It's a progress but a. Huge. Mess. I'm so sorry.

3.5k

Every.

Second.

Is.

P a i n.

Breathing is painful. Shifting is painful. Lying on the bed is painful. Sleeping is painful.

After yesterday’s class, she barely made it out of her car, somehow able to climb two flights of stairs and collapsed on the right bed. When Nayeon shook her awake, she realized she was so sick she questioned if she’s dying.

Today, she’s getting worse. Nayeon forced a glass of water down this morning and she cried through the whole glass. Drinking is painful.

So, all she can do is . . . wait for death.

It’s been quiet since Nayeon left and probably stays that way until tomorrow morning because Nayeon has to stay up somewhere for a group assignment, which is a good thing, because their room smells like virus.

Sana is about to fall asleep again when her phone rings. Nayeon smartly placed it right within her grasp before she left earlier, so all Sana can do is remember where the speaker button is. Through her heavy-lidded eyes, she tries tapping Answer and presses presses presses until the speaker button is on. She drops the phone back and closes her eyes.

Silence.

“. . . Baby bird? Hello?”

Even close to dying, Sana can’t help that her lips pull into a smile at the sound of his voice. Smiling—strangely—isn’t painful.

“Sana?”

“Hm,” she briefly wonders if she even makes a sound.

But maybe the silence helps, because Mingyu hears her. “I haven’t see you anywhere today. Are you here? Are you there?”

“Here. Sick.”

“Oh no.” He sighs heavily into the phone. “Is Nayeon there?”

“No.”

“Okay.” He breathes long. Sana pictures him rubbing his face, looking helpless, trying to decide on something. “Okay. I’ll come to you later.”

He is saying something else but she can’t fight her sleep no more.

Sana wakes up feeling a cold rag pressed against her forehead. A hand against the side of her face, a thumb her cheek. It’s warm against her cold. She shivers.

“Shh, it’s okay, I’m here.”

She recognizes the voice everywhere. She opens her eyes, meeting his eyes upside down. He’s sitting at the side of the bed, leaning on the headboard.

For a while, she wonders if she’s hallucinating. Mingyu is in her room. She blinks—because that’s the only body movement she can afford—and he smiles.

“Nayeon gave me the key.” And then his face turns sombre. “You shouldn’t be alone, baby.”

She blinks again. Is she really hallucinating? Because he just called her ‘baby’. Without the ‘bird’. But she’s too weak to question it, so she just closes her eyes again.

“Can you move? I want to get you to a doctor.”

Sana shakes her head, in very tiny movement.

He sighs. “Can I at least get you to drink some water? And takes some med? I bought so many.”

She nods, because feels desperately dry and she really needs to start getting better. Flu is painful. He shifts and lifts her to a sitting position, letting her leans on him. She swallows a cap of cold syrup, finishes a glass of water, and that seems to calm him a bit. Slowly, he helps her laying down again.

“You’re scaring me, Sana. How long have you been sick?”

“Yesterday.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

She only shakes her head, hoping he understands that translates into ‘I don’t have the energy for it’.

“Can I stay with you today?” He asks.

She smiles at that, and with every strength she has left, she moves to the corner of her bed. He eyes the side, looking at her asking for approval, and she nods.

And he no longer looks worry anymore. He smiles, standing up and removes his jacket, and then he takes his side of the bed.

Before Sana closes her eyes, still smiling, she realizes that they have the same sides in his bed too.

They have sides on the bed now.

That’s sweet. How many of people have sides on the bed with their crushes? Not many—if there’s any.

When he drapes his arm around her waist, pulling her closer, he says, “You’re Lame today. You’re so warm. Like fire.”

“No, cold,” she differs, because unlike her skin, she feels the very opposite. She shivers again, clenching on the blanket and because the blanket is not enough, she takes full advantage of 6 feet tall of warmth besides her and snuggles closer. Miraculously, she’s already feeling better. She sighs against his chest. “You should really be a doctor.”

His chest vibrates as he chuckles. “Thank God, you still can speak.”

When she wakes up again, it’s due to a hushed conversation.

“So, it’s normal? Due to weaker immunity?” Mingyu is standing by the window, talking to the phone. “Would it harm the baby? . . . Oh boy.” He sighs, grabbing his hair in a fist. “Mom, Sana won’t eat. She’s . . .” He glances at her, meeting her eyes. He sighs again. “She’s so sick, Mom.”

