This chapter is from Mingyu's POV

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The first night

She has so much hair. Probably about as much as the other girls, but now that his eyes rake along the length, the silkiness, the softness (he grabbed a good handful last night)—he acknowledges Minatozaki Sana has the most hair, if that even makes sense. But it’s still very early in the morning, so that makes sense? Is it?

The outside is still blue-ish, but little is what he’s grateful for, because it gives him a good, but not too much eyesight of his enemy, his very gorgeous enemy, sleeping peacefully besides him. Last night was a blur, but he remembers snippets. He remembers taking in her entrance into their rent house. She grimaced by the noise, and she’s wearing an off-shoulder top. Since the first time she wore the off-shoulder style, somehow he hated her more. He hated the very sight of her, but he just couldn’t seem to take his eyes of her. So his eyes remained on her the whole night—as she danced, as she drank, drank and drank and as she marched her way to him, accusing him of being noisy when he didn’t even speak a word near her.

It’s another blur, until she ruined him for another girl. She’s—, people don’t lie when they say hate-, angry-, shut-the--up- are the best kind of . She’s amazing; if that is even enough of a word. It was like a war. They attacked and took, but still gave a good balance of giving. Which was weird, because they could not tolerate each other in daily occurrence.

He eyes the hickey he gave her on the very shoulder he seems to have a on. It’s dark red at this point and he’s so tempted to it to soothe the pain. He’s salivating at the thoughts of touching her skin, kissing her hipbone and nipping along her spine and to her neck, so that she’ll wake up and they can try to tolerate each other again—because they apparently can do that very well.

But somehow, his gut tells him she won’t like that. She won’t remember this as good and as much as him. So when the day goes brighter and her forehead starts twitching, he takes a good look of her in her vulnerable, sweetest and submissive state for one last time, grateful for the opportunity and then he closes his eyes.

There’s a gasp, a jerky movement and a frantic string of curses. When she starts shouting, “WHAT THE ?!” he clenches his fist.

Because deep in his heart, he wishes she wouldn’t see this as a mistake.

When she told him she’s pregnant

Mingyu stares down at the one face he has trouble erasing from his goddamn mind since the first, and probably the last time he had her under him, on top of him and pinned against the door. For weeks, it’s like he’s having a nightmare. She didn’t let him forget her. Which is why she’s a nightmare.

As well as the news she reveals just now.

“Wh-what do you mean pregnant?”

She looks confused for a moment. He wishes she’s confused. She can’t be pregnant. It must be—just a way for her to prank him. She never did that, but even if she did, this is the dumbest of them all.

But then she looks determined, and it shows through the conviction of her statement. “ing pregnant.”

By the look of it, this is not a prank. Which means . . . , she is pregnant. Could it be his? But why the hell would she feed him this information if it isn’t? He can feel his blood getting colder. “Is it mine?”

She glares at him. It’s an offensive question but he’s too freaking out to care right now. “Yes. You were the only one I slept with in about half a year. And I went through a test and I’m around six weeks pregnant, which tells more if you don’t believe me.”

. “But how? I used a .” He never went bare. Never. This is one of the main reason; to avoid random girls to come to him saying he impregnates them.

But this is not random girl. This is Minatozaki Sana, his baby bird. If she wants someone to impregnate her, he would never be one.

“The is broken.” She shrugs. “I guess.” And her face redding. “Because I remember it felt a little . . .” She shrugs again. “You know, warm.”

ty . He did wonder about that too. But he didn’t dwell on it. “It did feel a little sticky, though. I thought I accidentally ripped it off that my spilled out.”

She grimaces but he doesn’t care. Because holy , is this really happening? To think that this morning his mother called him saying he’s the best momma boy and now the universe is telling him he’s becoming a daddy?

Holy . . .

And the universe is the biggest comedian, because of all girls he spent a night with, Minatozaki Sana has to be the one to bear his child. The same girl he can confirm, if he ever caught in a fire, she wouldn’t even spit on it.

How the would this even work?!

