The Second Confession: Chapter 14

 

THE ROUGH ROUTE

 

It has been a matter of 7 days. 7 days after the unexpected break up. Cutting the parts of your skin resulting to the uncontrollable blood flow leading to death has always been a childish act only fools and lovesick idiots will do. But for some reason, the girl sitting in the veranda of her room, considered the idea for a moment. Does the pain really have to sting like this? She wonders. Perhaps it is an achievement that she has lasted a week being idle, just contemplating on things that could’ve happen if she told her the truth earlier, the things that would’ve transpired after that. Would they still be together? Still riding on their horse all the way the sunset? Would they still be?

 

“It’s not good to stay outside in this weather, Twinnie.” Jessica knew that voice. She did stayed. She is the only one who did. Jessica turned around only to be adorned by Taeyeon’s worried face. A cup of hot chocolate in her hand, with the other hand grasping a fine cashmere scarf.

 

“I know.” She replied managing to give her twin an assuring smile. Taeyeon handed her the cup in which she accepted in a flash. The warmth of the hot chocolate is not the warmth she has been expecting to cuddle her in this wintry nights but due to obvious reasons, that warmth is maybe somewhere in the Asian peninsula. And Jessica had to make the hot chocolate’s warm fill her empty heart, this has to work. The scarf, a non-living thing object is making her feel fuzzy and comfortable, at least, it made her feel a little bit at ease.

 

“It’s the first snow. You should be with Tiffany.” Jessica said, slightly hidden from view as she sipped the hot chocolate. Taeyeon, laughed. The fog of smoke coming out of her nose.

 

“I told you, I will stay by your side. Besides, Tiffany is downstairs. Enjoying the cup of hot choco like you do.” Taeyeon’s laugh is like a carol to Jessica’s ears. Not that Taeyeon’s laugh is pleasant to the ears, it is carol mainly because, it made Jessica happy that she can still hear the man-like laugh of her twin, a representation that the one who will never leave her side is safe. Her twin is still in love, doing what she loves and most of all, she is here. It is sacrificial, yet it feels satisfying.

 

“Oh, she is here?” Now Jessica understood the little commotion. The rest of the gang is in their house doing God knows what. Of course, she knows that it is quite a tradition for the past two years for them to take the pleasure of witnessing the first snow in the Jung’s mansion. And they would always exchange extravagant gifts, except for Seohyun who will only distribute books containing endless rants about how to be prim and proper. Nevertheless, each would have a great time. Jessica, however, does not know if she will feel nostalgic, it is evident the tradition is still going on, it hasn’t stopped. But why feel nostalgic? The answer is simple, the feelings, the person is not there anymore, that is why Nostalgia has crept over.

 

“You know they would crash here to watch the first snow right? Stop giving me that impression. I know you like the back of my hand.”

 

Jessica remained silent. Taeyeon, will always be..Taeyeon. Her mirror.

 

“And, she is not here. I’m sorry, I tried.” Taeyeon’s voice was solemn. Dejected and for the first time, Jessica appreciated Taeyeon’s vulnerable side. She tried. How cute.

 

“You don’t have to. If she does not want to come then, she is not obligated to. We are not together anymore.” The word came out of , unwillingly. Like a thorn in the roses, you know it was there but it was still difficult to digest the fact that it is present. Destroying the perfection that lies in it. There is no more Yuri and Jessica. And she hoped for the possible bright future in which Yuri and Jessica will be Yulsic. One and present. And then, she hoped, again.

 

“You know what you are right. But as much as I want to rejoice on the fact that you are single and free from all the danger of being in a relationship, I still can’t. You know why Twinnie? Because being with her makes you happy in ways I can’t even understand why. You changed because of her, and I am thankful. But seeing you know, you have changed again. But not in a way I want you to. Stop sulking and face life, Jessica. It does not revolve around her. She decided to cut all this ties between you when in fact you can help each other to make things work.” Taeyeon said, her eyebrows is meeting at the center of her face.

 

The sign of frustration is getting the hang on her. For days of just observing and trying really hard, Jessica is still a rock. She is not going forward on her life. If she wants to get out of this bubble of being the broken girl, she needs to revolve with the world. Not stay at the side of it where she stopped, for the world will keep spinning and sooner or later, she will face the darkest part of it.  No matter how hard it is to keep up, if you want the good, deal with everything.

 

Jessica opened to retaliate when Taeyeon held up her hand to silence her.

 

“Don’t. I know she needs to find herself because she is lost with the thoughts of you and whatever! My point is, Twinnie, if she wants to crawl back to regain your love again when the time she indeed find her lost self, I will be your chauffeur. But, Kwon Yuri is still lost as of the moment and all you need to do is go on with your life for the mean time. Make a progress out of your waiting process. Be a better person, so you can be perfect the second time around. You hear me?” Taeyeon added, this time a smile plastered on her face.