His concerns worry her and pleased her at the same time. That he cares too much. And the fact that he cares at all. She throws him a weak smile.

“. . . we’ll do that. . . Okay. Yes, sure. . . Okay, you too, mom. . . Love you, too.” He hangs up and wastes no time sitting on his side of the bed again. He takes a wet washed cloth and uses it to dab all over her face and neck. While at it, he constantly has to remove her hair from her face.

“You have so much hair,” he complains, but grins while at it.  

That grin—those teeth—gets her everytime that she grins back, in all her sickness.

It’s a simple moment, but at this very second, Sana can feel her heart inflates, soaring with . . . gladness. She’s lucky. If she realizes how lucky she is before, at this moment, she feels luckier.

That he’s the one. Of all boys, he’s the one she’s going to share a new life with. And with Tom, she’ll get to have a lifetime with Mingyu.

He’s wonderful. And it isn’t about whether he wants to be with her or not. He’s just wonderful. For that, she can’t help her need to touch him. Her hand reaches up to brush his cheek, feeling his stubble there. With every soft of her fingers, she tells him that. That he’s a wonderful human being.

And he better stops being one before he hurts her.

Because he will.

She’s falling more and more and each time he does his wonderful things, the deeper she falls. The deeper she falls, the more power he has to break her heart. And she can’t allow that.

That will be painful on another level.

“What?” He asks, as she drops her hand. He takes it again, kisses her palm before wiping her hand up from her arm. “What’s with that face?”

“You can break me, do you know that?” She half-whispers.

He blinks, and with an exaggerated slowness, he sets her hand down. “Are you hurt? I know fever can make everything painful, even a slight touch.”

He doesn’t even know what she means. But she’s not about to be honest, because it is painful—the simple act of talking and his very impact on her.

“I’m getting better now.”

He puts away the cloth. And throws her a blinding smile. “Hi, baby bird. Good morning.”

It’s morning already? She just now notices. “Hi.”

“You snore.”

“No.”

He laughs. “Yes, you do.”

Does she? Oh crab, she probably is. Nayeon sometimes sleep with earphones on. “Does it bother you?” She genuinely asks. Because after all, he’s still the one she wants to want her.

“Nah. Mine is more offbeat.”

She laughs.

He pats her thigh. “Now that you’re functioning, it’s time we get you to change your clothes.” He clears his throat. “Or lack of it.”

Sana frowns before she lifts her comforter up and looks down on herself. She has t-shirt on, and . . . no pants. “Gasp!” She pulls the cover up to her chest. When? When did she remove her jeans? Or better yet, how? And then she gasps again, like really gasping, as she briefly recalls crying and begging for Nayeon to remove her jeans because it’s too tight and painful.

“Yeah.” He clears his throat again. “Gasp.” He stands and walks to her wardrobe and as though he’s been doing it so many times, he goes through her clothes and pulls out a pair of pajama pants with frogs pattern. “Let’s go with this.” And then, he mutters under his breath, but because it’s too silent, it’s audible. “. . . It’s less tempting.”

She managed to do the followings; washing, eat two pieces of crackers, drink—before her energy ran out and now she’s laying down again.

“I made a phonecall with your phone when you went to the bathroom earlier,” Mingyu states, looking a little sheepish. “Your dad called. Actually, he called ten times and I realized he wasn’t about to give up so I had to call him back.”

“What did you say to him? Did you tell him I’m sick? He’s going to be so worried.”

“Yeah. But I told him you’re getting better.” He scoffs. “And he conveniently added that he has a large yard, so you better do get better under my watch.”

Sana rolls her eyes. “He’s such a dad.”

“. . . Also, he called me Mayonnaise.”

She laughs at his expression. He looks disturbed.

Then, his palm rests on her forehead. “Your temperature is waning. But still, we need to get you to the doc.”

“Moving is painful,” she whines.

He sighs. “You managed just now, baby. You can do it again.”

Sana stares at him, concealing every elation she feels in her veins hearing him calling her that—crystal clear this time.

He adds, “I’m with you all the way. Let’s go.”

He buckles her in her seat before closing her door and rounds the car to get to the driver seat. Sana looks through the window. A group of girls pause their walk and look at them questioningly. All the way to their car earlier, it was the same case. Some girls gasped at the sight of them, and a girl actually dropped her book. It’s probably not over the fact that he’s at the dorm—Sana is pretty sure he did spend several nights here with some girls—it’s the fact that he walked holding her hand.