He ponders over it the whole two hours of his International Trading class. The words written on the slideshows could be written in Mandarin for all he cared. All he’s thinking is that his life is swivelling in one big cosmic joke. Doesn’t have a father, but he’s becoming a father. Bed many girls, but knocked up the one and only that hated him.

The very foundation of this is wrong. But this is the reality now. And he knows it first hand how harsh reality can be growing up like him. The unplanned baby, the unwanted, the almost-aborted one. He detests his father and this is universe asking him, “So you hate your father? Now let’s see what you’re going to do if you’re in his shoes.”

He already knows he will do this differently. Not to spite his father, but more to the baby. He would never let him or her to grow up like him, yearning for father’s love and attention.

He takes a breath. Did he already come to a decision?

Yes, . He did.

He’s going to be a father.

Happens in between the timeline of chapter 8 and chapter 9

He’s hungry. He needs to get two cheeseburger the size of his head for lunch. Come to think of it, it’s time for lunch, anyway. Why hasn’t he get into his car and leave this parking lot yet? Oh right, Seokmin is still talking.

“There’s three peaks. I’m aiming for the highest peak. It has block view.”

He’s talking about his hiking plan, one Mingyu would join if it isn’t on Sunday. He’ll be home on Sunday. Thing and TJ are home and he misses those brats.

Seokmin is now talking about trails, the same time Mingyu’s eyes trail to Sana’s car taking the parking space near his. He watches as she climbs out, opens the passenger door and carries out a messenger bag that seems a little too heavy and her arms are also full of thick books. He frowns. What the hell does she think she’s doing?

“Are you listening?” Seokmin snaps his fingers in front of his face.

“No,” Mingyu answers truthfully. “There’s a girl and—you know what, we can talk later—”

“Of course you pay more attention to girls.” Seokmin rolls his eyes, and then he blinks, sharpening his sight to the same girl Mingyu is getting caught looking at. “Wait, that’s Sana.”

“Yes.”

“You’re looking at Sana.” He’s stating it like he’s questioning it. He knows how he and Sana never get along well.

“She’s a girl. I like looking at girls.” Mingyu grins and backs away, approaching his baby bird.

When he nears, he grabs her books of her arms, startling her.

“Give me the bag.”

“You could just start by saying hi, you know. You freaked the out of me.” She grumbles, unslinging the bag from her shoulder.

“You shouldn’t be carrying anything, except my baby,” He scolds, taking the bag from her.

“Our baby.”

“That’s what I said. No doing stupid like this ever again.”

She rearranges her hair and puffs out air looking annoyed. As he takes a close look, she looks really cute today with huge sweater and hair tied in high ponytail. The skinny jeans still fits her and damn, since when he has a thing for skinny jeans on woman?

And why does looking at her makes him hungrier?

She gives a sassy glare and then starts walking away. “How is carrying books stupid?”

“Because you’re pregnant, Minatozaki,” he says tiredly.

Her hand shots out to reach for his arm, halting their steps. And then her eyes quickly dart out around the area, looking a little panic.

He sighs. Because if it’s up to him, he wouldn’t care if people knows they are a pair of parents-to-be. It’s not supposed to be a dirty little secret, something he should be ashamed of. But then again, he’s not the one pregnant. He knows where Sana is coming from.

She stands on tiptoes, cupping the side of the mouth, leaning for a whisper. “You can be saying that without announcing it to the world next time, yeah?”

He rolls his eyes and they start walking again. Her hand that was attached to his arm retracts and somehow, he feels the loss. Because he likes girls, he arranges the books to the left arms and his right circle around her shoulders.

He grins when she looks up at him, still glaring. But he applauses the fact that it doesn’t take her off-guard, making her stop walking or pushes his arm away or anything.

“Where are you going, baby bird?” He asks, looking down at her and he notices her supple cheek. When she gave him a peck on the cheek few days ago, he felt it for hours after that. It’s weird. Now that her cheek is in kissing distance, maybe he could bend down and return the favour?

Damn, why is he having weird thoughts again? Maybe he really need to get his lunch now.

“I’m returning the books to the library. And then I’m going for lunch.”

“Hmm . . . Maybe we should get lunch first, and then we’re going to the library when it opens again at two?”