 

“What would I do without you?” Jessica exclaimed softly. Tearing a little.

 

“Go down the stairs, you think I will carry you?” a poke in the forehead.

 

~~

 

“This is such a merry way of celebrating isn’t it unnie?” Yoona echoed behind the glass panel of the bedroom. The sight of the junkyard gains the two occupants a tinge of unfamiliarity. No obnoxious and boisterous laughter from Sooyoung and the usual bickering of Taeyeon and Hyoyeon. No meditation music coming from the speakers courtesy of Seo Juhyun’s out of this world head. The normality of the junkyard for the past two years has been swiped out of their senses in an instant.

 

“It is just the first snow Yoona. No need to celebrate.” Yuri replied, her gaze focused on the monotone rug in front of her. Given the set of expensive and well-aged wine sitting majestically in the glass table, the sisters ignored it like a plague.

“We always celebrate it in their house you know.” Yoona positioned herself beside her sister. Grabbing the cork opener swiftly, she opened the wine effortlessly.

 

“It’s awkward.”

 

“Oh come on. You are dragging all of us in this fiasco. Why not brace yourselves to the results of your act? You broke up with her, and you are surrounded with people who are part of her life, it is normal to bump into her from time to time. And to think, the first snow celebration is the event I am looking forward all year!” echoed Yoona. Her newly refilled glass of wine is halfway towards the end, Yuri sighed. Helping herself with a glass of alcohol. Yes, indeed. It is always the most sought celebration of the gang, not even Christmas and New Year can surpass the bliss of witnessing the first drop of snowfall with the one you cherish. Taeyeon’s buffet is only an addition and Sooyoung’s grand prize. That is why maybe, her bestfriend is not here.

 

“The go Yoong. I am okay here, really.” Yuri smiled.

 

“Taeyeon invited you. You should come with me.”

 

“I am not ready to face her yet.” A soft hesitation came in reply. Yuri sank lower in her seat, leaning in the leather sofa while her gaze transferred to the lights in the ceiling.

 

“KWON YURI!”

 

The junkyard’s door flung open revealing a tall and obviously cold girl. The coat that is covering her lanky body is not doing its job on making its owner stay warm. Choi Sooyoung gritted her teeth, scanning the whole junkyard, and it landed to the Kwon’s gawking at her sudden appearance with their hands full of the reason to get drunk. Never, she vowed, never in her life again would she wait outside of the junkyard for Kwon Yuri’s dramatic strutting to be with her damsel, joining her in watching the ball of ice falling down from the sky for the first time. So much drama indulging made Sooyoung so optimistic for a possible epic reunion.

 

“What are you doing here?” Yuri asked dumbfounded at her bestfriend looking like a frozen churros. The newly dyed hair complemented the light brown shade of her coat, beautiful but Choi Sooyoung looks like a mess, and angry.

 

“I waited!” She yelled as she flung the jacket on the ground. Sooyoung being the drama star again is expected to do those kinds of reactions.

 

“Where?” Yoona asked, finishing her drink.

 

“OUTSIDE!” She yelled, frustrated and cold.

 

“Why?” Yuri stood up. She tiptoed slightly to brush away the snowflakes off Sooyoung’s hair.

 

“BECAUSE I AM WAITING FOR YOU TO COME OUT.” She pried the tanned girl’s hands away. Taking refuge in the nearby leather couch, slapping Yoona’s thighs to make room.

 

“Why would I come out? It’s cold.” Yuri furrowed her brows. Why would Sooyoung wait? Unless..

 

“AND THAT IS THE MORAL OF THE STORY! I WAITED AND IT IS COLD! AND MY BODY IS NOW FROZEN, SPARE ME THE ELSA COMPARISON BECAUSE HELL AS I WOULD DECLARE I AM NOT HER!” for the umpteenth time, Yuri heard the chattering noise of Sooyoung’s teeth. The taller one, now with a wine glass in her disposal gulped the alcohol as if it is a form of tasteless water, her cheeks eventually turned into a rosy color as the warmth of the wine took its turn in her cold body. Yuri and Yoona shared a brief eye contact before mustering courage to ask a Sooyoung in berserk mode and probably on her way on the train of drunkard station.

 

“Unnie, watching so much drama will get a toll on your brain.” Yoona said as a matter of factly. The younger Kwon did not even bother to touch Sooyoung with the fear of getting frozen to death. She calculated the partial distance it needs Sooyoung to grab her silky hair in case she hit that nerve.

 

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Kill that kind of Sooyoung already.” Her hands resembled a pendulum. With another swig of the wine glass, Choi Sooyoung came to face the older Kwon located at the edge of the couch, eyeing her with a lo