile on my face.  I stared at her for a mere few seconds before she reached for me, hugging me tightly.  She wrapped her arms in me like it is the most normal thing to do and I just can’t help to return the sudden intimate action.  God, she smells so ing good.  We stayed like that for a long time, until a movement from her broke my enjoyment.

“Good Morning.” She greeted.  Her voice is husky, a music to my ears.  My eyes started to water again, I hate crying.  I cried so hard last night.  No matter how hard I tried to make myself hate Yuri, it just seems that I am incapable of doing it. This feeling is indescribable, I can just stare at her sleepy eyes and wonder why I deserve this reward, this treasure.

“Why are you crying?” She asked, bolting into a sitting position.  Cupping my cheeks in both of her hands.  Yuri looked at me worriedly.  I don’t want to make her worry so I shook my head and smiled at her, fixing her bed hair.  I combed her hair with my hands while I examine her features.  She keeps staring at me, although I have this urge to kiss her, I managed not to let it overpower me.  Maybe because I need to memorize every nook and cranny of Yuri’s face, just in case.  Just in case I fall into the misery of being with a man I do not harbor any feelings.  As I was fixing her hair, her head suddenly looked down, I panicked.  Just then I realized Yuri is crying.  Funny because she asked me why I am crying yet she is now doing it.

“Why does it have to be this way? I have everything yet I can’t have you.” She uttered, her voice shaking. 

“Yuri why can’t you fight?” I asked her.  I just want to ask her this question ever since last night. 

“I’m afraid.  Afraid of what will they do to you if I keep on insisting.  Mom and Yunho are both powerful Sica.”

“Run away with me.” I stated.  Grasping her hands so tightly, I forced her to face me.

“What are you talking about? Your Dad, Taeyeon, and Jessica we are not going to hide.” Yuri replied.  I just happen to ask her that, now I know that she cares for me too much.  She simply held her hands unto my face to wipe the tears away.  Then she smiled, her eyes now reaching through her eyes.

“If, someday, you have children of your own.  Can you make me a godmother?” WHAT IN WORLD IS THIS TAN MONKEY SAYING LIKE. God.

“What are you talking about?!”

“Jessica you are getting married.  We are not meant to be.”

“Shut up.” I have enough.  So this is what it is? Pushing me away? Is she hurting at all? Because I am. 

I left her in our room, never looking back at the woman who can’t even fight for me.  If she only knew how desperate I am to fight for her.  For the warmth that only she can give.  If this is what she wants, for me to be dog at my brother’s own doings, then it will be.  I will be Donghae’s wife.  It is useless anyway.

~~

After that, I never contacted Yuri.  Even though she tried to comfort me or maybe put some sense into me through her long texts which I didn’t even bother to open.  Her calls in my phone that goes straight into my missed calls section.  Or even her late night camping outside our house, waiting for me to knock on her BMW window, smiling and telling her I’m happy with her decision.  Taeyeon keeps bugging me how is everything doing, how am I coping with the break up. It’s all been .  For days, I can’t process any food in my system.  My appetite left me. 

I stayed in my room, even though Taeyeon and Yunho himself knocked on my locked door to ask if I am still alive.  I am still breathing, I am not in the verge of suicidal.  Not yet.  Yunho told me to be ready in 2 days’ time after his announcement but here I am, still in my room with nothing but a pink pajama and Yuri’s gray hoodie that I stole.  A blessing came to me when Rebecca called that their arrival will be delayed because Donghae’s suit is still not ready and they have to wait for the tailor to finish up the most amazing suit.  As if I am interested in that extravagant clothing.  Every girl might swoon but not me.

  If I’m going to meet Rebecca and Donghae in this state, then I will.  I will not make myself presentable in front of them.  Who are they to even have the opportunity to waste my efforts?  Maybe if I am not beautiful enough, they’ll cancel this marriage and let me go on with my life.  Oddly enough, my bed does not seem to be comfortable anymore.  Curse Yuri’s scent.  Her unique scent of freshness and mint is all that I am smelling in my pillows.  I am torn with the classic option of holding my breath in so that I can’t smell her addicting scent or just be immersed by her, even just by this. She likes to sleep over at my room when we are still together, or rather before I depart to Cali to talk to her of a mom.  Now, I wish to turn back the time to where everything is at place.  Everything is to my liking, we are all happy and in love.  When Sooyoung’s constant whining to eat and Yoona’s interruptions is the only problem we had.  How I wish.

I also want to give the smile back to my friends.  Obviously, they are struggling because of this.  They are doing everything they can to make me smile or rather cheer me up.  I am thankful but Yuri is my everything, she is the missing piece I need.

“Twinnie? Twinnie, you need to eat.  Can I come in?” Taeyeon’s voice echoed outside my room. Obviously, I stayed hidden underneath my covers.  As much as I want to hug my twin and gain comfort in it, I am too tired to move.  Taeyeon might’ve noticed the absence of my reply because suddenly my door swung open, and I can feel a slight movement on my bed. 

“Sica, you can’t be like this.  Yunho will be angry.” She said.  A clang of the food tray is immediately heard.  Great, pasta.

“Who cares, Taeng just leave me alone.”

“Donghae will arrive later in the afternoon.  Are you planning to attend your dinner?” Taeyeon asked worriedly.  Dinner my .  Let him eat.  He can eat even when I am not around can he? He is a grown up.  I don’t care if he starves himself.  Actually, I don’t care about anyone at all. 

“. Jessica. You can’t be like this! Even to me! I am doing everything that I can!” Taeyeon’s voice thundered in my ears.  She clearly had enough of me.  Knowing Taeyeon, her patience is never been long.  I felt guilty at my actions, I slowly crept up.  Taeyeon’s face is irritated, her eyes bloodshot.  The precious pasta Chef Andre cooked is sprawled in the floor, Twinnie threw that Michelin star dish like it is made up of the usual factory ingredients.  My face contorted at the sight of Taeyeon, I’ve never seen her this helpless.  Her eyes void of hope.  But I am deeply hurt, I can’t bare to give sympathy and express my guilt, so I stayed firm and emotionless. 

“That is the problem Taeng! You are not doing enough! You know how miserable I am! You know how it ing hurts that I can’t be with the woman I love! You know how it ing hurts that Daddy is in the hospital knowing nothing of my misery! You know nothing!