“How does my plan suddenly include you?” She sounds like she’s whining but she’s smiling. “But sure, that’s perfect.”

He could really kiss her inviting cheek now. He could, but she won’t like that. He exhales a subtle frustrating noise, “Perfect. I think I want three burgers now.”

When he realizes he loves her

After he takes a piss, he washes his hands at the sink, all the while taking a look of himself in the mirror. He looks happy. There’s a glint in his eyes that looks a lot like he’s having the best day of his life and the thing is, the day has barely started. It’s only six in the morning.

He notes how empty the house is as he saunters back to his room. The door clicks shut behind him and his eyes pin on the small figure of the reason why he’s already having a good day. His fingers absentmindedly lock the door (can’t risk Nayeon or anyone to barge in again) without taking his eyes off her and then he walks towards her.

For a while, he just stands there by the foot of the bed, watching her like a creep.

She looks so good and so right sleeping on his bed, his sheet and how her hair splays on his pillow. He never allows this before. He never has any girl in her spot now. He doesn’t share his bed with anyone. Until her.

For him, his room is a place to think. He has perspective in here. Therefore, he won’t taint it with casual fling and sins. He might sleep around, but never in his own bed. Because he hates the act of making them leave and tells them that it’s the last encounter between them.

Sana is an exception. She has always been one.

He doesn’t understand why when it comes to her, he always breaks his rules. The set of rules that keeps him safe and guarded. No second hook-up. No girls in personal space. No bringing girls home. No nicknaming them.

Maybe it’s given because he can’t not—she’s pregnant with his child. But something about them is also mostly about her as well.

He tries not to label what he feels for her. Minatozaki Sana is an impulse. Currently, all he knows is that he is acting on it. On his instinct. On his need. On something feral and basic.

Like right now when he crawls on top of her, doing exactly what he wanted to do the first morning she spent here. He carefully pulls the sheet down her body, slowly revealing the skin he knows smelling so soft and sweet. Vanilla and raspberry.

He drops a kiss to her hipbone, and trails kisses to her stomach, whispering quiet and sweet wishes to his baby, that he can’t wait to see him or her. He wishes her healthiness and to always be good to mommy. Then he runs his nose and his lips to between her s and to her shoulders that he loves. He kisses it, teasing with the little tip of his tongue. And she wakes up.

He smiles and she closes her eyes again, smiling as well.

When his lips graze her neck and he breathes in her scent, he realizes how this is a life he can really get used to. The feel of her beneath him on his bed and in his space, falling asleep to the mother of his child, waking up to the girl that he loves and—

He stills. The realization hits him hard, like a punch in the gut.

Did the big L just cross his mind? Associating with the squirming lady he’s staring at right now?

Her arms reaching up to slip on the back of his shoulders, pulling him down to her. Nipping on his ear, she whispers, “Wake me up.”

It’s a dangerous thought, when it dawns on him that he would do anything for her. Anything.

But he’s not capable to be too much. He’s not doing relationship and fall in love for a reason. Because he knows he’s not capable of anything but breaking hearts.

Her eyes are now going through his face, her eyebrows knot in confusion, probably wondering why he stops. She pulls his face down, pressing her lips to him. And then she begs against his mouth, “Please.”

He sighs, feeling himself weakening. Because really, at this point, he would give her everything. He just wishes . . . it’s not his heart that she wants for now. It’s just him.

And him, he can give.

Just for now.

When he let her go

Maybe it’s the rule of universe, that when something tragic happens, the rains will pour, soaks your clothes, chills you from the inside out and cries for you.

It doesn’t bother him as he climbs out of his car and stands there under the rain. He looks up to the sky and be. He can’t feel a thing. He doesn’t react. He walks into the house, dragging a wet trail to his room. Wonwoo is there in the kitchen. He’s saying something, but Mingyu is too numb and dazed to care. When he makes it through his door, that’s when his senses kick back in. His feeling rushes to his core again. And he feels her.

Everywhere.

She’s only been here for two nights. But she leaves traces everywhere. He can still see her eyes, heavy lidded with lust. He can smell the scent of her hair, no doubt seeping through his pillow.