He acts so boyfriend. Kim Mingyu may be a playboy, he’s friendly, he has no problem making out in public but if there’s anything he never does that Sana knows of, is that he never as much as holds a girl’s hand. There’s always a distance when it comes to him, and it depends on him whether he wants to cross the line or not.

With her, he crossed it.

You were always that one girl he sorted out from a whole group of girls. He wasn’t nice to you like he did every girls. But when he’s nice to you, he’s a lot nicer than he does to every girl.

What Nayeon said comes bidden in her thought.

What Nayeon doesn’t know is that he’s a lot nicer to her because she’s carrying his baby.

Would it be too much to think this has a lot to do with her as well? Does she dare thinking he has feelings for her too?

“I can hear you thinking. What’s on your mind?” He asks, and Sana notices he’s already driving them out of the campus.

“You,” she blurts out. And since she’s already saying too much while saying so little, she says more. “Us.”

His drive slows. He glances at her. Blinking. And then, he looks hard on the road again, except he looks unfocused.

“I can hear you thinking. What’s on your mind?” Sana asks this time.

It’s after River by Bishop Briggs finishes playing, that he starts speaking. “You. Us. This.”

“This?”

He stops at the red light and he leans on his seat, turning his head to look at her. “This. I don’t quite get it.”

Is it weird that she doesn’t know what he means but knows exactly what he means at the same time?

He’s as confused as her, for one. But she’s probably way ahead of him. She knows what she’s feeling. He needs time to figure out his.

“I’m happy with you.” He adds. “And I’m very looking forward for our baby. But it terrifies me . . . about how scared I was when I saw how sick you were. This—is a pure elation and a complete ing fear at the same time and I don’t quite know what it is.”

Yes, he really needs time to figure it out.

She can give him that. At least she’s not too way ahead of it. He’s close to whatever page she’s on now and that’s good enough.

And he confides. She doesn’t know what makes him do it, but he says a lot. She’s pretty sure Mingyu never speaks feeling with any other girl.

A wide smile breaks through her face.

“Maybe we just don’t have to get it. This is . . . nice.”

He glances at her. With a free hand, he tucks her hair to the back of her ear. “You have so much hair. I like it.” And then he sighs as he looks to the front again. “Too bad you snore.”

“Heyyy!”

When he laughs, the sound runs through her veins.

She no longer feels any pain.

The whole day happens like a blur. When it comes to the night, she finds herself waking up to his scent. She turns to her back, opening her eyes to the ceiling of his room. It’s quiet. He’s nowhere around. She sits up and as her senses register, she hears a faint sound of television.

A slight dizziness strikes as she stands but only takes a few seconds to recover. She pads out of the room and through the hallway and founds the guys—Mingyu, Wonwoo, Hockey, and two other pretty boys sitting around the living room. Sana frowns. There must be something with the water in this house. You drink and bath in it, you become hot. Like all of them.

And then it comes to her that she must look like she just fought a demon—with sickness, puffy face, bed hair and all. She just decides to turn around when Mingyu calls for her. He walks toward her, and the four pair of eyes follow his strides.

“Why did you get up? Were we loud? Do you need anything? Water? Food?” He asks with concerns.

Sana shakes her head. She glances to the back of him, catching the gazes. “Um, maybe I should go home.”

He snorts. “No, you’re not sneaking out of my watch. Come on, join us.”

She follows him to the couch, taking the seat beside him. He introduces the guys—Hockey’s real name is Hoshi, an exchange student from Taiwan named Jun and a mixed blood student named Vernon. “We’re watching pasteurization,” he adds.

Sana glances at the TV, frowning. The guys are apparently watching milk pasteurization process—of all things—like it’s a serious business.

“You guys pay money to subscribe so many channels and this is what you all choose to watch?”

“It’s quite interesting,” Wonwoo tells her.

“No, actually, our remote control died and everyone is lazy to change the channel manually,” Hoshi adds, chuckling.

Sana nods at him, and Hoshi smiles at her. And then his eyes turn questioning, and when Sana glances around, she notices the new guys are now scanning her as well. Must be wondering what she is to Mingyu.

She gives them a small smile. She actually likes it that no one, not even Mingyu and herself, gets their relationship.

Adjusting herself, she turns, facing just Mingyu and naturally, he puts his arm around her and pulls her snug to his body. Her smile widens.

“Are you okay now?” He asks softly. If she’s not being careful, she would think there’s . . . love . . . in his eyes and tone.

