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The first few weeks post-miscarriage is tough. Sana has bleeding and couldn’t get up of the bed for the first week. She is told to have a bed-rest until the second week, until the bleeding fades to only red spots.

Emotional-wise, she’s not any better. Every time her stomach cramps, she cries. Not because of the pain, but because of what it could have been. She sleeps with Gi-Jung sonograms and his Baby Bird onesie Mingyu bought for him before, though he never got to wear it.

In fact, Gi-Jung never got to do anything. Not even live and breathe. She really can’t get over the fact that he died inside of her. Through the autopsy, it was found out that he had a chromosol problem which caused him to be underdeveloped. He was never meant to be and the doctor advised her to stop blaming herself for it.

That’s what she tells Mingyu, too. To stop blaming himself. He’s watching her, but what he doesn’t realize, she’s watching him as well. He has a personal pain he doesn’t share with her. So, after the hospital visit, they sit at the couch in her house and she nudges him.

“It’s not your fault, too.”

He turns his head at her. The past weeks have been rough, and it shows in his face. Tired eyes, unkempt hair. The hair that she helps brushing to the side with her fingers. Like right now.

“It’s not your fault, too,” she repeats, smiling sadly at his sorrowful features. She pulls his head into her arms and he goes. Like a baby, the regret leaks through his eyes, wetting her chest. She kisses his head. “I know you’re blaming yourself too. You can stop now. We should stop now.”

“I really didn’t mean to hurt you. In some ways, I hurt him too, indirectly.”

“You didn’t. That’s another story I already forgave you for. You heard the doctor, right? He just never meant to be. Even if we did all the right things.”

He sniffles and she coddles him. Calms and holds him until he can come with her. To the closure.

It’s exactly a month since the loss. Physically, she healed well, as she stares at herself dressing in a short white dress in the mirror. Face a little too pale, but at least her hair is straightly combed and doesn’t have split ends.

She’s ready. So she walks downstairs. Nearing the last step, she hears them—Mingyu and her father—talking in the kitchen. They’ve talked a lot over the course of a month since she spent too much time not talking so they did the talks by themselves. Ego is still layering there, but she can say they are actually getting along well. 

“It’s unimaginable. The pain. I don’t think I could go through what you’ve gone through, sir. With child or not, I need Sana. I already know what it’s like without her, so I don’t think—"

“You would. You could. It will be this mixture of vast emptiness and fullness. So full of love in the day and so empty and lonely in the night. It’s a cycle you just have to go through and ing deal with. I don’t wish it upon anyone, not even you.” Her father pats Mingyu’s back. “Now head up, son. You still have my daughter. Take care of her good and you two will be well for long.”

Mingyu’s face lights up. “Is-is that a blessing? And did you just adopt me?”

Her father clears his throat, looking intently at his glass of alcohol. “I think I just had too much whiskey. Check with me again tonight.”

Sana’s lips twitch as she comes out from her spot. Mingyu hasn’t look at her yet. His eyes are following his father’s form walking out of the door. There’s a look of admiration on him. And coming from home without a father figure, it’s fathomable.

“I hope there’s still a line there. I don’t want to be your sibling.”

His eyes finally find her and he smiles, casting his gaze from her head to toe. “Hi, baby bird.” He drops a kiss to her cheek. “And yeah, not gonna happen. Though, a thing between step-siblings is actually . . . a thing.”

She smoothes his white shirt by his shoulders. “If we were siblings, I would be your big sister. Shudder.”

His grin means a lot today. It means he’s coming back. He’s healing as well. “Anything Minatozaki Sana is my thing. I hope you’re okay with that.”

“I’m in love with that.”

Through their eyes, they know they are flirting just to delay the time, to distract themselves because today, the feeling would be heavy and also free. There’s a lot to deal with today.

He holds her, a palm at the back of her head, another on her back, pressing her close to his chest. He presses a kiss to the top of her head and then murmur against it. “Are you ready?”

“Are you?” She asks back.

“As long as you’re with me, I think I can pretty much do about anything.”

“Lame.”

He chuckles. “Told you I’m an awful boyfriend.”