She was just here, right here, few days ago. He could touch her, look at her and kiss her.

And now he can’t. Because he just let her go.

He trudges further into his room, like he’s carrying the world’s burden on his shoulder. When he reaches the end of the bed, he falls, and curls. He stares into space, feeling so out of sort.

He made her cry. He’s not supposed to make her cry. He’s just supposed to ease things between them and they will back to being friends. It’s supposed to be that simple.

But apparently, this involved feeling, even on her end.

He closes his eyes. The moment he does, the images of her tears and her upset face fills his thoughts and he wants to choke. He did that. He’s an , even to the woman that he loves and the woman who’s going to bear the pain to give birth to his child.

What had he done?

And why did he feel so … broken? Like he lost his grip on his own ing life? But in some way, it really is like that. Sana has becoming his life. In just three days, she made his life whole and beyond. To think that they only spent those days in this ing room, just the three of them, says a lot about what she’s done to him.

And he just let her go.

He curls in fetal position. He is supposed to be safe. This is supposed to be the best. But why does he feel like someone dies?

And he’s the killer?

It has been more than a week. Nine days and twelve hours to be exact. Nine days and twelve hours since Sana is no longer his to hold. Every day that passed, his stomach gets more and more hollow and his muscles are weakening. He revels in it. He wants to suffer. He wants the pain.

He deserves it.

Campus is the only place where he can see her, but she never looks his way. She sits in the class, eats at café, studies at library and sticks her earbuds and quietly walks away. It’s like he doesn’t exist to her. It’s like she’s not the same person he spent the most wonderful weekend he ever had, which is ironic because they named it a y weekend full of snots and sneezes.

He deserves this.

He deserves being this miserable without her.

But what can he do? This never meant to last. They are in this as parents. One day when they realized this was all that is, that in the process, they confused their fate—that they thought they should be together by circumstances, by proxy, it’s going to ruin everything. Especially for their baby. And he can’t risk that.

He knows now how good he and Sana can be as a couple.

But he also knows how terrible they can be as enemies.

His baby won’t go through toxic parents. And being friends who co-parent, is not toxic. Being in a relationship and break up, will be it.

​​​​​​​

“You look like you just came from hell.”

Mingyu turns his head away from his love, long enough to look at his side. Wonwoo approaches him with a can of coke. Grateful for it, he chugs on it. "Been there for more than a week. It was . . . well, hell."

Wonwoo follows his trail of sight, and sigh. “You guys were so good. About to be better with your little bundle of joy. What happened?”

Mingyu looks away. “None of your business.”

Wonwoo smiles. When Sana revealed she used to have a crush on Wonwoo, his smile starts to annoy Mingyu. Does he have to look so kind? It’s . . . degrading. Degrading him. Because all he does is breaking hearts. And Wonwoo looks like one who could heal them.

“So, she’s available now?”

His eyes snap at the fox-like face. Wonwoo is still smiling, but now he doesn’t look kind. He looks exactly like his face. Like a fox.

“What do you mean?” He grates from his teeth.

Wonwoo takes long enough to sip on his coffee. And then he eyes the label, as if reading it. “You know she used to like me.” Then he looks at him again. “She can do that again.”

The can of coke crackles in Mingyu’s grip. “Don’t you dare to touch her.” She’s mine, he wants to add, but who does he think he is to say that? “We’re having a baby.”

Wonwoo turns smug. “Why not? You don’t want her, it seems. And I don’t mind her pregnant. I like babies.”

Mingyu’s breathing turns haggard. Because he can picture it. He can picture them so good. Sana deserves a man who can take care of her and does pleasant things to make her happy, and Wonwoo fits. Wonwoo fits the frame so nicely. But why can’t he allow it? Apparently, he’s as selfish as he is horrible. “If you do as much as be in the same room as her, I swear to God, Wonwoo—”

Wonwoo laughs. “Hey, chill. I was just kidding. I don’t do off-limit, and she’s—well, she’s perfect. Don’t take me wrong, but she’s not my type. You know my type. I like the quiet one.”