She hugs him, burying her face in his neck, taking all his warmth, his scent and his affection. If there’s any time she needs them, it’s now. And then she nods.

The conversation between the guys resume. About basketball teams, about a charcoal burger foodtruck in their area, about exam . . .

Sana can’t keep up because she’s very aware of the fact that Mingyu is touching her. Constantly. her back, playing with her hair, grazing her shoulder. At one point, he drops an absentminded kiss to her head.

The best part is that, the only one who’s not aware of the way him touching her, is Mingyu himself. He keeps talking and laughing like he’s being just him. Like this is something he naturally wants to do. Like he’s genuine doing it.

But again, he’s different with you. So I guess, if anyone can change him, it would be you.

Her hold on him tightens.

It’s the moment like this.

This very second.

She realizes it.

She’s falling in love with him.

It’s one of best day of her life, despite it being painful. If it’s not about her worry with Tom, she’s willing to say she would get sick all the time if it means she can get Mingyu to spoil her like this.

Dimness falls over them and she stares at him through it. He fell asleep an hour ago, and she takes all the advantage to really takes note of every inches of his face.

Can’t believe she spent two years hating on such a magnificently sculptured face. He has manly, handsome features that can be cute at times and isn’t that too much? And let’s not talk about his body, his height . . . his personality.

He’s everything.

And that makes things lucky and scary for her at the same time.

Because he’s too much.

Too much that she can’t help herself to scoot closer. Closer. So close until she breathes his intakes of breathing.

She kisses him, chaste on his lips.

It’s not anywhere near enough but she has to draw herself back but before she can even do that, his eyes open.

Her breathing halts. For a few seconds too long, they stare at each other. Sana doesn’t know what to do, what to say. He obviously caught her kissing him. What do you say to that?

He rubs his face, but it seems like an attempt to hide his smile. She catches it, the small upturns of the corners of his lips. And then he props himself on his elbow and looks down at her.

There’s no other moment that she wants to run away—so fast and so far—more than this very second and that says a lot, because she hates running. The best thing she can do—is pull his comforter up to her face and pray for death.

He laughs. “No, you don’t do that,” he says, pulling down the blanket again. “You don’t hide. Not after stealing from me.”

“I’m sick.” She pathetically reasons. “Leave me alone.”

“I know very well you’re sick, baby bird. And you’re giving it to me—the virus.” He grins teasingly.

Sana looks away. Suddenly, the ceiling is very fascinating. “Your ceiling needs repainting,” she blurts out, feeling the heat spreads all over her face.

He laughs again and then he drops to his back, rubbing his face and groans in his palms. “, you’re cute.” And eagerly, he’s facing her again. “Give it to me. Now. All of it.”

Her heartbeat races. He can’t mean . . .

“I’ve been wanting to take it. You know how people say, ‘I want to kiss away your pain’? I literally wanted to do that since yesterday but I’m not sure how to ask you because you’re sick and when you’re sick, you would hate everyone and you’re probably—”

She kisses him again. Going with a force that he’s on his back and she’s on top of him. And he’s laughing. When she pulls back to glare at him, he removes the curtains of her hair and holds them to the side of her head.

“You have so much hair,” he says gruffly. “Don’t ever cut it.”

She nods and he’s the one to lean up now.

And he kisses her like how he knows it. With clever brushes of lips, skilful turns of head, swipes of tongues and soft bites on her lips.

Damn it, she doesn’t think this is how hot it should be when people say, ‘kiss away the pain’, but hey, she’s not complaining. At all.

She leans away first, because if they continue . . . she will literally be out of breath. With shallow intakes of breath, she whispers, still eyeing his lips, fingers absentmindedly tickling his jaw. “You’re going to be so sick.”

His breathing is hard. “Yeah? And what’s the worst coming out of it? You will stop being sick, I will no longer worried, and we can lay down here and not seeing people for at least two days.”

She grins. “That will be .”

“So .” He grins back. “Now, give me more. And all.”

It’s the best, best day of her life.

a/n 

Hiiii! I'm so sorry for this and the late update but i really couldn't find time to write this. I managed to sneak sometimes last night and managed to finish it this morning which is why....this is a mess. I usually need about at least 3 days for a chapter.

I'm so sorry that i didn't reply to comments too! I'm not lying when I said i'm very busy homaigoodness. But it's weekend so I will have time to reply to comments now! Pleaseee don't give up on me!

Thanks for reading guys <3