She hugs him tighter. Boyfriend. For the whole month, they never talk about what they are to each other. She guesses it’s given, seeing as they confessed their love and . But a title and a strap line are still needed, just to be sure how hers is him.

He’s all hers now. Like she is completely his.

“Ready?” She whispers.

He nods and holds out his hand and she takes it. With a hard grip, they walk out, to do the closure. So when they come back home later, they are free from a month-old emotional baggage.

Picking up Gi-Jung ashes yesterday was probably a step to the final acknowledgement. She could barely contain her sob as she acknowledged what’s the content of the urn. Mingyu held it to his chest as Sana didn’t trust herself to carry it.

They had discussed what to do with the ashes. It’s not much, Gi-Jung was very tiny. So instead of scattering it, keeping the urn on the mantle or planting it, Sana came up with a decision that she wants Gi-Jung to always stay with her—in a form.

They did a research and had two choices. A; form the cremated ashes into a jewellery. But the closest company able to do that is countries away so that only left them with B; mix the ashes with ink to create a tattoo.

Of course, the one that is able to do that is the tattoo parlor that Sana wanted to work at. The coincidence isn’t loss on both of them.

Mingyu is sitting at the side of lay back bench, caressing her face, soothing her with sweet words as her eyes tears up, but it isn’t because the needle keeps prickling on the skin of the left side of her stomach. But it’s because it’s the goodbye and hello at the same time. Gi-Jung is now here with her forever, but it still doesn’t cover the fact that she won’t be able to hold him flesh to flesh anymore.

“I love you,” Mingyu says, again and again. “You could have been such a beautiful, strong mother. And though it didn’t mean to be, I’m still very proud of you.”

“You could’ve been a great father, too,” she replies simply, holding the hand where his wrist is wrapped in band-aid. His tattoo is the word believe written in cursive and a crane bird etched at the tail of it. Hers is simply a crane bird. “You could have been the handsomest father in the park you would put Cam Gigandet to shame.”

He chuckles, though his eyes are watering, matching her tears. No doubt also thinking about what could have been. Gi-Jung could be the swaggiest baby boy ever. He would have his first kiss as early as two-year-old, by then he could already walk and they both would post his first step on Instagram for the world to see. He would fight bully off girls in kindergarten. He would start playing basketball in elementary. He would play games with his father, help his mother to choose outfit for dates, help taking care of his grandfather’s garden, help his grandma set the table for the dinner.

He could be the light.

He could be everything.

He just couldn’t, by fate.

“Who’s Cam Gigandet?” He asks, sniffling through his nose.

“He once was my phone’s wallpaper.” She grins through her tears and then winces as the needle jabs on her and his hold on her hand tightens.

“We gotta fix that,” he says playfully to light up the situation.

“I’m not putting you as my background picture.”

“Yeah.” He doesn’t look offended, he just nods seriously. “We really gotta fix that.”

By the time they are done, in private later on, under the star, at the waterfront, he holds her from behind, a hand to her stomach where the tattoo is, and she holds his wrist. They face the small waves of water and state their farewell vow.

“You will always be in our heart, Kim Gi-Jung. We will love you and cherish you till the end of time.”

By the time the night ends, it feels like things are just started for them instead. And every beginning, a realization shall come along; there’s a lot of way this could’ve end.

Seven months ago, Sana could’ve just skip the noise she hated and went back home instead of falling drunkenly to the charms of the boy she hated.

The boy could have stayed her enemy, if she went through her abortion.

But instead, he grew along her pregnancy, and became a man.

A man that she’s hopelessly, helplessly and desperately in love with. By some miracles, he loves her just as much, if not more.

Though their bean, their Tom, their Nana and their Gi-Jung didn’t mean to be, he’s what binding and bringing them together. Whatever the course it took, the wind up is the same.

She still gets her happy ending.

a/n: The end....for Sana's POV lol!

We still have 2 chapters left for the epilogues. And they will be in Mingyu's POV, so watch out for the updates! ^^ 

btw if you haven't check out this story's pinterest board, here's the link https://www.pinterest.com/mingcognito/turning-the-sphere/  You can see the references, inspirations and i update things there from time to time. 

thanks for reading! :))