Mingyu regards him for a moment, before his heartbeats slows, noticing that Wonwoo is just ing with him. “This is not funny.” He throws his coke to the nearest trash bin. Being a shooter in the basketball team, he perfected the aim.

“So you love her. And she obviously feels the same. Then why is this happening?”

“She deserves better,” Mingyu answers in a sigh. “Not . . . me.”

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Stop being naïve. You know how I’m like. I went through girls in this campus, faster than you brew coffee. She deserves someone nice. Someone who doesn’t have bad reputation.”

“I know someone like that. Ten. Her ex-boyfriend. She was familiar to me because of him. We used to be in the same chess club. He’s exactly like me, the so-called nice guy. Did he treat her better than you? No, because he cheated on her.”

Mingyu tightens his jaw. How could someone even cheat on Minatozaki Sana? What a dumb . 

“Would you?” Wonwoo fishes. “Would you cheat on her?”

Mingyu eyes him angrily and he growls, “The ?” Because as far as he concerns, there’s no other girls in this town since Sana confiscated his heart in her tiny hard grip.

Wonwoo smiles again, because when does he not? “Then, you’re doing this all wrong. You’re doing the both of you, and your baby, wrong. They don’t deserve a coward. If you agree with me, then man up and fix this.” And then he walks away.

Mingyu breathes hard but stay silent. Yeah, he can say that her relationship with nice guys aren’t winners, either, but . . . but what? He’s still him. The one and last time he was in a relationship, he was such a bad lover, his girlfriend ran to his bestfriend.

But that was three years ago.

Life isn’t carved in stone. It can still be subject to change.

He doesn’t let himself think anymore. When baby bird is concerned, he doesn’t think. He fishes for his phone. And dials. No answer. Rejected, actually.

He sighs. He needs to talk to her. He doesn’t know what to say yet—his head and his heart are in jumbled mess—but he needs to see her, then talk.

​​​​​​​

Because he picked the wrong time and the wrong circumstances, he didn’t say what he wanted to say. He wanted to invite her for lunch. Or dinner. The coffee and the muffin delivered for her was the precedes. But then it didn’t work.

Sana hates him at sight. She didn’t let her pretty eyes linger on him for a second too long. Her voice is cold, long gone is his chirpy baby bird. And he hates that. He hates that he ruined his beautiful and funny girl.  

And that’s when he decides, he needs her back. Permanently. He will fix this.

He keeps making bad and ironic choices. When she wanted to be with him, he pushed her away. When she told him to off, he wanted her back. Why is it always about him? What about her? Her wants.

He leaves her alone for now. Because it’s the first week of the semester break and he’s pounced by a flood of work. His new job. Filing the cases by dates—which haven’t been updated since last year—and photocopies tons of .

He’s grateful for that. At least he doesn’t have time to think and drown in the sorrow of his own making.

On lunch, when Min Jung, the PA of his grandfather, who’s in her thirties, asks him if he has a girlfriend. Shamelessly and without putting much thought, he says yes. He shows her pictures of them, Sana and him, of Sana when he took her pictures without her knowing, and her baby bump.

“You’re having a baby with her?” Min Jung asks with an awe to her tone.

He smiles, flooded with emotions, love and longing. “I mean, how can I not? Look at her.” He gushes, stopping at one picture of Sana wearing his basketball jersey. She’s ing adorable in the oversize shirt, especially when her bump is showing. Her pregnant photo always does something to her. Call it Napoleon , but the bump has “The Property of Kim Mingyu” branded on it.

“I understand that.”

“She doesn’t know this yet, but we’re going to have at least, another three.”

“Awww. . . “

If she even wants him back. But a guy can dream.

He gets a text from his baby bird before the lunch time is over and his attention turns solely on that. He can only get something from Sana when it’s about their baby. But he misses his baby as well. Talking about his or her growth was one of the moments when he can really feel his heart expanding in happiness. If he can make it right with the mother, he will get to feel her moves.

Next appointment is on Tuesday. I can go alone, but if you can make time,

I’ll text you the details.

He can get the day off. Perks of nepotism.

I want to be there, so, sure. 😊

He eyes the clock. Five minutes before the break is up. He can call her, while she’s here talking to him. Taking the chance and .

He dials, and she doesn’t pick up. She’s literally on the phone a minute ago! He dials again and she rejects. Because he’s pathetic, he turns to pleading.

Please pick up. I need to talk to you.

His mood goes down until the day is over and there’s no word from Sana.

He really ed this up, isn’t he? That the moment he wants to take the plunge, the girl she wants no longer wants anything to do with him.

​​​​​​​

When they are about to reconcile but they lost their baby (Chapter Nineteen and Twenty)

He doesn’t know what makes her changed her mind, though, but few days later, she called him back and from the sound of it, she doesn’t mind him back to her as well. So, he rushes. He gets cleaned up, checking his fuel, grabs a bouquet of customized red M&Ms, and speeds. He can make a three-hour ride into two. He’s that impatient.

Five more kilometres before he reaches his destination. He looks like an idiot with the grin he can’t help. When he eases the accelerator to stop at a traffic light, he looks around and he remembers that time when he and Sana stopped right here at this spot. They were going to tell her father about her being pregnant. They were holding hands. It was comforting, he remembers.

His train of thoughts interrupted when his phone ring Anything Like Her by City Girl and tiffi—the ringtone sets for Sana, the same time the light turns yellow. He swipes up, a wide smile already plays on his mouth.

“Hey, ba—”

“Kim Mingyu.” A curt tone by a man catches him by surprise, he doesn’t register the light already turns green and a honk can be heard from the back of his car. “It’s Sana’s father.”

His heart thumps. Why would he call him? Using Sana’s phone. And calling him with the right name at that. “Y-yes, sir?”

“You need to come to the hospital. It’s—it’s about Sana. And your baby.” He words sounds heavy. “I’ll send you the location.” And then he hangs up, leaving Mingyu completely speechless.

Drivers are honking like maniac behind him and then only he catches up to his senses.

This can’t be good, he thinks as he presses on the accelerator. This is really bad, he thinks as he takes an illegal U-turn. In the midst of the chaos in his brain, he somehow remembers he drove past a hospital in his way here.

If he rushed before, it’s not even close to the speed he goes to now. He’s sweating, he’s worrying. He has all kind of scenarios in his head but at the same time, his head goes blank. What is happening?!

​​​​​​​

The last time he’s sitting at the floor at the hallway of a hospital setting, it was when Sana wanted to abort the baby.

Today, he’s here alone. Because even when Sana made the right decision to go on with the pregnancy, they still couldn’t keep it.

The baby is gone. He just sent his own son, Kim Gi-Jung to the morgue and—how could he?

Christ, he lets his head falls. His eyelids close shut and tears hanging at the tip. How could he? That’s his baby he has sent to the morgue. To be burned into ashes. He just held him, feeling the complete love and adoration to him. And the fact that the next time he gets to hold him, he’s nothing but dusts. Christ.

Where’s a stray bullet from a random drive-by shooting when you need one? Just kill him. He bets it would be less painful than this feeling slashed so, so deep, he doesn’t know if he could ever function right again, because this scar? It won’t fade. It’s too deep inside where he couldn’t reach and heal.

He’s aching everywhere yet he doesn’t know exactly where. He’s sobbing hard, face in his knees. The tears burn his cheeks, and even though they just keep coming and coming, his sobs are silent. Misery usually is. He feels arms around him, he doesn’t know whose, but he can’t care. This ache so much. Too much.

He’s a ing nonstop train wreck.

And that when he hears a wail he knows come from Sana’s room. It’s her. She’s awake. He pushes to his feet and barges through the door. And what he sees, about the same effect as a stray bullet hitting his chest.

She’s the same train wreck, only worse.

“Where is he!” She yells, pushing the bed tray away until it wheels to hit the wall. “Where’s my baby?! Who took him from me?!”

The nurses are trying to calm her down. His father is trying to grab her face. It’s frantic and pure chaos. Mingyu doesn’t know what to do. Because what to answer her? He’s the one who sent their son to the morgue. To the ing morgue, for ’s sake!

She will hate him, she will hate him so much. But his legs bring him to her anyway, because he needs to hold her as much as he wants her arms to hold him, too. To make this pain goes away. It won’t for a while, but at least there’s something.

He grabs her, holding her tight to his chest, and she’s squirming, fighting, but he doesn’t let that deter him. “I’m sorry, baby, I’m so sorry,” he wrenches out from his tight throat. He feels like he’s about to lose his , but not now. Not now, when the love of his life is losing hers.

Her muscles and limbs turn slack. Now she’s just weeping, whimpering, “How could you let them take him? How could you?” and some more indistinct words.

As the nurses and her father backs away, thinking it’s already safe to let her be, he rubs a soothing touch to her back. “I’m sorry it comes to this. I’m so sorry, love, I’m so sorry that it comes to this.” His liquids of regret are wetting the top of her head, and he almost feel her touch on him. Her hands finding their way to his chest . . . And then she pushes him away and he immediately feels such an absolute loss.

She’s standing three feet away from him, but she might as well be at the end of the earth. That’s how far he feels she is. She’s glaring at him like he’s a criminal. Like she hates him.

“You took him.” Somehow, she could put the pieces together.

“I’m sorry—“

She breaks, her face morphs into one full of hatred and disgusts. She grabs the nearest object and it happens to be a half-empty bottle of water. He doesn’t mind she will fling it to him, but she doesn’t. She throws it to the wall. And it crashes at the same time she says, “Don’t you ever show your face again!”

His heart, whatever is left to it, splats down to the floor. Unblinking, a lone tear streaks down his cheek.

“Don’t you dare to ever come anywhere near me again, you hear me? I could never look at you anymore. Leave!” She says this as she hurls another object to the wall.

As she’s about to toss another thing, she’s grabbed from left to right. It doesn’t even register to Mingyu anymore. His whole body seems to seize and rooted to where he is. You need your heart to walk, talk, move . . . breathe . . . live. But he doesn’t have one anymore. Too much pain in one day his heart gives up.

“Come on.” Someone grabs his elbow and as he is dragged to take forceful steps like a zombie, he realizes it’s Nayeon.

The next thing he knows he’s crying on her shoulder and then Sana’s father is driving him somewhere.

If he drives him to the morgue, he will revel in it.

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After reconciliation, grieving period

Mingyu lives. After three weeks, he lives.

He lives because Sana’s father took him home. Let him sleep on the coach. Put a blanket over him. Force him to drink and sleep.

He lives because Sana forgives him and loves him back.

He faced the biggest loss in his life that is his son, but he gained another, that is the mother. Life has a twisted way to tear you apart and raise you up at the same time. He learned it the hard way.

He makes a way down the pavement of Sana’s house, carrying a container of banana bread he woke up in the dawn to bake. It’s nine in the morning when he arrives. He guesses Sana and her father just have to take another breakfast or he will be very sad.

He rings the bell. A grunt he’s already familiar with can be heard from the other side of the door before the door flings open. “Why the actual do you still ring the bell? You know I put the key under the doormat.” He scowls before he walks away.

Mingyu closes the door and follows him in. “You know I like it when you’re the one who welcome me in, sir. It’s symbolic.” Sana’s father’s cats are wiggling their tails at him as he makes his way to the kitchen. “Where’s Sana?” He asks as he sets his container at the counter.

“Upstairs, go check on her,” her father says flippantly as he goes to check what’s in the container. He looks like he likes what he sees, though he doesn’t say anything.

Mingyu clears his throat before making his way to the stairs. As much as he accepts him now, it’s still awkward for him to just come to his girl right under his nose. But circumstances let him. Maybe because he sees how they help each other to heal, and whatever helps his daughter, he’ll take it.

He knocks on her door. It goes unanswered. His heart is starting to pick up speed. One time, when he went to check on her, she didn’t answer, because she’s crying on the floor in pain as she bleed on the floor. It’s like he died a thousand death. He never wants to see her in pain like that ever again.

“Baby bird . . .” He calls as he invites himself in. He gets his answer when he hears the shower from the attached bathroom. It sounds clear, because she leaves the door open. Even so, she’s still very quiet, like she doesn’t hear him at all.

He braces himself. She’s so fragile these days, he fears he’s going to witness another wreck. But when he takes a tentative peek in, he founds her sitting in the bathtub, hugging her knees with her forehead presses on them. She lets the shower rains on her back and the water level is now up to her chest.

Mingyu exhales. She’s calming herself. It’s already daylight, but she lit the candles sitting on the counter, leasing the vanilla aroma all over the space.

“Sana,” he calls, stepping in. She doesn’t react, so he takes a careful seat on the edge of the bathtub. He eyes her. She had lost so much weight. There are days when she manages a few smiles and foods here and there, but it's only a few compared to days like this. It’s understandable. It’s only three weeks ago. She had Gi-Jung for more than three months.

She will come around. She only needs time. His baby bird is nothing but strong. She will face whatever obstacles in front of her, even if it’s bigger than the size of her body.

He doesn’t call her his baby bird for nothing. He calls her that because she is his baby bird.

“Ask me why I call you baby bird,” he prompts.

There’s a tiny movement before she finally looks up at him. The desolate look in her eyes breaks his heart. “Why?” Her voice is barely a peep. She used to be loud. And chirpy. Her brighter than the sun presence used to annoy him. But now, she dims, and he misses her old self so much.

“Can I come in?”

She nods, scooting to the front. He closes the door and strips himself down to his boxer and chills erupts when the hot water pours down on him. He turns the faucet off, leans back, and pulls her into him. She settles her head on his chest and it turns so quiet.

He wraps his arms around her shoulders and nuzzling her ear, he starts telling her something he didn’t acknowledge for two years of knowing her. Since the first time the nickname slipped out from his mouth, he wanted to take it back. He hated that she, of all people, got the nickname. But over the time, it became a habit and no one but her owned it better.

“I developed a love for books when I was five, when I started to know how to read. I read a lot. When other kids bought toys, I bought books.” His hand reaches out to cup the water and tips it to let them pour on her. “There was one book that’s very dear to my heart. The title is what I named you. Baby Bird.”

She smiles, and he kisses her cheek.

“I remember how it was the first book that tugged at my heart. Because, at five, I finally learned that everyone, even the baby animals, have fathers. I realized I don’t have one, like the baby bird. You know how mama birds raised their little birds alone? Yeah, that one stubborn baby bird went to search for her father despite it being unusual. She couldn’t fly at first, but she didn’t stop trying. She faced a lot of obstacles, a lion, a snake, but she remained brave . . . and chirpy, and small. At the end, she couldn’t find her father, but she was still a happy little birdie, because she went through an adventure no other little animals were willing to go through.”

She sighs and he breathes her scent. “It’s the typical children’s book actually, but maybe it’s the plot that made me keep and carry the book everywhere for years. I wished I was like the baby bird. I wished I dared to find my father, confront him. But I didn’t.” He takes a pause. “When I first called you baby bird, it was a slip and I didn’t understand why. But I guessed even my subconscious knew you were the baby bird. You fought me like you weren’t much smaller. You didn’t back down. And even as I annoyed you, you would turn and laugh like you were barely affected. You’re strong, and chirpy, and funny, and full of life.”

He hugs her closer. “I know this is hard for us, harder for you, but I also know you will find a way to come back stronger than you already are. Remember when you find out you were pregnant? You knew it’s going to be hard, but you remained strong and came around and never changed, despite knowing your life was about to. This is another one of that thing, and I’m sorry it hurt you so bad. But I know you, baby, and I know, just like before, you will come back to yourself, and to me. Because that’s what you are. You don’t deter.”

She turns her head until he can see her eyes. They are no longer dull, they are now a pair of transparent emotions. “I’m here,” she sobs.

“I know, but you still need to come back and I’ll wait.” He smiles. “And I’m here as well.” He drops a kiss on her forehead. “And I swear on our Gi-Jung, I will never let you go anymore. I will never leave. Because you’re not my baby bird because it was a slip of the tongue. You’re my baby bird because you’re it for me, Minatozaki Sana. You’re it.”

A/n : epilogue will come sometimes in ... next next week, but don't trust me much.